Official blog for the book "Just Behind the Door"

Archive for January, 2013

Turn Your Kaleidoscope!

Tomorrow really is the first day of the rest of your life. It is a day that will be as open to opportunities and as resilient as you are – no more no less. When you think about it there will never be another day just like it. Relish in both the big and small things of tomorrow and they will give you greater strength and confidence as you create memories to last a lifetime. Waste the day thinking about the ‘whys’ and ‘if onlys’ and it will be gone forever. Just another day marked off the calendar of your life.

Many of the issues that affect the way we look at our lives began so early – even before we had the verbal skills to understand them – that we may just think it is natural to look at life from a perspective of fear, dissatisfaction, or lack. As we experience further trials and tribulations our life challenges begin to weigh us down and we may start believing that life is unfair, unjust or simply a burden to get through. Look at the faces of those you come in contact with and you will clearly see their perspective on life. Look in the mirror and you will know what you are telling others about your perspective on life.

If you think of your life as the pieces of glass inside a kaleidoscope, you simply need to turn the cylinder, ever so slightly, to let in more light energy. To see more colors in the spectrum. Positive thought and intentions are the light, the reflectors of your tomorrows.

All of us have lived through times in our lives that have stopped us in our tracks. Death, divorce, separation, basically any kind of loss can cause us to become fearful or anxious about what might – the operative word here is MIGHT- happen tomorrow. In reality, however, we all get our share of challenges and hurts. The test in life is how we allow those things to color our tomorrows. Are you ready to turn the kaleidoscope and put your past hurts behind you and see a more positive tomorrow?

Once you consciously choose to turn the kaleidoscope, slightly, allowing you to see the vibrant colors of possibilities and abundance, the Universe will deliver – of that I am sure. The choice is always up to you. Will you decide to simply get through another day or will you give it all you’ve got for the tomorrow that will only come around once in your life? As we know, the choice is always up to us.

Have a great few days!

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Showing You Care

It’s so easy to get wrapped up in our own needs, our own world, that it helps to stop once in a while to think about what we have done lately to make a moment better for a fellow traveler. Recently, I received a heartfelt card from a friend and it reminded me how important it is to let others know you care. When we make the effort, it’s a win-win for you as well. The thoughtfulness you show others is positive energy and as it goes out to the Universe it’s like a boomerang and magnet combined. It returns to you with even more positive energy to brightened your life. I’ll bet someone out there would like to hear your voice, receive a card or read an email from you. Who knows, you just might make their day a little better.

There is a poem by Margaret E. Sangster entitled, The Sin of Omission that puts the topic of thoughtfulness in perspective.

It isn’t the thing you do;
It’s the thing you leave undone,
Which gives you a bit of heartache
At the setting sun.

The tender word forgotten,
The letter you did not write,
The flower you might have sent,
Are your haunting ghosts tonight.

The stone you might have lifted
Out of a brother’s way
The bit of heartsome counsel
You were hurried too much to say.

The loving touch of the hand,
The gentle and winsome tone,
That you had no time or thought for
With troubles enough of your own.

The little acts of kindness,
So easily out of mind;
Those chances to be helpful
Which everyone may find –

No, it’s not the thing you do,
It’s the thing you leave undone,
Which gives you the bit of heartache
At the setting of the sun.

Have a great few days!

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Diagonally Parked

Do you ever feel like you are diagonally parked in a parallel universe? You know, the feeling that you just don’t quite fit neatly in a package like other people seem to do? The image I get is like trying to fit a gift in a box so you can wrap it in beautiful wrapping paper and some pieces and parts just won’t quite stay put. I think many of us have these feelings from time to time. I know of only one person that I have met in my entire life that hasn’t appeared to feel that way. I have always thought of her as an angel on earth. Her gratitude and happiness for just being alive is a gift that just keeps on giving to all of us who are around her. For the rest of us, however, it just feels, at times, like something is missing or lacking in our lives. We just don’t feel like we totally fit. We have heard the statement before, ‘ is that all there is’ when referring to our life on this earth plane.Could we be searching for a higher purpose and deeper understanding for our lives?

Recently, I finished two books on NDE’s (near death experiences). Both were written by medical doctors – one an orthopedic surgeon and the other by a
neurosurgeon. Both had experiences – one drown – and the other contracted gram-negative E. coli bacterial meningitis and was in a coma for 7 days. All medical personnel involved in their cases said they would never survive and if they did would be in a vegetative state. Yet, they not only survived but thrived and committed themselves to sharing with us what they saw on the other side.

When we read about their life experiences, it is gripping, a bit overwhelming but, most importantly, reassuring that we are more than the sum of our individual physical parts. We were made in love, for love and about love. I’m talking here about the unconditional type of love that says I am valued, loved and purposeful because I AM? You know the type of love I am talking about, it can be seen in the eyes of a mother who looks at her child. We realize from this perspective of love that there is a purpose for our life that is bigger than ourselves, bigger, in fact, than we can ever imagine. When we read accounts of people who have been given the chance to see the other side we realize that there truly is a reason for all things that happen to us and that nothing happens by mere accident. The Universal Energy/God simply doesn’t make mistakes. When we finally get it, we can breath deeply and live in the belief, the knowing that, ‘All is as it should be.’

The two doctors who wrote these books have demonstrated such courage. They have willingly faced their own medical community knowing that this type of sharing would be discounted by many, if not all, of their colleagues. They were willing to risk their reputation, friends even income to share their life altering experiences. They felt compelled to write their stories in order to help all of us realize the importance of unconditional love and the significance of the life source from which we originate. I thank them for their efforts. It will help many realize that they are not diagonally parked in a parallel universe but are simply seeking a higher truth for their lives and deeper knowing that we are all connected.

For those of you who would like to read these remarkable stories, the titles are To Heaven and Back by Mary C. Neal, MD and Proof of Heaven by Eben Alexander, MD.

Have a great few days!

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Unlocking Your Potential

To learn to live in unconditional love is the reason we are experiencing life in this incarnation. To achieve this type of love we need to be able to truly accept, understand and appreciate ourselves and others. When you think about it, that’s a tall order. It means not only being totally comfortable in our own skin but to allow others to be comfortable in theirs as well. How is this possible to achieve? When we accept that we all have more in common than we may first think, it opens up our thinking.

1. We are all motivated by acceptance and love
2. We all experience fear from time to time.
3. We have all chosen this lifetime to live through our unique life challenges.
4. Most importantly, we share the same source of our existence.

When we accept these commonalities, it allows us to see ourselves and others through different lenses. It may take an entire lifetime to realize that learning to love yourself and others in a nonjudgmental way is the most important thing we can do. That’s okay. It is a huge lesson.

What opinions do you have about your life experiences to date? We have all lived through tough times and life altering experiences, many in fact, that took our breath away with the pain. Trust me on this one, no one goes through life unscathed.

The question is can we regroup and as the lyrics of the song go, ‘pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again.’ Or are we in the blame game, angry that life happened to us when we weren’t expecting it. Anger, blame and fear are debilitating and the direct opposite of unconditional love.

Challenge yourself to examine a life altering experience that appeared so unfair to find the lesson in it. It will necessitate that you stop thinking about the ‘what if’ or ‘why me’ and analyze it from the perspective of what was the most difficult thing to accept from it. There is the lesson, staring you right in the face. Every experience offers us a chance to grow from it as we embrace ourselves and others with unconditional love and faith in tomorrow.

Everything happens for a reason – a purpose. If you find yourself in a negative mindset at first, thinking ‘why me’ just give yourself a little time for the rawness of the hurt to pass. You are a spiritual being, true, but you have both the gift and burden of living this spirituality in a human form with human emotions. Just don’t let yourself get stuck. Talk to a friend, family member or counselor to help yourself regain your footing. Think to yourself, ‘I know there was a purpose for … and I will seek to understand and learn from it.

Unconditional love is the way to unlock our true potential. After all, our thoughts truly are our keys to life. Positive thoughts open doors and negative thoughts close them. We are each on our own individual path to knowing a higher truth and embracing unconditional love. When we believe this, it lets us take a deep breath and ‘allow’ the experiences to help us become better human beings. We then remember with gratitude “All is as it should be.”

Have a great few days!

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You are Important to Me!

I suggested on my last blog that you take the time to list five things about yourself that are unique, that make you special. We all have these attributes and they are not limited to five but I just wanted to get you thinking about the positives that you possess.

Imagine my surprise when I heard from some of you that this task was not only difficult, but in a couple cases, impossible to do. First, let me say that I applaud your honesty. Sharing this and being honest with your feelings is the first step to seeing a better tomorrow and discovering your special qualities.

Let’s think about this issue of attributes in greater depth. You have been created by God/Universal Energy for a purpose. You were NOT an accident. You participated in the planning of your life through your prebirth agreement with the Universe. Yes, as hard as it is to believe, you were a part of planning what you are experiencing right now. Remember the scientific principal, energy can neither be created nor destroyed only changed in form. Your energy has been around for lifetimes and planning experiences to learn lessons. This may seem hard to grasp, at first, and that’s okay, just stay with me on this one.

You choose this time to incarnate for a reason, a purpose. I have found that our purpose often involves learning to love ourselves and being able to see the good or at least the purpose in every situations, even a loss. If you have lost someone through death, divorce or separation you may be stuck in the ‘why’ and not able to dig out of the hole you feel you are in, I understand, I have been there. Please go back to the archives on my website where I talk about the stages of loss and change. They are real. We all experience them in our own unique time frame.

Others are in our lives for their own reason and purpose. Sometimes when their purpose is finished they move on. We don’t have to like it and may desperately struggle to understand or accept the loss to no avail. But sooner or later we come to the conclusion that sometimes things are just beyond our human capacity to understand and certainly to control.

If you are stuck and really can’t list your attributes ask someone you trust, maybe a friend or family member, what they think about it. Sometimes it takes someone from the outside, maybe even a good counselor to help peel away the layers that are holding you back from moving on and experiencing all the happiness and joy you are intended to experience in this lifetime.

Doing nothing about the situation is NOT an option. The strong among us accept when we need help and are not afraid to seek it. In fact, the strongest among us demand that someone hear us. We know that is a critical step to healing. Please make a commitment to seek the support that will allow you to refuse to stay stuck in the stages of loss and grief any longer.

You are too valuable to this earth and to the many people in your life to freeze frame your life in the ‘what used to be.’ Again, I speak from experience. You are reading this blog for a reason and it may be to learn self love. You really can’t love others fully or contribute the gifts you have to this life until you learn that number one lesson. Love is the Alpha and Omega of the Universe, the beginning and end and it starts with you!

Have a great few days and feel free to email me at maryleiker1@mac.com if you want to discuss these thoughts further. I am here for you.

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Building on Your Strength

If I asked you to take a few minutes to list your five most important attributes , what would they be? Many of us may struggle with this task. It just seems rather off-putting somehow to write on paper. So often we can see the goodness in others but rush, embarrassingly, to dismiss any compliments or comments about our own strengths when we hear them . We don’t want to appear ‘full of ourselves’ thinking humility is next to perfection – or Godliness – as the nuns repeated many times to us in school.

I bought that decades ago but now realize that we really don’t have to work at being humble. I think the world just has a way of reminding us of our humanness as we face the challenges and opportunities in our tomorrows. Just when we think we have all the answers, somehow, life changes and we are no longer even sure of the questions. Reality and humility combine into a powerful force that causes us to draw from that inner reserve of our authentic self to move through the latest challenge we are facing.

What I do think important and life sustaining is to actually name our strengths and realize how fortunate we are to be able to recognize and be grateful for them. It adds to our inner reserve as we decide what to do, become or develop next in ourselves. Change comes in all forms, self improvement frequently seems the most difficult.

Show me the person who does not do a little self evaluation for the purpose of clarity and improvement, from time to time, and I will show you a person that has little joy and even less excitement in their life. I actually met a person, once, who said she did not have anything she wanted to improve. I thought she was joking, then realized she was serious. Wow! Rather than thinking this was a person with a super dose of self confidence, I simply felt sad because I realized what a tremendous burden it must be to carry around that amount of fear. Fear (false expectations about future reality) can paralyze us and cause us to build a ‘protective wall’ around us to keep keep others out and ourselves chained to our yesterdays. This ‘wall’ is made up of the negative energy in fear and people, do indeed, run from it.

The challenge, it seems, is to refuse to be cowered by fear and to be authentically honest with yourself. Seeing your strengths as building blocks for a better tomorrow.

You are the one and only you in the Universe. The genuine article! At the cell level you are a part of the Universal Energy. The same energy that we know cannot be created nor destroyed only changed in form. When you are the same inside and out you can see yourself as others see you and a greater depth in the fabric of your being begins to emerge. Being authentic allows us to be grateful for our strengths and also willing to see new ways that we can become even more peaceful, loving, accepting and confident. We become happy in our own skin and draw others to us because of our positive energy.

Free will, the gift from the Universe allows us choice and the choice we make today will be the life we live out tomorrow! Make it a great one!

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Visualize Your Tomorrows!

There are people that make things happen and those that wait for things to happen in their lives. Which one are you? The secret to making things happen in your life is to form a detailed mental picture of what you want and repeatedly visualize it in your mind AND feel it in your heart. The emotional component is what really makes the visualization become a reality. It goes beyond simply wishing or hoping for something. With visualization you see it in your mind and mentally try it on for size, adjusting slightly until it’s a perfect fit. Sound easy? It can be once you believe that you are entitled to all the happiness in life you desire.

An example of how to make creative visualization work for you could be to ‘pretend’ you are looking for a different car. What do you want it to look like, drive like? How many miles on the odometer are you willing to accept? How does it feel when you get behind the wheel to drive? How much are you willing to pay for it? See yourself signing the contract for the amount you are willing to pay and driving it with a big smile on your face. Visualize and FEEL it day after day. Know that it will happen. Keep experiencing the ‘feel’ of the car and sooner than you realize it will happen.

After achieving whatever initial visualization you have put out to the Universe, you may want to apply this process to other parts of your life. What, for example, would your life look like if you felt whole, perfect and complete? That is a much deeper thought but it is so important to realize the process of visualizing is the same. Can you actually see in your mind and feel in your heart how things would be different for you than they are now? The first step is to think about those differences and recognize them. What you have versus what you want takes mental and emotional work. It is hard work at first because it is repetitive and you have to suspend any disbelief you have that the process will work. Just like everything we do in life it takes work. This is just a different kind of work from what you might be used to doing. The phrase, ‘fake it ’till you make it’ applies in visualization.

At our core, we are all made up of energy. Remember the phrase, ‘like attracts like?’ So it is with the energy of the Universe. There is negative or positive energy in our thinking, being, doing. What are you drawing into your own energy field? You can harness positive energy to make your dreams a reality through the practice of visualization or simply wait, passively, and let things happen to you. The choice is always up to you. The Universe provides to us whatever is foremost in our thinking.

Even with the lessons that we have agreed to learn in our prebirth agreements, we still have the power of free will in the how’ we learn those lessons. It’s rather like the choice of pulling or pushing a wagon. One way is easier than the other and yet the wagon still is moved. I believe the power in the Universe can be harnessed through our ability to visualize what we want to have, achieve, and be in our lives.

When things challenge us, hurt us or loss happens there is a point at which we may see it and wonder why, demanding that this not be happening, or we can look it straight in the eye and refuse to be altered in our belief that things happen for a reason. We can use the power of visualization and get through it and learn from it, ultimately becoming stronger in the process or not. Our viewpoint is a critically important part of our gift of free will. We can harness the power of positive energy through visualization. The choice is always up to us.

The phrase s… happens, is true for all of us. Also true is the thought, ‘ what I do about it is totally up to me.’ What a gift we have been given with free will! Give visualization a chance. What do you have to lose?

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Success Is Change!

Success in our lives can be defined by asking three questions. What is truly important to us – what makes our blood pump a little faster? What do we find most difficult to handle (the things that make us anxious or our stomachs churn)? And what do we hold sacred in our hearts – the most important things without which we would not want to be here? These are big questions to think about and even bigger to answer. The closer you can get to the truth of who you really are and what you want your life to stand for the closer you are to achieving your own true success. That is all the Universe asks of us, to be true to ourselves and our prebirth agreement.

As we start the new year, I have found it helpful to reflect on these questions and honestly determine accomplishments, lessons learned and even more importantly, lessons yet to be learned. Doing so is both exciting and humbling. It seems like there is never a shortage of lessons. Ultimately, it all boils down to working on the personal challenges involved in accepting the changes we are faced with in life.

When we look at the challenge of the ultimate change in our life involving loss, there was something we needed to learn from it. As hard as the loss was it enabled us to learn important lessons. It may seem impossible, at first, to reach a deeper understanding. It is there, I promise you, just be brave and continue to search. What do you now place greater value on since experiencing the loss?

Loss comes in many forms. A death, of course, is the biggest challenge, the real show stopper. However, any change we experience in life brings, at first, a feeling of loss. My last blog was on the steps we go through when we experience change and loss. You might want to go back to the archive section on this website and review those steps, maybe even print them.

As part of the human race we are much more alike than different in our human emotions. We all experience insecurity, denial, anger, fear, acceptance and love. That’s why these steps are so predictable, the length of time we spend in each step is the human variable. We can find reassurance in knowing the emotions we experience are normal. When we are immersed in tears, we are not ‘losing it,’ but expressing our honest feelings involved in the loss – the change in our lives. Since nothing remains the same for long, being aware of these steps and being able to emotionally apply them gives us greater confidence and security in facing tomorrow.

Soul searching is not for the faint of heart but as Dr. Martin Luther King once said, “The truth will set you free.” It is good to take stock of what you have accomplished this year and what you still find most difficult to handle, what gives you pause. Once you decide to work on those feelings and situations you will be able to master them. Mastery brings a feeling of greater confidence and peace. Next year when you take stock of your life you will smile and think to yourself, ‘worked on that one and getter better every day!’

Have a great few days!

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Death, Taxes and Change

Death and taxes are said to be the only absolutes in life. I think we need to add change to this list since facing change is also an absolute. Change involves both endings and beginnings. Both have a great deal in common – losses and gains. The steps involved are consistent and predictable. As we face the new year let us embrace the changes ahead. By knowing about the emotional process of change it gives us greater confidence, a knowing that we can handle whatever life has in store. I find the following framework helpful in processing changes in my life. Hopefully, you will find it valuable as well.

Level 0 – We are not interested, prepared or expecting a change to happen. At first we may find ourselves in denial, anger or at least uncertainty. Is this really happening? Should I, must I – the what if’s begin to flood into our mind. Expanding our comfort zone can be unnerving.

Level 1 – The realization hits us that the change is likely. We may think we are not ready for it and fear enters our thinking. We think of all the downsides of the change, forgetting that ‘all is as it should be.’ We momentarily forget that the Universe doesn’t make mistakes.

Level 2 – Now the change is eminent. We ask ourself, ‘how will this DIRECTLY affect ME? ‘ We may worry, ‘can I really do this, cope with this and make it work?’ We go into survival mode, momentarily, wishing it would just go away. Gradually, sticking our toe in the water, we begin thinking more about the change and mentally ‘trying it on for size.’

Level 3 – At this step we accept the change and quickly want to know what and how to manage it. ‘What should I do first, second, and so on,’ we think to ourself, quickly trying to gain a sense of control. We may have moments of regret or worry but in our hearts we again strive to remember that ‘all is as it should be.’

Level 4 – Now we begin wondering or worrying about how the change will affect OTHERS in our life. We wonder what we can do to help them. Often, only time helps. They may not be experiencing any excitement or seeming advantage by the change so time is needed to let them get used to the idea and process through these steps.

Level 5 – We are now fully engage in the change and want to work with others to celebrate it. We are living with the benefits and challenges and gaining a sense of comfort with the process. It is exciting for us but others may still not be there yet. It’s okay. Loving support and the gift of time will continue to help. Everyone processes change in their own ‘right’ time.

Level 6 – Acceptance of the changes in our lives have become the new norm. We begin to gain more confidence in our ability to handle the next change that is inevitable in our life. We want to help others realize that they can also handle changes in their lives with patience, love and understanding.

Death, taxes and change are absolutes for all of us. They are part of the script we wrote before birth. There is a peace in knowing that!

Have a great few days and remember to embrace change in 2013!

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