Official blog for the book "Just Behind the Door"

Archive for April, 2012

LETTING GO MEANS TO FEAR LESS AND LOVE MORE

Spring break and 3 teenage grandboys – it just doesn’t get much better than that! Watching the boys grow physically, mentally and emotionally is such a gift. I know that my son (their father) who is on the other side is watching them and thinking about how proud he is of them. I also know grateful he is to their mother for raising them to be such great kids because he has told me! A waitress in a restaurant commented to me about how mannerly the boys were as compared to most teenage boys she served. I have heard this from people before but I still swelled with pride. How grateful I am to be their “GrandMary!” I’m sure letting the boys drive to another state, alone, was not easy for my daughter-in-law. It reminded me of a poem that has been so meaningful over the years that I wanted to share it with you.

TO LET GO TAKES LOVE

To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can’t do it for someone else.
To let go is not to enable, but to allow
learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another
to learn to be him or her self.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging
all the outcomes but to allow others to determine
their own destinies.
To let go is not to be less protective, it is to permit
another to face reality.
To let go is not to dominate, but to be willing
to let things happen.
To let go is not to betray the past, but to have faith
in the future.
To let go means to fear less and love more.

Creators Syndicate, Inc.

Have a fantastic week!

All Forms of Loss Take Time to Heal

We have all had challenges or as I prefer to call them, “opportunities” in our lives that can change it forever. We never know from one day to the next when a phone call, email or person will reconnect with us and tell us something that seems to just rock our world. We question, we try to process and yet the answers seem to be out of reach. Recently, I talked with a dear friend that I thought had just a perfect marriage. Common interests, achievement level, values in life – even humor and appreciation for each other had been evident. Or so I thought. If you would have asked me to name a couple that seemed perfectly matched, I would have thought of them. When I heard that their marriage was in trouble, at first, I simply refused to believe it. Not them, not now, not ever. Yet, here I was on the phone listening to a wonderful person who was shocked, bewildered and maybe even a bit angry. Puzzlement flooded her thinking. “It came out of the blue,” she told me. As I thought about this conversation, I thought about how many other people (myself included) have experienced that same scenario in their lives. Naturally, our minds question the circumstances searching for a reason, an answer. Often, we feel we are left with more questions than answers.

I have noticed a pattern, however, that I think is worth mentioning. All of us are subject to life altering situations of one degree or another. No one seems to avoid them. It seems that when we reflect back a year or two after a loss, for example, one of the real lessons for us was how we responded to it. Did we allow it to redefine our life into one of just existing but not living? Or did we think to ourselves after the initial shock wore off, I don’t know how but I will get through this and my life will continue to have purpose. It may take time to heal my broken heart but it WILL HEAL.
Loss of any kind has so many emotions in common. Healing your heart takes time. Knowing you CAN heal it is essential to moving on. Having someone to talk to is important. You need to voice your hurt, anger and disbelief. A dear friend will help you do that without rushing in to offer solutions. Because, sad as it may sound, sometimes solutions cannot be immediate. You must work through the loss over time. It may also be helpful to remember that to let go is not meant to betray the past, but to have greater faith in the future.