Official blog for the book "Just Behind the Door"

Archive for January 21, 2012

Lessons in Brick Walls

As we go through life, occasionally, we hit a brick wall. It may seem impossible to scale. We look around for an alternative path, a new route. Yet, nothing seems to be revealing itself. Are we simply stuck with no way out? I have found that a brick wall often exists for one of two reasons. First, it may be intended to teach us a lesson. What is it about the circumstance that totally unnerves you? Another reason for the appearance of a brick wall in our life may be to prevent some action that, in the long run, would not be beneficial to us. If you have experienced this feeling of hitting a brick wall lately, I would ask you to take a few moments to truly think about what is truly the most upsetting thing about it? You may have to force yourself to really think hard – to push your protective comfort zone away – to get to the real answer. Usually, this takes three or four different answers coming to mind until the real, gut wrenching “aha” finally surfaces. In my book, I explain this feeling of hitting a brick wall when my son was killed. For the first 15 hours or so my mind kept thinking that it wasn’t true. Since I was in Michigan at the time, I felt that once I could get to him in Colorado, I would simply refuse to let this be truth. I would demand that he get up and get on with his life. When I saw him at the funeral home, I realized that even with all the strength of my will power, I could not undo what had been done. He was gone. One of my lessons with his death was to realize that I simply could not control everything. In the past, I had always been able just make things work out, often by shear will. I had been the master of control! I had it down to a science. But this time it simply wasn’t working. I realized, after much soul searching, that my greatest lesson was to accept the things that cannot be changed. Losses through death, divorce or separation just happen in life and contain lessons for all who are involved. Humility and control were two lessons I learned through my son’s death. What lessons are you struggling with in your life? Feel free to comment on this page or send me an email and we can connect.

I would like to share a poem with you from my manuscript. It has been meaningful to me and I hope it will resonate with you.

If you look with your head and heart you will see:
Beyond chaos, there is a reason
Beyond darkness, there is light
Beyond absence, there is presence
Beyond nothingness, there are infinite possibilities
Beyond pain, there is healing
Beyond brokenness, there is wholeness
Beyond anger, there is peace
Beyond indifference, there is connection
Beyond boxes, there is infinity
Beyond questions, there are answers
Beyond silence, there is communication
With communication, there is love, light and peace