Just Behind the Door

The Blame Game

As we reflect on the life of Whitney Houston, The Voice, as she has been called, we remember a talent that seemed bigger than life. She was all that, and more, and yet so very human. Like all of us, she had her challenges or “demons” as she called them. In an interview with Diane Sawyer, when asked the question about the topic she said the demon would be herself, not drugs, other people or the entertainment business but herself. How insightful for her to take the responsibility and recognize the issue for what it truly was, the choices she made in her life. Sadly, she knew the issue but was unable to summon the strength to get passed it. However, I respect her not only for her incredible talent but for her honesty in that interview.

How many of us recognize the challenges we seem to be presented with as being generated simply from our own thinking or our own choices? It is not the world, another person, place or thing that is the root cause of issues but, once again, simply ourselves. We can choose to see life as a blessing, an opportunity and an exciting classroom experience where we are learning our lessons to become a better person, or we can play the “blame game.” We all know how that game works. Ideas like, “it wasn’t my fault, I couldn’t … wouldn’t…. basically all the ‘buts’ we use in a sentence to discount what has just come before it.

There is no magic potion for self responsibility. It is something we all work at everyday. Accepting responsibility for our actions does not mean blaming ourselves either. There is no blame there is just recognition of something we intend to do better the next time. As spiritual beings we are learning how to live in this physical body in this world of challenges with grace and gratitude. Think about the lessons learned in your own life and eliminate blame from your vocabulary.

And, as always, the Universe/God has a plan and the lyrics from Bebe Winans song, “Don’t Cry For Me,” is so true, “don’t cry for me, my death was meant to be.” Whitney entertained us and taught us many things for that I am grateful. She will be missed.

Are You Weeding Your Garden?

A few nights ago, some of us were talking about the weeds in our ‘mind’ garden. When you think about it, the idea is a great analogy to share with others. The negative things that have happened to all of us are like weeds in our minds. These weeds may have been planted from a loss such as a death, divorce, separation or even a family or childhood experience that hurt us emotionally. When I hear others talk about a hurtful event that happened to them long ago when they were in elementary/middle school or as a young child, I think about the amount of emotional baggage that they have been carrying around for decades. It has to be both exhausting and limiting.

The negative experience, like a weed, is implanted in our minds and every time we think about it, with emotion, the roots of this weed continue to grow deeper into our subconscious. Since weeds seem to grow faster and easier than other plants or flowers, it must mean that negative thinking is like fertilizer for them. Well, we all know what fertilizer is made from – right? You can fill in the word yourself. Negative thinking is ….

The emotional energy being used each time the thought surfaces just limits our growth potential. No one ever escapes negative, hurtful experiences. I believe the amount of time we allow them to remain in our minds and control our responses is directly related to our present level of happiness.

In my book, my son, who has passed on, has told me something very similar. It really is time to just consciously and purposefully let go and let God or the Universe or whatever you want to label the force greater than yourself take it from you. Holding on to past hurtful situations diminishes your tomorrows. Since we know that we manifest what we think about most often, let’s make it happiness, excitement and peace.
Think about weeding your mind garden and email me if you would like to discuss how much better you feel after doing it!

Enzo and the art of living well!

I read a great book this week and wanted to recommend it to you. It was heart-warming, heart wrenching and humorous all in one. It deals with the big issues such as love and fear that we all struggle with in our lives. The book has some great lessons. Further, trust me on this, you will NEVER look at a dog the same way again! It is about a life well lived and a death that is ultimately, not only accepted, but celebrated. The Art of Racing in the Rain, by Garth Stein is a winner. It is one of those quick reads that somehow just compels you to keep reading. I didn’t want to put it down. Glancing at the clock at 2:30 A.M., I realized I was hooked on it. So pour yourself a cup or coffee, tea or whatever and enjoy. This book is about a dog, named Enzo and we become privy to his thoughts about his human family and life overall. He is a very astute observer of life. For instance, he comments that his owner taught him a simple concept that was so true. The concept, you ask? “That which we manifest is before us.” His owner, a race car driver has taught him that “your car goes where your eyes go.” We are, in fact, the creators of our own lives. Our lives go where our thoughts go. The good news, of course, is that we designed our own life plan. The challenging part of that news is that there is no one to blame but ourselves if things get a little off. We chose it, we attracted it, and it is what we designed it to be. It is true, what we think about most often, really does manifest itself in our lives. Realizing, as Enzo tells us, “The true hero is flawed. The true test of a champion is not whether he can triumph, but whether he can overcome obstacles,” offers a calm reassurance to us when the tough times happen. He adds that it takes balance, patience and courage to live. Life is not for the faint hearted. We always hear that life wasn’t meant to be easy. Rather,it is to learn the lessons that we have chosen. As Enzo so clearly points out, life is about owning our bodies and our minds. He tells us that, “It is about believing that you are not [just] you; you are everything. And everything is you.” This sounded so much like what I have been reviewing in the class that I am taking that I couldn’t wait to share it with you. We manifest in our lives what we think about most often because we are a part of the Universal energy/God. That kind of energy is boundless.

A couple things to consider over the next few days, what are you thinking about most often? Do you thoughts – even while driving –
feel life enhancing or life draining? You really do have a choice. Keep those emails and comments coming. We are all only a thought away!

Fear Shrinks Our Lives

Fear of something – anything can be debilitating. Your mind starts the “what ifs” and you are off and running. I have read that over 90% of what we fear never materializes. I believe the percentage is more like 99%. Once you allow a negative thought (which is really the fear of something) to stick in your mind it can take over the rational, logical thinking process. The statement “if you want to know what your thoughts are, look around at your circumstances.” is so true. Our mind and the Universe is a powerful thing. We will manifest what we think about most often. If you take a moment to think about your day today, did you have more positive or negative thoughts? Were you thinking about the possibilities of something bad happening? To me, the fear of what ‘could happen’ keeps us from living life to the fullest. It is wasted and unproductive mind time.

The actor, Jim Carey, was in a movie a few years ago about saying yes to life. He had been going through his life refusing to do this or that because of the risk of the unknown. He always had an excuse that he was too busy to venture out and do something different from his routine. He did not want to get out of his comfort zone. Naturally, the more he insulated himself from experiences, the more his comfort zone continued to shrink! His life seemed not only boring but lifeless. Routine had become his mantra. However, once he decided to look at life differently and force himself to say yes to opportunities that presented themselves, his life became richer and fuller. His face radiated energy and excitement and he was happier about his journey. Are you letting fear of the unknown restrict your life? Feel free to comment on this blog and we can talk about it.

Yes, tough things can and will happen because it is just a part of our life’s plan. We can deal with those things with greater strength if we have made a practice of looking at the glass as half full rather than half empty. We gain a sense of confidence that we can handle tomorrow – no matter what is thrown at us. We are strong, capable beings of this wonderful Universe. Make a conscious decision today to embrace all that life has to offer. Go ahead – take a chance on something new or different – and expand your comfort zone. You will be glad that you did!

Working models or old Tapes?

When we are young we usually accept the messages we hear from our families about many things. Our parents are our first teachers. The messages we hear and behaviors we see make an imprint in the subconscious part of our brains. What are the messages you received about loss? I talk to many people about their experiences and frequently their mental tapes seem to be that losing a loved one is overpowering and debilitating. They seem to feel a loss of control in their lives. Nothing is certain, tomorrow is no longer a given. Many parents who experience their child’s death seem to just stop living. The spark has left their life. The unthinkable happened and they are in a state of feeling both hopeless and helpless. If they talk about their child it may seem to make others uncomfortable. I understand, but would encourage them to continue to share their feelings of loss, as well as the many special things about their child. Talking to others can be healing. An empathic friend is a friend for life. They do not judge you because they love and care about you as a person.
Reliving special memories of your child or loved one is important to you and to them. In my book, I share my son’s messages to me about his death. He has told me to think of it as if he has moved to another location, because he has. This new location allows him to hear me talk about him, laugh at the antics in his life that defined him, and to remember the love we shared that will continue for all eternity. The most powerful force in the Universe is love. It is the alpha and omega of all that we are and all that we will become.
If you know of someone that has experienced a death in their life please take the time to call them. Your voice, your ear could be the exact thing they need at this moment to gain the strength to face tomorrow. Just remember the love and pay it forward.
What tapes regarding loss do you have in your subconscious mind? Are they helpful and reassuring that all is as it should be? Feel free to comment on this website and we can talk about them together.

Physically Gone – but Still Around

When we listen to people who are grieving, many times they say, “I lost my _____.” Actually, I have found that our loved ones are not really lost or gone but are, Just Behind the Door (thus, the title of my book). They are waiting for us to gain the faith needed to open the lines of communication and receive information from them. They cannot do it for us. It takes time, belief and practice. Meditation is a great way to open the lines of communication. Even 15 minutes a day will open your mind and open the doors for your loved ones to reconnect. I have experienced hundreds of messages (and I do mean hundreds) from my son who was killed in a tragic accident in Colorado in May,1999. These messages contained the exact words, phrases and one-
liners that he was so noted for that it would be impossible to deny his existence, albeit in a different form.

Do you have any thoughts, nudges, or synchronistic events that have happened to you that involve a loved one who has passed on? If so, please consider sharing them on this site for two purposes. First, you will help others know that they are not “off the deep end.” Secondly, once you recognize and own the events happening to you, they will actually happen from frequently. It seems that once your conscious mind accepts that this is really possible, it helps you by opening the door in your mind to receive more information from your loved ones. Basically, it is a win-win for everyone.