Official blog for the book "Just Behind the Door"

Posts tagged ‘lessons to learn’

Letting Go Takes Love

Letting go of our loved ones for any reason takes time, courage and love. Letting go is a form of loss and it can’t be hurried or rationalized away. It takes time for your head and your heart to be in sync. In my book, Just Behind the Door, I have a poem that speaks to the issue of letting go which was written by Creators Syndicate, Inc. I hope it speaks to you, helps to heal your heart and gives you peace.

To Let Go Takes Love

To let go does not mean to stop caring,
It means I can’t do it for someone else.
To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning
from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another
to be him or her self.
To let go is not to be in the middle
arranging all the outcomes but to allow
others to determine their own destinies.
To let go is not to be less protective, it is to permit
another to face their reality.
To let go is not to dominate, but to be willing
to let things happen.
To let go is not to betray the past, but to
have faith in the future.
To let go means to FEAR less and LOVE more.

When we love and have faith that ‘all is as it should be’ we allow the Universe to deliver all the positive energy necessary for our loved ones as well as ourselves to not only survive but thrive. It takes courage to let go but it is necessary for the growth of everyone concerned. It allows each of us to follow our own unique path and learn the lessons we have chosen to learn this time around.

Have a great few days!

Loss – Responsibility – Life Lessons

Healing yourself after a loss – whether it is a death, divorce, or other type of separation is difficult and can be life changing. I have described in my book, Just Behind the Door, the many losses in my life, so I know from experience that healing takes time. I have read that after a loss, the average person expects us to ‘move on with life’ after a few weeks. Really? I don’t know what planet they are from but I do know that moving on with grace and dignity takes much more time than a few weeks. Your love was real, your grief is real. You do not need to try to hide the fact that you have been deeply affected. Honor your feelings and be good to yourself in the meantime. Try to find others who will listen with a caring heart as you relive the life experiences involved in your loss. Everyone has a story to tell and it deserves to be heard. There are people out there that care enough about you to take the time to focus while you mend your broken heart, regardless of the time it takes.

I do believe that we experience losses for the lessons they can teach us. What have you learned from this journey so far? Has it changed anything about you or your perspective? This is an important question. I have found that life has a way of repeating itself when we don’t learn the first time a challenge is presented.

I heard a speaker recently who talked about how to achieve a greater sense of healing. She said we must examine our life path and accept the responsibility that nothing happens by accident. We were part of our initial life planning – including the loss that we experienced. She feels that people who get stuck in grief do so because of one of two possible reasons. Either they believe that God or some other power did this TO them or that they just seem to continually attract random acts of negatives and catastrophes in their lives. In other words, they feel helpless and, at times, even hopeless, because they refuse to accept any responsibility.

I know that trying to wrap our heads around any possible role involved in a death or any other type of life changing loss is incredibly difficult. You just want to say, “Are you kidding, you think I wanted this to happen!” Of course not, at least not on a conscious level. However, as hard as it is to think that we had some part in the planning of our loss, I do believe it to be true. Why? Because my son, on the other side, has told me so. There was something that I needed to learn from it.

Regardless of what happens, I do not feel that some entity out there does this TO us or that we just experienced dumb luck. No, I believe it is much deeper and more spiritual that those beliefs.

I would love to hear how you feel about this perspective.

Positive Thinking is a Work in Progress

Everything in the Universe is energy. We are each an individual universe of energy. You know certain people who make you feel energized and others who seem to drain your energy. Well, emotions, experiences, even colors and words also have energy. When you are positive, upbeat, and happy you DRAW even more positive energy from people and events INTO your life. Sadly, the reverse is also true. When you are negative, whining or blaming others about your life circumstances, you will experience even more negative energy coming back to you. It’s like a boomerang – you get back what you throw out. Remember the phrase, ‘Like attracts like?” Well, it really does. Right now, you may be experiencing loss, grief, hurt, rejection, lack of funds or any one of a million other life challenges. You don’t have to like them but remember you signed up for this curriculum in this huge classroom called, ‘Life on Planet Earth.’ Have you ever stopped to ask yourself what lessons you are learning from the circumstance you are in? Once you learn the lessons – really learn them, the circumstances resolve themselves.

An important question to think about is, what are you saying to yourself and others about your situation? Remember, the more you repeat the thought or voice the negative emotion, the more negatives will be drawn into your environment. Recently, I heard someone say, negatives are like being unplugged from the Universal Energy source/God. Think of an electrical appliance in your home. If it is unplugged it simply won’t work. Well, when we allow ourselves to get unplugged through negative thinking we stop fully functioning and life looses its luster. Everything seems to be a greater chore than usual. The burdens keep adding up until you can’t see, much less think about, the possibilities of tomorrow.

The beauty of all this is that you can recharge – replug yourself into the energy source many different ways. A few examples are: meditation, prayer, listing all of the things for which you are grateful, exercise, doing something to help others (even a phone call or email) to brighten their day. Basically, any activity that gets you back into a positive energy flow will stop the negativity from magnifying itself and its’ effect on you.

The challenge to you is to recognize that YOU are responsible and in control of how you feel, act and respond. The second challenge is to realize that, as humans, we need to WORK at staying positive, it is a constant, perpetual ‘work in progress.’ No one can do it for you, but I promise you, it is worth the effort.

Let me know if this makes sense to you! I would love to hear your thoughts.

Lessons in Disguise

Have you ever stopped to think that you are really creating your day today by what you are thinking? It’s true! Every moment in your life can be an opportunity to see life from a deeper perspective. A knowing perspective that says, “All is as it should be.” The Universal Wholeness/God reacts to us according to our belief in It. Since we have the gift of free will, when we think negative – more negative seems to surrounds us. Conversely, when we think positive –
the positives seem to just come streaming into our lives. Some would call this coincidence. I would call it personal intention.

For those of us who have experienced profound loss, I know how easy it is to get stuck in the never-never land of “why me, why know?” Life can seem overwhelming, just basically unfair. If you feel engulfed by that type of mind chatter, take a deep breath and say to yourself, “Stop, I don’t want this negativity or depression in my life,” and let it go. Refuse to let those thoughts take up even one more minute of your time or brain space. You may have to continually repeat this approach to stop the negative chatter but just DO IT! Pick up a book, take a walk outside, think of something that happened in your past that brings a smile to your face and move on with your next daily task. You will be amazed by the results. All of a sudden, things start looking a little brighter.

We all experience times so difficult it seems like our hearts are chipping off in little pieces. The challenge of those experiences is to look them squarely in the eye and figure out what we learned from them. Believe me, they are merely lessons in disguise. You are too strong to let these stop you from truly living in the here and now.

Try this approach consistently for a week. It will take practice but you will be glad you did. Send me an email and share your experiences. By sharing, you put energy to the words you are thinking and it gives more power to your intentions.