Healing yourself after a loss – whether it is a death, divorce, or other type of separation is difficult and can be life changing. I have described in my book, Just Behind the Door, the many losses in my life, so I know from experience that healing takes time. I have read that after a loss, the average person expects us to ‘move on with life’ after a few weeks. Really? I don’t know what planet they are from but I do know that moving on with grace and dignity takes much more time than a few weeks. Your love was real, your grief is real. You do not need to try to hide the fact that you have been deeply affected. Honor your feelings and be good to yourself in the meantime. Try to find others who will listen with a caring heart as you relive the life experiences involved in your loss. Everyone has a story to tell and it deserves to be heard. There are people out there that care enough about you to take the time to focus while you mend your broken heart, regardless of the time it takes.
I do believe that we experience losses for the lessons they can teach us. What have you learned from this journey so far? Has it changed anything about you or your perspective? This is an important question. I have found that life has a way of repeating itself when we don’t learn the first time a challenge is presented.
I heard a speaker recently who talked about how to achieve a greater sense of healing. She said we must examine our life path and accept the responsibility that nothing happens by accident. We were part of our initial life planning – including the loss that we experienced. She feels that people who get stuck in grief do so because of one of two possible reasons. Either they believe that God or some other power did this TO them or that they just seem to continually attract random acts of negatives and catastrophes in their lives. In other words, they feel helpless and, at times, even hopeless, because they refuse to accept any responsibility.
I know that trying to wrap our heads around any possible role involved in a death or any other type of life changing loss is incredibly difficult. You just want to say, “Are you kidding, you think I wanted this to happen!” Of course not, at least not on a conscious level. However, as hard as it is to think that we had some part in the planning of our loss, I do believe it to be true. Why? Because my son, on the other side, has told me so. There was something that I needed to learn from it.
Regardless of what happens, I do not feel that some entity out there does this TO us or that we just experienced dumb luck. No, I believe it is much deeper and more spiritual that those beliefs.
I would love to hear how you feel about this perspective.