Official blog for the book "Just Behind the Door"

Posts tagged ‘goal setting’

Be the Change!

Have you ever noticed the immense amount of time, energy and money that people devote in an attempt to make themselves happier, healthier or more or less something? The wealth of books, magazine articles, week-end warrior workshops and therapy sessions available boggles the mind. It seems at least twice a year a new method workshop (usually with a 3 letter title for effect) and a cost of ONLY a few thousand dollars pops up to change your life. Wanting to be in on the latest and greatest thing people then flock to sign up being convinced that they too will experience nirvana. Many of these new approaches tout that they have found the Holy Grail for answers to self improvement and if you just follow their advice or activate the steps in their program you will be effortlessly transformed. This is usually followed up with pictures or videos of people (often celebrities) with smiling faces showing us how perfect their lives have become as they encourage us to follow their example. Not wanting to be left behind we rationalize ….. ‘well, it worked for them’ but did it really? If it were only that easy…

To successfully make a desired life long change requires that we have finally reached a point of not just unhappiness with our present situation but true and complete dissatisfaction with it. In other words it’s like a whole truckload not a small wheelbarrow of dissatisfaction because we know deep down that change is hard and it’s going to require a lot from us. There is no magic wand to make it easy. Only when we accept the fact that we want something so badly that we are willing to put up with the effort to achieve it will we muster the needed strength and follow through to achieve the change we seek. Our thinking begins to change and we no longer accept the existing condition as inevitable but make a conscious decision to recalibrate our thinking, finding a new truth for ourselves to achieve the change we so desire. The real trick is that we have to become sick and tired of being sick and tired before we will actually choose to make a desired change and follow through with it.

Change requires both our emotional and rational mind working together to allow us to understand and accept the why behind the change we want to make and then allow ourselves to feel, visualize and accept why it is warranted. When we have analyzed the why even momentary slip ups are taken in stride. We see and feel the bigger picture and know we will get there. As we begin to see our progress we think to ourselves. ‘I can really do this!’ and it motivates us to continue as greater confidence seems to flow through our veins.

Just think, a new you started when YOU decided, on your own time frame with your own belief, understanding and strength in yourself to do something different with your life. The self help books, workshops or therapy may have served as a motivator or incentive but it was YOU being you that made all the difference. You are both the noun and verb of the mindset and that is powerful!

After we have achieved our goal and arrived at a point of appreciation for the new us we may be tempted to try to convince others of their need to make a similar change (I liken this to a form of proselytizing) but we must remember that timing is everything and that few, if any, people really want to be told what to do. Remember they have not adorned us with the title of Master and Judge in Charge. Yet, through our own attitude and behavior we can serve as a positive example that whatever the mind can believe it can achieve.

Having achieved your desired change, congratulate yourself daily …. you deserve it!

Have a great few days!

Synchronicity Works!

I have often been asked how I come up with the blog topics I write on since they are so varied. The answer is quite simple really – I wait for the spirit to move me (no pun intended). A word, event or person just seems to trigger a thought and the rest is history. Following this logic, the topic today is on synchronicity. On three separate occasions within the last few days I have experienced it. The message was clear to me after the third experience … time to talk about this amazing process called synchronicity.

The psychiatrist, Carl Jung, is credited with identifying this concept in the 1920’s. In 1952 he published a paper entitled ‘Synchronicity – An Acausal Connecting Principle.’ In it he explained that ‘just as events may be connected by causality, they may be also be connected by meaning.’ This paper followed an epiphany in 1951 when Jung stated that Einstein’s thought about the relativity of time and space encouraged him to explore their psychic conditionality. Jung believed that ‘a person was both EMBEDDED IN an orderly framework and was the FOCUS OF that orderly framework through a spiritual awakening.’ Today, we hear about the power of positive energy, the intervention of grace, using positive affirmations, goal setting and tuning into our intuitive sense. These concepts all have one thing in common – learning to tap into a higher source of energy for the greater good of self and others. Let me give you a concrete example to further explain the power of synchronicity.

I made an overseas flight reservation on a foreign airline and had been encouraged by a loved one to apply for a frequent flyer number. Guilty of procrastination, I did not do so. Imagine by surprise when the airline sent me an email weeks later stating that the flight had been changed and I needed to call them. I tried three times to get through and was put on hold for 30 minutes each time before being automatically disconnected. My frustration mounted. That just doesn’t happen right? Then it came to me … apply for the frequent flyer program so that I would receive points for the trip. When we ‘hear’ this gentle nudging from the Universe it’s always best to follow through on it. I was finally able to connect with the airline regarding the change and at the same time give them my newly acquired frequent flyer number to receive points for the trip!

The lesson in this story is clear. When something just isn’t working there is a reason. Be patient and listen. What is your intuition telling you? Follow it for there is always a reason. As my son has said many times in my book, ‘Just Behind The Door’ everything happens for a purpose, and we need to trust in the sequence of events that unfold in our lives.

Have a great few days!

Make It Happen!!

If you had only one pearl of wisdom that you could share with your loved ones what would it be? Would it be about honesty, patience, integrity, hard work? Or maybe it would be words of encouragement for them to think about when the going gets tough. These ideas and a host of others are all very important but for me it would be to somehow, someway help them understand the life changing power of their own thoughts.

Often we are so busy ‘doing’ life that we don’t stop to realize that we are actually creating our own reality from the feelings we are sending out to the Universe. The cardinal rule is that THOUGHTS CREATE FEELINGS WHICH CAUSE BEHAVIOR. This is an understanding learned in goal setting that really works! Yup! That’s the long and short of what I would share with my loved ones.

We all have difficulty, challenges and events happen to us that frustrate and seem unfair. That’s part of living on planet Earth. When we choose to face those situations and handle them rather than perseverate on them we win. In fact, any time spent with thoughts that life is unfair is simply time wasted. Those negative thoughts will begin to seep into your personality and drag you down. Little by little people will start to avoid you because you are just too exhausting to be around.

Researchers have said that we have about 60,000 thoughts a day. If you were being totally honest with yourself what percentage would you say you devote to positive, energy creating thoughts …. and what percentage to negative, self defeating thoughts?
Look at those two percentages again. Is that really how you want to live your life?

Speaking about life, what if you really want something – a new house, different job or lasting relationship, for example, and it just hasn’t happened yet. What do you start telling yourself? Lisa Nichols, a contributing author to The Secret said “most of the time when we don’t see the things we have requested we get frustrated. We get disappointed. And we begin to become doubtful. The doubt brings about a feeling of disappointment. Take that doubt and shift it. Recognize that feeling and replace it with a feeling of unwavering faith. “I know that it’s on its way.”

Listen to those words, I KNOW IT’S ON THE WAY. Those are strong, powerful words that elicit a feeling of empowerment. When you take this statement to the next level and allow yourself a few minutes in you days to FEEL how wonderful it will be when it comes to pass you are manifesting the energy to make it happen. Experiencing the feeling (before it actually happens) is actually the key to unlocking the magic door that causes your dreams to become a reality. Why? Simply thinking about something you desire is not enough. You need to FEEL the emotion behind it. It is like putting gas into your engine – it gives you the power needed to send the Universe positive, consistent statements of belief in attainment. Your job then is to remember this feeling as you sit back and watch your dreams become a reality …because they will…and you can smile and realize YOU can make things happen. Remember it’s all about your feelings! You are now in the driver’s seat and the ride will be fantastic for the rest of your life.

This is what I would teach my family because I know it is the most powerful and important lesson they will ever learn.

Have a great few days!

Are You Your Own Worst Critic?

Many of us have watched the Academy Awards, or read movie or T.V. reviews recently. In each example a judgment was placed on such things as value, truth, beauty, effort or technique. These judgments were made by critics – people who express an unfavorable opinion of something. The word critic is actually derived from the Greek word for ‘judge.’ We seem to have an over abundance of critics in life who judge everything. It is any wonder why many of us have taken up this behavior and use it on ourselves and others.

When we look inward and are honest with ourselves we find that we are our own worst critic. It goes something like this…’I should have’ or … ‘I’m not this or that enough’ the list goes on ad infinitum. What we don’t realize is that the more critical and judgmental we are with ourselves the more we are doomed to repeat more of the same. By constantly criticizing ourselves we are replaying the record in our heads of disappointment and dissatisfaction with who were are as human beings. Since we know that the Universe delivers to us what is foremost in our thinking we will continue to repeat the behavior that we find most troublesome but with even greater and greater frequency. Eventually, we may even fall prey to the ultimate negative thought, ‘What’s the use I will always be …’

Is it possible that you may have become emotionally addicted to seeing yourself in a negative light? Check it out by listening to your own thinking. How often are you putting yourself down? Does it seem to come naturally to you? If so, when is enough enough? The answer is quite simple really. When self criticism begins to infect and reflect your overall thinking pattern it’s time for a change. Like everything in life it is the amount of time we allow ourselves to rehash something that determines if it’s a productive or unproductive behavior.

What if you decided today, right here and now, to use self reflection in a more productive way – one that can positively effect your behavior. Start by consciously listening to what you are telling yourself about a recent issue that didn’t turn out as well as you would have preferred. If you are beating yourself up over the outcome, is it helping? Probably not. Once you accept the fact that negative breeds negative you are ready to redirect your thinking. Now think about what you could have done to achieve a more productive outcome. Each time you start to put yourself down about either what actually happened or what you ‘should’ have done just think about what would have been a better approach and say to yourself, ‘THE NEXT TIME I INTEND TO …’ and LET IT GO. What you are actually doing is giving your subconscious mind a job or goal to work on. The next time a similar issue surfaces your mind will work to apply the new response. We know that setting goals generates positive energy and when we tell ourselves, ‘The next time I intend to…’ our minds work to deliver the change to us. This approach may take a bit of time to internalize but by consistently practicing this type of redirected thought you are inserting into your thinking a plan to improve something about your self WITHOUT JUDGMENT. It becomes a positive rather than a negative approach for change – and it works!

Life is a journey of self discovery. Like any journey we can’t start at the end but must take each step along the way to arrive at our destination. When we discover a better path to our destination it behooves us to follow it. Redirecting our thoughts with a new habit of positive intent just makes the journey a lot more enjoyable along the way.

Have a great few days!

You Can Do It!

We all experience some days that are just easier than others. Those days when everything goes as planned energizes us. When we take a couple of minutes as we are falling asleep to reflect on the things that we were able to accomplish we say, ‘Yes!’ ‘Today was a good day!’ But when things seem to go awry and our Plan A has had to be changed to Plan B, C or even D how do we respond? Do we allow ourselves to be overcome with fear or thoughts that life just isn’t fair? Do we allow ourselves to get into a negative mindset of expecting more and more problems to surface? We all know how effective that mindset is – right? It can stop us in our tracks! What can we do to shake us out of a negative mindset? After all, we know deep down that what we think about most often will be delivered right back to us from the Universe with bells on. When the going gets tough it’s time to evaluate our thinking and remember the power we have had in the past to overcome.

We would all like to live a life of peace, comfort and joy but the reality is that we are, in fact, a work in progress. The challenges we have in life allow us to grow in confidence and appreciation of our own strength. We learn that we can face whatever comes along and learn from it once we decide to keep our grip on the present issues and not generalize them to encompass our entire being. In other words keeping perspective and not allowing ourselves to perseverate on the issues is so important. Just make a plan – an approach – on how to get through the latest issue and do it! Mulling over and over in our minds what seems to be going wrong is not healthy or productive. Let’s look at a more productive approach.

The first step is to take a moment to reflect on what we have to be grateful for – there are many things we have been able to do with our lives to date. We have had many more moments of success and happiness than challenges. If it doesn’t seem so at the moment, just check your own track record. It stands for itself. Remember the times when you didn’t think you could take any more and almost magically things seemed to turn around? You demonstrated the strength to persevere against all odds and won! Remember those times. They will give you the strength to carry on. The latest challenges at hand are something you will get through – one step at a time – when you keep your eyes straight ahead on your goals.

Clarity about what you do want (NOT about what you DON’T WANT) is the critical next step. What do you really want to accomplish? What do you want to become? Where do you want to be in the next year or in the next five years? Write 3 to 5 goals down and read them daily. By doing so you are actually attracting the positive energy to make your dreams happen. When you discipline yourself to take the time to write these goals down it gives you the energy, the fuel, to overcome even the most difficult situations that occur along the way because you will remember your vision or purpose for your life. Many people have heard about writing their goals down but sadly very few actually do so. Less than 10% of people take the time to write their goals out -they are the winners in life because they have discovered the secret of manifesting what they want. They use the fuel of the Universe to help them get there. You can join this group – all it takes is a piece of paper and 15 minutes of your time.

You are capable of overcoming any obstacle in life. Just remember any obstacle is a temporary condition. Don’t let it define you or stop you from achieving your goals. You are living proof that you have the strength and tenacity to get through even the most difficult situation. The adage, ‘If it’s going to be it’s up to me,’ is true. Remember your heritage. You have examples of loved ones or friends in your life who persevered against all odds and won. They would expect nothing less of you.

The beauty of our lives is that no one – absolutely no one – can rob us of a belief in ourselves and our ability to create the life we truly want to have – we are too powerful! Regardless of how many challenges we face we will make it through – of that I am certain.

Have a great few days!

Make Your Life 100% Successful!

My last blog was on how to increase our energy level by becoming more aware that our thinking and behavior either enhances or depletes our energy. The more positive our thoughts the more energy we gain. Likewise, the more we surround ourselves with negative messages – from ourselves or others the more exhausted we become. There is another important aspect involved in gaining more energy and it is all about what we think we deserve.

In 2007 Gay Hendricks wrote a book entitled, ‘Five Wishes’ which talked about projecting our life forward in time to when we are on our deathbed and then asking ourself the question, ‘Was my life a total success?’ At first this might sound like a rather morbid, self-defeating exercise but it really isn’t. It can bring greater clarity to our thinking about our priorities for happiness which will serve us well in the future. Hendricks went on to explain that after we ask ourselves the million dollar question if the answer was no, we go to step two and ask ourselves what we wished had happened differently to make it so. For instance, maybe we did not feel that we had a great relationship with our family members and wished to have a more open, loving, supportive one. Now comes the punch line…we rewrite that wish into a goal statement exactly as we want it to be without worrying about how, when or where. The specifics are not important. The act of rewriting your ‘deathbed reality’ into one that clearly states what you would see as total success is the most important thing you can do for yourself. If you choose to do this exercise remember there are no limitations or conditions for you to consider. Your goals are not dependent upon others – they are yours and yours alone. Just remember the statement, ‘If it’s going to be it’s up to me.’ This is your life and the sky’s the limit. You can have or achieve anything you want that would cause you to feel that your life was a total success. Simply rewrite your wishes into goals – first person – present tense such as ‘I am loved and accepted by all of my family members.’ (You may be thinking … she doesn’t know my family members or situation!) That’s true but I do know what works in life and am convinced that goal setting is the key to unlock the door to greater happiness.

For those of you who are too timid or humble to believe you can achieve whatever success you want in life, I have a question for you. Who told you that you were only entitled to a mere crumb of bread rather than the whole piece? Do you really feel that when you were born your forehead was stamped with a message that said, ‘This one deserves less happiness in life!’ Of course not. That type of limitation thinking has been generated from your background and you may have, unfortunately, worked diligently day after day to make it ‘truth.’ Well, it’s time to change this ‘truth’ and your life.

You have the right, obligation really, to be infinitely happy and to know that on your deathbed your last thought will be that your life WAS a total success. All you have to do is believe you are worth it. I think we all deserve a life that is 100% successful for us. All we have to do is BELIEVE to make it a reality. Remember the statement, ‘ Ask and it shall be given.’ I don’t read any limitation in that statement – do you? As human beings we have chosen to place limitations on what we think we are entitled to in life and that is in err to what God or the Universal Energy is all about.

Over the next few days think about three to five statements that you could make on your deathbed that would indicate that your life was a total success. The more you think about them the further down the rabbit hole you go until you discover the ultimate priorities for your life. It will be an exciting discovery.

Have a great few days!

Bring It On Home!

The last three blogs were on the importance of sending out our affirmations to the Universe to achieve the goals we most desire in our lives. I mentioned that we need to act, as if, we have already achieved our desired goals and some have wondered why that is necessary – is it just pretending? Well – sort of – but it is so much more. Basically, our brains cannot hold two competing or opposing thoughts simultaneously. Take a moment and just try it. Try to hold opposing thoughts about the same thing or same person in your mind. It can’t be done. Our brains demand a choice – an answer as to which feeling or thought is real. That’s why acting as if we have already achieved our desired goal requires that we change our reality and energy to make it happen. Your written goals, serve as a beacon that is flashing a light into the Universe to direct the energy back to you that is necessary to achieve the goal exactly as you have visualized it.

You can achieve anything you put your mind to if you believe that you have the right and power to manifest it. Think of one or two things that you absolutely want, more than anything, and write them down. Trust me on this – actually writing your goals down is an important step. Regardless of how intelligent you are please don’t try to shorten the process by believing you can simply think about them and not write them down. It doesn’t work nearly as well because this process is about emotional energy and the feelings involved. It’s about more than intellect. Now, think about how great you feel once your goals come to pass. Really get into it. See yourself having attained these two goals and take a moment to absorb how you are feeling. This is powerful stuff. Feels good, doesn’t it?

Place you written goals where you will see them once or twice a day. Each time you read them take just a minute to inhale and feel how great it is having achieved them. Each time you do this the flashing light on the beacon becomes stronger and gives out an even more powerful signal to the Universe. Think of it as a process that guides your goals right home to you.

Now it is time to confidently relax and allow the Universe to make your goals a reality. Relaxing and believing in the process is crucial. Do not think about all the steps necessary to cause your goals to become a reality. That is over thinking the process and actually creates stress or worry. As you would gather, of course, stress and worry actually push the goals away from you not toward you. Why? Negative energy in any form simply returns more of the same to you.

Please give it a try. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain! When you have achieved your first goal please let me know on the website. You will be amazed at the power you have to change your life. Goal attainment is easier than you think. It just takes a belief in your own power and a couple of easy steps to make things happen.

Have a great few days!