Official blog for the book "Just Behind the Door"

Have you ever stopped to think about how many times you say ‘yes’ to do something with or for someone and then later think to yourself ‘why in the world did I agree to do it?’ For many of us this scenario has played out throughout our lives and left us frustrated, tired and at times overwhelmed. It’s all those little things that add up over time which can cause resentment and deplete us of energy. We can even predict with a certain degree of accuracy those people who just seem to be able to get us to respond without thinking to their latest need, desire or request.

There is, of course, another group of people who simply refuse to say ‘yes’ to anything and everything that doesn’t personally bring them joy, pleasure or fun. For some of us that last sentence may seem impossible to believe but it’s true. These folks seem to have a built in radar that detects anything that could require their time, energy or money and they quickly decide if it will make them happy. If not….it’s a no go.

Granted these two examples are at opposite ends of the spectrum. But when you look around at people they really do seem to fall into one of these two categories.

The underlying issue – saying ‘yes’ in an effort to please others and make them happy is a never-ending story and one in which you can become the main character for life. This script does not contain moments of appreciation but simply more and more demands – some subtle and some not so subtle.

The funny thing about saying ‘yes’ to make others happy is that it doesn’t really – not in the long haul because their requests overtime become expectations and appreciation slowly fades. They begin to just expect you do to whatever, whenever because you do.

When we find ourselves saying or doing things that our hearts are not really into the energy we give off speaks volumes. It’s not good for either party involved. No one grows as a human being by being a constant taker or for that matter a constant giver. Is it time to change the ‘have to’ in our thinking and move to a mindset of deciding what we ‘want or choose to do?’ People who have mastered this approach to life do not respond with a quick yes to any and all requests but take a little time to think it through and decide if it’s really necessary and if they truly want to comply. Time is our friend in this situation as we begin to train ourselves to analyze the situation before responding.

Maybe the deeper issue is valuing ourselves enough to believe that we really have the right to choose what we want to do and communicate it in a gentle but firm manner. Going along with someone else’s planning or worse yet manipulation for their personal benefit can wear thin. It all comes down to the belief that we deserve to be happy too – and we do!

When someone has a life altering situation and they need us it seems logical to jump in and do all we can in their moment of need. That just seems like the loving, humane thing to do. But not everything in life falls into this category. Let’s try to save up our ‘yes’ for the big items in life and care enough about our own well being and happiness to remember ourselves in the process. As with everything …balance is the key.

Have a great few days!

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