Official blog for the book "Just Behind the Door"

Posts tagged ‘challenges in life’

Having Confidence in Yourself and Others

Learning our individual soul lessons in this lifetime is not easy. Any one of them could be compared to the class you had in school that you had to really work at passing and then even at completion of the class didn’t feel confident in the content area. Upon receiving the final passing grade you may have even chosen to take the class again or learn more about the topic on your own until you could exhale and say to yourself, ‘Now, I finally get it.’ As we live out our life lessons a similar thing occurs. At first we wonder why things seem to keep popping up as roadblocks, detours or simply additional challenges. Eventually we realize that those very issues that continue to surface in our lives are the exact things we need to push against, work around or get over to allow us to fully learn a particular lesson.

When we recognize the lesson as presented to us we have the choice to internalize it and move on with deeper understanding allowing us to be of greater service to ourselves and others or not. When we accept that the issue of blame or feeling that we were wronged was simply a way for us to challenge ourselves to be stronger, more confident and to accept the realization that there are no mistakes in our choices but simply different avenues to learn our lessons we are making progress. The ultimate lesson, of course, being, ‘All Is As It Should Be.’

We have been given the gift of free will in life. There are no right or wrong choices just different pathways to the same destination that we chose long ago. Once we learn a lesson we move forward with greater confidence and joy.

Is it possible that one lesson for us could be to be strong enough to allow others to learn their own lessons? Sometimes we are so busy trying to help others that we miss the point that maybe, just maybe, by continuously picking up the pieces for them we may be impeding their own growth. When do we know that it is the right time to back off and let others handle their own unique lessons? Actually, it’s easier than we think. We all recognize the feeling in our hearts through our intuitive sense when we are going overboard with others. A tell tale sign is when the same thing happens over and over and we begin to resent our involvement. This feeling can serve as a wake up call to us to let go and let them face their own lessons and learn from them. Are we strong enough to risk the possible momentary ill feelings when we finally get up enough courage to say, ‘I can’t do this for you.’

Our life lessons involve learning to love more fully – ourselves as well as others. Do we love ourselves enough to say ‘enough’ – do we love others enough to say ‘I can’t learn this lesson for you.’ Growth in life lessons is a beautiful thing. Let’s do what we can to learn our own and let others learn their own as well.

Have a great few days!

Extend a Hand

I recently received a heartfelt letter from a woman in California who had read my book, ‘Just Behind The Door.’ I thank all of you who have had the opportunity to read the book as well as those of you who have emailed me your impressions. Losing a child, regardless of their age, or a partner, parent, sibling or best friend causes us to walk a similar path through grief. It is so important to know that you are not alone and that yes, the feelings of loss can be so overwhelming they can take you to your knees. There is nothing wrong when you momentarily feel so deeply that you question life itself. The deeper our love the deeper our grief.

What IS important to know when you are troubled about anything is that you will make it through – not necessarily totally unscathed – but you will make it through when you reach out to others for help. Regardless of the type of help whether reading about someone else’s journey, joining a loss group, working with a counselor or simply talking, talking and talking to a family member or friend about your feelings enables you to get the raw, gut wrenching hurt and fear to the surface. It may take weeks, months even years to truly heal. It’s okay – we are each on our own unique timeline in this life journey. Getting your feelings to the surface is THE critical first step in healing. At the surface there is light and with that light energy the slow, deliberate process of healing will begin.

Some might think that a person is strong if they don’t fall apart at times and show emotion. You know the reference to the saying attributed to the upper class British, ‘keep a stiff upper lip?’ Well, originally that was in reference to sewing the mouth closed of a corpse before throwing it overboard at sea. Kind of puts things in perspective doesn’t it? Show me a person who doesn’t struggle with their feelings when loss or difficult things happen in their life and I will show you a person who is sad, angry and alone.

True strength is being willing to admit vulnerability and seeking out someone to confide in who will truly hear you. Just as you can either be someone’s lifeline or anchor you can also be your own. The choice is always up to you. Being your true authentic self takes courage and by sharing your feelings it gives others the chance – the honor even – of being there for you. Those who are the happiest in life seem to have learned this lesson.

Remember the lyrics from the song written by Tommy Page, ‘A Shoulder To Cry On,’
Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on…
a friend to rely on…
you will feel better
if you let me walk with you…
by your side…
you won’t be alone…
a friend to rely on…
with you ’till the end.

Let’s show how strong we are by making a commitment to be there for others when they need us and to open up to others when we need a listening ear and caring heart. We reincarnated together, this time around for a reason and just like the links in a chain, together we are stronger.

Have a great few days!