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Posts tagged ‘grief’

A Lesson on Loss – Flight 370

My last blog entitled, ‘Fear of Change, involved the predictable stages of grief/loss that we all experience when faced with life altering changes. I used the topic of seniors about to graduate from high school to demonstrate that even when happy events (graduation) happen it is normal to experience a sense of loss. Why? When we leave the familiar and move into new unchartered territory fear rears its ugly head and can paralyze our thinking and action temporarily. Recognizing our fear for what it is (fear of the unknown) and verbalizing it to others helps diminish the negative effect and allows us to move, albeit, slowly, carefully forward.

These grief stages can be witnessed even more dramatically in sad or catastrophic events such as the disappearance of Flight 370. As of this writing, despite all the valiant search efforts by many countries there is still no information on the fate of those 239 people on board.

The 24/7 news coverage demonstrates the Stages of Loss (known by the acronym DABDA) of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. We have seen people yelling, protesting, crying, praying, in shock, even unable to stand unaided as they experience the first 4 stages of grief/loss. The last stage involving acceptance is not even on their radar screen as yet. Why? How could anyone hold on to even a shred of hope after two full weeks?

For those of us who have lost a loved one … we get it. Sadly, reaching the final stage of acceptance takes an immense amount of time. The mind cannot process what the heart cannot yet accept. While concrete evidence or reasons help immensely for closure they cannot, in themselves, hasten the ultimate stage of acceptance. In the meantime, the families and friends of the 239 people number in the 1000’s – each of whom are experiencing the emotional roller coaster of grief in their own way and time.

We have all been swept up in this tragedy. Our hearts go out to those who wait with hope in their hearts to hear that a miracle has happened and their loved ones have been saved. Unrealistic expectations? Possibly, but who among us could simply say we wouldn’t be walking in those same shoes?

It does not seem to compute in our minds how in our technologically rich world a disappearance of this magnitude is even possible. Yet, as we hear of the heroic attempts being made to locate even a scrap of evidence we realize how small we are in the scheme of things in our world. A fact that truly humbles us.

What can we do as observers of this event? First and foremost we must realize that our thoughts, prayers and good intentions for the families of those who were on board the plane need to continue unabated. Regardless of the outcome we must remember that with love, understanding and time healing will take place. It is the type of healing that results when acceptance of the event finally begins to sink into our psyche and we move to the question…now what?

Acceptance of a loss forces us to a new level where we begin to question the meaning of our lives. We realize that tomorrow is not a given and only this very moment can be assured. We recalibrate our life compass to help us appreciate a bit more each and every moment we have on this earth. We try, with each new encounter, to make a more positive impact on others as we face our latest life challenge. We remember with humility that we have not walked in the another’s shoes and we learn to accept them unconditionally as we all work on our own unique life lessons. We appreciate life in a different way as we accept the fact that an expiration date is stamped on each of our souls. Ultimately, we move on with a greater sense of dignity and grace in this classroom called life.

Until next time remember, ‘All is as it Should Be.’

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Fear of Change

As individuals we are as unique as our fingerprints yet when facing major life changes our behavior is predictable. Some of you may be familiar with the 5 stages of grief by Dr. Kubler-Ross but what you may not realize is that these stages not only apply to the loss of a loved one but, in fact, apply to any major change we experience in our life.

For instance, for those high school seniors who are getting ready to graduate over the next 9 weeks major life changes are at an all time high! Because of that they will be experiencing denial (is high school really over – I’ve waited forever for this but it is happening too fast am I’m nervous or scared). Once they recognize the fact that graduation is really happening they may have moments of anxiety or a short fuse and anger may surface out of the blue. You may hear statements such as, ‘It’s not fair’ or ‘I thought I was ready but I didn’t get to do …’ They may even feel that others are trying to controlling their lives. Why? Simply put, things feel like they are moving too fast for them at this point. Their behavior may become a bit scattered or random. Fear and life altering change can do that to all of us.
Bargaining is the next stage and you may hear, ‘I just want to go out with my friends more and experience life before it is gone.’ Sadness may surface temporarily, as they realize that life is about to change and ready or not it will never be quite the same again. The safety and security of the known is replaced with the daunting reality of the unknown. After emotional working through the previous four stages the person finally arrives at acceptance. They will still be nervous or worried until they are walking in the shoes of their new life but they begin to muster up the confidence that they will make it and can handle the changes that are about to happen.

You may be puzzled or surprised that the much anticipated graduation date has become something you see your loved ones worried about rather than celebrating. After all, how many times have you heard the statement, ‘I can’t wait to graduate!’ Major life altering changes affect all of us the same way and fear of the unknown reigns supreme. The time we spend in each of the stages above differs and can be days, weeks, even months. I do know that KNOWING these stages for what they are …simply stages …HELPS the person hold onto their grip in life. It is reassuring to know that our feelings are normal and our fears will pass. We just have to ‘Fake it ’till we Make it!’

What can we do to help others who are going through these stages? Like most things in life it takes a listening ear, encouragement, time and knowing about these stages. You simply can’t speed up the process but you can do various things to alleviate some of the fear. The more familiar the person is with what they will be facing in reference to the change the better. The gift of time to mentally process and ‘grow into’ the change that is about to happen results in a more positive outcome. Changes that happen too fast are generally much, much harder to accept since the processing time was not available.

As parents we want to believe that we have done our job correctly and raised confident, self reliable individuals. We may expect excitement, happiness or even joy from them given the opportunity to move on and create their own life. All that will come…it just takes time. With love, patience, (and a little advanced planning) these stages will pass and their self confidence will once again be restored as they accept the changes before them.

Dr. Seuss wrote a humorous children’s book entitled, ‘Oh, the Places You’ll Go,’ that describes these 5 stages perfectly. It really is a classic example of the human emotions that are experienced when life altering changes happen. It is a favorite to give to graduating seniors who will one day look back and remember the emotional roller coaster they experienced. The last page in the book says it all…’And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.) KID, YOU’LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!’

Please pass this on to anyone who may be facing a major life change especially parents and graduating seniors as a way to ‘pay it forward.’

Have a great few days!

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Living our DASH

How do you live your DASH? You have probably heard of the person that was speaking at the funeral of a friend and after giving the person’s date of birth and death added that what mattered most was what was done in between and referred to it as the DASH in life. Would family or friends be able to fill in the dash with …she was…he was…and bring a knowing smile of understanding to those in attendance? Maybe even a few loving smiles of appreciation or better yet a laugh followed by, ‘that sounds just like …’ Being remembered by the laughter and fun you have given others is such a tribute to a life well lived.

Something to think about as we are still living out our own DASH moments. Is it the possessions – the cars, houses, or cash in the bank that are most important or …how we are living our lives? Are we doing what makes our heart sing?

The wonderful thing to remember is that we still have time to fill in out DASH. After all, none of us knows when our lucky number will come up and we will be able to exit this classroom called life.

Can we stop and think about what is real, how others might feel and withhold our anger and judgment over something that happened that was out of our comfort zone? Can we just accept that we are all struggling, growing and learning in this journey called life? We don’t have a GPS for our journey. We need to think, feel, experience and make mid course corrections as we go. That’s why life is a challenge not for the faint of heart.

My blogs in February and the first part of March were purposefully about learning/living styles. They were my attempt to show, as a title of a book states, ‘I’m Not Crazy, I’m Just Not You’ that differences are NOT wrong they are simply differences! Accepting them in others is both a skill and an art. Quite frankly, it doesn’t come naturally, it is something that takes work to get good at – accepting behavior that is so different than your own. But it’s so worth it in the long run. (If you missed those blogs just go to archives on the website)

It is not by accident that certain learned skills cause us to be happier and more successful in life. Specifically, humility, a willingness to work together for a greater cause, flexibility and learning to accept change are all life enhancing lessons that make a tremendous difference. Being able to demonstrate the ‘softer skills’ of acceptance of human differences serve to ‘fill in our dash’ and results in a life well lived – one that made an impact on others.

Tomorrow is a new day. Maybe …just maybe…you might decide there is something to think more about, or work on to fill in your DASH.

Have a great few days!

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A Difference of 1 Degree!

Sometimes seemingly small things we do can make all the difference. There was a book published a few years ago entitled, ‘212 the extra degree,’ by Sam Parker and Mac Anderson which emphasized the importance of just going the extra mile to achieve outstanding, life transforming results.

They used the analogy of water. At 211 degrees it is hot. At 212 degrees water will boil and cause steam. The steam, ultimately can power a locomotive or serve as energy for other needs. If that one extra degree can transform an element such as water, what could it do for us? The example they used was simple, the message unbelievably powerful. It’s about adding a bit more commitment to the game, a little more effort to things we do that can change the composition, the product and ultimately, the end result.

In school we are often pushed to do our best. What happens when traditional school is over and the rest of our life begins? Do we remember that what served us well in school will also serve us well in life? Do we do our best and commit that little extra surge of energy, even when tired, to make a difference?

When I used to hear Wednesdays referred to as ‘over the hump days,’ I would question the mindset. I visualized someone with a downtrodden outlook thinking …’just two days left ’till the weekend’ rather than thinking ‘I have so much I want and need to do and ONLY have two days left in which to complete the tasks.’ The amount of work is the same but the path to getting there and the final product can be light years apart. The mindset in the first example robs us of energy and being all we can be while the second actually energizes us to be more …that one degree more that can make all the difference.

As George Bernard Shaw once said, …life is no brief candle to me but a brilliant torch that I’ve got hold of for the moment and I want to make it burn brighter…

The choice is ours in life, either we choose to simply show up or bring our A game to be fully PRESENT in what we do. No one can make us happier or more successful in life, only we have the power to do that through the attitude we choose to manifest. If you were giving yourself a letter grade in life what would it be up to this point?

The next time you think about your job or the tasks before you consider adding that one extra degree of effort – you’ll be glad you did.

Have a great few days!

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A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed!

Over the last weeks I have been trying to finish up a biography of my son who past away in 1999. His sons are going to graduate from high school in May and wanted to know all about their Dad since they were not quite three years old when he was killed. Working furiously on the project and importing many, many pictures into the text, my computer application (Word) crashed not once but three times. Luckily, I had been told to ‘save’ the document every two or so pages and I did as instructed. When I would add another new picture it might fly off the page, land on top of another picture, refuse to be resized, you name it and it seemed to happen! Exhausted and overwhelmed by the constant computer glitches and my quickly eroding time frame I was fortunate because I had a friend to call who has more computer skills than most, a ‘can do’ attitude that just makes you think that everything will …ultimately… work out and who even offers a laugh or two along the way.

It made me stop and think about the power of friendship. There is a reason why friendship and the happiness and fun derived from it is directly related to better physical and emotional health. When the normal peaks and valleys appear in our lives it is easier and more enjoyable to have someone who is there to offer words of encouragement, excitement and who can eventually cause a hearty health cleansing laugh to erupt out of the circumstance. Our friends offer us a fresh perspective on an issue, sensible advice when requested, complete acceptance of who were are at the best and worst of times, and a listening ear. They have that magic combination of being able to listen with both their minds and hearts.

The amazing thing about true friendship is that these friends expect nothing in return! How many relationships can you think of in this way…totally selfless?

I am blessed to have a few close friends and even family members who go out of their way to offer an ear or hand at just the exact moment when it is most needed. At times, the phone rings at just the precise moment when I really wanted to talk to them. Synchronicity…probably, a blessing…absolutely! Feelings of abundance and gratitude …without question!

It is important not to take these relationships for granted. Remembering to thank them and to return the favor at a different time and place just helps us all ‘pay it forward’ and enhance the positive energy level of the Universe.

Who can you reconnect with this week just to let them know you are thinking about them? I guarantee that any amount of time it takes will be worth the effort.

Thanks to all of you out there for being who you are…simply the best!

Have a great few days!

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What’s Your Style?

Over the past three blogs, we have looked at Learning Style Preferences as a way to better understand what makes people tick and enhance our ability to communicate. We started by looking at extroverts – those people who get energy from others compared to introverts who gather more energy from learning, observing and internally processing ideas. Next, we looked at the second level of preference – Sensing which looks for cause and effect and is a more analytic approach or the Intuitive – those who prefer a more ‘what if’ style of thinking that considers options, and possibilities yet unknown. The third level of difference in preferences is in the way we perceive the world and process information. The Thinking approach includes those who prefer having plans A, B, and C, a more linear approach. These folks can make changes in their plans but prefer to analyze the situations first, develop a plan and then make mid-course corrections as needed along the way. The other Learning preference discussed was labeled Feeling. These folks prefer to seek consensus through more give and take in decision making. Their approach would be to consider options A, B, then jump possibly to F or Q as they consider the feelings or beliefs of others. Possibilities and decisions are more closely aligned to their personal values rather than logic.

The fourth and last difference in our Learning/Living style is in how we process information, using either a Judgment or Perception approach. Those that prefer the Judgment approach like to complete a job before the deadline or at least on time. They prioritize tasks, make ‘to do’ lists and are driven to completing goals. They want closure before moving on to the next task. They can handle having many balls in the air at once because behind each ball is a plan for completion.

Those who prefer the Perception style, choose to remain open to possibilities, new information and to be allowed to ‘go with the flow.’ They hesitate to plan in advance because they are concerned that something better might come along which could change the final outcome. They may appear scattered in their thinking but to them designing a plan in advance is not only uncomfortable it is downright restrictive. They are comfortable with ambiguity and choose to make last minute changes or plans even on the fly. Consequently, they are more laid back and just feel that the process will eventually work out for the best.

When we recognize that from all these variables,16 different personality types exist the challenge to communicate is better understood. Each type has significantly different ways they hear, see, feel and communicate. It’s no wonder that at times we misunderstand and, at times, are misunderstood.

The challenge for each of us is to recognize and honor the differences in personality types and look for the little nuggets of gold each possess. What can they contribute to the game that will add more value to the final result? When we accept others for their strengths rather than judging or discounting them for their differences everyone wins!

The next time you feel drained by attending a social event, frustrated by someone’s lack of planning or upset that they have not prioritized things ‘properly’ just take a deep breath and let it go. Unless their approach causes you more stress or hassle it really doesn’t matter. Maybe ‘flying by the seat of their pants’ works for them as hard as that may be for us to understand. When we take the initiative to explain what we need to be more comfortable or productive maybe – just maybe – they will try their best to deliver. After all, each of us can adapt to different preferences, it just takes more energy to do so.

Acceptance and understanding is the key to enhanced communication skills. You now have more information as to why people act in certain ways and the challenge is to apply it. You can do it! Remember different Learning/Living styles produce different ways of managing in this world and it’s all okay. The Universe doesn’t make mistakes.

Have a great few days!

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Why Do They Do That?

To better understand ourselves and others and increase our ability to be heard, I have chosen to post a sequence of four blogs to help us look more closely at what makes people tick. To recap briefly, the first blog was describing the difference between being an extrovert (getting ENERGY from the interaction with people) or an introvert (getting ENERGY by internally processing thoughts and ideas). The second blog was on the difference between the Sensing type (looking for cause and effect, past trends, data and the ‘what is’) OR the Intuitive type who seeks knowledge and complexity, models, theories not yet proven and who orient themselves to ‘what could be’). To read a more in depth explanation of these differences so far just go to the February archives on my website).

As we go deeper into the differences that help us understand ourselves better the third area is in how we see and process information. It is labeled the Thinking OR Feeling preference. If people favor the Thinking preference they see the world as an object and their thinking is quite clear …if A then B. Using sequential reasoning is essential to the way they process information and ideas. They have a tendency to be more critical in situations and less accepting of the needs or circumstances of others. They determine if they are successful by the number of clients they have, the raises they receive, in other words through more external, concrete evidence. The Thinking approach could best be summarized with the saying, ‘the proof is in the pudding.’ If discord with others is necessary to get from step A to B that’s just the way it is – a part of living or doing business.

On the other hand folks who favor the Feeling preference see the world as a subject rather than object. Their method of thinking about an issue would be …if A, then B, or maybe even E, M, or Q! In other words, they see many possibilities and options rather than a strictly linear approach. They are more laid back, accepting, and trusting and use their emotions to make decisions. They prefer to seek consensus with others – a sort of give and take when decisions are being made. Seeking consistency within their personal values when making a decision rather than using simple logic is very important to them. In addition to raises or advancements or additional number of clients, more importantly, they want to be told that they are a valued member of the team or family. Frequent verbal or written recognition for a job well done is very, very important to them. You will see people with this type prefer to ‘go with the flow’ rather than make waves. Discord is uncomfortable and they try, at all costs, to avoid it.

In my Sunday blog I will complete this short explanation of learning/living preferences with the last choice of two variables. In the meantime try to apply these six differences to yourself and others. Especially those who you feel are on a different wave length and you can’t seem to understand why they do the things they do. I’ll bet you will be surprised by what you discover. Remember, there are no right or wrong answers .. they are simply differences …in the way we process information and view the world. For the world to function we need to recognize that all types – all preferences are important and valuable. The trick is learning to recognize these differences and to learn how to present ideas or information in a way that will be welcomed and valued.

It boils down to energy. It takes more energy to push a wagon rather than pull it. Once you learn to recognize and value the differences in yourself and others, the smoother, more enjoyable the ride.

Have a great few days!

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Learning to Better Communicate is Key!

Following up on the blog from last Wednesday in which I discussed the difference between an introvert or extrovert, the next area of differences in people’s thinking is how they choose to receive information. Knowing this difference and being able to identify it in yourself and others can result in truly being heard or quickly being dismissed. When we assume (you remember what that word can stand for) that everyone would naturally want to receive information the same way we do, it often results in frustration and feelings of not being heard or valued. That is why it is important to consider the next level of differences when trying to get your point across to others.

Some of us determine the value of information and listen more deeply when it is presented in a cause-and-effect approach, a more pragmatic, analytic approach. This has been labeled as a Sensing preference. Specific facts, are like magnets to people who prefer hearing new information discussed or presented in a clear, concise, practical manner and it gets their attention. They process the information in their brains and consider it carefully weighing the pros and cons. You can identify these folks by observing the questions they ask…do they consistently ask specific questions dealing with practical importance? For instance, how long do you want the paper to be, what specifics do I need to do to get an ‘A’ or how long do you expect this appliance to last? They are searching for the facts of the situation. When they are asked to demonstrate their creativity, they do so by ADAPTING strategies that are familiar to them to figure out the new or unknown circumstance.

The other mental preference is called Intuitive. These are people who seek knowledge and complexity of information. They are imaginative, intellectual and just seem to have a mental focus on the future. Do they want facts along the way? Of course, however they do not need to see them clearly laid out ahead of time to decide that ‘this is the way to go for now.’ Their choose to discover new ideas and make ‘intuitive leaps of understanding’ because it just feels right at the moment. This preference is so strong that it drives them to explore the ‘what if’ rather than stay in a more comfortable state of ‘what is.’ Being more abstract, they are drawn to goals, models and ideas that can frame a project but prefer to have others do the ‘plug and chug’ for completion of the process.

As you can see there are major differences between the Sensing and Intuitive preferences which can cause major challenges in communication. When you apply these differences in preferences to people who you rub shoulders with everyday it helps others to ‘hear’ what you are saying and take notice.

To recap from the blog on Wednesday, you are first and foremost either an introvert (getting energy from observing, learning and thinking about your inner world of thoughts and ideas) or an extrovert who receives energy from people and involvement in external events. Now it’s time to decide over the next few days whether you are a Sensing or Intuitive type of thinker to add to your tool chest of understanding self and others.

Just remember, we can and do go back and forth occasionally between these differences but as individuals we have strong preferences in communication just as we have a preference of being right or left handed.

Next Wednesday’s blog will take us further down the rabbit hole to determine if we prefer the Thinking or Feeling approach for communication. Stay tuned!

Have a great few days!

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Why Do They Do That???

Have you ever thought to yourself when observing someone’s behavior or response to a situation, ‘What WERE they thinking?’ Well, truth be told, most all of us have had this thought from time to time. We further wonder to ourselves if it is just us that wonders about their mindset or do others share the concern. In reality, we process information in a way that is unique to ourselves and yet surprising similar when looked at it from a wider perspective. Since getting to the heart of understanding involves much more depth and time than one blog will allow, for the next few postings I will attempt to explain the layers of differences inherent in our mental processing and hopefully allow us to more fully engage in the critical aspect of communicating and understanding others who just seem…different…as compared to our own mindset.

To begin, each of us fall into a category of being either an extrovert or introvert. Simply put, an extrovert gets energy from people and involvement in external events while an introvert gets energy from learning, observing and thinking. The difference
is significant. For instance, when an extrovert attends a gathering they learn through communicating with others and love the experience of mingling with others. They become more energized and full of thoughts and ideas. They enjoy the interactions and actually collect information that excites and motivates them. They can leave a gathering with more information about individuals and their circumstances that one would ever imagine. In contrast, the introvert not only begrudges going to the gathering but is absolutely exhausted after it is over. Why the difference? Simply put, it is all about energy. The introvert receives energy from their inner world of thoughts and ideas. Basically, they prefer to observe and if they must be involved at all they prefer to listen rather than personally interact. They are the people who are usually picking up during the party or standing closer to the sidelines of a gathering rather than gregariously sharing stories within the group. They too, gather a great deal of information…just through a different orientation. Introverts prefer internal processing and observation rather than engaging in a full social interaction approach. One on one, or small group communication is more comfortable. The idea of ‘The more the merrier’ just doesn’t float their boat.

To understand this further, Jung, a notable expert in the field explains the difference by saying that although we are trained to use both our left and right hands, we do, inherently have a preference for being either right or left handed.

His description makes sense to me. When you are used to eating or writing with your right hand it doesn’t mean that you can’t learn to use the left hand for the task but it is much harder, taking more concentration and energy to accomplish the task. Is one better than the other …No… but the difference is important to recognize. It helps us become a bit gentler on ourselves and others. When others do things that seem, at first blush, out of our comfort zone it is important to remember they to have their own lessons and communication preferences.

Once we have determined if we are an introvert or extrovert, the important thing to do is to APPLY this understanding to others. Take the time to observe others and practice seeing the differences in an extrovert and introvert. You will be able to decide, for yourself, whether their preferred style of communicating and understanding is alike or different than your own. Recognizing the difference is both amazing and significant and helps us better communicate with others.

Practice seeing the difference in an extrovert and introvert over the next few days and on my next blog we will drill down even further to discuss the next level of differences in thinking…how we prefer to receive and determine the validity of information obtained from others. We are going further down the rabbit hole…stay tuned!

Have a great few days!

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Gratitude is the Answer!

Recently I read an inspiring book entitled, ‘The Priority List’ by David Menasche. Suffering from a slow growing brain tumor which over the course of six years took his mobility, memory and most of his vision he was forced to quit teaching. Rather than retreat into a world of self pity he decided to use the time he had left and truly see if he had made a difference in the lives of the thousands of students he felt fortunate to have taught. Ultimately, the lesson of gratitude weaves through his own life over and over from the letters written to him by his students.

At first blush you might think this book would be depressing but it is far from it. It is a true story that forces us to get out of our own heads for a bit and just think about how our own actions in life can have such an incredible effect on others. It also helps us see the importance of appreciating what we have rather than grieve for what we do not.

Being grateful, seeing our cup as half full rather than half empty has been linked to increased levels of happiness and overall life satisfaction. It has to be an incredible challenge to be grateful when you are facing a fatal illness. And yet, there are those special individuals who just find a way to exhibit gratitude for the little things and people they encounter in the moments left in their lives. Their attitudes can serve as a wake up call for us and serve as a model for a life well lived.

When you know someone that just has the capacity to appreciate with awe and appreciation the basics in life, doesn’t it just make you feel lighter, and more energized? What if… just what if… we decided to take just one day, one hour or even a moment to recognize all the things we have to be grateful for and remember with gratitude the people who have been there for us. As Rabbi Harold Kushner said, ‘if you concentrate on finding whatever is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul.’

If we don’t learn to practice gratefulness it doesn’t matter how much we have because it will never be enough – we will constantly want to have something more or something new or just basically something else.

This poem on being thankful really says it all.

Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire,
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?
Be thankful when you don’t know something
For it gives you the opportunity to learn.
Be thankful for the difficult times,
During those times you grow.
Be thankful for your limitations
Because they give you opportunities for improvement.
Be thankful for each new challenge
Because it will build your strength and character.
Be thankful for your mistakes
They will teach you valuable lessons.
Be thankful when you’re tired and weary
Because it means you’ve made a difference.
It is easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are
also thankful for setbacks.
GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles
And they can become your blessings.

Have a great few days!

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