Official blog for the book "Just Behind the Door"

Posts tagged ‘grief’

Your Gait Speaks Volumes!

We have all heard the saying that you can’t judge a book by its cover. Partly true but also somewhat misleading. For instance, have you ever watched people walk? It’s fascinating really and can tell you a great deal about them as individuals. Do they shuffle, swagger, hobble, timidly place their feet forward, shoulders slumped, or move decisively ahead with purpose? The examples go on and on. One thing we know for sure is that our gait or walk is another distinctive form of body language. It can indicate introversion, extroversion, an adventurous spirit, neuroticism, warmth, approachability, feigned helplessness, and a host of other things. The truth is that your gait tells a great deal about you as a person and you don’t even have to open your mouth for an astute observer to know more about you than you might have imagined.

For instance, the pace of which you walk shows your state of mind. It brings an energy to your encounters. Is the energy positive, frenetic, negative, calm? A quiet walker doesn’t want to intrude, influencers may walk, stop and even change directions, supportive type people walk with a steadiness arms closely by their body – sort of a glide really, drivers walk with intent, cautious people walk as if they are following the rules of the road. This is my lane and that is yours they seem to be saying to themselves.

We know that females take smaller steps (other than fashion models) and have more pelvic movement. Their hips sway more naturally because of their body build and sometimes to physically attract others. On the other hand, walking with a bit of a swagger, shoulders and head up, eyes clearly focused ahead gives off a sense of physical attractiveness and confidence in males. Generally, the more confident the person – male or female – the longer the stride.

We all size up people instantly. We assume their intelligence, self-esteem, competence, as well as the organization they represent. Is it fair to do so – maybe not – but remember it happens and you always want to play to the winning hand.

Why would this be important information to know? Remember the sayings, dress for success, your shoes display your mental image of self, you don’t get a second chance to make a first impression, skill and qualifications are important but first impressions tell the tale, a picture is worth a thousand words, put your best foot forward … The list goes on and on but the take away is that your external image really displays your inner feelings of self and your gait is part of that image.

The Concise Oxford Dictionary describes image as “the character or reputation of a person as generally perceived.” The operative words, of course, is ‘generally perceived.’ This is before your first words are even spoken. Within a few minutes or seconds of meeting someone their body language and dress create an impression that is hard to overcome. Why not give yourself the competitive advantage by considering if your walk or gait together with your appearance is the message you really want to give to others. Think your skills or expertise should speak for itself? Good luck with that one.

According to research by Dr. Albert Mehrabian of UCLA, appearance and body language accounts for fifty-five percent of an invaluable first impression! Seems like a big percentage to me that is worth giving considerable thought to don’t you think?

Light travels faster than sound so your walk and dress visually communicates volumes before one word is exchanged. Let it be volumes of confidence, purpose and positive intention. It’s something worth considering.

Have a great few days!

Category:

General

Tagged with:

A Comedic Messenger

Robin Williams, the absolute genius of comedy and from all accounts a wonderfully generous human being has passed away. By now, we have all heard the reports of his untimely death. We are saddened and shocked that a person who appeared to capture the hearts of so many by giving us non stop laughter was so depressed that he could no longer find the strength to go on. Maybe because of his fame, his passing will help all of us learn more about depression and Parkinson’s disease.

Being strong does not mean that we can ignore or talk ourselves out of a serious depression. I’m not talking about a day or brief period in our lives when we feel overwhelmed with life. No, I’m talking about serious clinical depression that can be caused by psychological, environmental, biological or genetic causes. Think of it this way, if Robin Williams the talented and successful comedian was not immune to the ravages of clinical depression is it time to sit up and take notice when we hear or feel that someone we know or love is seriously depressed?

It has been said that if a person feels hopeless, helpless or worthless they are prone to depression and even possibly suicide. That makes sense – if your bucket feels totally empty to you it would be hard to continue to carry it. The World Health Organization estimates that 13% of U.S. men suffer with depression. Studies also show that the older men get the higher the rate of suicide from depression. This is a note to my baby boomer friends. You are more than your career (now retired) your physical stamina (becoming less so yearly) or your physical appearance (with age comes those lines that indicate you gave it your all).

We do a great disservice when we expect men to suppress their emotions, be strong and keep a stiff upper lip. That expectation is not only ill informed it is a tremendous disservice to them. Men are not machines functioning without emotions. Yet, sadly, many men have naively accepted this stereotypical image that is not only wrong but psychologically dangerous. Give me a man that shows honest, heart felt emotions and I will show you a human being who will make a difference in this world. No one is invincible or immune to times or periods in their life where they struggle with their own self worth. What we can do to help ourselves and others is to have enough strength to recognize that we may need a listening ear, a medical intervention or even to seek the help of a mental health professional if the depression is prolonged.

We now understand that Robin was experiencing the early stages of Parkinson’s disease. This disease can fuel the fire of a person already fighting the effects of depression. The first longitudinal study from the national Parkinson’s Progression Makers Initiative was published in the August 15th issue of Neurology (Robin was always the master of timing). The researchers at the Perelman School of Medicine at the University of Pennsylvania tracked Parkinson’s patients rate of depression from the time of their initial diagnosis over a two year period and compared the rates to more healthy peers. The depression rates were TWICE as high in the first year alone (14% to 7%) and even higher in the second year!

What caused the significant increase in depression among Parkinson’s patients? Was it caused by hearing that they had a disease that was serious? No, it is much, much more than that issue. It seems that not only are bodily motor functions affected but the chemicals that affect Parkinson’s disease are also closely associated with mood regulation due to changes in the brain! The physical changes in the brain contribute to depression. It is not mind over matter but the change in brain functioning specifically that makes this disease more difficult. Our vigilance to be sure our friends and family members who are diagnosed with this disease are regularly monitored for depression is essential.

Thank you to Robin Williams for all the brilliant moments he brought to us and thank you also for his last act… not one of selfish indifference – but one that may help hundreds or thousands of people better cope with clinical depression and Parkinson’s disease.

Have a great few days!

Category:

General

Tagged with:

Have You Arrived Yet?

Have you ever had someone ask you to call them when you have arrived at your destination? How did you respond? Did you interpret it as a sign of caring and love or an infringement on your personal space? The truth is that like many things we do in life we interpret things as a negative or positive based on our early conditioning.

People who dealt with fear growing up as a predominant factor in their early lives often need reassurance that all is okay. It is such an integral part of their makeup that they unwittingly perpetuate it on others and, at times, restrict growth. Taken to a further extreme they may even help create a fear of life in those they love the most. Do they do it purposely? Absolutely not! They are simply living out the life they experienced and passing it on to their loved ones. Is it time to hit the delete button?

As adults if we fall into the category of fearing life we can begin to confront that free floating fear and work through it by refusing to allow ourselves to continue to live in a state of constant anxiety and worry. The other option, of course, is to blame our responses on our upbringing and continue to live out a life script of fear. The truth is that once we come to grips with the fact that 99% of everything we worry about never happens we are at a cross road for decision making. Do we continue to worry and fret or slowly, gently wean ourselves away from the need to know – to control – to have something to worry about.

Teenagers often interpret the request to ‘check in’ as a sign of lack of trust. Sometimes it is due to events of the recent past. We know that as our children become young adults everything in their world becomes an issue of control. The challenging yet critical issue for parents is the gradual timing of letting the reins out slowly as our children mature. Too fast and they flounder, too slowly and they resent it.

For those who did not have an adult – a consistent mother figure in particular – in their lives that tried to loving watch, suggest, even direct the actions of their children at times the idea of ‘call me when you get there’ is foreign, an affront even, to them. They may stay stuck in the stage of a rebellious child for the rest of their lives. Deep down they know something was missing – what that was exactly – they are not sure.

Everything can be taken to an extreme. From eating and drinking at one end of the spectrum to advice giving and the ‘checking in’ factor to the other. Anything can become excessive. If we encounter a behavior or response directed to us that appears to be excessive try a gentle reminder to the person. ‘I’ve got this handled,’ is a statement that speaks volumes about personal responsibility and independence. Like life the issue is one of balance. It is a tricky road to negotiate at times.

Responses change as we mature in life. That is the beauty of it all. We don’t have to remain stuck behaving or responding the way we did in the past because everyday with each new life experience we are given the choice to see it as a potential for growth and deeper understanding or an excuse to remain stuck in the past. It is always up to us.

Maybe the next time someone asks you to let them know when you have arrived at your destination, you can take a deep breath and be grateful that someone who cares enough to request it is still in your life.

Category:

General

Tagged with:

Best Friend or Dependency Friend?

Human relationships are so important for us and the relationship between best friends is as the term implies – simply the best. Is it because they always agree with us or compliment us? No. In fact, a best friend is one who may disagree with us at times because they feel confident enough in the friendship to do so. We know, deep down in our hearts, that they only comment because they are concerned. The biggest thing we share with a best friend is our authentic self. We know that they will not judge, cajole or manipulate us into wanting what they want but encourage us to seek our own happiness and spread our wings and fly. Sometimes this means that we move on with our own life and the extreme closeness that we once shared may be altered slightly. Our time and thoughts need to be allocated differently so life as we once knew it with our best friend needs to change to accommodate our own life changes. When we have a best friend we want what is best for them and know that they also want what is best for us – terms and timelines or touch points become less important because our friendship still remains deep.

Sometimes a relationship between best friends can become one of dependency over time. The change happens subtly but we can tell when the relationship becomes more of a need rather than a want basis. When we begin to need to touch base (like many of us need that first cup of coffee in the morning) the relationship has devolved from wanting to talk to needing to talk and it’s time to do a gut check. Is it now a relationship of possessiveness, control, dependency – does the exact word even matter? The change from best friend to dependency friend usually morphs slowly overtime until one day we realize our personal independence or any influence in our lives other than our best friend is either discounted or at least regarded by them as a threat. When a friendship becomes dependent the mere thought of not touching base frequently becomes uncomfortable. Often, abandonment at an early age is the seed that germinates into dependency for one of the two people involved and results in a fear of change, risk or loss. The best friend may then have difficulty adjusting to any change in our relationship with them and may even find a subtle way to cause us to feel guilty by not giving them enough attention. If a dependency friendship exists and one of the parties is making a life change without them they may become more needy, unhappy or even delay making decisions or following through. In reality that is another subtle yet unspoken message that they are ‘just not the same without us.’ Basically, they are not happy having to share us with others. The longer this type of relationship exists the stronger the manipulations get to control our personal space. To them the idea of sharing us with others means, ‘We must not love them best.’ Sound a bit childish? Remember where abandonment starts and it makes sense. They may even become angry, hurt, depressed and question our true feelings about them if they feel threatened by what they see as any loss of control or influence that they have had on us. Sadly, with their choice to become ‘exclusive’ in their friendship with us they are refusing to grow in life and develop additional friends. Overtime they can become cynical and disappointed with life in general. To help them they need to be pushed, ever so gently to get on with their own life as we get on with ours. Purposely reducing the time and attention to them will slowly help the friendship regain a healthier balance.

Recalibrating a dependency friendship back into a healthy best friend relationship is difficult and often resentment and even guilt will be felt until a more healthy equilibrium is once again achieved. However, the change is essential for both parties to experience a full authentic life with others. A healthy relationship is one that is secure enough to know that neither party needs the ‘psychological possession’ of the other to make it in life.

A best friend encourages you to experience life both with and without them. They truly want to see you go for the gold and live your authentic life because simply and truly they love you with a heart that is selfless. It is not about what they get out of the relationship but what they see you becoming that is more exciting and rewarding to them. In their heart the friendship is so much more than possession – it is one of simply being.

Have a great few days!

Category:

General

Tagged with:

Happiness Is The Journey!

We have all heard the saying, ‘Happiness is a journey, not a destination.’ It sounds good and we want to accept the intended meaning but somehow, someway we often get sidetracked into thinking, ‘I just have to get through today, this week, this month or the next holiday or family celebration coming up then I’ll be happy.’ Exhausted after all of the challenges, expectations and obstacles we face we may all of a sudden realize that another summer or year is coming to a close and we have not stopped long enough to enjoy the moments of the journey. When will I experience happiness we may wonder to ourselves?

The reality is that when we learn to see happiness in everything we are living through AS we are living through it that is the true definition of happiness. It is achieved everyday in everyday when we inhale deeply and realize that happiness is a way of living, call it gratefulness, deeper awareness or being in the NOW.

Think of it in the context of moving to a new place. We are excited and want things just right. All the t’s crossed and the i’s dotted when we move in. We want things just so and yet…the joy, the experience is lost in our eager attempt to hustle our way through to completion. We become exhausted even a bit overwhelmed and forget to enjoy the journey. The truth is that you will never experience this particular moment again in your life. Once it is gone that’s it. So learning to enjoy the journey in life is of great importance.

Happiness is not something to achieve as much as a state of mind. It starts with being grateful for our lives this moment and every moment while we are on this earth. Not everything will go right today or tomorrow but learning to be fully engaged in the process of observing and appreciating where we are at on our unique journey is the working definition of happiness.

We don’t have to wait until we retire, get that new job or home or go on that vacation to realize that happiness is achievable right now. It is breathing in the energy of a new tomorrow filled with hope, anticipation and joy.

We planned our lives to encompass exactly the things we are facing, the lessons we are learning and the difficulties we are dealing with in order to learn what true happiness is all about. It is in you, around you and through you. The true essence of life is to welcome what it rightly yours – happiness – into your daily life.

To accept the daily obstacles and unfinished business, the laundry list of tasks yet to be accomplished with a knowing that ‘All is as it should be,’ IS the happiness. This message may sound simplistic but in reality it is the hardest thing we will ever learn to master in our lives.

Have a great few days!

Category:

General

Tagged with:

Use Your Internal Pivoting Device!

I have talked in previous blogs about the importance of learning to quiet our monkey brains. It is that constant chatter that goes on nonstop in our minds while we are engaged in both large and small tasks. Occasionally we hit a peak of concentration and we are ‘in the flow.’ That is the rare moment when we are totally absorbed in what we are doing and time just seems irrelevant. We finally look up at the clock and think, ‘Where did the time go?’ Those experiences are gems for us to hold onto and appreciate for many reasons. After all, through deeper concentration we are developing new synapses in our brains! When we experience this type of thinking we realize that it really is possible to stop listening and responding to the constant barrage of running monologue within our mind that dissipates our energy. That’s important because so much of it is useless, distracting even negative chatter that keeps us from bringing our total self to the experience.

These rare moments of clarity and insight happen when we have an alignment of our energy and focus. We can visualized this with a Rubik’s Cube. We begin aligning the six faces which are covered by nine stickers each one displaying one of six colors. Using an internal pivot mechanism in the Cube it allows each face to turn independently. When we finally achieve the matching colors on each side of it we realize the intense concentration and satisfaction we have achieved by controlling our effort and concentration. We did not achieve completion of it by being distracted by the constant what if’s, reviewing a list of concerns, tasks yet to be completed or worries about things in life that we cannot change.

We achieved the mastery of the Cube through intense FOCUS. When we are totally absorbed in a work task, book or even in conversation with another we actually achieve with laser like precision a deeper level of understanding. Any negative assumptions or personal slights we may have interpreted as real most often are simply from a lack of focused understanding in a conversation. These are moments where we think to ourselves, ‘Aha! This is what it is all about. Now I get it!’

I realize that the daily list of tasks seem to become longer with each passing day. That’s okay. It’s called life. Just remember it is not the number of tasks that’s important but the AMOUNT OF YOU that you bring to each task. If you are trying to accomplish something but thinking about 5 other things while doing so it dilutes the experience and lessens the understanding and appreciation. It may leave us momentarily satisfied with the completion but does nothing to increase our power to observe patterns, make new connections and understand at a deeper level.

We can train ourselves to focus more deeply by using the concept of the Cube and choosing to use our own internal pivoting device. When we refuse to listen to the monkey chatter that dissipates our concentration we become more objective in what we see, hear and do. It’s not easy and takes practice but a good way to start is in your next conversation with someone. As each of you talk count how many times you allow the voices in your mind to get you to think about something other than the conversation and person at hand. You may be totally surprised – shocked even – at the number! Each time you realize that you are allowing your mind to wander stop and make yourself refocus on what is being said. After all, both you and the other person involved is worth the effort.

Have a great few days!

Category:

General

Tagged with:

Handling Transitions in Life

Linda Ellis wrote an incredible poem entitled, ‘The Dash.’ It talks about the moments between our birth and death and refers to them as the dash. The dash represents how we spend our life. When you think about it the dash – our life experiences – are each absolutely one of a kind. They are the genuine articles that cannot be replicated by anyone. When you think further about what constitutes our dash it is made up of times of transitions in our lives. Our families, careers, homes, just life in general, is really a matter of learning how to accept and embrace these transitions.

Even though our lives are unique, there are predictable patterns when it comes to our transitions since they represent change. Think about the definition of change, ‘to make the form, nature, content, or future course of something different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone.’ No matter how much we try to embrace the idea of change it can still be daunting. That’s why it is called change! Yet, how many of us would want to see our lives static, doing the same thing day after day for the rest of our lives. To help embrace the changes in our lives there are a few steps to consider when we are facing major life transitions that can help us hold on and carry on through the sometimes murky waters of the as yet unknown.

We can expect to feel anxious even a bit depressed at least momentarily when we are facing a major life change. At first we may feel confused, puzzled even. We thought we couldn’t wait for this major transition in our lives and yet, gulp…all of a sudden there it is staring us in the face and we may think to ourselves. ‘I don’t know if I’m ready, or this is happening too fast…’ Our emotions are on overdrive as we try to analyze what to do next. We think to ourselves, ‘I need a plan.’ Indeed we do need a plan …in time…just not quite yet. We are in that famous place that the brilliant Dr. Seuss called, ‘The Waiting Place.’ For those of us who have tried to live by the sacred pact of always having a Plan A, B and even C, this is a trying and frustrating place to be in emotionally. We know it’s time to close up shop on the old but we are not quite ready to embrace with abandon the new. Instead we stew, fret and worry.

If you are in the proximity of ‘The Waiting Place’ you will surely know it. What may have been funny in the past – is not particularly so right now. You may be a bit touchy with others. You may even find yourself forgetting things you have always remembered and become even more uptight over it. Why do these things happen? Simply because you have allowed your mind to become caught up with the fear of the unknown. The ‘what ifs’ take over and you are caught up with worry. Just remember the saying, ‘99% of what we worry about never comes to pass’ because it is true!

The good news is that you are EXACTLY in the right frame of mind, at the right juncture of your life and facing a major life transition ahead and are a bit overwhelmed. Good for you! It means that the life you were living was worthwhile and you made significant contributions to making this world a better place. Giving up or letting go of what was and embracing what is yet to be is not for the faint hearted. Yet…there is magic in change, undiscovered treasures in starting something new and beautiful horizons yet to experience….when you are ready. When will I be ready you might ask? Oh, trust me on this, you’ll know the signs even though the future might still look a bit uncertain. There it is – you can feel the beginning of a smile way back in the recesses of your mind that you are nearly ready to expand your life and challenge yourself by facing something new. Intuitively, you know everything will work out. You know you can do it. You just needed that time in ‘The Waiting Place’ to mentally and emotionally pack your bags.

When we visualize our life as a book, each chapter uniquely written by us, we can see that we are simply finishing one chapter and are getting ready to move on to the next. We begin to get our breath again as we exhale with a new found courage knowing the next chapter will, indeed, be a great one. It takes time, courage and belief in ourselves to embrace the transitions in our lives. It is also good to remember that others have managed the transitions in their lives and are still alive and doing well. Often, talking with others who have experienced major life transitions and have a new purpose in their life can give us just the extra shot of confidence we need to remember, “All is as it should be.”

Have a great few days!

Category:

General

Tagged with:

An Instant Mood Changer!

Could it be that in our hectic nonstop world there is yet another way that we can help ourselves achieve an immediate sense of calm? For instance, within our sensory family, our sense of smell is often relegated further down our list of importance for anything other than spraying on our favorite cologne or perfume. We can walk up to the fragrance counters in a department store and inhale the latest scent and immediately tell if it will work for us. Yet with the advances in aromatherapy we can also transport our homes and even offices into places that are welcoming and productive, even memory enhancing, since our olfactory senses are amazing messengers.

When we walk into our homes we can instantly smell us – that ‘uniquely us’ smell means we our back in our own comfort zone. We are home, safe and ready to kick back for a few moments and reflect on the day. When we go into other people’s homes we also can immediately detect smells. Sometimes those smells are inviting and at other times a bit off-putting. Everyone and everything has its own trace of olfactory recognition.

The interesting thing about a smell or odor is that it is the only information sent to the limbic system, a part of the brain responsible for memory and emotion. Further, due to our own genetic makeup and memories our individual reaction to the same smell can differ significantly! Certain smells can be intoxicating to some and repulsive to others. Researchers from Rockefeller University have recently discovered that in addition to our personal reaction to smells we can detect more than one trillion of them!

What smells cause you to smile when you inhale them and remember where this smell first originated in your life. For me, the smell of roses takes me back to my grandmother’s garden. The smell of those beautiful roses coupled with the taste of the red raspberries that grew along side them was a treat. Today when I smell roses I inhale deeply and remember. Each of us can experience a surge of deeply rooted emotional response ranging from intense pleasure to even fright or pain from smell-induced memories from our past. Scientists term this phenomenon “olfactory-evoked recall.”

The understanding that an odor can retrieve not only a memory but a particular emotional state can open up all sorts of possibilities for us in life. It seems that the companies who produce wall plugs, candles, body and room sprays as well as colognes and perfumes have the potential to hold the corner market for both our memories and emotions now and even more so in the future. Aromatherapy is alive and well and truly real. When we walk into certain stores (frequently high end) and a certain smell envelopes us it can be inviting, a bit exciting and relaxing all at the same time. That folks has the potential power to redesign the world of sales. As we continue our never ending quest to find ways to be super productive at work and yet be able to relax into a home environment that is inviting, peaceful and centering all at the same time may only be a candle, wall plug or spray of cologne away!

Have a great few days and in the meantime don’t forget to stop and smell the roses.

Category:

General

Tagged with:

The Art of Being Fully Present

When you are talking to someone and they are giving you their undivided attention you naturally feel valued. We all do. Their eyes are focused on you and they are listening to what you are saying because they care. It is the greatest gift we can give one another. How often do you experience this on a personal level? How many people can you count in your life that care enough to stop the chatter in their minds to fully listen to you? The number is not as important as the actual mental activity of considering it.

When I see parents or children busily texting or reading their emails when they are eating out or with others I have to wonder who or what is more important than the people they are with at the moment? This thought is usually followed up in my mind with the question, ‘Is anyone in there?’ Training ourselves to focus on the person who is talking is not as difficult as it may seem but it doesn’t just develop naturally. It takes practice. Ultimately, it says more about the respect we demonstrate to others than it does about who we are or what we are doing in our lives.

There was a point when multitasking was thought to be the in thing to do. Supposedly it showed others how busy, how important or how intelligent we were. Research has shown that multitasking does not increase productivity or effective human relation skills. Yet, when we allow our minds or eyes to wander when listening to others we are, in fact, multitasking and, in effect, not being efficient or effective with our communications or thoughts.

Basically it all boils down to focus. We can train our brains to better focus by starting with simple tasks we do around the house. The task has to be done anyway so why not use the time to think solely about the task. I can almost hear you thinking … seriously? Am I really suppose to think totally about sweeping, doing dishes or whatever? Yes, as strange as it may sound that is exactly what I am talking about. Using a simple task to train your brain to focus will help to develop the habit of focusing on the most important element – other people – in your lives. By controlling the immense amount of random thoughts that easily pop into our heads especially when we are doing simple tasks we can develop the skill to truly HEAR others in our head and our heart. Using this simple task approach is much harder than it sounds. Just try it and see how hard you have to work at refocusing continually.

When we are not fully present it is exhausting and even frustrating to all concerned. Often our minds become involved in creating internal dramas or busy misinterpreting what we think was said rather than what was actually spoken which can result in misunderstanding or even conflict. Whether we want to admit it or not most of us can read each other’s body language like a book. My question then is our own emotional book demonstrating fact or fiction to others?

When you find someone who genuinely cares enough to be fully present with you it is a gift from the Universe. Likewise, when you are fully present with others you will feel more engaged, motivated and achieve a greater peace of mind. The ultimate test which you will pass with flying colors is when someone says to you, ‘Thank you for listening to me. You make me feel like my thoughts or concerns are really important to you.’

Have a great few days!

Category:

General

Tagged with:

No Worry, No Problem, No Drama

In the last two blogs we have dealt with how small changes can improve our lives. Specifically, in the first blog I discussed the difference in two types of motivation – restrictive (I have to …) or constructive (I choose to…) Basically, it is the difference in the mindset or approach we take when approaching a task. Either way the job has to get done but with restrictive motivation we feel put upon or upset as compared to constructive motivation which causes us to find something positive either about the task or at least the feeling of accomplishment we will receive when it is finished. Listen to yourself and others over the next few days and you may be surprised at how often restrictive motivation is used. No wonder so many people feel perpetually exhausted! Just visualize the difference in a smile or a frown. It literally takes more muscles (thus energy) to frown. When we use restrictive motivation we are, in essence, constantly frowning on the inside. Conversely, when we are practice constructive motivation we are smiling our way through it.

The next blog on the theme of small changes we can make for a happier tomorrow was on the topic of hope. Show me a person who exhibits hope and I will show you a person who is successful at life regardless of his station. When we practice hope long enough it becomes an habitual way of thinking. We train ourselves, in essence, to expect good things to happen in our lives and refuse to be sidetracked by a challenge along the way. We become more optimistic and inspired by even the little things in life because we are surrounding ourselves with positive energy. Hope truly does spring eternal and is a learned behavior.

The next small change we can initiate is training ourselves to deal with things we can change and not allow ourself to wallow in blame, fear or self pity for the things we cannot change. One sentence or thought repeated enough can make a huge difference. For instance, by thinking to ourselves ‘I simply won’t go there’ it helps us to redirect our attention to the things we can change rather than wasting our precious moments on this earth dealing with negative thinking. This one simple but powerful statement speaks volumes about what you value and what you choose to fill your mind with in life. Remember the statement – garbage in – garbage out? Negatives in the form of worry or drama are not elements of problem solving but are merely methods of either attention getting or unresolved fears. Neither approach fixes anything and, in fact, simply makes the issue bigger than necessary in our own minds. I have never seen anyone solve a problem by constantly worrying about it or repeatedly and dramatically talking about over and over. In fact, these ‘catastrophic thinkers’ can sap the life energy right out of us.

Each of us will have our own fair amount of problems to deal with in life. The longer you live the more you can see that life seems to be an equal opportunity employer. It is simply part of the human condition. Developing a Plan (sometimes even a Plan A, B and C) and working through the steps we need to follow (with mid course corrections along the way) is a constructive way to address an issue and keep it in perspective. Naturally we begin to feel more in control with any issue we are dealing with when we stop perseverating on it or on the ‘what ifs…’ and develop steps to address it.

These above ideas may simply seem like little more than common sense to many of us. However, there is a difference in knowing something and actually doing it – a big difference!

Listen to yourself over the next few days and see if you can put one or two of these ideas in motion. Just remember when dealing with any change in our lives, step by step is a cinch.

Have a great few days!

Category:

General

Tagged with: