Official blog for the book "Just Behind the Door"

Posts tagged ‘All is as it should be’

It’s All About the Energy!

Constantly expanding our comfort zone is important since it keeps our blood pumping and gives us a richer, more interesting perspective on life. Following this thought I watched my first Super Bowl game ever – and was astounded to watch how the energy of both the Seattle Seahawks and New England Patriots changed throughout the game. You could practically feel the energy radiating from the T.V. screen as first one team led and then the other. Since I am not an avid sports enthusiast and would have preferred to have both teams win I was really more interested in the energy thing than the actually score. I found myself talking to each team throughout the game and telling them to ‘buck up’ and ‘make it happen!’ It caused me to think about how obvious our energy is to others. People can actually feel it, regardless of what our face is saying and they act accordingly by either moving toward or away from us. Just think, it all starts by the energy we are choosing to give off.

When things are going well the positive energy just seems to flow. It seems that good things just keep happening as the Universe sends back to us more of what we are giving out. Likewise when we are down things seem to happen, one after another, that overwhelm us. If we find ourselves falling into catastrophic thinking or creating mini dramas tomorrow will surely be the same as today.

Obviously none of us are Super Bowl players but we constantly have our own challenges and opportunities to handle in our own game of life. How do we learn to look for the bright side, the probability of future success when our own energy seems to be at a low ebb.

When we inhale deeply and remember that everything happens for a purpose, that we will get through this and that there really are no mistakes in life it’s a good start. Regardless of our challenges when if we calm down and realize that we can either admit defeat or look for the silver lining behind every cloud that surrounds us it goes a long way in giving us the energy to face our tomorrows. Whatever we do to help keep perspective and realize any setback we experience is really temporary it helps us dig deeper and regain a more positive attitude.

Life is not a walk in the park. Each of us has chosen unique life lessons to overcome. Some of us might even wonder, from time to time, why we wrote so many challenges in our script and may look at others and think to ourselves that their life seems to be so much easier. Caution is advised here because when we look more closely it becomes obvious that all of us experience our fair amount of challenges and disappointments- albeit in different forms.

Life is a huge balancing act. But the good news is that each of us can create our own safety net which will give us greater security and confidence along the way. Those safety nets are created from individual threads which are formed each time we overcome a life challenge. Before we know we have learned to smile with confidence as we overcome another challenge because we realize that ‘All is as it Should Be.’

Have a great few days!

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The Importance of Self Love

Charlie Chaplin who was best known as a mime actor wrote a poem on self love. The whole topic of loving ourselves may, at first, be thought of as hedonistic. Yet, how can we ever truly love another if we have not first learned to love ourself? Often we are so busy on our quest to make others happy that we discount our own needs and desires and agree to do things that in our heart we really, really do not want to do. As a result we end up resenting the situation and over time even the person. Self love teaches us to be authentic and recognize our own feelings, needs and desires first. Basically, we allow ourself to say ‘yes’ AND ‘no’ without guilt. As we begin to practice self love we become happier and more self confident, authentic, and mature. We learn to back off and let others experience their own lessons in life. The help we offer is not to do something for them but to let them know that we have faith in their ability to overcome the issues that come up in their lives. After all, the more we rescue the more dependent others can become – and that hurts both parties.

In the poem Chaplin said, “As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at exactly the right moment. So I could be calm… As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations and everything that drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is LOVE OF ONESELF.

Is it time to practice self love? It’s worth considering!

Have a great few days!

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Emotions Run High During The Holidays!

The Thanksgiving holiday is nearly upon us. This is a time to be thankful for not only what we have but how far we have come. This life journey is tough – not for the faint of heart. Yet, we have made it thus far and have lived to tell the tale! We may see our life unfolding and marvel at the events and people that just seem to be at the perfect place and the perfect time to assist us on our path. When we feel empowered we can face any obstacle or challenge and keep it in perspective. If something isn’t happening now as we wanted it to we seem to have a deep knowing that there is a reason and that bigger doors of opportunity will be opening for us shortly. This feeling of confidence helps us face today with enthusiasm and we even manage a smile when thinking about tomorrow – knowing that it will be a terrific ride! We know that everything is as it should be and we confidently enjoy the banquet of life that is spread out before us. We celebrate today and look forward to the opportunities of tomorrow.

Not everyone may be in this mindset, however. It’s important to remember that as the holidays roll around they can elicit both happiness and at times even a bit of sadness – if not for yourself at least for others. The holidays intensify our feelings and often have a way of causing us to remember times in our life that seemed to have been perfect – at least in our memories. It is normal to have a mixed bag of emotions running through our minds like the constant rerun of a movie. The amount of time we allow ourselves to be in a place of sadness is the thing to be aware of and prepared to do something about.

We have come along way on our journeys and still have a long way to go. For those that feel their present burdens are just too great to carry, think again. You can overcome anything with time and the understanding that ‘this too shall pass’ because it will. Reaching out to someone often helps with this feeling of holiday sadness. Talking to a trusted friend, family member or even a professional may be just what is needed. Be strong enough to seek the counsel of others if you are feeling stuck in an abyss of sadness or regret. Often, they can help us see more clearly when the dark clouds of sadness or fear engulf us.

Let’s also make a commitment to be that special person for someone who may need a shoulder to lean on temporarily. After all, we have not walked a mile in their shoes and don’t realize the journey they are on. We have chosen to live through this life together for an important reason – to be there when others need to feel our strength. Taking the time to show we care can help them get through this emotionally charged time.

During this week as we reflect on our own life maybe we can decide to listen more intently, give more generously and love more fully as we bring our authentic selves to the table. Happy Thanksgiving!

Have a great week!

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Everyone’s a Teacher!

The author William Arthur Ward wrote, “The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires.” The traditional view of a teacher is one who has taken the content and methodology courses, earned the degree and is in charge of a classroom of eager learners. However, there is an expanded view of the role of teacher that effects us all.

We are all teachers in our own way every day of our life. Our thoughts, attitude and behavior speaks volumes and serves as a model to those around us in this classroom called life. As a life teacher we can see that sometimes what people need may differ from what they want – yet we help them learn to appreciate what they need because we believe in them and want them to be happy and successful.

Take a moment and think about a challenge that has been presented to you recently. How did you handle it? Did you demonstrate the strength and tenacity to overcome and work through it with grace? Did you look past the issue at hand and demonstrate with confidence the belief that ‘this too shall pass?’ Hopefully, you did because without even realizing it someone – a student – is watching…When you think about the role of life teacher to those you love the ultimate question is – are you satisfied with your teaching? Is it the best it can be? Are you helping to instill in them a belief that ‘All is as it should be’ and that life is a never ending quest of personal development?

Take a moment and think about the best teacher you had in life. I’ll bet that person inspired you to achieve, to reach a higher level of understanding, acceptance and achievement. They refused to allow you to use others or circumstances as an excuse but encouraged and pushed you to be better because they believed in you. Wouldn’t it be incredible if each of us became that ‘best teacher’ to at least one other person sometime in our life?

As a model for others the greatest gift we can give them is the understanding that although they can’t always control the cards they are dealt, they can control the way they play them. We can help them discover that they have the capacity to overcome against all odds and will actually develop more self-confidence from these life challenges along the way.

Life is difficult, not for the faint of heart, but above all it is fair. It is exactly what we chose for this incarnation even with all the challenging lessons we may be presently encountering. Each has a purpose, a reason for being.

There is a saying that when the student is ready the teacher comes along. Be ready to be that teacher to someone in your life by modeling the behavior that you want to see in them. Your contribution will be immeasurable in helping someone further discover their strengths and change the world!

Have a great few days!

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Hearing is Believing!

When we experience the death of a loved one our world changes dramatically. Although the light hasn’t gone out in our eyes it is dimmed. Colors seem less vibrant, conversations less stimulating and our energy depleted. We may silently wonder to ourselves, ” Where are they? Are they okay?” Often talking about these thoughts with our friends or even family members just doesn’t work. So we keep reiterating these question to ourselves digging a deeper hole of grief that seems to engulf us. Although we may have heard ideas about the spirit continuing to exist, we struggle to wrap our minds around the concept of our loved ones being in a different dimension – heaven – or whatever label you are most comfortable using. I understand … I have walked in those shoes. I have read that the depth of our loss is directly proportional to the depth of our love. The deepest chasm we can imagine pales by comparison to our own feelings of loss. We keep thinking, “It’s not the natural order of things, someone got this mixed up, rewind!” The pain seems unbearable as we struggle to put one foot slowly in front of the other. We seek something that will help us know we can get through it – visibly bruised and battered – but still in one piece.

When I lost my son, the salve that comforted my broken heart came in two forms. First, I started reading books from other parents who had lost their child. Interestingly, many had penned these books 10 years after the loss. I get it now. It takes that long to be willingly to resurrect those gut wrenching feelings that rendered us both hopeless and helpless when it happened. Those books helped immensely. Most talked about signs, indicators of their child’s presence and all served to confirm to this bleeding heart that if these parents made it though this so can I. Signs, indicators? How do I get these I wondered a million and one times over the first few months.

The Universe responded to my heartfelt plea. The second form of help came in a delicate package from another state. Someone, an angel on earth, who changed my life. The Universe knew what I was seeking ( confirmation that my son didn’t simply disappear into the cosmos) and orchestrated a meeting with this person to help me make the connection with my son that I so desperately needed. Before talking with her my grief was so deep that even when presented with obvious signs that his spirit was alive and well, I dismissed them thinking that my mind was playing tricks on me. Through her assistance I have been able to hear from my son, in his own words for well over a decade. I decided to write about it in the book I published entitled, “Just Behind the Door.” My objective was to help others achieve the sense of greater peace and understanding that I have received.

When we write about loss, disclosing our innermost feelings and fears it can be a healing mechanism not only for ourselves but for other fellow travelers along the way. Yes, our loved ones still exists, albeit in a different form. In this case hearing is believing. I have referred hundreds of people to this person and every single time have heard how astonished they were that they were told such specific information. If you want to learn more about my decade of communication you can order a copy of the book through AuthorHouse.com. You will know, intuitively, if the book is right for you or as a gift for someone else. Let your feelings lead the way.

There is a great deal of solace achieved when we hear specific phrases or information that only our loved one who has passed on could know. It confirms to us that this type of connection is real. It lifts the heavy burden of grief off our shoulders by proving that their life was no brief candle but rather a perpetual flame that continues to burn brightly – somewhere – somehow – and is always available to give us comfort.

Have a great few days!

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Happiness Is The Journey!

We have all heard the saying, ‘Happiness is a journey, not a destination.’ It sounds good and we want to accept the intended meaning but somehow, someway we often get sidetracked into thinking, ‘I just have to get through today, this week, this month or the next holiday or family celebration coming up then I’ll be happy.’ Exhausted after all of the challenges, expectations and obstacles we face we may all of a sudden realize that another summer or year is coming to a close and we have not stopped long enough to enjoy the moments of the journey. When will I experience happiness we may wonder to ourselves?

The reality is that when we learn to see happiness in everything we are living through AS we are living through it that is the true definition of happiness. It is achieved everyday in everyday when we inhale deeply and realize that happiness is a way of living, call it gratefulness, deeper awareness or being in the NOW.

Think of it in the context of moving to a new place. We are excited and want things just right. All the t’s crossed and the i’s dotted when we move in. We want things just so and yet…the joy, the experience is lost in our eager attempt to hustle our way through to completion. We become exhausted even a bit overwhelmed and forget to enjoy the journey. The truth is that you will never experience this particular moment again in your life. Once it is gone that’s it. So learning to enjoy the journey in life is of great importance.

Happiness is not something to achieve as much as a state of mind. It starts with being grateful for our lives this moment and every moment while we are on this earth. Not everything will go right today or tomorrow but learning to be fully engaged in the process of observing and appreciating where we are at on our unique journey is the working definition of happiness.

We don’t have to wait until we retire, get that new job or home or go on that vacation to realize that happiness is achievable right now. It is breathing in the energy of a new tomorrow filled with hope, anticipation and joy.

We planned our lives to encompass exactly the things we are facing, the lessons we are learning and the difficulties we are dealing with in order to learn what true happiness is all about. It is in you, around you and through you. The true essence of life is to welcome what it rightly yours – happiness – into your daily life.

To accept the daily obstacles and unfinished business, the laundry list of tasks yet to be accomplished with a knowing that ‘All is as it should be,’ IS the happiness. This message may sound simplistic but in reality it is the hardest thing we will ever learn to master in our lives.

Have a great few days!

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The Magic of Compassion

In our harried, hectic lifestyles could it be that we have forgotten about the importance of compassion? The term itself denotes empathy – putting ourselves in another’s shoes. When we are moving as fast as humanly possible it is easy to forget to smile, listen attentively to another or possibly do something for another that will brighten their day. Even a short email passing on a good thought can be important. What does that take – one or two minutes? I’ll bet we could find that in even the busiest of our days. There is a saying that summarizes it best, ‘People don’t care how much you know (or do) until they know how much you care.’

Beyond the apparent benefit of practicing compassion to others it actually helps us as well. Studies have shown that when we demonstrate compassion our bodies produce 100% DHEA a hormone that counteracts the aging process and reduces by 23% the cortisol which is the stress hormone in our bodies. Regardless of the exact percentages the bottom line is that demonstrating compassion is good for our physical and emotional health.

The pace of which we live has never been faster and I am not suggesting that we add more to it. However, compassion is a matter of mindset not time. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see the differences in others, that’s like hitting an ‘easy button’ in our mind. Training ourselves, however, to look past the differences in search of the commonalities is simply a behavioral approach that with practice we can get really good at doing. Eventually, we find that we recognize the common human need for acceptance, patience and even a listening ear as truly an important part of living. When we arrive at this place we then begin to enjoy life a bit more as we open up our ‘acceptance portals’ in our minds.

Slowly, but surely, we begin to smile more than frown and search for the positives rather than negatives in a situation or in other people. We exhale more deeply when we realize that we have arrived at a place of peace in our lives – a great place to be!

Leo Buscaglia, the noted psychologist once said, “Too often we under estimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” Wouldn’t it be phenomenal if each of us decided to practice a little more compassion for a fellow traveler of the Universe – even starting with once a day? Imagine how we could actually change the world around us if we chose to demonstrate a little more positive regard for others.

Wouldn’t be wonderful to hear someone say that we made life a little better just be being in it? Something worth considering don’t you think?

Have a great few days!

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Lessons from Leonardo DaVinci

The famous artist, Leonardo DaVinci, lived by five principles according to author Michael Gelb in his book, “How to Think Like Leonardo DaVinci.” These principles are well worth our consideration.

Curiosity – If we question things to seek additional information and to discover the deeper ‘why’ behind the idea or situation we are attempting to create a richer context, purpose and understanding in the moment. Knowing the ‘why’ helps us make connections in our brains by creating new synapses. Basically, knowing the ‘why’ makes us smarter.

Risk Taking – when we force ourselves out of our comfort zones we expand our awareness of life. By doing so we develop greater self confidence. We experience new things and become more interesting to ourselves and others. Is it easy … no but is it necessary… absolutely!

A Deeper development of our five senses happens when we bring our total attention to a circumstance. Feeling, seeing, hearing, tasting and touching are senses that can be taken for granted on a superficial level or experienced at a much more significant level when we bring our total attention to the situation. We are able to connect with our subconscious memory and experience the full effect of the experience when we are fully present in the moment.

Chaos – predictability can be reassuring but it can also become boring. The ability to handle ambiguity tolerance allows us to ‘allow’ life to happen. It deepens our life experience. The best teachers have this critical skill. They move with the tide and do not try to force the water to remain still. Life gives us hundreds of opportunities to develop our skills of listening, waiting, observing before we decide on a particular plan to move forward. We simply need to learn to allow and relax in the knowing that all will work out as it is suppose to in life.

A mind-body balance. Life is all about learning balance. Too much of a good thing is simply that ….too much. It takes discipline to learn a personal balance in everything we do but it is possible when we realize that, ‘if it is going to be it is up to me.’ Choices can be a gift or a burden it simply depends on our attitude.

Like a kindred spirit, Leonardo DaVinci also believed that everything happens for a reason. Adopting this belief helps us to accept life and stop using the blame game on ourselves or others. It helps us live fuller, richer lives and we become fearless when thinking about the future. We know that we will survive and learn the lessons we have chosen to learn. We are personally responsible for the challenges, the lessons and the learning involved.

Living with these principles can cause us to begin seeing with the minds eye of the artist. We can become more happy, healthy and fully functioning human beings when we apply what this master has set out before us. We can sketch our canvas anyway we choose because it is simply, magnificently all up to us and “All is as it should be.”

Have a great few days!

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Pat Yourself on the Back!

It is time to say goodbye to 2013 and look forward to the new year. I can’t tell you why but I just feel like 2014 will be a better year. This is a perfect time to take a moment to reflect on our successes and our near misses.

What are the three things that you are most proud of that happened in your life this year – the things for which you are most grateful? Add to those thoughts the one thing you will choose to handle differently in the future. What did you learn from each of them? It is often said that we learn more from our challenges than our successes. That may be true, however, everything we do has an inherent lesson in it. I believe that we have a greater chance for personal growth when we recognize and build on the lessons we learned from the successes we experienced. It helps to reassure us that we are capable of personal change. Thus, the three positives and one growth opportunity ratio makes sense to me. When you think about it, if each of us improved in just one area during the upcoming year the world would be an even better place. I believe in a focused approach to improvement. Choosing one thing to improve upon for the new year is doable. Less is more – it allows us to grow with confidence and ease. This type of year end review may seem counterintuitive but I believe it offers a stronger approach to self improvement.

When we take the time to reflect back on the year it is not for the purpose of beating ourselves up with thoughts of ‘I should have…’ but rather with thoughts of ‘the next time I intend to …’ The former statement basically causes us to find fault with ourselves but the later encourages us to turn the kaleidoscope ever so slightly and see the beauty in the fact that we survived the challenges as they were presented and learned from them. It also forces us to take the time to pat ourselves on the back for the lessons learned. A habit few of us practice on a regular basis. The year 2013 had significant challenges for many of us and yet we are able to say to ourselves that we made it through in one piece – we survived – and are as a result both stronger and wiser.

Before you go to bed tonight think about the three things for which you are most grateful and the one growth area you are willing to commit to in 2014. Remind yourself to revisit them on a weekly basis throughout the year. The repetition of thought/intention is important since the Universe delivers to us what is foremost in our thinking. Next year at this time you will be amazed at your feelings of even greater strength and self confidence.

As a post script I wanted to add that I am grateful this year to the thousands of readers of my blogs and the feedback I have received along the way. In my small way I believe I am offering ‘food for thought’ specifically on the topics of loss, grief, and lessons learned. The greatest lesson of all, of course, is that ‘All is as it should be,’ which allows us to face the challenges presented in our lives with a greater sense of confidence and assurance.

Happy New Year!

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The Gift of Teenagers

It’s 3 days before Christmas and the malls and streets are packed. Yet, for the most part, people are actually being quite civil. Makes a person feel that the world is improving one person at a time. Call me an eternal optimist but I think this year civility will last longer than December 25th.

Civility – politeness and courtesy in behavior and speech and basically showing concern for others makes a positive difference in the world. It is not innate but a learned (taught) behavior. Even as adults we can work at demonstrating a little more politeness in our exchanges. But when I see it in action in teenagers especially, I think to myself ‘Some mom or dad applied their parenting skills to the ultimate. They took the time necessary as their children were growing up to be sure they learned the importance of manners and respecting the rights of others. Basically, they taught their children to make the world a little better place.

I have had the chance to watch two 17 year olds over the last few months – up close and personal – and I just sit up a little straighter and smile a bit more broadly when ‘older folks’ comment to me about what great teenagers they are…l respond with a polite thank you and add, ‘Yes, their Mom did a great job.’

It is so easy to make assumptions about teenagers in general. Yes, they have interests different than our own. They listen to music we may not relate to at a decibel level that may cause us to wonder if they will end up with permanent hearing damage but…beyond all that… they are just trying to grow and become loving human beings. They are like the stages of a butterfly, they grow from a caterpillar, shedding their skin, through the chrysalis stage in which they are pushing at the confines of their environment to the ultimate beautiful butterfly stage where they begin to think of migrating and starting their new adult life. Each stage offers challenges and opportunities for lessons of love along their life journey. These life stages are so challenging for them. Yet, patience, love and understanding go a long way to help them on their path.

The next time you get a chance to observe our younger generation watch them and remember they are struggling to make sense of their ever changing world. Many hold the door for others…step aside for a family and somehow remember to say thank you even when they are viewed with questions. Like everything in life, what we look for and the assumptions we bring to the table we usually find!

I have seen civility in action with this younger generation and I am so grateful for them.

Have a wonderful Christmas!

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