Resiliency – the Winning Factor!
You are stronger than you think… take a moment and take stock. Over the past month or week have you had to confront an issue or challenge that you simply did not think would be possible to overcome? Yet, somehow you dug deep to find the strength to carry on and develop a plan to address the circumstance. You persisted until you could and see a bit of light at the end of the tunnel and form a plan. Where did your strength come from… was it there all along just waiting to be tapped?
The answer to the question is yes…simply yes – but the reason behind the yes is even more enlightening because it was due to something called resiliency. Some people develop it early in life yet for others it may take much longer. Resiliency is more closely correlated to awareness than age. All of us can experience greater resiliency by learning what it takes to develop it.
Resiliency begins to form when we know that we are loved unconditionally – that someone (family or friends) are there for us when we need them. Further, when we have people in our lives that believe in us and frequently remind us that we have what it takes to be successful it helps us believe in ourselves and our own potential. In addition, when we are truly accepted regardless of our unique – maybe even challenging – personality traits and know that our ideas and opinions are valued and considered we develop greater personal strength. We begin to develop the real deal – authentic confidence. When we stop to think about it both the verbal and nonverbal messages we received from our family imprinted on our brains – early and often – as we were growing up. Were they messages of inclusion or differences? Another extremely important factor in developing resiliency is the need to live by clear and consistent boundaries in life. While some may think that boundaries are restrictive, unnecessary, or stifle a sense of independence actually the opposite is true. Boundaries give us a feeling of security which helps us develop into confident human beings. When we are growing up we may chafe at them but deep down they bring a calm, purposeful intent to our daily existence. Living with boundaries help us formulate the true North for our lives.
As the above conditions become integral in our life we begin to find our voice, develop positive listening skills and healthy conflict resolutions skills because we have a framework upon which to build.
Think about it this way, resiliency is like a chair with four legs – unconditional love from others, frequent positive messages about our own potential, clear and consistent boundaries, and positive communication and conflict resolutions skills. To be fully functioning human beings and support ourselves we need all four legs of the chair.
The importance of developing greater resiliency in life cannot be overstated. Without it we often see people who feel both helpless and hopeless – defeated before they even started. The good news is that we can become stronger, happier and more secure individuals when we work on developing greater resiliency in our lives and the lives of those we love. There is never a time limit on growth!
Have a great few days!
Be Above It!
How do you react when someone makes a subtle or not so subtle comment to you or someone else about something you believe in or have done? Often our first reaction is to strike back – either outright or in our head – and say or think something equally negative in return. Is it really worth it?
What if we practiced a different approach? What if we chose to be above it all. To decide that regardless of who, what or when something negative is said to remain in control of our feelings and refuse to let the negativity affect us. Difficult? Yes, but not impossible, if we practice this behavior over time. If we disagree with what is said, asking for clarification is helpful if – and only if – we can do so without anger, resentment or adding negative emotion to the environment.
When we really stop to think about it there are at least a million and one ways every day to be offended or upset due to the economy, world or national news, a hurtful comment, an envious coworker, or simply the energy given off by someone who is basically unhappy with themselves. These are just a few examples in which we may think, ‘There it goes again,’ as we feel ourselves being affected by the negativity.
When you run across someone who acts as if they know the way, the truth and the light, take a deep breath and realize that they are simply operating from their ego. They choose self-importance over understanding. To prove this point, just listen to their conversations and count the number of times they use the word ‘I’ versus ‘we’ – it’s a dead giveaway. You can almost here them thinking, ‘If you did things my way all would be right with the world.’ Not so much!
When we think it necessary to change or direct others it says more about us than them. Let’s remember that we are all on our own pathway and have unique lessons to learn. Judging others, regardless of how much they get under our skin, will only delay our own soul’s evolution. We can’t expect those who are different than us to think, feel or behave as we do. We all walk in shoes, specifically designed by us, for our journey.
Not allowing ourselves to be offended gives us strength and adds to our self-confidence. Choose to be simply an observer without judgment. You will gain much inner peace in the process. After all, no one is put into this world to live up to our expectations just as we are not put into this world to live up to theirs. Inner peace develops when we live at what we are For rather than AGAINST.
Have a great few days!