Official blog for the book "Just Behind the Door"

Posts tagged ‘take the time to care’

I Need to be Heard

Recently I had the privilege of leading a grief group for a local church. Those in the group experienced all types of losses – some of which they have continued to carry with them for years. Suffering can be the most powerful energy force in the Universe if – and only if – we use it as an instrument for change and process our loss fully.
When we experience any type of loss we question ‘Why me?” Maybe the real question is “Why not me?” Loss comes in so many forms – death, divorce, career and location change, empty nest, medical conditions that alter lifestyle – the list goes on and on – it is something that everyone of us will deal with in our lives. It is an equal opportunity employer. Yet we often remain woefully unprepared to handle the roller coaster of our emotions. We are guided on how to live by family, friends, school and church but rarely helped in learning how to handle loss. What is normal? Will I survive? Will this pain in my heart ever leave?
The average length of time that society gives us to grieve is two to three months and then we are expected to move on. Seriously! We know from research that the deeper our love the deeper our grief. For some it takes years to heal. Yes, we can heal but we will never quite be the same. Loss takes a piece of our heart in it’s wake.
When we try to ‘keep a stiff upper lip’ and move on without fully processing our loss it is like eating bad food…anything else that you eat after just doesn’t set quite right. If you find yourself stuck in grief try to find someone out there that you can talk with…the emphasis is on you talking and them listening.
A poem by Leslie Delp published in New Freedom, Pennsylvania basically says it all…

                          

                                        I Need to be Heard
I need to be heard…

Please don’t tell me how YOU feel!

I need to be heard…

Please don’t try to comfort me by telling me, “You’ll be better in time.”

I need to be heard…

Please don’t try to pacify me by trying to ‘top it’ with a hurt of your own.

I need to be heard…

Please don’t look away when I mention that precious name!

I need to be heard…

Can’t there be anger among sadness and misery?

I need to be heard…

Meet me where I am and LISTEN to me…

Until I don’t need to be heard anymore.
‘Just Behind the Door’ is a book I wrote on loss that has offered hundreds of folks hope amidst their sadness. It may be of help in working through grief and is available through Amazon. Another book, Grieving Mindfully by Sameet Kumar helps us breath deeply and mindfully at the times when you need it most. 
Have a great few days!

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The Best Christmas Gifts!

About this time in our rush to finish Christmas shopping we may begin to struggle with gift ideas for those hard to buy for friends or family members. We may have tapped out our resources and are beginning to get concerned about spending more money and for good reason. Did you know that the average family takes 2.6 months to pay off their Christmas bills? That fact helps to put things in perspective. Starting the new year with a mound of bills coming due places a lot of pressure on us yet we may think that a purchased gift is expected to show that we care. Maybe there is another way. If you are trying to come up with ideas for those last minute gifts which won’t break the bank here are six gift ideas that don’t cost a bundle yet can touch the hearts of those special people in our lives.

The Gift of Listening – without interrupting, daydreaming or planning your response you apply the skills of active, engaged listening to someone that really needs to be heard. No matter that you may have heard what they are repeating before you just honor their right for a caring ear when they need it most.

The Gift of Affection – being generous with hugs, kisses, pats on the back and words of encouragement help to remind the person how special they are to you and demonstrate the love you hold in your heart for them.

The Gift of Laughter – including a humorous article or reiterating a funny experience you had with them in a Christmas card or email tells the other person that you remember a special time when you brought out the laughter and joy in each other.

The Gift of a Note – taking the time to put in writing how you feel about the other person is a gift that just keeps on giving. Often, these words of love and appreciation are kept for a lifetime, reread throughout the year, and may even change a life.

The Gift of Something From Your Kitchen- whipping up a batch of cookies or brownies does not take an inordinate amount of time yet can help the other person who may not have an extra moment add a little something special to their holiday table.

The Gift of Time – setting aside 10 minutes to reach out and call someone to let them know that you are thinking of them warms their heart and tells them that you truly care. The positive energy they receive by hearing your voice can make their day.

We can purchase all kinds of things, wrap them in pretty paper and put a bow on top but the best – most valuable gifts – come from our hearts. Those kind remind the special people in our lives that they matter – that their presence in our life has meant something – that we are grateful for the shared journey. That message speaks louder than anything we can buy.

I offer my thanks to all of you who have read my blogs throughout the years. I hope I have been able to give you some food for thought from these postings. My next blog will be on December 31st. to usher in the New Year – stay tuned and have a wonderful Christmas!

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