Official blog for the book "Just Behind the Door"

Posts tagged ‘the blame game’

How Do You Define Success?

What if your life at this exact moment is trying to teach you a lesson about genuine success and happiness. What do you think that lesson would be? What would you defined as success in your life? Is it highly individualistic or amazingly similar to others?

Early on in life we may hear people defining success as achieving the dream job, acquiring wealth, a multitude of friends and being able to call their own shots? In my decades of living this list sounds like a work of fiction rather than real life. We hear a similar type of thinking when someone says, ‘If I could only win the lottery I would buy…go…and do… and then I would be happy.’ Not really, the research is quite clear, most people who win the lottery end up worse off both financially and emotionally later in life. They do not deem their lives to have been happy or successful even with the windfall of money. Why is that? Maybe success in life is simpler than we think.

The people I know who are successful have worked hard, very hard in fact, to achieve something. They understand the need to delay their own gratification while working toward a longer term goal. Friends? They do not have a multitude of friends but a few very close friends and family that care deeply about them. They didn’t win the lottery but won something even better – confidence and pride in themselves. For them, success was not bought or sold but earned. There is no quick fix to success. They can see with pride the impact they have been able to make on others through their hard work. They have remained humble regardless of their accomplishments. Untouched by triumph and untroubled my failure. Challenges are viewed by them as opportunities from which to grow and learn. They realize that everyone has issues throughout their lives and that they did not draw the short straw. There is simply no inoculation available that allows immunity from life challenges or tragedies. We all receive exactly what we signed up for in this life – no more no less. Blaming others? Never…they accept responsibility for things that happen and realize that by blaming others they will never mature into adulthood. Age is a given, growing up is optional.

Research verifies these observations. When successful people have been interviewed in an attempt to understand how they achieved their success the answers were surprisingly simple. Hard work, integrity, caring for others, and working toward a vision and goals that they had set and reset became their mantra throughout their lives. There was no magic bullet, no Santa Claus, no winning lottery number but rather the daily, weekly, monthly and yearly work it takes to make a difference and achieve happiness and success.

Have a great few days!

Unlocking Your Potential

To learn to live in unconditional love is the reason we are experiencing life in this incarnation. To achieve this type of love we need to be able to truly accept, understand and appreciate ourselves and others. When you think about it, that’s a tall order. It means not only being totally comfortable in our own skin but to allow others to be comfortable in theirs as well. How is this possible to achieve? When we accept that we all have more in common than we may first think, it opens up our thinking.

1. We are all motivated by acceptance and love
2. We all experience fear from time to time.
3. We have all chosen this lifetime to live through our unique life challenges.
4. Most importantly, we share the same source of our existence.

When we accept these commonalities, it allows us to see ourselves and others through different lenses. It may take an entire lifetime to realize that learning to love yourself and others in a nonjudgmental way is the most important thing we can do. That’s okay. It is a huge lesson.

What opinions do you have about your life experiences to date? We have all lived through tough times and life altering experiences, many in fact, that took our breath away with the pain. Trust me on this one, no one goes through life unscathed.

The question is can we regroup and as the lyrics of the song go, ‘pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again.’ Or are we in the blame game, angry that life happened to us when we weren’t expecting it. Anger, blame and fear are debilitating and the direct opposite of unconditional love.

Challenge yourself to examine a life altering experience that appeared so unfair to find the lesson in it. It will necessitate that you stop thinking about the ‘what if’ or ‘why me’ and analyze it from the perspective of what was the most difficult thing to accept from it. There is the lesson, staring you right in the face. Every experience offers us a chance to grow from it as we embrace ourselves and others with unconditional love and faith in tomorrow.

Everything happens for a reason – a purpose. If you find yourself in a negative mindset at first, thinking ‘why me’ just give yourself a little time for the rawness of the hurt to pass. You are a spiritual being, true, but you have both the gift and burden of living this spirituality in a human form with human emotions. Just don’t let yourself get stuck. Talk to a friend, family member or counselor to help yourself regain your footing. Think to yourself, ‘I know there was a purpose for … and I will seek to understand and learn from it.

Unconditional love is the way to unlock our true potential. After all, our thoughts truly are our keys to life. Positive thoughts open doors and negative thoughts close them. We are each on our own individual path to knowing a higher truth and embracing unconditional love. When we believe this, it lets us take a deep breath and ‘allow’ the experiences to help us become better human beings. We then remember with gratitude “All is as it should be.”

Have a great few days!