Official blog for the book "Just Behind the Door"

Did I Do Enough?

When we experience the loss of someone we love our emotions are raw. Processing each and everything leading up to their ultimate exit can become a full time job in our minds. Yet, there are decisions and arrangements to be made. Some family members may be pushing for closure without realizing that there is a perfect timing for everything in this Universe and that you will just know and respond according. Follow your gut – your heart on the issues as they develop and have faith that you will know the right timing for everything you need to do. The endless mound of paperwork to process seems to be both a welcomed diversion and insurmountable task. It gives you another job to attend to and stops your mind, momentarily, from rerunning the tapes of your loss but simultaneously steals the little bit of energy you have during these days. Each time you fill in the blanks on the forms you wonder – what else could I have done to prevent this. I understand, I have been there. It is natural to relive the last few months, weeks or days before your loved ones passing and reexamine everything you did. Your mind may seem flooded with thoughts of regret, anger even guilt. After all as a person who loved them why couldn’t you have anticipated their needs more fully. Why couldn’t you have done more to help them?

My belief in spiritualism has taught me that what you did was exactly what you were supposed to do – no more no less. Why some people suffer such sudden tragic passing or slower debilitating conditions wasting away to nothingness is beyond our ability to comprehend. As I discuss in my book, “Our Loved Ones Are Just Behind the Door,” our view is one of 20/20 hindsight. Our loved ones on the other side now have the gift of 20/20 hindsight AND foresight. My son has said since his passing, “everything was as it should be.” Knowing this may not help fill the gaping hole in your heart but should relieve your mind. You did not make a mistake or miss a sign that you should have seen. The events and experiences leading up to their passing happened just as they were supposed to happen. Their is a much greater force than you and I in this Universe.

I believe we have chosen our life experiences for the lessons we need to learn from them. This includes living through the loss of our loved one. If this sounds a bit harsh, I apologize but I believe it to be true in every cell of my body. Nothing just happens without a reason or without a purpose. Think of yourself as a cloud in the sky. There are wind currents that push you this way and then another. You join and meld with other formations and then bits and pieces break apart and move on in their own unique way. For a moment – a lifetime even- the magic of being together was bliss. But the sky surrounding the clouds knows a bigger purpose and works in concert with the Universe to allow it to unfold. Knowing that energy cannot be created nor destroyed only changed in form allows us to know that our loved ones’ energy continues – albeit in a different form. Through unconditional love we can reconnect and communicate with them, knowing they are just behind the door. They are patiently waiting for us to believe enough to allow it to happen.

I am humbled and grateful for the number of people who have responded to me through my email account and signed up to receive emails from the postings. It tells me that this website is serving an important need. I have heard from many of you regarding this concern of what more you could have or should have done. I have responded to each of you individually. The responses prompted this blog. If you can muster up the strength please post those same thoughts to this website. Who knows, together we might just be able to make tomorrow a little better than today for someone who is out there and struggling with the same issues. Together we are so much more than the sum of our parts.

Comments on: "Did I Do Enough?" (2)

  1. Hi! I had a chance to read your blog. This will be an exciting journey. I have never actually followed a blog on a regular basis but will do so in this case. I can not wait to get my hands on the book. A few things came to mind when I read your posts. First, how am I going to explain these ideas of spiritualism to my daughter. It is something that I struggle with on a daily basis. We are a spiritual family but not religious sometimes my thoughts are different from that of family and friends. Second, mom asked me on three or four occasions if she should just swallow a bunch of pills so she would not have to be in pain. Had I known how much she was going to suffer in those final hours I may have changed my answer. I found a bottle of Dilauded in hidden in her medicine bag after she died. Had I remembered it was there I would have crushed it up and given it to her to relieve her pain and suffering. I have to litterally turn my mind off to all of this because it gets to be to much. I still get mad when I think about hospice! I enjoyed this post.


  2. I am a 54 year old female who has lived my life as an in the box Christian the unanswered questions became longer and longer. The only answer I have ever gotten is the word FAITH. Losing the most important people in your life gives you the need for a lot more answers, Thank you so much for helping us to question the status quo and maybe find some peace with all the good and the bad that happends in our life. I love the fact that Church has always played the most important part of my life, but I know that there must be more.
    Plan B

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: