Official blog for the book "Just Behind the Door"

Posts tagged ‘Hospice’

All IS AS IT SHOULD BE – REALLY?

A dear friend called to talk about the blog from Wednesday. She said, “I can accept what you are saying in the blog … all, that is, but the last statement, All is as it should be.” She went on to explain that we may have free will but the lack of ownership by others for their life and their lessons have a compounding effect on those of us close to them. I agreed, but once again repeated, what do YOU need to learn from these situations involving others. She made a great point. I know what I mean when I repeat the statement, “All is as it should be,” and those of you who have read my book, Just Behind the Door, understand that this has been THE ongoing statement that my son, from the other side, has communicated for over a decade. It makes so much sense to me but I have lived through this communication with Ronnie for so long that it is natural. So to be clearer about the intent in the phrase let me explain.

I believe each of us agrees, pre-birth, on the lessons we will work on in this lifetime. The themes are numerous, but to list just a few: emotional independence, overcoming feelings of powerlessness or unworthiness, overcoming our fears, forgiveness, gratitude, unconditional love, the list goes on and on. We agree to experience situations in our life that will help us learn the lessons we have chosen to learn. The challenges that are presented in learning these lessons can take us to the brink of denial, anger, rebellion, withdrawal even total helplessness until we finally get it, recognize it and learn from it. Remember no one but YOU agreed to work on the lessons that you are dealing with in your life. It is, as if, first God/Universal Energy whispers, (this is the first time the lesson is presented) then speaks ( a similar, more dramatic experience presented a second time) then shouts with an even more difficult, challenging situation the third (or more) time the lesson surfaces. The experiences just keep adding up, causing us tremendous hurt and challenge until, one day, we GET IT. There is no one to blame, no one to rail at because we chose to work on the particular lesson(s) until we internalize the learning.

I have experienced the death of two husbands, my son, two sisters, mother, father and close friends. In addition, I have experienced divorce – more than once. For each experience, I railed at the Universe. Why me? What have I done wrong? I demanded that the situation be different. I felt I should be able to fix it, if I just tried hard enough. Gradually, as I learned more, an “aha” happened. Now, I realize that my life is about accepting that I cannot control everything, to have greater faith in God/Universal Energy and, along the way, to learn to love myself. I guess I was a remedial learner who needed to experience many losses to finally get it!

So, when I say, “All is as it should be,” it is. When we look back – hindsight is always 20/20 – we have a greater awareness, if not acceptance, as to the why.

What lesson are you working on?

Category:

General

Tagged with:

Happiness from the Inside

Last night I was talking to a friend and said, “I am happy from the inside out.” Having lived through many life traumas, most recently the suicide of her husband, she said, “Wow, I never thought about happiness that way.” Those of you who have been following my blogs or who have read my book, Just Behind the Door, understand that I have also experienced many, many losses in my life. I do not talk from theory but from experience.

It may seem strange to talk about happiness on a website dealing with loss but it is something worth considering. Research has found that prosperity, health and physical attractiveness are only MINIMALLY related to one’s overall happiness. True, genetics does play a part in the happiness level of each person but ONLY a part. In fact, researchers have actually written a book on the topic of our “happiness set point.” Their work concludes that beyond circumstance and genetics, each of us has an additional 40% that we control in reference to our happiness index. Just think about that for a moment, 40% control – totally at our discretion – to determine how we will live our life. Amazing, isn’t it? We have the power to determine if we will be happy or sad, kind or offensive, giving or taking. The choice is always up to us.

The loss you may have had in our life will not be made easier by seeing your cup as half-empty for the rest of your life. Please think about how the loved one that you lost would want you to live the rest of your life; in sadness and remorse or ultimate happiness because of what you had the opportunity to experience.

We hear daily about the importance of having an optimistic attitude. Realizing that we CHOSE this life, with these lessons, takes away any possible issue of blame. It simply is what it is because we chose it. Accepting that allows us to forgive ourselves and others for the events of the past. We then can develop a sense of wonder – amazement even – for the people and opportunities in our future.

Make tomorrow a great day and remember, “All is as it should be.”

Category:

General

Tagged with:

We Die as We Live

In addition to being a retired educator and author of the book, Just Behind the Door, I volunteer for various charities. One of these charities includes being a Hospice volunteer. Some people say to me, “Oh, that must be hard, depressing. I could never do that.” I tell them that when you are with people that realize their time is close, the real meaning of life comes through as they let down their ego and just communicate from their heart. To me, working with a patient gives me joy. It is not something I think that I HAVE to do but rather something I really CHOOSE to do. I look forward to seeing them on my regular weekly visits. Toward the end, they tell you from their heart what they think about their lives, what has been important to them and even things that they see clearer now. What a gift these wonderful people are to me.

The remember the joy in their lives. They are grateful for even the smallest gesture. Interestingly, even those who originally did not espouse a particular religion or belief become more conscious of their closeness to the Divine Energy/God. You can see it in their faces. At first, they want to know about world events, about your life and other connections to the outside world. As the months tick off and they realize they are getting weaker they want to talk about what the end will be like for them. Although their relationship with others is very important to them, they want to reflect on their own lives. As a volunteer you become their life line to the outside world and, ultimately, to themselves. The few things that are left that can make them happy are simple; food, books, writing notes to their friends, and most importantly, listening to them as they remember – with gratitude their life and what they have learned on their journey. They dare to look at you and ask, “What will the end be like for me.”

We are trained to see watch for the gradual progression in these wonderful souls. During the training many things made an impact on me. One of these points, in particular, however, stands out. We are taught that people die as they live. When I first heard that I had to think about it for some time. Now, as I have worked with quite a few of these patients it has become clearer to me. We really do die as we live.

Think about that in reference to your own life. It can be a life changing moment when you take the time to consider it.

Category:

General

Tagged with:

The Grace of Being Present

Today, I attended the annual Hospice luncheon to thank the volunteers for their service. As a Hospice volunteer we all receive much more than we give to our patients. A smile, a hug or just listening to them as they relive the significant parts of their lives, gives them an opportunity to be heard and appreciated. The meaningful parts of their memories that are forever etched into their minds deserve to be heard. We listen and we share. Some times the patients want to hear about our lives since they are home bound and are still choosing to live life, albeit, through their outside connections. The time we spend talking and listening is invaluable. A Hospice patient (nearing her 91st birthday) told me that she misses her ‘wheels.’ I was not only astounded but touched by this wonderful women’s sharing of her emotions. She felt a loss and was willing to share it with me. The training we go through to be a volunteer is both enlightening and uplifting. When we realize how life begins to close in on those who are in the last stages of their lives, we can be so thankful for our own ability to go out and be immersed in the living, breathing Universe.

The minister, at the meeting today, after talking about our willingness to listen, gave a non example of listening. It made me think about the occasional lack of attention we may give to others in our fast-paced world. He mentioned that he was in a coffee shop recently and there was a grandmother, mother and daughter sitting inside enjoying their beverages. What he found so astounding was that for 20 minutes each of them had their cell phones out and were either talking or texting others. He said there was literally no conversation going on among the three generations.
How sad, I thought to myself. So often a simple phone call to someone you care about is uplifting and gives you the opportunity to make a difference in their world.
Technology is an incredibly important part of all of our lives. We would be lost without it. The trick, if seems, is to keep a balance between being efficient and effective. It helps when we remember the importance of the human voice and the resultant energy that is shared between two people. Their is no substitute for it. Who knows, there may be someone who just needs to hear your voice and receive your energy to make it through another day. Just remember, no one cares how much you know until they know how much you care. Think about it and pay it forward.

Category:

General

Tagged with: