Official blog for the book "Just Behind the Door"

Posts tagged ‘judge not’

Become Extraordinary!

Judge not, fear not, resist not. These words are so powerful and applied to our lives can change us from ordinary to extraordinary. We can become happier, more excited and fulfilled as human beings when we choose to view life from this empowered perspective. So how do we do it? Here’s a few hints.

See the gift of today – for this day – this moment – will only happen once. Live it to the fullest!
In essence – bring your total self to today – no holding back! Don’t worry about being judged by others… they are on their own unique path.
Have a mind that is open to everything – say ‘Yes!’ to life!
Be the optimist – no one truly knows enough to be a pessimist!
See the positives – see the love – it’s always there – surrounding us – we just need to open our eyes, breath deeply and invite it in.
Dream as though you have nothing to lose – because you really don’t – and smile as those dreams become a reality!
Believe as though anything is possible – because it is …there are no limits to what we can be or experience.
Love as though your heart knows no bounds – and feel the love being generated back to you!
Remember that everyone is doing their best this day – this very moment – listen to them and celebrate their effort.
Radiate light into the world by what you think, feel and say. Light is the energy of the Universe!
Believe in miracles – they come in the form of people – who love us unconditionally.

Remember, “As a man thinketh, so is he.” When we choose to make our todays extraordinary – amazing things start to happen. Life becomes better than we had ever dreamed possible … and just think – it all started by choosing…. Now that is powerful!

Have a great few days!

Are We Listening or Telling?

In my last blog I talked about three things- judge not, fear not, resist not. Let’s go a bit further into the topic of judging. When we judge others it actually means that we feel we have THE answers not only for ourselves but for them as well. Judging actually demeans the other person and short circuits their capacity to work through their existing life challenges. When we demonstrate this behavior the real message – what we are truly saying to the other person is that we – and we only – have the knowledge, skill and attitude to be all knowing.

In the spirit of humility that is beyond possible. If we had all the answers we would be perfect. Have you met anyone that qualifies as such? Of course not! We are all growing, developing and becoming all that we can be at this time in our lives. If we look at it another way, we have only walked in our own shoes and chosen our unique journey. What would possibly allow us to think that we could tell another person what they should say, think or feel – regarding their situation? That type of thinking is way out of my comfort zone!

It is true that people come into our lives for a reason, season or lifetime. Often it’s because they simply need a listening ear. We only have the capacity to direct our own journey by learning from our own missteps along the way. We have our hands quite full learning our own lessons which take a lifetime to master.

Everyone wants to feel valued. When we choose to tell rather than ask is says way more about our inability is listen and give them the gift they are seeking – a caring ear. Allowing ourselves to tell others what they should say, think or do is way above our experience or pay grade on this earth.

The most loving thing we can do for another person is to ASK them how they feel about a situation and then truly listen as they process through their present dilemma. The time we give them by asking – and not jumping in with our take on the situation – is the greatest gift we can give them. We are, in essence, offering unconditional love and acceptance. We give them that boost of confidence by showing them they are capable of working out their own life challenges. Just think – this all happens when we stop telling and start listening! Basically this is why a therapist asks questions rather then short changes their clients by simply giving them answers.

When we catch ourselves thinking … ‘If they do this or that their life would be better, easier, more productive’ let’s just stop and exhale slowly and realize that this type of thinking actually causes more harm than good. If life were that easy we would all have it under control. Just as we cannot simply explain to a young child how to walk and expect them to do it we need to allow them to try, fall, get up and keep trying as we encourage them with a loving heart. Listening rather than telling is a form of cheering others on from the side as they fall, get up and brush themselves off.

The actual motivation behind the topic of judgment is one of control. I have yet to meet a person who wants to be controlled. Why? Simply put, the message behind control is that ‘you can’t do this on your own – you NEED me to tell you how to handle it. Not so much!

Stepping back and asking the Universe to help us be strong enough to listen, without judgment, and to give others the benefit of our confidence in them is a gift that keeps on giving. When we love ourselves enough to accept that we can not change others and accepting that they are on their own unique learning path we go along way to bringing more light into their world.

Have a great few days!

Speak Up and Change the World!

Changing our minds and hearts occurs when we take the time to understand something more deeply – to walk for a moment in another’s shoes. We know when such a change is real because the person has nothing to gain politically or economically but much to gain emotionally. These type of changes give us hope that as human beings truth will ultimately prevail as we strive for fairness and equality for all.

Michael Bowers, the former Attorney General for the state of Georgia, notoriously known for his anti-gay credentials, epitomized such a change of mind and heart this week. While occupying that office in the ’80’s he upheld laws that discriminated against gays. However, recently he spoke out against newly proposed legislation in Georgia that would allow personal religious faith to be used to justify discrimination of those same groups. At 73 years young he gives us hope that positive change is possible regardless of age or standing. Since he is still viewed as a powerful and respected Republican, long after his 16 year stint as the top legal mind in his state, we can believe in the adage, ‘Hope springs eternal.’

When interviewed regarding his change of position on gay rights he said simply, “I know I’m different. I’m not as mean as I used to be” and he expressed regret for the pain he had caused in the past. We have to admire a person who comes forth publicly, to shout to the world, ‘I was wrong and want to correct my error in thinking.’ I want to make things right.’

There will come a day when the remaining states will join the existing 36 and support the right for gays to marry. Mr. Bowers willingness to speak out about his change of understanding and position regarding what constitutes discrimination will have a positive effect on the when and where of it all.

For a culture that often believes that the younger among us have a hold on truth and accomplishment this statement by a former Attorney General can move mountains among his peers – a group that was raised during a time when exclusion was valued over inclusion and fear reigned supreme. His statements will serve as a lighthouse of truth that will shine through for others to find their way to a deeper knowing that the Universe doesn’t make mistakes. In our hearts we know that everyone has the right to live free of discriminatory practices but it will take all of us, regardless of age, to be brave enough to speak out and promote this truth.

Our opinions or biases were formed from scant information often heard around the family’s kitchen table as we were growing up. But when something continues to niggle at us and seems to confront those beliefs it is time to reassess why we believe as we do. Then the wiser among us will choose to challenge those biases and opinions by seeking to understanding more deeply the rest of the story. Let’s make a commitment to join the ranks of this later group and continually seek to understand while keeping in mind the importance of the age old statement, ‘Judge not lest ye be judged.’

Have a great few days!

Developing Wisdom

When you ask someone what they would change about their life, they usually think for a moment and then comment, ‘nothing really because I wouldn’t be the same person I am today if I changed anything.’ Well, let’s think about this for a moment. Let’s assume that you would be the same person and know everything that you know now but could still have one ‘redo’ in life what would it be? You only get one so think hard before you decide. This practice is called, strangely enough, thinking about thinking and it is a valuable skill to develop because it is the initial step in developing wisdom. To think about what you have learned through the challenges and opportunities in life – the life lessons – and what you would have done differently if given the chance is more than wishful thinking. It is part one of developing wisdom.

Although we all have the seed in us to develop it wisdom doesn’t develop automatically as one becomes older it needs to be cultivated. In fact, there are many young people who just seem to possess a certain wisdom about life and have some lessons to teach us regardless of our age. By observing them, we watch them consciously reflecting on events or situations in their lives as if they are a bystander watching someone else. We often hear them saying, ‘ ….happened and next time I intend to do …. differently.’ They are in a constant mode of self evaluation, trying to unearth the lessons in their recent experiences for the purpose of becoming wiser.

People who possess wisdom refuse to see the world in absolutes. Sometimes you run across people who are so busy directing things and telling you how to think and what to do that it is exhausting. They are the black/white, right/wrong, for/against type of thinkers. Their thinking and behavior is the antitheses of those who are wise. People who have developed wisdom see in what one author calls ‘the shades of grey.’ Realizing that each situation and person is unique they try to put themselves in another person’s shoes. They refuse the simple and dangerous act of judgment or simplistic answers and move rather toward a deeper understanding of the person and their circumstances at the time. They are attentive listeners who do not offer input unless asked and then give it only after careful thought. Frequently, they will first ask you how you feel about the situation you are describing to them. Their most important concern is how you are feeling not merely voicing their opinion on the matter at hand. They look for the road less travelled – the more challenging analysis in the situation.

Folks who have developed wisdom in life just seem to have a purpose than involves others as well as themselves. They have the perfect blend between altruism and taking care of self. We often watch and marvel at how things just seem to work out for them. Yet, in reality, these folks truly work at it. They understand that to achieve what they want others must also receive and benefit in the process. Life for them is a win – win. Although they give as much as they receive they would, if needed, put themselves second for the sake of a better outcome for others.

Look around you this week and see if you can spot someone who epitomizes the attributes of wisdom. They are a pleasure to behold. The good news is that we can all become wiser if we choose to put in the effort to do so. It’s a practiced skill. The more you practice it the better you get at it. No one has the corner on the market for wisdom. It is an equal opportunity skill just waiting to be developed.

Have a great few days!

Love Conquers All

Today is an historic day. Hearing the announcement, by President Obama, of his support of same sex marriage, I felt the blog I had previously prepared needed to wait for another day.

Why would a president, who is obviously running for reelection, make this announcement? Especially at this time. Simply and profoundly because it is the right thing to do. He was speaking from his heart and doing so at a pivotal time in our history. There will be some who will say that they don’t agree with his position. They have the right to their own opinion. I do agree with his position for many reasons. The most important ones come from my spiritual learning and awakening. “Judge not least ye be judged.” As I recall that passage, it was not situational, it was absolute. In my book, I talk about not judging others because we have not a walked a mile in their shoes. The Universal Energy/God is a part of ALL of us. Our world will continue to evolve through love of self and love of ALL others. Hate, fear or rejection are not a part of my life. When you experience the loss of a child and other family members you realize the importance of love for all and in all.

I applaud the bravery President Obama exhibited. He chose to explain that his position evolved, partially, as he worked shoulder to shoulder with his staff members who are in same sex relationships. He saw the love and guidance they exhibited toward their children and saw that love conquers all. It eliminates the fear of any differences that may exist.

My book, Just Behind the Door, is about loss and spiritualism. However, it is more than that really. It is about how unconditional love is the Alpha and Omega of the Universe. That love is in all, for all and through all. I know this in my heart.

Thank you, Mr. President.