Official blog for the book "Just Behind the Door"

Posts tagged ‘beliefs’

The Power of Words!

Did you know our brains are wired toward negatives? When are ancestors were living in caves survival was the only game in town. Food, shelter and protection from outside threats kept them always on high alert – after all to relax could have meant certain death. Today, we all know some people who choose a negative mindset and it’s just plain exhausting to be around! Their default mode seems to be one of seeing their cup as half empty. Often that’s manipulation to get attention. You can’t really change a person who has lived their life choosing the ‘poor me’ syndrome. But, fast forward to 2016 – most of us now realize the tremendous importance of having a more positive mindset on our overall physical and mental health. Yes, we have to work at it at times but there is something we can do almost effortlessly to enhance our positive mindset.
A big one is to listen to our own word choices. Words are energy plain and simple – either negative or positive. When we allow ourselves to think in negatives or absolutes and use only a few choice word to vocalize our feelings it can keep us locked into viewing things negatively. Words such as awful, catastrophe, blowup, fight, or falling apart just to name a few sends an immediate message to our brains. Rather than using these type of words what if we started using words such as challenging, difficult or my favorite ‘an opportunity’ when a difficult situation presents itself. Words either serves to empower us to think of a way to address or improve something or serve to give our minds the message of being overwhelmed. 
In goal setting it is said that words trigger emotions on a subconscious level that result in beliefs, attitudes and ultimate behavior. What we think or say really does have a tremendous impact on our lives. Becoming aware of the words we use are the first step to a more positive mind set.
A perfect example is before us. I try to be informed during important events but have chosen to stop listening to any candidate on T.V. whose words just wear me down! The constant barrage of threats, fear and hate in speeches have taken its toll on our population. Hateful words have instigated brawls, riots, name calling and served to instill fear and hopelessness in many. When people feel they are being encouraged to act out or have nothing to lose they often reduce themselves to the lowest common denominator and can become a danger to themselves an others. The more we allow these negatives to infiltrate our minds the more upset, depressed or overwhelmed we become. 
In contrast, the uplifting words of Franklin Delano Roosevelt, “We have nothing to fear but fear itself,” or Winston Churchill, “Never, never, never, never give up!” begins to put in perspective the power of the spoken word – and just think… we can choose right here right now to bring more positive energy into our lives – and it all starts with something as simple as the words we choose to use. 
Have a great few days!

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The Power of the Unconscious!

Our first impressions are powerful. Research by Willis and Todorov of Princeton found that we make a decision about a person’s competence, likability, and trustworthiness within the first tenth of a second that we meet them and those impressions hold true for us months later. Take a moment and think about how long one tenth of a second really is …. a snap judgment. Yet we are constantly advised not to make decisions too quickly … but rather to think about it, sleep on it, so that we don’t make a rash decision we will regret later. While all this advice sounds good the reality is that we rarely follow it. We form our instant opinions and then convince ourselves that we are right regardless of evidence to the contrary. The impressions which cause us to make snap decisions come from deep inside our subconscious where intuition, biases, genetic messaging, character traits and social norms have been slowly, over years incubating to become such a part of us that we don’t even realize they are constantly front and center in everything we see, feel and believe. The unconscious basically decides what we are either drawn to or repelled by on a momentary basis.

While we would like to think that we are in total control – on a conscious level – of everything we think, feel and do nothing could be farther from the truth. Our subconscious mind is constantly giving us a barrage of messages and feelings. This amazing part of our brain is the ‘true brain behind the brain.’

As David Brooks said in his New York Times bestseller, ‘The Social Animal,’ the subconscious is the source of character, love and achievement. It collects the wisdom of the ages. In fact, as we learn more, experience more of the world and develop deeper character traits this amazing part of our anatomy is so powerful it constantly orders and reorders the new information to help us become wiser and more adept at living. Brooks went on to say that his book “would not try to discern God’s role in all this but if there is a divine creativity, surely it is active in this inner soul sphere, where brain matter produces emotion, where love rewires the neurons.”

Amazing to think about right – especially when we have been taught that the subconscious simply contains the the baser elements of survival – particularly the fight or flight instincts.

Realizing that our unconscious mind affects so much of our behavior it behooves us to learn from research how to decipher the patterns, tendencies and predictable behaviors so that we harness the strength of decision making. Some of these facts I will be writing about will shock, some will surprise but all will cause you to shake your head in wonder. Think of the next few blogs coming to you as ‘The Farmer’s Almanac of Human Behavior.’

Have a great few days!

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Speak Up and Change the World!

Changing our minds and hearts occurs when we take the time to understand something more deeply – to walk for a moment in another’s shoes. We know when such a change is real because the person has nothing to gain politically or economically but much to gain emotionally. These type of changes give us hope that as human beings truth will ultimately prevail as we strive for fairness and equality for all.

Michael Bowers, the former Attorney General for the state of Georgia, notoriously known for his anti-gay credentials, epitomized such a change of mind and heart this week. While occupying that office in the ’80’s he upheld laws that discriminated against gays. However, recently he spoke out against newly proposed legislation in Georgia that would allow personal religious faith to be used to justify discrimination of those same groups. At 73 years young he gives us hope that positive change is possible regardless of age or standing. Since he is still viewed as a powerful and respected Republican, long after his 16 year stint as the top legal mind in his state, we can believe in the adage, ‘Hope springs eternal.’

When interviewed regarding his change of position on gay rights he said simply, “I know I’m different. I’m not as mean as I used to be” and he expressed regret for the pain he had caused in the past. We have to admire a person who comes forth publicly, to shout to the world, ‘I was wrong and want to correct my error in thinking.’ I want to make things right.’

There will come a day when the remaining states will join the existing 36 and support the right for gays to marry. Mr. Bowers willingness to speak out about his change of understanding and position regarding what constitutes discrimination will have a positive effect on the when and where of it all.

For a culture that often believes that the younger among us have a hold on truth and accomplishment this statement by a former Attorney General can move mountains among his peers – a group that was raised during a time when exclusion was valued over inclusion and fear reigned supreme. His statements will serve as a lighthouse of truth that will shine through for others to find their way to a deeper knowing that the Universe doesn’t make mistakes. In our hearts we know that everyone has the right to live free of discriminatory practices but it will take all of us, regardless of age, to be brave enough to speak out and promote this truth.

Our opinions or biases were formed from scant information often heard around the family’s kitchen table as we were growing up. But when something continues to niggle at us and seems to confront those beliefs it is time to reassess why we believe as we do. Then the wiser among us will choose to challenge those biases and opinions by seeking to understanding more deeply the rest of the story. Let’s make a commitment to join the ranks of this later group and continually seek to understand while keeping in mind the importance of the age old statement, ‘Judge not lest ye be judged.’

Have a great few days!

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Need More Energy?

How is your energy level lately? When you ask that question of people they often respond by saying that they feel wiped out and in need of more rest. What causes us to feel exhausted just from our normal activities? Could it be that our energy is being depleted without realizing it by our own beliefs and behaviors?

We know that everything in our life starts and ends with energy. In fact, we are little conduits or balls of energy that seek out, like a homing pigeon, more of what we are manifesting or giving out to the Universe. Think about it. What programs do you watch on T.V.? Are they filled with negative energy? What types of conversation do you engage in? Are they filled with angst or drama?

When you listen to the news does it seem to be one problem or catastrophe after another? There’s a reason for that – it’s called marketing. With our 24/7 news coverage and each station competing for higher ratings what would have been a somewhat news worthy story in the past has become a dramatic encounter of the third kind. Often, these stories worry us, wear us down until we wonder if the world will ever be right again. If we take in the news before going to work it can start our day with negative, worry filled thoughts that remain with us no matter how hard we try to shake them.

Listen to those folks you interact with during the day. Are they upbeat, filled with ideas about making their lives or the world better or are they depressed, worried and just trying to make it through another day? Are the actual words used in conversations energy giving or energy draining? For instance, when you talk about love, hope or happiness you can feel the positive vibes just as surely as you can feel the weight of words such as loss, hurt, rejection. What words are you most commonly using?

If you visualize any of these negative experiences as energy that clings on to you and effects your psyche you can see why at the end of the day you are exhausted. It is not simply from working long hours but more importantly it’s from the negative ‘cling ons’ that you gather during the day from your own thinking or the thinking of others.

Remaining positive in the face of our life challenges is hard. But we can do it IF we are aware of and control our own thinking and the influence that other people and situations have on us. Our own backpacks are exactly the weight we have chosen to carry and work through in this lifetime. Carrying someone else’s weight simply doesn’t work because they don’t learn their own life lessons in the process. Ultimately, recognizing the effect that negative energy has on us is the first step in controlling our life experiences. Limiting the amount of time we spend with others who are engage in seeing their cup as half-empty is important. It doesn’t mean you don’t care about them it simply means you have become astute enough to realize that only they can do something about their issues. Letting go of the title, ‘Fixer In Charge’ is an important step in helping others as well as yourself. When they realize you will no longer engage in the on-going conversation, once again, about how bad they have it, they can then choose to use the time more productively and do something about their life challenges. If they choose to accept responsibility and change their thinking they will change their life. The operative word here is CHOOSE.

Happiness is not as elusive as we might think. It starts and ends by taking control of our own thinking and experiences with others. When we choose happiness and go about living our lives expecting good things to happen the amazing thing is our life changes for the better. We are sending out positive intentions to the Universe and attracting more positive energy back to us. It really boils down to the question, ‘Are we ready to take control of our thinking and our life?’ Let’s do it!

Have a great few days!

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Values on Your Compass

We each have our own moral compass consisting of our personal standards, values, and beliefs that have been formed from childhood and enlarged upon as we experience life. The values on our compass are the touchstones that are sacred to us as individuals. For example, concepts such as honesty, compassion and integrity are just a few areas that may constitute our moral compass. What five words would you choose to list on your moral compass? Which one concept is your true north, the most important of all the other values? The one you simply cannot compromise and remain true to yourself?

Although we all have our own moral compass we are interdependent on each other for survival. If we think about the clothes we wear, the food we eat, the energy we use to heat our homes or drive our cars, other human beings were involved in delivering to us what we needed to survive. It takes all of us to contribute our own unique skill set, working within our own moral compass, for the world to work.

We are inherently good, well-intentioned folks. We give and take from the banquet before us and try to make the world a little better place during our extended stay here. The challenge seems to be when values on our own moral compass conflict with values on the moral compass of others. What do we do when we disagree with the values that others seem to hold as their true north?

As individuals, it seems natural to have different priorities, different sacred cows. This can work well as long as we stay committed to improvement to society as a whole. However, if we allow ourselves to fall into indifference and not hold ourselves or others accountable for hypocrisy or benefit to personal vested interest rather than society as a whole than our system, our moral compass, begins to be negatively effected and we all lose.

It takes time to help a friend or loved one who is seeking input and yet, the time spent seems to be in direct proportion to the value we place on our human experience. How much time are you willing to give to help another? It also takes time to have your voice heard on political, economic or other areas. Time is the ultimate compliment you can offer to another person or cause. Who knows, you might just have a positive effect on the world. It’s worth a try.

As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, ” It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.”

Have a great few days!

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