Official blog for the book "Just Behind the Door"

Posts tagged ‘self awareness’

Celebrate Your Authentic Self!

Those who have lived a long life and learned a great deal in the process have an important message for us… ‘live a life true to yourself and not simply one that others expect you to live’ – in other words to be your authentic self.

At a Commencement address at Stanford University Steve Jobs reiterated this thought when he said, “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your inner voice… have the courage to follow your heart and intuition …they somehow already know what you truly want to become…”

A famous line from Shakespeare’s play Hamlet says, ‘To thine own self be true…’

So there we have it, a few quotes from hundreds of different sources spanning in time from the 1600’s to the present yet with the same idea – to live authentically by knowing our own values, preferences and abilities and being strong enough to be our genuine self during our life’s journey.

Some people are afraid of being authentic or truly known because they worry that if others really knew them they might reject them. That’s possible for any of us but not likely. Besides those people who make it a habit of rejecting others are basically unhappy, stressed, uninspired and just stuck in their own life. Others do not listen to them because they are simply too exhausting to be around. So think about that for a moment…do you really need to care about being accepted by everyone? Ask yourself, what is the worst possible thing that could happen if someone rejected you… could you survive it? My guess is – absolutely! Why not relieve yourself of the pressure of trying to be perfect and just be who you were designed to be – your beautiful and unique – one of a kind self!

The Universe provides us the opportunity to learn our chosen life lessons. Could it be that one of those lessons is to learn to be true to ourselves? If so, how are you doing with that? Is it time to remove your mask and breathe deeply into your own truth? I assure you that you’ll be glad you did. After all, the Universal Energy doesn’t make mistakes and you are exactly who you are supposed to be – and that’s a wonderful thing!

The title of Mike Robbin’s book says it all… ‘Be Yourself, Everyone Else Is Already Taken.’

Have a great few days!

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You are beautiful!

We make it a practice to recognize and compliment others. When we see them accomplish something they have been working toward or achieve a deeper understanding we celebrate them. We often tell them how good they look. Well, today let’s take a moment to pat ourselves on the back. Although we deserve it we seldom think about giving ourselves a ‘thumbs up.’ Take a moment and think about where you have come from, what challenges you have overcome and what growth you have made as a person. It’s time to reflect on all you have been through and celebrate the fact that you are still learning, living and loving.

To someone out there you are their everything. Now that’s impressive! Rather than falling into the trap of continual self criticism think about yourself through the eyes of someone who really cares for you and just smile. The following poem from BlondOwl says it all…

Beyond the Reflection

Looking in the mirror, What do you see?
The eyes of a monster, the hair of a beast.
A bump, a lump, an excuse for a nose.
Eyelashes too short, eyebrows that grow.

Shoulders broad but legs too skinny,
a smile with lines too deep and wimpy.
Cheeks rather puffy, and a scowl, rather scruffy.

Now mirror my eyes, What do I see?
Eyes of an angel, hair of a Greek.
A curve, a shimmy, a perfect nose.
Eyelashes that accent eyebrows of pose.

Shoulders of confidence, legs just so perfect,
A smile with lines of laughter from living.
Cheeks so cute, and an expression of love.

What monster do you speak of?
A beast? I see none.
Before me, an angel of wings,
a friend, a loved one.

What ugliness is this?
What flaw is that?
Shush ….
You are blind as a bat.

You strut,
You dance,
You shout and sing,
To me you are beauty…my everything.

Have a great day!

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Space and Time are the Magic!

How many times have you instantly responded back to someone’s comment and regretted it after? Later you might think to yourself, ‘my ears didn’t hear what my mouth said … until it was too late.’ We may then start to worry about how others will view us. Regret usually follows as we remember the last 10 times or so that we also responded without thinking. We may, at first, try to justify our response. But after a short while we start to feel embarrassed and begin to put ourselves down. We add to the negative view we have of ourselves. Eventually we become worried that others might think we are always ‘that way.’

Our rapid fire responses comes from defensiveness or fear that we learned ages ago. Over time, we have developed a habit of striking back immediately at any perceived slight from an individual. We have become quite good at something that does not serve us well in the long run. But once habits are recognized they can be changed.

The author, Steven Covey, wrote about this in his book, ‘The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. His first habit is to ‘Be Proactive – Become aware of the Space’ between every stimulus and response to achieve greater happiness. That space – that moment in which we have the freedom to choose our response actually defines us. Do we choose anger or calm, a negative, positive or neutral reaction? When we become aware that we have an opportunity to redirect any challenging emotional response simply by using time (it may be only 30 seconds) which is the space Covey is referring to – between what happened and how we respond to it we put ourselves in the driver’s seat. We are able to use both our mind and heart to achieve personal growth and a feeling of being more in control. We then experience a more positive self concept and greater happiness. Just think … All this happens when we train ourselves to take a deep breath BEFORE reacting or responding to a comment or circumstance. As Covey said, “Next to life itself, this self-awareness of our freedom to choose, to direct our lives, is our most precious gift and power.”

The space thing is a big deal. Just like music, visual and performing arts, and writing the white space is purposeful. It allows for greater meaning and deeper understanding when we train ourselves to observe and work with it. Think of an actor who delivers his lines quickly compared to one that uses space and pauses for greater emotional impact. The space – the pause often speaks louder than the actual words.

There are no blue ribbons or best in show awards given to the person who practices a rapid fire response to life. In fact, it speaks volumes to the maturational level of the individual. Think of a young child – they react quickly to someone or something because they have not fully matured and developed a more appropriate response mechanism that will serve them better over time. They have not yet learned the magic of space and time.

When someone says something that sounds hurtful or uninformed the magic is in YOUR chosen response. Remember the concept of space and time. You can build up, educate and win or merely strike back. It really is a choice that is completely yours.

Have a great few days!

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Life is 650,000 hours!

According to Bill Bryson in his book, ‘A Short History of Nearly Everything,’ the average human being lives about 650,000 hours which amounts to a little over 74 years. Of course this is simply an average but it does give a person pause when you think about our life span in that context – reduced to the concept of hours. All of a sudden every hour we spend living in the past or worrying about the future takes on a whole different perspective. One hour gone …how many more do we have left?

Each of us is carrying a load of rocks from our past in our invisible backpacks. If we perseverate on them the rocks can become boulders and cause us to slow down and even bend under the weight. The question is do we have the extra time and energy to continue to carry around anger, regrets or disappointments from the past? Or is it time to decide the next hour, day and week of our life will be better than ever because the clock is, indeed, ticking.

A simple practice of training ourselves, immediately upon awakening, to think about one thing to be grateful for and put a smile on our face we start our day off with more physical and emotional energy. It doesn’t cost a thing but will reap tons of benefit. It also helps us bring our ‘a game’ to the moment, the hour in which we are living. You may be thinking to yourself that you’re not a morning person. You don’t have to be. Simply getting into the practice of waking up with a thought of gratitude and a smile can be a game changer for the day. You still don’t have to talk to anyone until you have had that first cup of coffee or tea. This practice just seems to help get our own internal house in order for the new day. After all, you are still alive and have another chance to realize your purpose and make a difference in life. That, in itself, is a big reason to be happy.

It’s a matter of intention and self awareness. The next time you pass a mirror glance at it and honestly decide what your face is showing to the world. Does it project warmth, positive energy and welcome others in? Can you see a smile in your eyes? If not, the good news is that you can decide to change. Since it takes less energy to be positive than negative it seems like a no brainer to me. Yes, it takes honest self reflection and a bit of effort but we can change just about anything in our lives if we so desire. No cost involved – just a choice to become more aware of our own happiness index and do something about it.

Living is not resisting and merely existing but rather evolving by learning, growing, and polishing the rougher edges of our personality. We all have them. We can become happier, more energized and the person we always wanted to be when we have the courage to take stock of our lives and choose to do something about it. Self improvement is time incredibly well spent. It fuels the body, heart and soul.

Today you can choose to make a difference in life – one step at a time- starting with yourself. Now that is something to get excited about!

Have a great few days!

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