Have you ever heard someone say that their love for another was simply not enough? How can that be we wonder? It sounds ludicrous to the untrained ear yet when we listen more deeply we hear a love that was conditional – based on making someone else happy and meeting their needs. Eventually, it becomes apparent that it is a fool’s journey.
But we may think that if we really love someone we would want to make them happy, satisfy their desires or shield them from pain. Yet, when we are in a constant state of ‘doing ‘ for them we are actually impeding their own growth as human beings as well as our own. We have become simply a host organism that provides emotional, psychological and physical nourishment to someone with an insatiable appetite. Eventually exhaustion sets in.
For those of us who have perfected the art of being a people pleaser we may rush in where fools fear to tread to help, assist and even rescue someone from themselves. Eventually, the label of people pleaser looses its shine and we come to the stark realization that we have been important to others and valued by them for what we do – not for who we are – that’s conditional love and it hurts. Is it time to love yourself enough to say gently but firmly, ‘enough – if it’s going to be it’s up to you…not me.’
There are other forms of love. The highest being what the ancient Greeks called Agape or unconditional love. This love does not need, seek or expect. It’s much deeper than mere physical attraction. It does not depend on anything – it simply is … It’s the type of love that encourages others to grow and is big enough to move out of the way so that lessons can be learned in their own way and time. It’s not swayed by time or circumstance and cannot be bought or sold. It is Universal love. The kind that gives energy to us and envelopes us with a confident knowing that we are on the right path.
Unconditional love is an inside job. It must start inside ourselves first with a strong sense of self esteem and confidence before it can authentically radiate out to others. The question to ask ourselves is, do we love ourselves conditionally or unconditionally? A huge but critical thing to ask because we know deep in our hearts that conditional love is never enough.
Have a great few days!
Do you ever think about a particular person and feel anger, resentment, or even rage? Be honest with yourself and really think about it. If you feel that you have been hurt, rejected or even emotionally attacked by another in your past it is hard to let go of it. Each time the person’s name comes up or you even think of that person, you may feel tense, hostile or even a seething inside you. Check out your body language. Your eyes, face, even voice intonation says it all. When that person’s name comes up it is easy to see if you are still holding on to negative energy surrounding the situation.
In my book, Just Behind the Door, I talk about past hurts as if they were a backpack we are caring around. Every time we think about a particular event or person and feel emotionally stressed by the remembering, it is, as if, you are actually experiencing the event again. It adds another rock to your backpack making it heavier for you to carry. I can visualize a person hunched over from the weight of past hurts struggling to put one foot in front of the other. The weight of the world seems to be on their shoulders and they seem to be a magnet that attracts more negatives in their life day after day.
Forgiveness releases the hold, the weight we are carrying. It doesn’t mean that we don’t remember past hurts. But rather we remember them without emotionally getting hooked into the negative feelings associated with them. You might be thinking that what happened wasn’t right or fair. In reality, what you lived through was PLANNED by YOU for this lifetime to teach you some valuable life lessons. When you can look back and release the anger associated with the experience and forgive yourself AND the other person you will have learned the lessons you set out to learn. It is not easy to emotionally let it go but it is extremely important to do so. Until those particular lessons are learned and your mind and heart lets go of the anger, similar situations will continue to surface in your life. When you accept responsibility for the choices you made for this lifetime and let go of the anger towards others, you exhale deeply, your shoulders relax and you view the person or situation in terms of ‘life lessons learned.’
The noise in our minds fueled by negative remembrances drowns out the sounds of love and forgiveness from the Universe. It keeps us locked on, like a GPS, to a path that will attract more of the same. Our minds and hearts can be filled with either love or fear. If you find it impossible to forgive a particular person, force yourself to look at what you truly feared most about the past circumstance involving them. Fear is the operative word here. That fear is your lesson in disguise.
We can live a life of love, acceptance and abundance or remain stuck, reliving the hurts of yesterday and attracting more negative energy into our lives. The choice is always up to us.
Have a great few days!