Official blog for the book "Just Behind the Door"

Posts tagged ‘judgment’

Compare No More!

Dr. Marci Shimoff a prolific author and lecturer talks about the need to ‘upgrade our personal operating system.’ She explains that we have two possible operating systems available to us. The first is from a negativity bias which seems to have become terribly overused. In fact, of the approximate 60,000 thoughts we have per day, 80% are negative thoughts of fear, worry and judgment. With this operating system it is a challenge just to get through the day! Life is seen through the eyes of exhaustion. Negative energy robs us of the light source of love and happiness. People in this mindset live in the past (regret) or the future (worry) and miss today – The Now – and the chance to be all they can be.

Dr. Shimoff suggests that we need to upgrade our own personal operating system to one that comes from our soul source of love. This is where miracles are generated. From this mindset, anything is possible and we wake each morning with a sense of purpose and gratitude because we have another day to make a difference in our own lives and in the lives of others.

How do we consciously shift our operating system from negative to positive? Living in the present is the first step. The second step is to honestly evaluate the amount of time that we spend in judging and comparing ourselves to others. Check yourself on this by monitoring your thoughts for a day. You will be amazed at your own ‘comparison habit’ that may have become so ingrained in your thinking that it seems natural.

When we decide to appreciate our own strengths we begin to learn to love ourselves for who we are – independent of others. Think about it. Do you often look at yourself and think, ‘I’m too this or not enough that.’ If so you are operating out of a mindset of lack. Are we the brightest, best looking, most successful person in the whole world? Maybe not – but are we learning about ourselves and working to become more of what we can be everyday? Absolutely! The thought of not being perfect is just that – a negative thought that comes from judgment and comparison – two self defeating habits. As Franklin Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” How superficial it is to fall into the habit of comparison thinking. We have no idea what other people’s journey is all about. How can we logically compare ourselves to them? The poem “Desiderata,” speaks beautifully to the thought of comparison:

“If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements, as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career… Be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the Universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the Universe is unfolding as it should.”

When we start living in the Now and stop our on going comparison of self to others we begin to make the intuitive leaps in knowing and understanding that are our birthright. We give ourselves the license to believe, achieve and manifest our highest intentions. Life becomes an exciting adventure full of twists and turns that make us stronger everyday. We can pat ourselves on the back and say, ‘I’ve upgraded my operating system and it feels good! Now I have time to appreciate me!’

Have a great few days!

Unconditional Love

Life is nothing without love and through love everything is possible. The interesting thing about the topic of love is that we are often guided on the importance of loving others but are not taught the importance of loving ourselves unconditionally. Some of us may have been blessed with unconditional love from a parent or other significant adult in our lives. For others who did not experience this type of love they may have many things yet to unlearn in life. Until we can love ourselves unconditionally we are incapable of unconditional love toward others.

Unconditional love has no limits or boundaries. It can’t be bought or sold. This kind of love does not dictate conditions but is offered without expectations of receiving in return – no strings attached. It is the kind of love a mother has for her child. The distinction between conditional and unconditional love is huge. We can think of examples where love depended on what was being received. The person who had enough money to give, give, give and when their ability to give was changed or compromised their friends or even family members no longer had time for them. That’s conditional love and it hurts.

Could it be possible that if we do not really love ourselves unconditionally others feel it and in return do not experience unconditional love toward us? Seems to me that since the energy we give off attracts more of the same type of energy back to us, the importance of truly loving ourselves unconditionally becomes even more crucial. We are, in essence, like a magnet with a positive end (unconditional love) and negative end (conditional love) and we attract more of the same type of energy to us that we are giving off. Makes truly loving ourselves even more important doesn’t it?

If we find ourselves thinking ‘I’m not … enough or I’m too …’ or in reference to someone else, ‘they are too … or not enough …’ that kind of thinking reflects conditions. That hurts you and others. Is it time to fully accept ourselves and others and realize that all of us have chosen our life path, in this body and at this time in history for our own unique purpose? The lessons we are being presented with in life were designed by each of us for a specific reason – to learn from them.

You truly are perfect in the eyes of the Universe and in the eyes of those who love you unconditionally. There is no ‘if’ in their loving. They just love you because you are you. That’s what really counts in life. It is not about the number of ‘friends’ you have on Facebook but the number of friends you have when you need them, without judgment or conditions, simply because they love you unconditionally. It has been said that most people can count the number of true friends like this on one hand and have fingers left over …maybe so. Maybe that’s the way it is supposed to be …

Do we all make mistakes, need some rework and growth experiences during our life? Absolutely! However, we can face these challenging times with a much larger tool kit if we have first accepted ourselves, as we are – a person who is growing and becoming all that we can be – and making a difference on planet earth -because we cared and dared to love unconditionally.

As Elisabeth Kubler-Ross said, “the ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others but ourselves as well.”

Have a great few days!