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Archive for the ‘General’ Category

Bring It On Home!

The last three blogs were on the importance of sending out our affirmations to the Universe to achieve the goals we most desire in our lives. I mentioned that we need to act, as if, we have already achieved our desired goals and some have wondered why that is necessary – is it just pretending? Well – sort of – but it is so much more. Basically, our brains cannot hold two competing or opposing thoughts simultaneously. Take a moment and just try it. Try to hold opposing thoughts about the same thing or same person in your mind. It can’t be done. Our brains demand a choice – an answer as to which feeling or thought is real. That’s why acting as if we have already achieved our desired goal requires that we change our reality and energy to make it happen. Your written goals, serve as a beacon that is flashing a light into the Universe to direct the energy back to you that is necessary to achieve the goal exactly as you have visualized it.

You can achieve anything you put your mind to if you believe that you have the right and power to manifest it. Think of one or two things that you absolutely want, more than anything, and write them down. Trust me on this – actually writing your goals down is an important step. Regardless of how intelligent you are please don’t try to shorten the process by believing you can simply think about them and not write them down. It doesn’t work nearly as well because this process is about emotional energy and the feelings involved. It’s about more than intellect. Now, think about how great you feel once your goals come to pass. Really get into it. See yourself having attained these two goals and take a moment to absorb how you are feeling. This is powerful stuff. Feels good, doesn’t it?

Place you written goals where you will see them once or twice a day. Each time you read them take just a minute to inhale and feel how great it is having achieved them. Each time you do this the flashing light on the beacon becomes stronger and gives out an even more powerful signal to the Universe. Think of it as a process that guides your goals right home to you.

Now it is time to confidently relax and allow the Universe to make your goals a reality. Relaxing and believing in the process is crucial. Do not think about all the steps necessary to cause your goals to become a reality. That is over thinking the process and actually creates stress or worry. As you would gather, of course, stress and worry actually push the goals away from you not toward you. Why? Negative energy in any form simply returns more of the same to you.

Please give it a try. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain! When you have achieved your first goal please let me know on the website. You will be amazed at the power you have to change your life. Goal attainment is easier than you think. It just takes a belief in your own power and a couple of easy steps to make things happen.

Have a great few days!

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General

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Attaining Greater Happiness

Following up on two previous blogs on how to achieve greater happiness in your life, I have a question for you, “Are you living an intention driven life?” Whether we call it goal setting or positive intentions the purpose is the same; placing ourselves in the driver’s seat rather than the passenger’s seat in life. It’s about deciding to make things happen rather than let them happen. Each of us has the innate power to choose to live a life filled with purpose, optimism and attainment. Free will is the ticket that allows you to choose your perspective.

I read a quote recently from a 71 year old who said, “The last 15 years have been the best time of my life so far.” The last two words, ‘so far’ stops you in your tracks don’t they? In our youth filled culture it may, at first, strike you as incongruous to think that an elder would have the audacity to view the ensuing years with such optimism. Yet, others respond by mentally cheering on this mindset as we knowingly smile at the implications. It’s all about perspective isn’t it?

When we live with purpose by deciding what we truly want out of life (as well as what we will no longer accept) and begin to mentally project those positive feelings of attainment forward, the world becomes our oyster. Age no longer becomes an issue merely a fact. The adage, ‘the older the wiser,’ takes on a deeper meaning.

By choosing a life of on-going personal growth – intellectually, emotionally and spiritually- we begin to take charge of our life. We may even find the time and opportunity to help another traveler on their journey as we begin to live in a mindset of abundance.

Your personal challenge is to DECIDE to live a life from the perspective of goals and intentions rather than one of mere habits. It requires us to summon all of our personal strength to truly believe that we deserve to sculpt our own destiny and learn our life lessons with a minimum of challenge and a maximum of deeper personal understanding.

Whether you are 18 or 80 the choice is always yours – to decide to live more fully from a place of optimistic enthusiasm or remain boxed into a world of fear that often manifests itself through self-defeating habits and a mindset of ‘lack.’ Choosing a mindset of abundance rather than lack is your right. Go for it!

Today, I challenge you to analyze your life perspective. Look at your patterns bringing both your mind and heart to the task. Decide what truly gives you energy and what drains you. Take the time to write out the goals and intentions that will increase those positive experiences that energize you and then patiently sit back and wait. Congratulations! You’ve placed yourself in the driver’s seat now and the journey of your new life has just begun!

Have a great few days!

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General

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Design Your Life!

This blog is the third in a series on how to achieve greater happiness and well being in your life by taking control of what you want. The previous two blogs on the topic are in the archive section on this website. As I have said previously, the first step is making a list of what you NO LONGER WANT in your life and the second list is made up of things you DO WANT in your life. This approach works when you take the time to FEEL the positive results and see yourself actually achieving your goals when you are writing them down or reviewing them daily. We have the right to determine what will make us happier through the gift of free will. All we have to do is use it! We can choose to make things happen or let them happen to us – it all depends on our mindset – our positive or negative beliefs that surround us about self.

Each of us has decided on specific lessons to learn in this lifetime. But did you know that we also have the right to choose how we prefer to learn them – the tough way or the easier way. Well, we do! The first way is through continual trials and tribulations until we just want to give up or the second way is by developing a deeper understanding of and appreciation of the energy we possess simply by being a student of the Universe. The first way is powered through negative energy and produces greater stress in our lives but the second way is through a more positive view by seeing ourselves as a co-designer of our life experiences. Either way the lessons will be presented to us. Remember, the Universe first whispers, then speaks and will eventually shout to get our attention. Why not choose to learn the lesson earlier rather than later – the easier way rather than the harder one? It makes sense to me!

Through the use of goal setting or affirmation attainment, as it is sometimes called, we can actually become co-designers in our life. We can create the most positive and effective ways to learn our individual lessons when we start by making lists of our Don’t Wants and Do Wants in our lives. We are giving the Universe a very important signal that says, ‘This is what I want in my life and I deserve it,’ because you do! We become empowered when we see our list of Wants manifesting in our lives.

There are a few steps that you must really get into to change your life. They don’t take long if you focus on the process. First off, it is important for you to BELIEVE that it really is possible to attain whatever you want in your life. Next, after making your list of Wants it is important to live as if you have already attained those goals. In both your mind and your heart, starting right now, right here, to feel how great it is that you have realized the goals you have written down. See yourself getting that promotion – view your new title on the door or letterhead. Really get into it and feel how your life has changed. See people congratulating you on your promotion. If one of your goals is to receive more money in your pay check, close your eyes and view your pay stub, see the larger number, feel how great it is to be able to pay off more of your bills and put a little aside as savings. You have the power to manifest any goal if you believe in yourself and the process. The Universe is just waiting for you to tell it what you desire – with positive emotion – to present it in your life.

Goal setting is basically proactive energy at work. You can achieve your greatest desire when you believe in the power of positive energy to truly can make things happen. Each time you take a few minutes to FEEL how great it is achieving your goal it is another positive message to the Universe. The Universe will respond in kind. Less than 10% of people even think about goal setting and less than 5% take the time to write down and visualize their goals happening in their lives. It is all about believing in your own power to shape your life. I know it works!

When you think about those people who seem to be able to handle the challenges that appear in their life and just keep moving forward you realize they have developed the ability to see themselves winning, achieving their goals and moving forward. You hear positive statements coming from them. Life is no ‘brief candle’ to them but a splendid torch which they CHOOSE to burn brightly. They are perfect examples of what positive energy can manifest in our lives. They accept responsibility – never blaming others – but see any challenge presented to them as an opportunity to learn from it – and they simply do so without drama or worry. They realize that both drama and worry are negative emotions and there is no room for negatives in their lives.

Each of us can CHOOSE to create the life we want by starting to see our glasses as half-full rather than half-empty, making our lists of Don’t Wants and Wants and bringing forth the positive emotional feelings that we know we will feel achieving our goals. The steps are simple once you believe in yourself enough to make it happen!

Have a great few days!

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General

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Make a List of What You Do Want!

In my last blog I was talking about making positive changes in your life and asked you to make a list of what you DON’T want in your life any longer. As I said then, this may sound a bit counterintuitive but it’s not. As a fellow traveler on this earth it is important to realize you have both a right and an obligation to determine what makes you happy and it starts by deciding what you no longer want in your life. Think of it as a gift to yourself. Yes, we have chosen specific lessons in our lives but a lesson can be learned from various trials and tribulations or from a place of higher development of self and a deeper appreciation of how to manifest the things you want in your life. When Albert Einstein used to reconnect with people he would say, “What have you learned since we last met? “That’s a powerful thought! We can choose to learn continuously through many different ways if we keep ourselves open to it. Life has not given you more or less lessons than others but simply the ones you have chosen. Choosing a more positive way to view them just makes sense. After all, we are not here to learn to control or fight the circumstances presented to us but to learn how to positively respond by seeing the issues presented as the opportunity and the lessons learned and move on with dignity and gratitude.

Having completed your list of Don’t Wants, today is the day to start your list of Do Wants. That’s right you get to choose! No one can determine what you want or what you are entitled to but you, so today let’s start your second list. Let’s pretend that this is a Christmas like no other and you can receive exactly what you most desire. What are those things that would make you happy and bring greater peace and joy to your life? Make the list and add as many as you choose. After each one ask yourself the real key question – the WHY you want a particular item on your list. Actually, the best approach is to ask the why five different times. Each answer will give you a deeper understanding of your motivation behind the want and surface greater emotion. It is important to go full tilt on each ‘why.’ It will get you to the ‘Aha’ of the real reason and will help you get in touch with how you will feel when the want or affirmation is attained. You want the deep, gut level feeling of why each Want is truly important to you. The more you ask yourself why the clearer you are being in sending the message out to the Universe.

The deep feeling that you are going for as you reread each statement is the energy that you are putting out to the Universe. Think of it this way, the list is simply like a car but the feelings you bring forth is actually the gas that gets it all going and keeps it humming smoothly. Goal setting (another name for attaining affirmations) works when and only when you take the time to experience how you will FEEL differently when those goals are attained. It’s rather like pretending you have already achieved your desires and are basking in the reality of them all.

The Universe is simply waiting for your direction. If you are struggling with something in your life and feeling less than stellar about it you are giving out huge amounts of negative energy by what you say, think and react to everyday. You may not be aware of it but worry and stress are huge amounts of negative energy that you are generating. As the dutiful servant the Universe will deliver back to you exactly what you are giving out by matching the energy it is receiving.

Over the next few days take the time to make your list of ‘Do Wants’ and take a moment to live in the moment of how much better you will feel, how positively your life will change when those statements on your list are realized. We all remember the statement that if you want something bad enough you must work at it. That’s true, but this is not hard back breaking work it is simply using both your mind and heart to feel the difference that will transpire when your greatest wants are realized in your life.

Trust me on this…this stuff works and all you have to bring to the table to achieve it is positive intentions. Now that’s not too much to ask right? Work on your list over the next few days and give all the positive emotions to the task that you can and just wait to see the results. The law of Attraction is never inconsistent. It will give back to you more of what you are giving out. Once you get into this positive mindset you will be absolutely amazed to realize that you are in the driver’s seat and life is not simply happening to you but that you, in fact, creating it through your thoughts. Be ready for the ride of your lifetime!

Have a great few days!

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General

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Make Your List of ‘Don’t Wants!’

Is it time to make positive changes in your life? Do you feel weighed down just facing another day? If so, there is a way to change it IF you are ready. There are actually specific steps you can take to achieve a happier, more fulfilled life which are totally under your control and quite easy actually. The first step, as counterintuitive as it may sound, is to make a list of what you DON’T want. Sound negative? Actually it’s not. It is simply a way to help you focus and analyze what the absolute non starters are for you at this point. Many of us have been taught to be grateful for whatever comes into our lives since each thing has a lesson attached – that’s partly true – everything does offer a lesson. But we do have the right to choose what will make us happy and be able to manifest it. Unfortunately, we often begin to accept the worry, challenges and temporary road blocks as simply something we have to ‘get through’ while we subconsciously wait for the other shoe to drop. That is all negative energy! Stop!

That’s why the first step in this process to harness the energy necessary to change your life must begin by you being totally honest with yourself and making a list of what you don’t want in life. The Universe delivers to us whatever is foremost in our thinking. If you are constantly thinking about lack (as in waiting for the next shoe to drop) the Universe delivers more of the same to you. However, once you send out the intent of what you don’t want in your life you have taken the first important step in stating your case, your expectations, of what you choose to live with and what you will no longer tolerate. It’s not magic but simply learning to harness the power of positive energy in your life. If you think ‘lack’ in reference to anything in your life – immediately change it into something you are grateful for – let’s get positive energy working here and rid yourself of the ‘lack’ mentality. Fake it ’till you make it if you have to!

Let’s take the example of money. How many times have you heard yourself worrying about not having enough money to pay the bills let alone do something special? As you are worrying about it, the mindset of ‘lack’ becomes so ingrained in your psyche that you become overcome with thoughts and feelings that reinforce your lack of not only financial security but other important things in your life. Worry is like a negative magnet that you send out into the Universe. Feeling the magnetic draw of that emotion, the Universe, ever the dutiful servant, matches that energy and gives you even more of the same. You become convinced that life is meant to be a struggle and believe you will never get ahead. Usually, the next thing to follow is the thought that you might as well buy something – a latte or whatever and charge it – because you will never get out of debt anyway. Really? The debt spiral has begun and you are in it. You are better, smarter than that thought!

This is exactly why the first step to take is to make a list of what you refuse to accept – your ‘don’t wants’ in life. Using the example of money, for instance, the first item on your list could be that ‘you don’t want to be financially strapped any longer’. Take a moment if this item resonates with you and let’s take it to the next level. Think how you will feel when you arrive at a place where you just know that all will work out just as it is suppose to with your finances and you can relax in knowing you’ll be okay. Feels good doesn’t it? The positive feelings you experience will draw – remember the magnet – more positives to you. Your opportunities will expand as you harness the power of a more positive mindset. Think you have one now? Maybe you do. Look around and listen to yourself, be honest, is there usually a ‘Yes but…’ in your response to life?

Your list of ‘Don’t Wants’ can be as short or as long as you choose. You have the power to change anything in your life if you desire the change badly enough. We are not put on this earth to struggle, worry or accept something that is not good for us or even simply ‘good enough.’ We have a right to have a great life! We simply have to claim it. Are you ready? This is a process, remember, and it will only work if you choose to work with it. It is not effortless but it is easier than you may think!

Step 1 is stating exactly what you no longer will allow in your life. The Universe is all
knowing. It will get the picture quickly. Think about a few things you no longer want to accept in your life. Write them down. Feel yourself pushing them out of your life once and for all. You are becoming the author of your own book and this is chapter one. Your book is about three things: what you will no longer tolerate, what you design your life to be and most importantly a belief that you deserve it. Remember, you have the power of the Universe behind you. That’s big! There will be more ‘chapters’ of your book to follow but for now, make that list of ‘Don’t Wants’ read it aloud and know that you are declaring your right to change your life – this works!

Stay tuned for my next blog as we move into further creating the life you CHOOSE to live. It’s just right around the corner!

Have a great few days!

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General

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What Are Your True Feelings?

When is the last time that a memory took your breath away? Let’s take a trip down Memory Lane. Can you remember five people, places or things that when you think about them brings a smile to your face from the inside out? This is not a trick question but intended for you to reconnect with the feelings you had at those moments, the positive energy you had that simply made you stop and exhale at the wonder of it all. The importance of remembering cannot be overlooked. It shows you that there were times in your life when your positive FEELINGS brought more positives into your life. You have done it before and can do it again.

Those things that elicit positive – take your breath away feelings – means that you were connecting with your life’s purpose on this journey. There is a huge difference between simple thoughts and deep feelings. The latter moves you toward accomplishment and connections. When you experience the feelings of gratitude, love, delight, joy or merely that warm fuzzy experience that causes you to know that at that moment something special, unforgettable is happening it reinforces the thought that our life lessons can be learned from a position of joy and gratitude not struggle. We may have been taught that life is intended to be, in fact, a struggle. Maybe not. It is possible to learn what we came here to learn through a more positive feeling type of approach.

We may have read somewhere to simply focus (think) about something we want in our lives and through the magic of affirmations it will come to us. Yet, there is something much more powerful and important that merely thinking about it. The secret is in the FEELINGS that you get when you visualize what you desire. FEELINGS cause the energy which works like a magnet in the Universe to bring you what you desire. The affirmation may be the ‘car’ but the FEELINGS are the motor!

Remember the saying, ‘garbage in – garbage out?’ That is another way of saying that what you think about most often with feeling is what you are attracting back to you from the Universe. Negative energy begets more of the same just as positive energy attracts more of its own. It sounds simple but it is really quite complex.

How often are you unwittingly focusing on what you don’t have, or the lack of something in your life? Again, the FEELINGS behind your thoughts act like a magnet to the Universe. If you are constantly thinking about what you don’t have or can’t achieve the cycle of lack in your life will continue with a vengeance. Do you really have time to play the ‘poor me’ card? Sadly, I think more people than we think spend their mental and emotional energy feeling ‘lack.’ You can recognize them by their walk, talk and attitude. Without words their life view speaks volumes.

Let’s reverse the ends of the magnet and turn to the positive rather than the negative end and see what happens. But first, we must take the time to think about – honestly evaluate – how often we are in a mindset set of ‘life’s not fair’ or ‘if only I had’ or even worse ‘it will never happen to me.’ You might want to ask a friend, whom you can trust to be brutally honest, for input. Do they hear you as a ‘glass half full’ type? Oftentimes, we are too close to the forest to see the trees so we need someone that we can trust to help us. The proof, however, is in the result. If you feel your life is lacking – money, friends, relationships, accomplishments it’s time to do a gut check and be honest about your FEELINGS. Once you accept that your negative feelings may be holding you back, you are ready to begin a journey toward greater joy and happiness. Ultimately, you will experience so many more moments that take your breathe away that you will become eternally grateful for the opportunity to learn your own life lessons through happiness not struggle.

In my next blog I will talk about the specific steps to take to change your thinking but in the meantime take the time and first step to honestly assess your internal dialogue.

Have a great few days!

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General

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Choose the Right Table!

In my last blog I talked about the six different types of love according to the ancient Greeks. All involve how much of you that you choose to bring to the table. But what if the table is set but it just doesn’t feel quite right? Maybe the food is not truly what you really want to eat. Maybe the ambience is missing. Do you take the time to honestly examine what is and isn’t working according to what you truly want? Do you try to change something or simply accept that maybe, just maybe, this is about as good as it gets. It’s possible that you think you are being too critical or unappreciative of the banquet laid out before you. Well, think again. It’s about you. This is your life and it is up to you to choose to accept, negotiate or change the situation or live with the consequences. The different types of love can be quite enlightening when you begin thinking about them through the metaphor of consumption.

What you are willing to accept or consume says a lot about your own self worth. After all, you are the head of your own table. You are not selfish or wrong if you decide the table, menu or overall atmosphere simply doesn’t work for you. In fact, you owe it to yourself to be completely truthful and decide what you want, what you deserve and what you can live with in your life. Regardless of how attractive the table setting is or how beautiful the food presentation happens to be, you know intuitively in your head and heart if it will work for you long term. Maybe short term is as good as it gets for now. If you can’t bring your total self to the table it’s okay. Congratulate yourself for your discernment, being wise and aware of your own needs first. After all, you can’t make others happy if you are not completely happy yourself.

It’s about being brave enough to be your authentic self. Each of us has chosen our life on this planet for specific reasons and lessons to learn. Is it possible that one of these lessons is to love yourself enough to choose rather than accept what is set before you. Some people might think that they should be grateful for what is and not expect more. Really? Those are exactly the type of people who end up later in life thinking to themselves. ‘Is that all there is?’

Gretchen Rubin, the author of ‘The Happiness Project: Or Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun,’ said the following:

“The belief that unhappiness is selfless and happiness is selfish is misguided. It’s more selfless to act happy. It takes energy, generosity, and discipline to be unfailingly lighthearted, yet everyone takes the happy person for granted. No one is careful of his feelings or tries to keep his spirits high. He seems self-sufficient; he becomes a cushion for others. And because happiness seems unforced, that person usually gets no credit.”

If you find yourself trying to make others happy with the banquet of life stop and reconsider. Could they be sitting at the wrong table? People come into our lives for a reason, season or a lifetime. There is something you can learn from this person even if they are ultimately at the wrong table.

The challenge in life is to give yourself the gift of time to find determine what makes you happy. If it involves another person, the questions I would suggest you consider are: Do you laugh together? Is the other person capable of asking for forgiveness and accepting it? Do they realize they have a lot of work to do on their own character and realize that on going growth is essential? If you can answer yes to these points your table is set, the banquet of life beautifully prepared and you are on your way. If not, maybe you are at a point in your life where eventually a recalibration will become necessary. Accept the time you had with grace and gratitude and move on knowing in your heart that something better is just around the corner.

Have a great few days!

Category:

General

Are You At the Right Table?

In my last blog I talked about the six different types of love according to the ancient Greeks. All involve how much of you that you choose to bring to the table. But what if the table is set but it just doesn’t feel quite right? Maybe the food is not truly what you really want to eat. Maybe the ambience is missing. Do you take the time to honestly examine what is and isn’t working according to what you truly want? Do you try to change something or simply accept that maybe, just maybe, this is about as good as it gets. It’s possible that you think you are being too critical or unappreciative of the banquet laid out before you. Well, think again. It’s about you. This is your life and it is up to you to choose to accept, negotiate or change the situation or live with the consequences. The different types of love can be quite enlightening when you begin thinking about them through the metaphor of consumption.

What you are willing to accept or consume says a lot about your own self worth. After all, you are the head of your own table. You are not selfish or wrong if you decide the table, menu or overall atmosphere simply doesn’t work for you. In fact, you owe it to yourself to be completely truthful and decide what you want, what you deserve and what you can live with in your life. Regardless of how attractive the table setting is or how beautiful the food presentation happens to be, you know intuitively in your head and heart if it will work for you long term. Maybe short term is as good as it gets for now. If you can’t bring your total self to the table it’s okay. Congratulate yourself for your discernment, being wise and aware of your own needs first. After all, you can’t make others happy if you are not completely happy yourself.

It’s about being brave enough to be your authentic self. Each of us has chosen our life on this planet for specific reasons and lessons to learn. Is it possible that one of these lessons is to love yourself enough to choose rather than accept what is set before you. Some people might think that they should be grateful for what is and not expect more. Really? Those are exactly the type of people who end up later in life thinking to themselves. ‘Is that all there is?’

Gretchen Rubin, the author of ‘The Happiness Project: Or Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun,’ said the following:

“The belief that unhappiness is selfless and happiness is selfish is misguided. It’s more selfless to act happy. It takes energy, generosity, and discipline to be unfailingly lighthearted, yet everyone takes the happy person for granted. No one is careful of his feelings or tries to keep his spirits high. He seems self-sufficient; he becomes a cushion for others. And because happiness seems unforced, that person usually gets no credit.”

If you find yourself trying to make others happy with the banquet of life stop and reconsider. Could they be sitting at the wrong table? People come into our lives for a reason, season or a lifetime. There is something you can learn from this person even if they are ultimately at the wrong table.

The challenge in life is to give yourself the gift of time to find determine what makes you happy. If it involves another person, the questions I would suggest you consider are: Do you laugh together? Is the other person capable of asking for forgiveness and accepting it? Do they realize they have a lot of work to do on their own character and realize that on going growth is essential? If you can answer yes to these points your table is set, the banquet of life beautifully prepared and you are on your way. If not, maybe you are at a point in your life where eventually a recalibration will become necessary. Accept the time you had with grace and gratitude and move on knowing in your heart that something better is just around the corner.

Have a great few days!

Category:

General

Are you at the wrong table?

In my last blog I talked about the six different types of love according to the ancient Greeks. All involve how much of you that you choose to bring to the table. But what if the table is set but it just doesn’t feel quite right? Maybe the food is not truly what you really want to eat. Maybe the ambience is missing. Do you take the time to honestly examine what is and isn’t working according to what you truly want? Do you try to change something or simply accept that maybe, just maybe, this is about as good as it gets. It’s possible that you think you are being too critical or unappreciative of the banquet laid out before you. Well, think again. It’s about you. This is your life and it is up to you to choose to accept, negotiate or change the situation or live with the consequences. The different types of love can be quite enlightening when you begin thinking about them through the metaphor of consumption.

What you are willing to accept or consume says a lot about your own self worth. After all, you are the head of your own table. You are not selfish or wrong if you decide the table, menu or overall atmosphere simply doesn’t work for you. In fact, you owe it to yourself to be completely truthful and decide what you want, what you deserve and what you can live with in your life. Regardless of how attractive the table setting is or how beautiful the food presentation happens to be, you know intuitively in your head and heart if it will work for you long term. Maybe short term is as good as it gets for now. If you can’t bring your total self to the table it’s okay. Congratulate yourself for your discernment, being wise and aware of your own needs first. After all, you can’t make others happy if you are not completely happy yourself.

It’s about being brave enough to be your authentic self. Each of us has chosen our life on this planet for specific reasons and lessons to learn. Is it possible that one of these lessons is to love yourself enough to choose rather than accept what is set before you. Some people might think that they should be grateful for what is and not expect more. Really? Those are exactly the type of people who end up later in life thinking to themselves. ‘Is that all there is?’

Gretchen Rubin, the author of ‘The Happiness Project: Or Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun,’ said the following:

“The belief that unhappiness is selfless and happiness is selfish is misguided. It’s more selfless to act happy. It takes energy, generosity, and discipline to be unfailingly lighthearted, yet everyone takes the happy person for granted. No one is careful of his feelings or tries to keep his spirits high. He seems self-sufficient; he becomes a cushion for others. And because happiness seems unforced, that person usually gets no credit.”

If you find yourself trying to make others happy with the banquet of life stop and reconsider. Could they be sitting at the wrong table? People come into our lives for a reason, season or a lifetime. There is something you can learn from this person even if they are ultimately at the wrong table.

The challenge in life is to give yourself the gift of time to find determine what makes you happy. If it involves another person, the questions I would suggest you consider are: Do you laugh together? Is the other person capable of asking for forgiveness and accepting it? Do they realize they have a lot of work to do on their own character and realize that on going growth is essential? If you can answer yes to these points your table is set, the banquet of life beautifully prepared and you are on your way. If not, maybe you are at a point in your life where eventually a recalibration will become necessary. Accept the time you had with grace and gratitude and move on knowing in your heart that something better is just around the corner.

Have a great few days!

Category:

General

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Different Types of Love

How many times over the past few weeks have you said to someone, “I love you.” What type of love were you referring to when you said it? There are many types of love. In fact the ancient Greeks came up with six different types of love and all offer something for us to consider. When you say to a partner, family member or dear friend, ‘I love you’ how does that affect you? Did you feel it? Actually, love occurs not in the heart but in the brain. Our brains emit chemical signals to help us understand the feelings of love. These feelings vary greatly depending on the type of love we are experiencing. The six categories the ancient Greeks defined are worth considering.

Eros – this is the passionate, intense romantic love that arouses our sexual feelings and focuses more on self than the other person. Interestingly, this type of love may not last unless we develop deeper types of feelings of love that focuses on the other person to which we are attracted rather than just ourselves.

Storage – this is love based on family and friendship. It is also the type of love that we have for our children. It is unconditional – meaning it accepts the uniqueness – the flaws – in others and causes us to forgive them. It is the type of love that is committed and based on sacrifice. Feelings of security and total acceptance is experienced.

Ludus – when you see a playful type of exchange between two people such as flirting or teasing or even dancing in an early stage of a relationship you are seeing this type of love.

Philia – this is the warm, affectionate and platonic love for another which also involves the love of self.

Agape – this love is selfless and unconditional. It sees beyond the surface of another and experiences unconditional acceptance for all people. Unfortunately, this type of love has declined significantly over the past 40 years with the biggest decline being over the past decade – especially in the U.S. When we sort and select according to our existing comfort zones we can eliminate the power of experiencing Universal love which fuels the humanity in all of us.

Pragma – the long term, deep understanding of love between couples who have been together for a decades, possibly even lifetimes. Patience, tolerance and the ability to make compromises causes the relationship in this form of love to weather the storm of change because of our selfless feelings towards the other.

For a relationship to grow deeper with time all these different types of love need to be experienced. Ultimately, the ages and stages of happy, supportive relationships last due, in part, to the ability of each person to experience each of these types of love with their significant other.

Does that mean that each type of love is sufficient unto itself? Absolutely not! What it does mean is that there is an internal drive – a yearning – in each of us to experience the totality of love.

When we fall into the judgment mode in our minds separating others that we do not feel of value and certainly not worthy of our love or respect due to their differences we hurt ourselves. We fall into the trap of generalizations – and negative energy begins to surround us. Any judgmental energy can be felt by others which causes them to respond in kind. You may not like the behavior of others but to remember that each of us are reaching for acceptance and belonging would go a long way in reaching an Eros type of love for mankind. Our world would become a better place.

When we realize that love comes in many forms and each type is good for our soul – our spirit – amazing things happen. We become more at peace with ourselves and grateful for our place in the Universe. It gives us more energy which keeps our emotional motors running. We have a sense of something bigger, more important than ourselves which enlarges our world.

The next time you say to someone, “I love you,” think about the six types of love. It is a subject worth pondering.

Have a great few days!

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