Official blog for the book "Just Behind the Door"

Posts tagged ‘loss’

You Can’t Run Away!

Discussing death is extremely difficult for most people and viewed as the elephant in the room in many cultures. Yet, beyond birth it is the only thing we will all encounter and eventually experience. Yet, we are not only reluctant but often flatly refuse to discuss or learn more about it until the inevitable happens to us. If we are at least somewhat prepared it helps. Some people say it is just too depressing to even think about and so they choose to avoid the topic entirely until a friend or family member is involved and they must face it head on. Then the questions and fear starts in their minds, ‘How do I handle these emotions? Will I ever get over it? What’s wrong with me? Is it normal to feel this way? I feel tired and depressed all the time.’

Unfortunately, in American culture the ‘average’ amount of time the outside world is comfortable with our grief is two to three weeks. After that we are on our own. People start to avoid us because they can see we are in emotional pain and it makes them uncomfortable. It is sad that after a death, when we need people more than ever to just sit with us and allow us to talk about our loved one, yet again, they are not there. Frequently we may hear people say, ‘I just don’t know what to say and I’m afraid I’ll say the wrong thing so I just can’t visit.’ It’s not about words. It’s about caring, your physical presence…it really is about listening and giving people your love and energy to make it through another day.

I have experienced the tragic death of my son, many family members and dear friends. I have lived the saying, “If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I would climb right up to heaven and bring you home again.” I know how loss feels.

Now I volunteer for a ‘not for profit’ Hospice organization. Doing so I have had the opportunity to see a range of emotional responses to the impending death of a loved one. What has surprised me is that even when Hospice becomes involved often the family members still do not want to ‘go there’ to discuss the inevitable. Avoidance can be life altering – and freeze you in time.

That’s why I wrote my story on the topic of loss. It was my way to try to help people, who have experienced the death of someone close to them, understand that handling death is a process – a long and arduous journey – but one in which peace and acceptance can eventually be achieved. Hearing from a kindred spirit can give us confidence that eventually we will survive, even though we feel we have a hole in our hearts that will never heal.

I have been fortunate to receive emails from many people who have read my book. I am grateful to each and every one of you who took the time to respond. Recently, I have had two nurses contact me after reading it. Since both have experienced death in their own families as well as in the medical profession, I was particularly moved when they also took the time to write to me. A quote from one of them said:

“Anyone who has ever lost a loved one really needs to read Mary’s book, “Just Behind the Door.” It’s raw, it’s honest and one of the very best I’ve ever read, and I’ve read a TON of them.”

If you or anyone you know is struggling with the loss of a loved one please consider
reading the book and then pass it on. When we help a fellow traveler along the way we help ourselves and that is what life is all about. As hard as it is to accept at times, ‘All is as it should be.’

Have a great few days!

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Unload Your Backpacks!

Our resistance to the values and behaviors of others that our different from our own causes tremendous weight in the backpacks we carry through life. The more resistance we exhibit the greater the weight until we are totally exhausted. Life becomes a burden rather than an experience to cherish. Sound strange? Well, let’s think about it.

From our background and life experiences each of us has created our own set of expectancies of how the world ‘should’ work and how others ‘should’ respond. When an event happens that doesn’t fit our framework we often become uncomfortable or even angry. Like a young child who learned how to get their own way we may become upset and mentally demand that things go according to ‘our’ plan. The problem with this type of thinking is that every human being has their own set of expectancies, their own plan which frequently does not match up to our own. You may be thinking, ‘but I know the right approach, the right answer and others are not listening to me.’ Of course you think you do and that is exactly why they may not be listening. The biggest reason they begin to shut you out is that they simply disagree with you and they have that right. The sad part about it is that eventually they choose not to be around you and ultimately that hurts.

The question then becomes what do we do with the event or negative energy that we feel when things do not go according to our plan and people slowly begin to avoid us? There seems to be two choices. We can either look at the situation and realize that everyone has their own take on life and respect it by letting the discomfort roll off our backs or we can perseverate on it and take the energy into our bodies where it will find a stockpile of similar negative, resistant energies that are stuck inside us. If we choose the latter it is like adding weight to our backpacks. Over time the weight becomes heavier. Rather than stones or rocks we are now carrying boulders in our backpacks. As the weight increases our minds and hearts become weighted down simply from living. In an attempt to regain control we then add more weight to our backpacks by adding more of the ‘they should’ type of thinking to our mindset until our world becomes terribly small. Others don’t want to be around us and start to avoid our energy. Why? It is just too exhausting to be around.

Just think, this whole process started because we determined that much of life may not be the way we like it and insisted that things and people change to fit into ‘our’ way of thinking. Soon, due to our self imposed resistance to the values others hold dear, we actually move to a more even more dramatic level where we expect to become disappointed or uncomfortable with others. As always, the Universe gives back to us exactly what we give out and gradually we become less rather than more. Our world is closing in on us. Unless we choose to be perpetually unhappy, does it makes sense to continue to expect, demand even, that others to do what makes us happy? Again, only children act this way until they mature and realize that it is not about others making them happy but about the unique gifts each individual brings to the table to make it more bountiful.

If we seem to be experiencing more stress and discomfort in our lives, maybe it’s time to do a reality check. What are we doing to cause the situation? The amazing thing is that we have the power to change it! We don’t need to remain stuck with our world closing in on us until we are isolated and alone. All it takes is the willpower to make small changes which bit by bit grow into a larger, more expansive comfort zone. This zone welcomes different thinking and views of the world. It is nonjudgmental and recognizes the unconditional love within each of us that is just waiting to be invited in rather than shut out. We can choose to open up to learn from others and relish in the rewards of the positive energy that will then surround us. It’s always up to us – that’s the beauty of free will.

Have a great few days!

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Overcoming Our Pressure Points

My last blog talked about how our walk speaks volumes. As part of the whole topic of body language which has been said to constitute 55% of the first impression we give to others an awareness of this is important. Let’s dig a little deeper into the topic of the messages we give off to others by considering the soles of our feet. Sound strange? Just stay with me on this one.

The soles of our feet stretch from our heels to our toes. They have experienced millions of miles on our journey through life. We have seen the machines that when stepped on show us the hot spots or greater pressure points that we have developed on our journey. Suggested orthotic shoe inserts, different shoes or even specific exercises are then recommended to us ease our pain. From our walk, stance and daily activities all have had an impact on the soles of our feet. We can become slow, stiff even weak because of the pain we have accumulated in life until we choose to deal with the pain – head on – and overcome it.

When you think about it there is something significant about the words sole and soul other than purely sound. Actually, the soles of our feet are a good analogy to our spiritual souls. Each of us have unique hot spots, retraction points and pressure issues that we have come to accept as a normal part of living. Some of us accept the challenges or pains we have accumulated in our hearts as just something we have to endure. Rather than limping with bad feet we retract our energy (a form of limping through life) when we choose not to deal with our issues directly. This causes us to bring less enthusiasm, excitement and fun into our lives for fear of being hurt or uncomfortable. We believe that we are protecting our unique hot spots.

The nonstop change process that we are living in today can send some of us running for cover, locking the doors trying to prevent the changes from disrupting our lives. Yet, and here is the kicker, the harder we try to hide from change and not deal with our ‘hot spots’ that we have acquired on our souls the greater our ‘limp’ becomes in life. Visualize it on a scale from limping, to using a cane or ultimately not even being able to walk. Why? Because we have chosen not to recognize the individual pressure points on our souls. We choose to ignore rather than deal with them proactively. Consequently, the tenderness continues to grow and our spiritual limp becomes more visible and more limiting.

No one comes into this life or lives it without accumulating areas of tenderness or hot spots that need to be worked through to becomes more fully functioning human beings. It is not a question or ‘if’ but ‘when’ we take on the challenge.

If fear of anything is controlling your behavior it is a signal from the Universe. It’s time to deal with it rather than pass. Deciding to use a crutch to sustain us will not achieve less pain but simply start us on a path of greater and greater dependency. Recognizing the fear – the issue for what it is is 75% of overcoming it. You are strong enough and wise enough to overcome anything once you choose to do so. We know that the Universe gives back to us exactly what we give out – no more no less. Choose to embrace your individual pressure points or hot spots and recognize them for what they are … simply an opportunity for growth and greater happiness. You can do it!

Have a great few days!

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Your Gait Speaks Volumes!

We have all heard the saying that you can’t judge a book by its cover. Partly true but also somewhat misleading. For instance, have you ever watched people walk? It’s fascinating really and can tell you a great deal about them as individuals. Do they shuffle, swagger, hobble, timidly place their feet forward, shoulders slumped, or move decisively ahead with purpose? The examples go on and on. One thing we know for sure is that our gait or walk is another distinctive form of body language. It can indicate introversion, extroversion, an adventurous spirit, neuroticism, warmth, approachability, feigned helplessness, and a host of other things. The truth is that your gait tells a great deal about you as a person and you don’t even have to open your mouth for an astute observer to know more about you than you might have imagined.

For instance, the pace of which you walk shows your state of mind. It brings an energy to your encounters. Is the energy positive, frenetic, negative, calm? A quiet walker doesn’t want to intrude, influencers may walk, stop and even change directions, supportive type people walk with a steadiness arms closely by their body – sort of a glide really, drivers walk with intent, cautious people walk as if they are following the rules of the road. This is my lane and that is yours they seem to be saying to themselves.

We know that females take smaller steps (other than fashion models) and have more pelvic movement. Their hips sway more naturally because of their body build and sometimes to physically attract others. On the other hand, walking with a bit of a swagger, shoulders and head up, eyes clearly focused ahead gives off a sense of physical attractiveness and confidence in males. Generally, the more confident the person – male or female – the longer the stride.

We all size up people instantly. We assume their intelligence, self-esteem, competence, as well as the organization they represent. Is it fair to do so – maybe not – but remember it happens and you always want to play to the winning hand.

Why would this be important information to know? Remember the sayings, dress for success, your shoes display your mental image of self, you don’t get a second chance to make a first impression, skill and qualifications are important but first impressions tell the tale, a picture is worth a thousand words, put your best foot forward … The list goes on and on but the take away is that your external image really displays your inner feelings of self and your gait is part of that image.

The Concise Oxford Dictionary describes image as “the character or reputation of a person as generally perceived.” The operative words, of course, is ‘generally perceived.’ This is before your first words are even spoken. Within a few minutes or seconds of meeting someone their body language and dress create an impression that is hard to overcome. Why not give yourself the competitive advantage by considering if your walk or gait together with your appearance is the message you really want to give to others. Think your skills or expertise should speak for itself? Good luck with that one.

According to research by Dr. Albert Mehrabian of UCLA, appearance and body language accounts for fifty-five percent of an invaluable first impression! Seems like a big percentage to me that is worth giving considerable thought to don’t you think?

Light travels faster than sound so your walk and dress visually communicates volumes before one word is exchanged. Let it be volumes of confidence, purpose and positive intention. It’s something worth considering.

Have a great few days!

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A Comedic Messenger

Robin Williams, the absolute genius of comedy and from all accounts a wonderfully generous human being has passed away. By now, we have all heard the reports of his untimely death. We are saddened and shocked that a person who appeared to capture the hearts of so many by giving us non stop laughter was so depressed that he could no longer find the strength to go on. Maybe because of his fame, his passing will help all of us learn more about depression and Parkinson’s disease.

Being strong does not mean that we can ignore or talk ourselves out of a serious depression. I’m not talking about a day or brief period in our lives when we feel overwhelmed with life. No, I’m talking about serious clinical depression that can be caused by psychological, environmental, biological or genetic causes. Think of it this way, if Robin Williams the talented and successful comedian was not immune to the ravages of clinical depression is it time to sit up and take notice when we hear or feel that someone we know or love is seriously depressed?

It has been said that if a person feels hopeless, helpless or worthless they are prone to depression and even possibly suicide. That makes sense – if your bucket feels totally empty to you it would be hard to continue to carry it. The World Health Organization estimates that 13% of U.S. men suffer with depression. Studies also show that the older men get the higher the rate of suicide from depression. This is a note to my baby boomer friends. You are more than your career (now retired) your physical stamina (becoming less so yearly) or your physical appearance (with age comes those lines that indicate you gave it your all).

We do a great disservice when we expect men to suppress their emotions, be strong and keep a stiff upper lip. That expectation is not only ill informed it is a tremendous disservice to them. Men are not machines functioning without emotions. Yet, sadly, many men have naively accepted this stereotypical image that is not only wrong but psychologically dangerous. Give me a man that shows honest, heart felt emotions and I will show you a human being who will make a difference in this world. No one is invincible or immune to times or periods in their life where they struggle with their own self worth. What we can do to help ourselves and others is to have enough strength to recognize that we may need a listening ear, a medical intervention or even to seek the help of a mental health professional if the depression is prolonged.

We now understand that Robin was experiencing the early stages of Parkinson’s disease. This disease can fuel the fire of a person already fighting the effects of depression. The first longitudinal study from the national Parkinson’s Progression Makers Initiative was published in the August 15th issue of Neurology (Robin was always the master of timing). The researchers at the Perelman School of Medicine at the University of Pennsylvania tracked Parkinson’s patients rate of depression from the time of their initial diagnosis over a two year period and compared the rates to more healthy peers. The depression rates were TWICE as high in the first year alone (14% to 7%) and even higher in the second year!

What caused the significant increase in depression among Parkinson’s patients? Was it caused by hearing that they had a disease that was serious? No, it is much, much more than that issue. It seems that not only are bodily motor functions affected but the chemicals that affect Parkinson’s disease are also closely associated with mood regulation due to changes in the brain! The physical changes in the brain contribute to depression. It is not mind over matter but the change in brain functioning specifically that makes this disease more difficult. Our vigilance to be sure our friends and family members who are diagnosed with this disease are regularly monitored for depression is essential.

Thank you to Robin Williams for all the brilliant moments he brought to us and thank you also for his last act… not one of selfish indifference – but one that may help hundreds or thousands of people better cope with clinical depression and Parkinson’s disease.

Have a great few days!

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Best Friend or Dependency Friend?

Human relationships are so important for us and the relationship between best friends is as the term implies – simply the best. Is it because they always agree with us or compliment us? No. In fact, a best friend is one who may disagree with us at times because they feel confident enough in the friendship to do so. We know, deep down in our hearts, that they only comment because they are concerned. The biggest thing we share with a best friend is our authentic self. We know that they will not judge, cajole or manipulate us into wanting what they want but encourage us to seek our own happiness and spread our wings and fly. Sometimes this means that we move on with our own life and the extreme closeness that we once shared may be altered slightly. Our time and thoughts need to be allocated differently so life as we once knew it with our best friend needs to change to accommodate our own life changes. When we have a best friend we want what is best for them and know that they also want what is best for us – terms and timelines or touch points become less important because our friendship still remains deep.

Sometimes a relationship between best friends can become one of dependency over time. The change happens subtly but we can tell when the relationship becomes more of a need rather than a want basis. When we begin to need to touch base (like many of us need that first cup of coffee in the morning) the relationship has devolved from wanting to talk to needing to talk and it’s time to do a gut check. Is it now a relationship of possessiveness, control, dependency – does the exact word even matter? The change from best friend to dependency friend usually morphs slowly overtime until one day we realize our personal independence or any influence in our lives other than our best friend is either discounted or at least regarded by them as a threat. When a friendship becomes dependent the mere thought of not touching base frequently becomes uncomfortable. Often, abandonment at an early age is the seed that germinates into dependency for one of the two people involved and results in a fear of change, risk or loss. The best friend may then have difficulty adjusting to any change in our relationship with them and may even find a subtle way to cause us to feel guilty by not giving them enough attention. If a dependency friendship exists and one of the parties is making a life change without them they may become more needy, unhappy or even delay making decisions or following through. In reality that is another subtle yet unspoken message that they are ‘just not the same without us.’ Basically, they are not happy having to share us with others. The longer this type of relationship exists the stronger the manipulations get to control our personal space. To them the idea of sharing us with others means, ‘We must not love them best.’ Sound a bit childish? Remember where abandonment starts and it makes sense. They may even become angry, hurt, depressed and question our true feelings about them if they feel threatened by what they see as any loss of control or influence that they have had on us. Sadly, with their choice to become ‘exclusive’ in their friendship with us they are refusing to grow in life and develop additional friends. Overtime they can become cynical and disappointed with life in general. To help them they need to be pushed, ever so gently to get on with their own life as we get on with ours. Purposely reducing the time and attention to them will slowly help the friendship regain a healthier balance.

Recalibrating a dependency friendship back into a healthy best friend relationship is difficult and often resentment and even guilt will be felt until a more healthy equilibrium is once again achieved. However, the change is essential for both parties to experience a full authentic life with others. A healthy relationship is one that is secure enough to know that neither party needs the ‘psychological possession’ of the other to make it in life.

A best friend encourages you to experience life both with and without them. They truly want to see you go for the gold and live your authentic life because simply and truly they love you with a heart that is selfless. It is not about what they get out of the relationship but what they see you becoming that is more exciting and rewarding to them. In their heart the friendship is so much more than possession – it is one of simply being.

Have a great few days!

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Happiness Is The Journey!

We have all heard the saying, ‘Happiness is a journey, not a destination.’ It sounds good and we want to accept the intended meaning but somehow, someway we often get sidetracked into thinking, ‘I just have to get through today, this week, this month or the next holiday or family celebration coming up then I’ll be happy.’ Exhausted after all of the challenges, expectations and obstacles we face we may all of a sudden realize that another summer or year is coming to a close and we have not stopped long enough to enjoy the moments of the journey. When will I experience happiness we may wonder to ourselves?

The reality is that when we learn to see happiness in everything we are living through AS we are living through it that is the true definition of happiness. It is achieved everyday in everyday when we inhale deeply and realize that happiness is a way of living, call it gratefulness, deeper awareness or being in the NOW.

Think of it in the context of moving to a new place. We are excited and want things just right. All the t’s crossed and the i’s dotted when we move in. We want things just so and yet…the joy, the experience is lost in our eager attempt to hustle our way through to completion. We become exhausted even a bit overwhelmed and forget to enjoy the journey. The truth is that you will never experience this particular moment again in your life. Once it is gone that’s it. So learning to enjoy the journey in life is of great importance.

Happiness is not something to achieve as much as a state of mind. It starts with being grateful for our lives this moment and every moment while we are on this earth. Not everything will go right today or tomorrow but learning to be fully engaged in the process of observing and appreciating where we are at on our unique journey is the working definition of happiness.

We don’t have to wait until we retire, get that new job or home or go on that vacation to realize that happiness is achievable right now. It is breathing in the energy of a new tomorrow filled with hope, anticipation and joy.

We planned our lives to encompass exactly the things we are facing, the lessons we are learning and the difficulties we are dealing with in order to learn what true happiness is all about. It is in you, around you and through you. The true essence of life is to welcome what it rightly yours – happiness – into your daily life.

To accept the daily obstacles and unfinished business, the laundry list of tasks yet to be accomplished with a knowing that ‘All is as it should be,’ IS the happiness. This message may sound simplistic but in reality it is the hardest thing we will ever learn to master in our lives.

Have a great few days!

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Use Your Internal Pivoting Device!

I have talked in previous blogs about the importance of learning to quiet our monkey brains. It is that constant chatter that goes on nonstop in our minds while we are engaged in both large and small tasks. Occasionally we hit a peak of concentration and we are ‘in the flow.’ That is the rare moment when we are totally absorbed in what we are doing and time just seems irrelevant. We finally look up at the clock and think, ‘Where did the time go?’ Those experiences are gems for us to hold onto and appreciate for many reasons. After all, through deeper concentration we are developing new synapses in our brains! When we experience this type of thinking we realize that it really is possible to stop listening and responding to the constant barrage of running monologue within our mind that dissipates our energy. That’s important because so much of it is useless, distracting even negative chatter that keeps us from bringing our total self to the experience.

These rare moments of clarity and insight happen when we have an alignment of our energy and focus. We can visualized this with a Rubik’s Cube. We begin aligning the six faces which are covered by nine stickers each one displaying one of six colors. Using an internal pivot mechanism in the Cube it allows each face to turn independently. When we finally achieve the matching colors on each side of it we realize the intense concentration and satisfaction we have achieved by controlling our effort and concentration. We did not achieve completion of it by being distracted by the constant what if’s, reviewing a list of concerns, tasks yet to be completed or worries about things in life that we cannot change.

We achieved the mastery of the Cube through intense FOCUS. When we are totally absorbed in a work task, book or even in conversation with another we actually achieve with laser like precision a deeper level of understanding. Any negative assumptions or personal slights we may have interpreted as real most often are simply from a lack of focused understanding in a conversation. These are moments where we think to ourselves, ‘Aha! This is what it is all about. Now I get it!’

I realize that the daily list of tasks seem to become longer with each passing day. That’s okay. It’s called life. Just remember it is not the number of tasks that’s important but the AMOUNT OF YOU that you bring to each task. If you are trying to accomplish something but thinking about 5 other things while doing so it dilutes the experience and lessens the understanding and appreciation. It may leave us momentarily satisfied with the completion but does nothing to increase our power to observe patterns, make new connections and understand at a deeper level.

We can train ourselves to focus more deeply by using the concept of the Cube and choosing to use our own internal pivoting device. When we refuse to listen to the monkey chatter that dissipates our concentration we become more objective in what we see, hear and do. It’s not easy and takes practice but a good way to start is in your next conversation with someone. As each of you talk count how many times you allow the voices in your mind to get you to think about something other than the conversation and person at hand. You may be totally surprised – shocked even – at the number! Each time you realize that you are allowing your mind to wander stop and make yourself refocus on what is being said. After all, both you and the other person involved is worth the effort.

Have a great few days!

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Handling Transitions in Life

Linda Ellis wrote an incredible poem entitled, ‘The Dash.’ It talks about the moments between our birth and death and refers to them as the dash. The dash represents how we spend our life. When you think about it the dash – our life experiences – are each absolutely one of a kind. They are the genuine articles that cannot be replicated by anyone. When you think further about what constitutes our dash it is made up of times of transitions in our lives. Our families, careers, homes, just life in general, is really a matter of learning how to accept and embrace these transitions.

Even though our lives are unique, there are predictable patterns when it comes to our transitions since they represent change. Think about the definition of change, ‘to make the form, nature, content, or future course of something different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone.’ No matter how much we try to embrace the idea of change it can still be daunting. That’s why it is called change! Yet, how many of us would want to see our lives static, doing the same thing day after day for the rest of our lives. To help embrace the changes in our lives there are a few steps to consider when we are facing major life transitions that can help us hold on and carry on through the sometimes murky waters of the as yet unknown.

We can expect to feel anxious even a bit depressed at least momentarily when we are facing a major life change. At first we may feel confused, puzzled even. We thought we couldn’t wait for this major transition in our lives and yet, gulp…all of a sudden there it is staring us in the face and we may think to ourselves. ‘I don’t know if I’m ready, or this is happening too fast…’ Our emotions are on overdrive as we try to analyze what to do next. We think to ourselves, ‘I need a plan.’ Indeed we do need a plan …in time…just not quite yet. We are in that famous place that the brilliant Dr. Seuss called, ‘The Waiting Place.’ For those of us who have tried to live by the sacred pact of always having a Plan A, B and even C, this is a trying and frustrating place to be in emotionally. We know it’s time to close up shop on the old but we are not quite ready to embrace with abandon the new. Instead we stew, fret and worry.

If you are in the proximity of ‘The Waiting Place’ you will surely know it. What may have been funny in the past – is not particularly so right now. You may be a bit touchy with others. You may even find yourself forgetting things you have always remembered and become even more uptight over it. Why do these things happen? Simply because you have allowed your mind to become caught up with the fear of the unknown. The ‘what ifs’ take over and you are caught up with worry. Just remember the saying, ‘99% of what we worry about never comes to pass’ because it is true!

The good news is that you are EXACTLY in the right frame of mind, at the right juncture of your life and facing a major life transition ahead and are a bit overwhelmed. Good for you! It means that the life you were living was worthwhile and you made significant contributions to making this world a better place. Giving up or letting go of what was and embracing what is yet to be is not for the faint hearted. Yet…there is magic in change, undiscovered treasures in starting something new and beautiful horizons yet to experience….when you are ready. When will I be ready you might ask? Oh, trust me on this, you’ll know the signs even though the future might still look a bit uncertain. There it is – you can feel the beginning of a smile way back in the recesses of your mind that you are nearly ready to expand your life and challenge yourself by facing something new. Intuitively, you know everything will work out. You know you can do it. You just needed that time in ‘The Waiting Place’ to mentally and emotionally pack your bags.

When we visualize our life as a book, each chapter uniquely written by us, we can see that we are simply finishing one chapter and are getting ready to move on to the next. We begin to get our breath again as we exhale with a new found courage knowing the next chapter will, indeed, be a great one. It takes time, courage and belief in ourselves to embrace the transitions in our lives. It is also good to remember that others have managed the transitions in their lives and are still alive and doing well. Often, talking with others who have experienced major life transitions and have a new purpose in their life can give us just the extra shot of confidence we need to remember, “All is as it should be.”

Have a great few days!

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An Instant Mood Changer!

Could it be that in our hectic nonstop world there is yet another way that we can help ourselves achieve an immediate sense of calm? For instance, within our sensory family, our sense of smell is often relegated further down our list of importance for anything other than spraying on our favorite cologne or perfume. We can walk up to the fragrance counters in a department store and inhale the latest scent and immediately tell if it will work for us. Yet with the advances in aromatherapy we can also transport our homes and even offices into places that are welcoming and productive, even memory enhancing, since our olfactory senses are amazing messengers.

When we walk into our homes we can instantly smell us – that ‘uniquely us’ smell means we our back in our own comfort zone. We are home, safe and ready to kick back for a few moments and reflect on the day. When we go into other people’s homes we also can immediately detect smells. Sometimes those smells are inviting and at other times a bit off-putting. Everyone and everything has its own trace of olfactory recognition.

The interesting thing about a smell or odor is that it is the only information sent to the limbic system, a part of the brain responsible for memory and emotion. Further, due to our own genetic makeup and memories our individual reaction to the same smell can differ significantly! Certain smells can be intoxicating to some and repulsive to others. Researchers from Rockefeller University have recently discovered that in addition to our personal reaction to smells we can detect more than one trillion of them!

What smells cause you to smile when you inhale them and remember where this smell first originated in your life. For me, the smell of roses takes me back to my grandmother’s garden. The smell of those beautiful roses coupled with the taste of the red raspberries that grew along side them was a treat. Today when I smell roses I inhale deeply and remember. Each of us can experience a surge of deeply rooted emotional response ranging from intense pleasure to even fright or pain from smell-induced memories from our past. Scientists term this phenomenon “olfactory-evoked recall.”

The understanding that an odor can retrieve not only a memory but a particular emotional state can open up all sorts of possibilities for us in life. It seems that the companies who produce wall plugs, candles, body and room sprays as well as colognes and perfumes have the potential to hold the corner market for both our memories and emotions now and even more so in the future. Aromatherapy is alive and well and truly real. When we walk into certain stores (frequently high end) and a certain smell envelopes us it can be inviting, a bit exciting and relaxing all at the same time. That folks has the potential power to redesign the world of sales. As we continue our never ending quest to find ways to be super productive at work and yet be able to relax into a home environment that is inviting, peaceful and centering all at the same time may only be a candle, wall plug or spray of cologne away!

Have a great few days and in the meantime don’t forget to stop and smell the roses.

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