Official blog for the book "Just Behind the Door"

Posts tagged ‘love’

Barilla Out/Bertolli In

This website is about deepening our understanding about human emotions especially dealing with grief and loss. The topic of loss comes in many forms. An important one is the loss people experience from a lack of respect from others due to their lifestyle. We are, after all, created by the same Universal Energy of pure love. This site is about trying to make the world a better place one person, one blog, at a time. Rarely do I enter into current events unless my heart moves me to do so- and it did today.

Guido Barilla, chairman of the world’s leading pasta manufacture on Wednesday stated, “I would never do (a commercial) with a homosexual family, not for lack of respect but because we don’t agree with them. Ours is a classic family where the woman plays a fundamental role.” Why am I having a hard time accepting his explanation? The latest add for his company features Antonio Banderas baking biscuits (it seems there are 15 different brands and products made by the Barilla company) and talking to children about a chicken called Rosita. It was MR. Banderas who was featured in the add – but didn’t Barilla argue his point by saying ‘women play a fundamental role? Mr. Barilla also said he opposes adoption by gay parents. Ah…the real issue surfaces. No question where he stands on the topic of respect and equal rights. After a firestorm on social media sites, Barilla responded, “I apologize if my words have generated controversy or misunderstanding…” His words ring both hollow and insincere. Notice he didn’t apologize for being discriminatory but simply of “generating controversy” sounds like he is worried about the bottom line – money – and his PR folks were probably pleading with him, on bended knee, to recant his words. Mr. Barilla I think, ‘ thou protests too much!’ One just has to wonder why.

Misunderstanding really? Mr Barilla there is no ‘misunderstanding.’ Your comments were judgmental, offensive and lacked the integrity needed for a leader of a major company. You have a right to your own extremely limited perception but NOT as a CEO of a major company you inherited from your father which employs over 13,000 people. I wonder how some of your employees who are, no doubt gay, feel working for a company that promotes such discrimination. Do they have to hide in the shadow hoping not to be discovered and fired due to your stance? You made yourself both sadly and perfectly clear. Your comments were not a simple misunderstanding but a hateful and judgmental attack. You might want to contemplate on the statement, ‘Judge not, that ye be not judged.’

Now it is up to us, as consumers, to stand up and be counted. There is no place in my world that can accept a company that promotes discrimination, that includes Chic-fil-A and any other company that promotes division and discrimination among people. I accept the suggestion from Mr. Barilla that if his words upset me, simply do not eat his pasta – actually I could no longer stomach it. With each bite his comments would ring in my ear. Now let’s see if his 5.4 billion in net sales with be likewise effected. It’s up to us to decide.

It is good to know that alternatives exist. For instance, Bertolli, another Italian pasta maker company is NOT discriminatory and chose to feature a commercial highlighting a gay couple back in 2008! Imagine that! The character of this CEO and his company speaks volumes. They now have me as a permanent customer. I’m putting the intention out there that over the next year or so Bertolli will increase their sales by 40% because of both the integrity of their company and the quality of their product.

There is no room for discrimination, judgment or hateful comments in my world. Not now – not ever. Mr. Barilla will reap what he sows. That’s just how the Universe works.

Please forward this blog on to your friends and family. Information is a powerful thing. Let’s give others the chance to make a difference – an informed choice – so everyone can be accepted and treated with respect.

Have a great few days!

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Increase Your Face Value

Have you ever thought about the power of an authentic smile? It is the one thing that defies a language barrier! I find it impossible to feel badly or worry about life when I have a genuine smile on my face. It just seems to lift me up, give me a surge of energy and lightened my step. A real smile truly is contagious.

When referring to a smile, I use the words authentic, genuine and real for a reason. Everyone sees through a fake or forced smile and withdraws in response. A true smile cannot be forced. It must be felt by the heart and is received accordingly.

When we see children playing, or people greeting each other at the airport we see and feel the energy radiating from them through the smiles on their faces. It seems to me that a smile is the most cost effective therapeutic technique that we can engage in during our daily lives. It is a visible sign of perceived self-confidence.

When we read that it is the simple things that give us pleasure in life I relate that to a smile. It costs us nothing yet returns to us double and triple fold a feeling of happiness. From such a simple gesture we can make our own day and the life of others just a little bit happier.

Being a people watcher I am amazed at the difference something as simple as a smile can make on others. Sales clerks, struggling with checking out people who are in a hurry will actually stop and seem a bit amazed when you take the time to smile and thank them for their service. They feel valued, appreciated and who knows it might be just the thing they needed most in the world to face another day. In fact, research has found that people receive more help when they exhibit an authentic smile. The latest brain (neuroscience) research tells us that when we are introduced to someone and we smile at them their memory retrieval (of us) is enhanced! That’s quite powerful don’t you think?

It is so easy to become wrapped up in our own lives and forget that all of us are simply looking for that universal sign that indicates that life is good. Joseph Addison said, “What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but scattered along life’s pathway, the good they do is inconceivable.”

Do you have the time today to increase your face value by passing on a smile to someone … maybe even to yourself?

Have a great few days!

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Remember the Love?

Is it difficult for you to forgive someone for a major or even minor situation that caused you to feel upset? Have you learned to forgive yourself for things that, upon reflection, you wish you would have done differently in your life? Don Miguel Ruiz author of ‘The Circle of Fire’ says, ‘ Before you learned to speak you loved and with no effort you forgave…it was natural to love and forgive…but then you learned to ‘behave’ from other people.’

Could it be that when we are drawn to the absolute innocence of a child we see and feel the unconditional love and remember, even long for, that feeling once again to surface in our own lives? Each of us started out with a clean slate. We loved, trusted and expressed pure joy in merely existing and then life began to happen to us and we internalized the messages of ‘do this, don’t do that or you are too… or not enough … and we began to create a subconscious map of reality that limited or restricted us in some way. In fact, we often become so good at accepting these messages as truth that we begin to create events and messages for ourselves which reinforce those false beliefs. At the time we may not have been able to label it but now we realize that it is fear – fear of not being just so, of not being accepted …of not being loved. As we grow and experience the difficult events in our lives without realizing it those early tapes in our minds become a stronger and stronger control mechanism that can often take the joy out of living.

The challenge is to recognize that not all of those early tapes were accurate and that we must work to correct the misinformation that we have stored in our memories. When we get to a point that we choose to look at our lives and realize that we want more – more peace, happiness and contentment we will begin the process of self correcting those early tapes. The amazing thing about the search is that we discover that what we are searching for has always been there, buried deep in the recesses of our minds, because as infants we were happy, loved and able to forgive quickly and completely. We begin, once again, to experience the feeling, long ago, of pure joy.

The next time we see a young child maybe it can trigger us to realize that the elusive butterfly of happiness that we are seeking is within us just waiting to surface once again. We do know love and forgiveness on a subconscious level and those feelings are just waiting to surface once again, in our lives.

Have a great few days!

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You are Important to Me!

I suggested on my last blog that you take the time to list five things about yourself that are unique, that make you special. We all have these attributes and they are not limited to five but I just wanted to get you thinking about the positives that you possess.

Imagine my surprise when I heard from some of you that this task was not only difficult, but in a couple cases, impossible to do. First, let me say that I applaud your honesty. Sharing this and being honest with your feelings is the first step to seeing a better tomorrow and discovering your special qualities.

Let’s think about this issue of attributes in greater depth. You have been created by God/Universal Energy for a purpose. You were NOT an accident. You participated in the planning of your life through your prebirth agreement with the Universe. Yes, as hard as it is to believe, you were a part of planning what you are experiencing right now. Remember the scientific principal, energy can neither be created nor destroyed only changed in form. Your energy has been around for lifetimes and planning experiences to learn lessons. This may seem hard to grasp, at first, and that’s okay, just stay with me on this one.

You choose this time to incarnate for a reason, a purpose. I have found that our purpose often involves learning to love ourselves and being able to see the good or at least the purpose in every situations, even a loss. If you have lost someone through death, divorce or separation you may be stuck in the ‘why’ and not able to dig out of the hole you feel you are in, I understand, I have been there. Please go back to the archives on my website where I talk about the stages of loss and change. They are real. We all experience them in our own unique time frame.

Others are in our lives for their own reason and purpose. Sometimes when their purpose is finished they move on. We don’t have to like it and may desperately struggle to understand or accept the loss to no avail. But sooner or later we come to the conclusion that sometimes things are just beyond our human capacity to understand and certainly to control.

If you are stuck and really can’t list your attributes ask someone you trust, maybe a friend or family member, what they think about it. Sometimes it takes someone from the outside, maybe even a good counselor to help peel away the layers that are holding you back from moving on and experiencing all the happiness and joy you are intended to experience in this lifetime.

Doing nothing about the situation is NOT an option. The strong among us accept when we need help and are not afraid to seek it. In fact, the strongest among us demand that someone hear us. We know that is a critical step to healing. Please make a commitment to seek the support that will allow you to refuse to stay stuck in the stages of loss and grief any longer.

You are too valuable to this earth and to the many people in your life to freeze frame your life in the ‘what used to be.’ Again, I speak from experience. You are reading this blog for a reason and it may be to learn self love. You really can’t love others fully or contribute the gifts you have to this life until you learn that number one lesson. Love is the Alpha and Omega of the Universe, the beginning and end and it starts with you!

Have a great few days and feel free to email me at maryleiker1@mac.com if you want to discuss these thoughts further. I am here for you.

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Gratitude, Grace and Love

Life is temporary for all of us. We have chosen our expiration date and various lessons for reasons known only to ourselves. The commonality I see in all the lessons is gratitude, grace and love. There is no better way to see these attributes demonstrated than to help those less fortunate. For many, circumstances and challenges seem to pile up and yet they seem to be able to see beyond and believe in a better tomorrow. These people recognize the importance of living one day at a time and are such positive examples of grace. They have so little in material possessions and yet they have boatloads in gratitude, and love. The various charitable organizations exist to lend them a hand as they continue to face the struggles in their lives. Maybe those less fortunate have chosen to live their lives to teach us to remember who we are, to learn what inspires us and to find our purpose in the things we can do for others.

Whenever I pass the bell ringers for the Salvation Army that we see outside the stores during the holiday season I stop and put something in the red collection buckets. Today at one of the big box stores a woman was sitting and ringing the familiar bell. As I was searching in my purse to get to my wallet she simply said, ” Thank you!” She had no idea what amount I was going to offer but her gratitude came shining through with her smile. She went on to tell me that of 30 people walking pass her maybe one would stop and drop something into the bucket. I was shocked. I know that times are tough financially for all of us but would giving a dollar or even a few coins to this worthwhile organization be too much to ask when we realize that it goes directly to someone in need?

I see this same ‘attitude of gratitude’ when I make my runs to Goodwill to drop off things I no longer need. The appreciation and gratitude on the faces of the workers once again comes shining through. I asked a man at Goodwill the other day what time the drive though drop off closes. He responded, 6 P.M. but explained that he is there every night until 9 P.M. so I could just go in and get him and he would gladly unload my car for me. I though to myself, once again, what a positive, uplifting attitude! If I tried to define gratitude I wouldn’t need to use words but simply use a picture of these two individuals. No matter what we have or do not have it really is about gratitude, grace and love. It really does make the world go ’round.

Have a great day!

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Love Conquers All

Today is an historic day. Hearing the announcement, by President Obama, of his support of same sex marriage, I felt the blog I had previously prepared needed to wait for another day.

Why would a president, who is obviously running for reelection, make this announcement? Especially at this time. Simply and profoundly because it is the right thing to do. He was speaking from his heart and doing so at a pivotal time in our history. There will be some who will say that they don’t agree with his position. They have the right to their own opinion. I do agree with his position for many reasons. The most important ones come from my spiritual learning and awakening. “Judge not least ye be judged.” As I recall that passage, it was not situational, it was absolute. In my book, I talk about not judging others because we have not a walked a mile in their shoes. The Universal Energy/God is a part of ALL of us. Our world will continue to evolve through love of self and love of ALL others. Hate, fear or rejection are not a part of my life. When you experience the loss of a child and other family members you realize the importance of love for all and in all.

I applaud the bravery President Obama exhibited. He chose to explain that his position evolved, partially, as he worked shoulder to shoulder with his staff members who are in same sex relationships. He saw the love and guidance they exhibited toward their children and saw that love conquers all. It eliminates the fear of any differences that may exist.

My book, Just Behind the Door, is about loss and spiritualism. However, it is more than that really. It is about how unconditional love is the Alpha and Omega of the Universe. That love is in all, for all and through all. I know this in my heart.

Thank you, Mr. President.

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