Official blog for the book "Just Behind the Door"

Posts tagged ‘Universal energy’

The Art of Resiliency

Resiliency is created when we think past the primary thing we want to have, do or be and add possible options to our thinking. It is all about having a strategy – liken to playing chess – thinking ahead for possible moves in case the most obvious or desired one simply doesn’t work out. Simply put, the more options we create as possibilities in our life (plans A, B, or C) the more confident we become because we are prepared for the never ending list of changes that are inevitably thrown at us.

The author, Bill Bryson, has written many books about travel. His writing is engaging and his trips exciting – even hair raising at times. Recently, I have read two of his books, ‘Sunburned Country’ which is about the amazing continent of Australia and the other entitled, ‘A Walk in the Woods’ a story about the 2100 mile hiking trail from Georgia to Maine – the Appalachian Trail. Resiliency seems to be his first and foremost trait. Reading Bryson’s work we can live vicariously through the mental, emotional and physical challenges that continually confront him on his journey. We realize that what we know on an intuitive basis – that gut feeling of ‘this is the way to go for now’ gives us a flexibility when viewing life’s hurdles and offers us a greater sense of peace. If we are forced to take the longer road to accomplish something, we may not, at first, be happy but we know we can survive – maybe even thrive in the process. It is true, life is about the journey along the way.

I have never met anyone who hasn’t had curve balls thrown at them in their lives. In fact, some of these balls may cause serious injuries to our minds, bodies and hearts. Yet some people just seem more adept as the lyric in the song says of ‘ picking themselves up, dusting themselves off and starting over again.’ What makes these individuals different? Are they bigger, stronger or smarter than others? Probably not. But they do have a secret ingredient involved in their thinking – a survival mentality – that is the crucial difference. They have learned simply through living that rarely do things work out exactly as planned. From their life experiences they have learned the art of resiliency. They do not demand that things be different or fall apart when the ball goes far afield. They run, jump and reach higher to attain their goal. They may slip and fall along the way but they continue on – for the love of the game and themselves. They remind me of the famous saying by Winston Churchill. ‘Never, Never, Never, Never give up!’

Developing the art of resiliency is something worth considering.

Have a great few days!

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Listening to Others

What makes us emotionally richer and deeper as human beings is when we try to walk in the shoes of another and search for a point of understanding rather than judgment. John Lennon wrote a song entitled, ‘Mother.’ It was not a particularly popular ballad but I would challenge you to listen to it. Simply google his name and songs to hear it in its’ entirety. It is a song of deep longing and the gut wrenching grief he felt even as an adult by not having a mother or father that was there for him during his short life. ‘You had me…I didn’t have you… I wanted you…You didn’t want me. Mama don’t go…Daddy come home.’ When we hear his name, thoughts of success, talent, even a lifestyle of the rich and famous come to mind. But how many of us realize that inside his heart he was as raw as any of us due to his early experiences.

Most of us are blessed with at least one parent if not two who offered unconditional love. So it is difficult-or nearly impossible to understand the feelings of those who have not been loved with heart and soul. Yet, there are so many walking wounded who struggle in life due to traumatic early experiences. They are waiting, hoping for a smile or even a kind word as they face the challenges of life with a hole in their heart from a deep seated loss.

When we consciously take the time to try to even marginally understand the struggle of others it just causes us to be a bit more gentle, a tad more understanding and more aware that none of us gets through life unscathed. We have all chosen our path to learn unique lessons – as painful as they may be.

Loss comes in so many different forms. Not having a parent figure or significant other in our life can cause us to experience the same stages of grief that others do when they lose a loved one through death. If you listen to the lyrics of Lennon’s song and hear the emotional pleading in his voice, you can better empathize with those who have feelings of abandonment and loss. The heart of this talented song writer and performer remained raw even after years of living what most would label a highly successful life. Some losses are just like that – forever deeply embedded in the cells of our being. Sometimes we just need someone to take the time to recognize our sorrow. It allows us to regroup and move on. At other times, we find it impossible to completely move on but we still need others to hear, to care and to offer us a hand on our life journey.

As we evolve as human beings we realize the importance of feeling gratitude for each other and gratitude for each day. We recognize the importance of judging less and caring more. We remember that everyone has a story and that through greater patience and understanding we can make a difference in our world.

Have a great few days!

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Voice of Hope

Every once in a while something just takes your breath away. A dear friend sent this to me and I thought that you might enjoy and appreciate it as much as I did. Often we miss the small miracles which are all around us – listen and enjoy.

Revised link:
http://www.staged.com/video?v=NtK

Have a great few days!

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Synchronicity and a Fellow Traveler

Synchronicity is amazing and at work again! Yesterday I met a highly successful, accomplished and beautiful person who had a difficult – actually life threatening experience – to share and apparently I needed to hear it.

As she described the physical assault she had barely lived through it sounded not only frightening but outright horrendous. I was amazed that she was able to put one foot in front of the other. At first glance although she looked so very confident and put together I just kept getting the feeling that inside she was a delicate, wounded bird and I was puzzled at my own reaction. As she began to talk I understood my initial reaction better. You would never have guessed that she nearly lost her life in the attack. To add more stress and trauma in her life, the timing of the on going court system continues to keep the attack in her conscious thought – long past the harrowing experience. Listening to her story you could visibly see and feel both the physical and emotional pain she was still in. Yet, she was involved with a group and determined to help others who have lived through similar traumatic experiences.

I was able to offer a few personal references – guides on the side so to speak – that I believed could help her further with the next steps in the healing process. We know that experiencing loss in any form takes what may seem like an inordinate time to fully heal but regardless of our determination or station in life deep loss is like a deep physical wound in our body. There are no short cuts in the healing process – it may take years to fully heal.

You may think our meeting was not particularly unusual or synchronistic but just read the following events that needed to be aligned to get the full picture.

She had changed her appointment due to a conflict in schedule
Still struggling a bit with jet lag I had not made an appointment until a few hours before when in desperation I realized I needed to get in. I kept thinking it would be impossible and not to even try to get an appointment but then in my next breath I would feel an urge to pick up the phone. When I did call I was absolutely astounded to get an appointment immediately (this process usually takes at best a week to get in)
Our times were 15 minutes apart and lasted for 2 hours so we had time to talk
She was physically moved from her original seat and seated next to me
The owner of the shop introduced us – not the usual procedure
Her life story involved tremendous loss of people, safety and well being
I have written a book and blog twice weekly on those topics

We had the gift of time to talk deeply about patterns of human behavior, prayers of protection, life lessons and moving on after tragic events occur in our lives. Our connection was immediately apparent and to verify it the Universe gave her a sign, goose bumps on her arms continually as we talked. In fact it was so noticeable that she commented on it. The energy exchanged left us both feeling happier, more energized and ready to tackle tomorrow. When it was time to leave, after exchanging hugs, I could feel my jet lag seemed better and I noticed that she left the shop with an actual smile on her face. It feels good to be used for a purpose higher than yourself.

Driving home I kept thinking about the amazing way the Universe just seemed to remove all of the normal roadblocks to make this connection happen. I could visualize in my mind the movement of times and events – rather like moving puzzle pieces around – just to make this meeting of the hearts happen and I smiled – I was humbled, indeed! I had met a fellow traveler along the way and was able to lend a listening ear and loving heart momentarily to her life. What greater gift can there be?

Have a great few days!

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Learning from the Australians

Recently I had the opportunity to visit my son in Australia. Going to a different continent, albeit one that speaks a form of English. can at first rattle your cage after 30 hours in planes and airports and crossing 15 different time zones. When arriving you realize everything is so much different than you may have expected. But, as the phrase states, ‘when in Rome do as the Romans’ and as a visitor you quickly realize that patience and understanding is not only valued but expected – it is the Australian way. The major differences in choices and accessibility … food, entertainment, shopping, transportation, and just basic living as well as the overall cost associated with each activity reminded me of how much we take for granted as Americans. We have it VERY good. We have more choices, options, and opportunities than we realize. Maybe it takes an opportunity to get out of our comfort zone to truly get it.

The Australian people are gentle, kind and accepting. Their highly efficient, immaculate and safe transit systems have signs that say, ‘please give your seat to someone who may need it more than you. If students are riding another sign directs them to give up their seat to an adult. Amazingly, these students – frequently teenagers – all do so willingly and with a gentle smile on their face. In the grocery stores people pushing their trolleys (grocery baskets) have just a few items – enough for a day or two in them. Food is costly and it appears never wasted. Also, you don’t see papers or trash on the sidewalks or streets. There are signs that instruct people to report anyone if they are littering. Consequently, people do not litter. The Aussies seem to take life in stride in a peaceful, unhurried manner. When driving people do not cut you off, honk their horns or merge quickly. They drive as they live. At work if they do not get everything accomplished they had planned, well, there is always tomorrow. Their mantra, ‘no hassle, no worry, no problem is truly their way of life. They just don’t seem to get rattled over anything. As Americans we have LITTLE patience with interruptions, delays or inconveniences. We know what we like or want and are usually able to get it. In Australia stores close at 5:00 P.M on weekdays and every Sunday. In America we are a 24/7 culture. We move fast, talk fast and usually expect – even demand that complete accessibility is available.

Our nonstop work ethic demonstrated the greatest difference between the cultures. As Americans we seem to be in a permanent state of rush, rush, rush just going faster and faster to get more things done. The good news is that as a culture we do get a tremendous amount accomplished. We are the innovators that seem to be in a seamless morphing state of constant improvement in everything we do. We work hard and can take great pride in what we contribute to the world. There is a reason why we are a world leader.

But, could it be that in our rush to accomplish more and become better and better that we have forgotten to give ourselves permission to really live and enjoy the special moments of our lives? I ask this with great humility. I lived the 24/7 lifestyle for years, now I wonder if it really was all that necessary or if I could have modified it slightly and taken a little time to smell the roses.

I remember a time …. long ago when as Americans we did enjoy a little more relaxed lifestyle – true it was years ago but I still remember. Family time was valued, holidays celebrated together, actual cards were sent in the mail telling someone how loved and important they were in our lives. Service personnel were treated by customers with appreciation and respect. Drivers were courteous. Living just felt safer and life a little more in balance.

I believe every experience we have can teach us something. My take away from this visit was to make a greater effort to take a few minutes and genuinely thank people for being in my world. To reconnect with friends and tell them how important they are to me. As Americans we are very generous when a major catastrophe happens – it is part of our DNA. We can take great pride in this and tap this part of our DNA by extending these thoughts of caring to a daily basis by remembering to be a little more gentle, patient and understanding with others and ourselves. As people of the world we have the power to change it one person at a time as we extend a hand to our fellow travelers.

Have a great few days!

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Accepting the Uniqueness of Others

Did you know that due to the density of pure ice only 1/9th of an iceberg is above water? It puts in perspective the saying ‘that’s only the tip of the iceberg’ doesn’t it? Icebergs and people have a great deal in common. Each is totally unique both above and below the surface. Most importantly, what we see on the surface is but a small part of who they are deep down on the inside.

As people, our differences are huge. Culturally, ethnically, birth order, family background, our physical and emotional issues and other life experiences are just a few of the significant variances that add up to what is beneath our surface. Yet, how many times do we know or even stop to wonder ‘from whence a person comes’ before making a decision – judgment even about them? As we move at the speed of light to get our laundry list of ‘to do’s’ done in any given day we rarely, if ever, stop and think about the other 8/9th of the person – the rocks they are carrying, invisibly, in their backpacks. We may wonder in frustration WHY are they acting like this? Therein lies the opportunity for us to take a deep breath and remember…

Everyone has their own unique story, their own lessons in life. Some have chosen paths of great challenge and are barely hanging on just to get through another day. Yet, on the surface, we may have no idea of their issues and we question their behavior… It is good to remember that although our paths are totally different we are all struggling to get by and make sense of our life experience.

Luckily, the similarities in people are not as complex. Love, acceptance and understanding are needs we all have in common. We are all learning about ourselves and the world one step at a time. There are no short cuts to finally getting to the ‘Aha’ in life. It is, indeed, a rigorous journey – not for the faint of heart. But, survive – even thrive we will. Our road is significantly less difficult when we feel recognized for the value of who we are and allowed our idiosyncrasies to surface without judgment.

We are, after all, simply children of this magnificent Universe who are motivated to make the world a little better place by having been in it.

Have a great few days!

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Accepting Unplanned Changes

Timing – how many times have we created detail plans for events in our lives and had them change …instantly it seems… and we are left wondering, ‘ what the …. just happened?” As we struggle and worry about how to pick up the pieces of our broken plans the energy we initially put into emotionally demanding that things be different seem to outweigh our ability to move forward. Naturally, we are more comfortable with predictably and control and do not like things to upset our world right?

As we struggle with the feelings of the change that happened which was out of our control, at just the perfect moment it seems, a new pathway is presented to us and we move forward realizing that we are better off with the new plan than our original one in retrospect. What lesson is the Universe trying to teach us?

Does it mean that we should not make plans? I don’t think so – at least for someone who has a tendency to mentally design plans A, B, C – sometimes through to Z. But what I have truly come to appreciate is that something, somewhere, somehow seems to guide us in a way that is ultimately better for us. The challenge then is to accept and allow the inevitable changes to happen with trust and a deep belief, a knowing, that everything will be okay.

Allowing is the ultimate gift of confidence and peace you can give yourself. It can be visualized as a box, wrapped in the most beautiful paper – in all colors of the rainbow that unwrapped, presents a touchstone of warm light. As you pick up the stone a sense of peace touches your soul and you smile to yourself and think, “Ah, this is how that feels.’ The term, allow, truly embodies the spiritual belief that, “All is as it should be.” Physically it can be compared to exhaling rather than inhaling – relaxing your tense muscles rather than holding them tighter and tighter in an effort to control EVERYTHING. An activity that is not only arrogant but impossible.

Visiting Australia, I have found that everyone – and I do mean EVERYONE uses the terms, ‘no worry, no problem, no hassle’ when responding to an inquiry. At first, I was a bit taken aback. It can rattle the cage of a visiting American. After a few days the environment begins to envelope you and you find yourself thinking, for the most part, the same….something happened….no problem, no worry. In other words, it will all work out. “All is as it should be.”

Every culture, every single, solitary human being has something to teach us. When we humble ourselves enough to observe and learn from them it enables us to adjust the kaleidoscope of our own lives, ever so slightly, to see colors more vibrantly and truth more deeply.

Have a great few days!

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Happiness Now!

A heard a statement the other day that made quite an impression on me. ‘To be truly successful in life we need to be at peace with ourselves.’ The more I thought about it the more it made sense. It seems that many of us feel we are in constant need of repair, rework or overhaul. We spend time watching T.V. programs, reading magazines and books and seeking advice on how to be happier. The irony is that while we are seeking greater happiness we are simultaneously comparing ourselves to false images of perfection that we see or read about in the media and coming up short. As a result we are at epidemic levels of dissatisfaction and agitation. Would you choose yourself as a friend if you continually pointed out your own perceived shortcomings? Hardly!

Adding to all of this, we know that what occupies our thinking – what is constantly rolling around in our brains – becomes our truth. If we allow our thoughts to be about limitations or dissatisfaction with self or others, the Universe will surely deliver more of it to us. The popular statement, change your thinking and change your life really works.

What if our one true purpose in life is to learn unconditional acceptance – of ourselves and others? We know the Universe doesn’t make mistakes – and it didn’t make a mistake with you. Maybe, just for one day, we could practice accepting ourselves unconditionally and relish in knowing that we are simply a miraculous part of soul energy that is surrounded in a sea of Universal Light. We are exactly who and what we are supposed to be and the ultimate lesson is in learning to gracefully accept it. Makes you think doesn’t it?

Being grateful for our unique place in the Universe and thinking, ‘I am blessed. I am a good person. I am making an important contribution to this earth simply by living in the here and now and appreciating all that life has to offer me,’ would do more for our personal happiness index than all the self improvement tactics combined.

When we learn to fully accept ourselves with all of our unique characteristics we will end our resistance – our fear – of being our authentic selves. We will open up the flow of positive energy from the Universe and life will unfold perfectly. Let’s give it a try, we have nothing to lose and pure happiness to gain.

Have a great few days!

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Courage and Jason Collins

Jason Collins, the basketball powerhouse, announced recently that, ‘I’m a 34- year-old NBA center. I’m black and I’m gay.” As quoted in the DailyBeast.com, he is “one of the biggest trailblazers in sports history.” Jason is the first openly gay athlete playing in a major American sport. I applaud his willingness to go where others have feared to tread.

He said he was tired of living in fear and denying his sexuality. He is strong, honest and human. His announcement will help all of us see that humans come in all shapes, sizes and sexual preferences. He went on to say that, “I wish I wasn’t the kid in the classroom raising his hand and saying, I’m different.” Since no other pro athlete has done it, he said, “I’m raising my hand.” He has received immense support from other NBA players. My hat goes off to him.

Some countries are more accepting of people in general. They see the person, the heart and not the label. We are making slow progress in the U.S. on the topic of gay rights. We now have 10 states that recognize gay marriage. The progress has been painfully slow. One of these days we will see the rest of our country rise to the occasion and accept a human being for who they are and what they do. May it happen sooner rather than later.

As a country, may we lose the fear, the diatribe of wrongness that is too often promoted when someone doesn’t understand an issue or walk in another person’s shoes. Ignorance is simply that…ignorance. You may not be able to fix stupid but you can fix ignorance.

I thank Jason Collins for his strength and willingness to be an example for the rest of the world. Change often happens slowly, painfully one person at a time.
Los Angles Lakers star Kobe Bryant tweeted to Jason, “Don’t suffocate who u r” and fellow Laker star Steve Nash said, “Maximum respect.” That response says a lot. No one should ever have to hide who they are for fear of not being accepted.

The Universal Energy/God doesn’t make mistakes. We would all be better off if we would talk truth, accept others with love, and live by the golden rule, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Judgment on this topic has no place in a civilized, enlighten world.

Have a great few days!

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Optimism Takes Practice

Just like an athlete or musician or any talent, we get really good at what we practice everyday. What are you practicing? Is it happiness, love and understanding or something else?

Positive, caring behavior delivers more of the same. Likewise, if we allow ourselves to be weighed down by anger, fear or sadness we will simply get more of the same tomorrow. The Universe just has a way of delivering to us what is foremost in our thoughts.

Think of the process like a magnet with a negative and positive end. Our thinking is energy. We attract more of the type of energy (positive or negative) that we surround ourselves with. Personally, I feel life is tough enough so I choose to do everything possible to lighten my load by seeing the positives in a situation. Some may see this as Pollyanna thinking. So be it. I have found huge benefits to an optimistic attitude or as Eleanor Porter said in her original Pollyanna books, applying ‘The Glad Game’ to life. There really is a silver lining behind every cloud that crosses our path. Sometimes it takes a little while to realize the purpose, or the lesson, to the difficult event we are experiencing. Eventually, the ‘Aha’ happens and we relax in knowing that everything will work out just as it is supposed to. We simply need to control our thinking and not let perseverating on fear and the ‘if only’ ‘ or ‘poor me’ highjack our ability to handle the issue at hand.

Practicing optimistic thinking takes effort. It does not take work to be a ‘resident critic’ or to find the fault in a situation. That kind of thing is easy to do. Since optimism does not come naturally we need to redirect our thinking each time we realize the ‘negatives’ have taken over our thought process and look for a positive in the situation.

Look at your own life at this moment. You may have difficult challenges to over come, that is part of the human condition. We all experience moments of worry or momentary despair? But it is the length of time we allow ourselves to be concerned or worried about the issue that is the critical difference. A little time to be concerned about a situation is natural – a long time is unhealthy and unproductive. As we worry the issue becomes larger in our thinking and what may have been a mole hole can quickly become a mountain to overcome.

When we force ourselves to find something good or positive in every situation a strange phenomena happens. We feel more empowered, more energetic to face our life challenges and keep things in perspective. Life just seems a little easier. Trust me, it is worth practicing. Next time you have a life challenge try looking for something good in the situation. Will overcoming the challenge cause you to feel stronger, more confident the next time an unexpected event happens? Remember, the more you practice something the better you get at it!

Make it a great few days!

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