Official blog for the book "Just Behind the Door"

Posts tagged ‘after death communication’

Greater Clarity in Life

It is said that when a person is near death they have a greater clarity of purpose as they reflect back on their lives. We are also told in our Hospice training that people die as they live. The first time I heard that I was a bit puzzled. Now, a couple of years into my volunteer work it has become clearer to me. I have the opportunity to hear this clarity first hand as I listen to them relive the important moments in their lives. What I hear is about love of family and friends and the times when something happened that just took their breath away. It’s about whether they feel they made the world a little better off by being in it. Basically, it is all about gratitude for being a part of this experience we call life on planet earth. I don’t hear people worrying about how much they have accumulated or how much, in real dollars, they are worth. They seem to realize at this life changing time in their lives that what we do and think on a individual level really does affect not only ourselves but the entire world. Their hindsight is, indeed, 20/20. They seem to just know that we are all made up of energy and what we think and speak about most often comes back to us triple fold. Our thoughts really are the key to life and open or close all doors for us. If there is a yearning from these wonderful folks, it is to help the world understand the importance of loving others and lending a hand to someone in need. I am so fortunate to be in this classroom of life called the Hospice experience. It makes living that much more meaningful. You can see first hand that the entire world really has a very deep energy connection.

Our lives can be about so much more than just getting by or getting ours. Do you know of someone that has recently gone through a life transition or is struggling? If so, did you take the time to show them that you are concerned about them. If you don’t know what to say, that’s easy… simply, ” I care and I’m here for you,” is enough. It could be the lifeline they need at that precise moment to make it through another day.The Hallmark people are right, it’s never too late to show someone how much you care. Sooner or later we will all be at the end point in our lives on earth and will see with greater clarity what our lives represented. Let it be about compassion, gratitude and love. As I said in my book, love is the Alpha and Omega of the Universe.

Have a great few days!

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Oprah hits a home run!

Every once in a while something comes along that you feel compelled to share with others. It happened to me this Sunday morning. I was reading my Oprah Magazine and saw an advertisement for the Emmy award-winning series, Super Soul Sunday. The clever title got my attention but what really drew me in was the statement, ” Designed to help viewers awaken to their best selves.” That was my goal in writing my book and remains my goal in blogging twice weekly. Helping people continue on with their life after the death of a child, spouse, or through the painful experiences of divorce, separation, and suicide is something I can do – because I have walked in those shoes. To me, this series is totally designed around positive energy and purposeful living. It’s like a very special gift that will just keep on giving.

Oprah not only talks with well known speakers on spiritualism but includes the “average” person on the street who has lost a loved one. It makes the series even that more meaningful. I heard people saying things such as: listen to the voice within you, look for the message in every problem, grief is an expression of how well you loved, and, of course, our lives are all about learning to love ourselves and others unconditionally.

For those of you who have read my book and follow my blogs you will know what I mean when I say that watching her first program in this series caused me to feel that I had found my true north after studying the topic of unconditional love and loss since the ’70’s.

I would urge you to google Oprah.com or tune in to the OWN network on Sundays at 10 A.M. central/11 A.M. We all need ” a little help from our friends” from time to time. Give yourself a gift next Sunday and sit down, breath deeply and listen. It will bring you a sense of peace. I know that I will watching. The program is exceptional and has the potential to help so many people realize how they can make it through the difficulties and losses in their lives in one piece. We may be wounded from our experiences but do not need to be stopped in this amazing and challenging life journey that each of us has chosen.

Let me know what you think after watching!

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Changing Places?

How often have you looked at someone else’s life and thought to yourself, ” It must be nice…”. It may seem that their life is easier, happier or more fulfilling than yours. But is it really? Would you seriously change positions with them? Would you want to have what they have, do what they do and think what they think if it meant that you had to give up what you presently have to do so? I’ll bet not, if you really think about it.

Each of us is on the exact path we are supposed to be on. We are learning the exact lessons we have chosen to learn and, most importantly, we will each finish this life in perfect time – our own. Like an actor on a stage, we are each living out the unique, pre-birth plans that we designed. Jokingly, I said to my sister a few months before her death, ” Next time we need to hire a ghost writer (no pun intended) to write our life scripts because we throw in everything but the kitchen sink and then wonder why our life is so hard!”

The truth is our life is the perfect fit for us. Like that favorite pair of shoes you put on and immediately just realize that everything feels more comfortable. Those shoes feel like they were made just for you. Everything just settles in. Is it difficult, sometimes, to find the right pair – absolutely! Do we have to wait at times to be able to afford them – absolutely! Do we appreciate them and all of life a little more by having to work through the lessons we have chosen to work on to get them – absolutely! But, we can look back after experiencing a really tough challenge in life and realize that we made it, we accomplished something. We feel a renewed sense of pride in our personal strength and tenacity. No one can ever take that feeling of accomplishment away from you. You worked for it, you earned it. That is, indeed, impressive. Even better news – you will be a little bit stronger the next time a life lesson, a challenge, presents itself because you made it through this time of difficulty that you may now be facing.

So next time when you think that others seem to have life so much easier just remember that we haven’t walked in their shoes and we don’t know the lessons they have yet to encounter on their journey. When we accept our own challenges without feeling like a victim, and pat ourselves on the back for our own accomplishments, we achieve a greater sense of self worth. Life becomes a little less daunting through each challenge and accomplishment.

There is a quote in my book from my son that is so fitting on this topic. Ronnie said, “Mom, all is as it should be.” To truly internalize that message is both reassuring and liberating. The lyrics from a song by Frank Sinatra sums it up:

I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exceptions
And more, much more than this
I did it my way.

Have a great few days!

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Life Transitions

In an interview recently, the talented singer, Melissa Etheridge said, “Life is just a journey you never get it done.” If this is so than learning to enjoy the ride through the changes and challenging life transitions that can disrupt your comfort zone is the path.

Life is simply a series of changes. There is really no such thing as staying ‘status quo.’ These changes may be welcomed or thrust upon us dramatically. They can cause us to feel anxious, fragile or at least a bit uncertain. We wonder, will I be able to get through this one?

The ” what ifs” creep into our thinking. We begin to perseverate on everything that may go wrong. Just remember the rule, 99% of what we worry about never happens. In my book, Just Behind the Door, my son has told me repeatedly, “Mom, everything is as it should be.” Even when talking about his death he repeated that phrase. I finally get it. It took a long time.

Transitions in life give us an opportunity to truly think about who we are, what we want our lives to be about and what legacy we choose to leave this world. The ultimate question seems to be, did I make the world a little better off by being in it? Did I bring joy into the world?

There are people who traverse through life changes more easily than others. They seem to possess specific traits: confidence and a belief in tomorrow, the ability to analyze the past to discover the golden nugget – the life lesson learned – and they listen and follow their inner intuitive voice. As R. Bach said, ” A cloud does not know why it moves in just such a direction…It feels an impulsion…this is the place to go now.”

We can look at life transitions in one of two ways; as a gift or as a burden. I choose the gift perspective. Why? Life transitions are all about learning our lessons – in other words- the reason we are here. They expand our ability to see, feel and function at a higher level. As we get through one challenge after another in life, we begin to fear less and gain greater self confidence. We are able to accept the world and the people in it with less judgment and more grace. We remember, we have never walked a mile in their shoes.

When you reflect back on your life, can you see how the moments that were the most difficult, the life transitions that were most severe, taught you invaluable lessons? Having lived through them, you now have a deeper knowing about truth, life and the Universe.

Melissa Etheridge is right – life is about the journey- both the challenging, gut wrenching times as well as the exciting and rewarding ones. Each step of the way, each life transition, teaches us that we will survive, we are resilient and that we can make the world a better place.

Make the next few days the best ever!

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All IS AS IT SHOULD BE – REALLY?

A dear friend called to talk about the blog from Wednesday. She said, “I can accept what you are saying in the blog … all, that is, but the last statement, All is as it should be.” She went on to explain that we may have free will but the lack of ownership by others for their life and their lessons have a compounding effect on those of us close to them. I agreed, but once again repeated, what do YOU need to learn from these situations involving others. She made a great point. I know what I mean when I repeat the statement, “All is as it should be,” and those of you who have read my book, Just Behind the Door, understand that this has been THE ongoing statement that my son, from the other side, has communicated for over a decade. It makes so much sense to me but I have lived through this communication with Ronnie for so long that it is natural. So to be clearer about the intent in the phrase let me explain.

I believe each of us agrees, pre-birth, on the lessons we will work on in this lifetime. The themes are numerous, but to list just a few: emotional independence, overcoming feelings of powerlessness or unworthiness, overcoming our fears, forgiveness, gratitude, unconditional love, the list goes on and on. We agree to experience situations in our life that will help us learn the lessons we have chosen to learn. The challenges that are presented in learning these lessons can take us to the brink of denial, anger, rebellion, withdrawal even total helplessness until we finally get it, recognize it and learn from it. Remember no one but YOU agreed to work on the lessons that you are dealing with in your life. It is, as if, first God/Universal Energy whispers, (this is the first time the lesson is presented) then speaks ( a similar, more dramatic experience presented a second time) then shouts with an even more difficult, challenging situation the third (or more) time the lesson surfaces. The experiences just keep adding up, causing us tremendous hurt and challenge until, one day, we GET IT. There is no one to blame, no one to rail at because we chose to work on the particular lesson(s) until we internalize the learning.

I have experienced the death of two husbands, my son, two sisters, mother, father and close friends. In addition, I have experienced divorce – more than once. For each experience, I railed at the Universe. Why me? What have I done wrong? I demanded that the situation be different. I felt I should be able to fix it, if I just tried hard enough. Gradually, as I learned more, an “aha” happened. Now, I realize that my life is about accepting that I cannot control everything, to have greater faith in God/Universal Energy and, along the way, to learn to love myself. I guess I was a remedial learner who needed to experience many losses to finally get it!

So, when I say, “All is as it should be,” it is. When we look back – hindsight is always 20/20 – we have a greater awareness, if not acceptance, as to the why.

What lesson are you working on?

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Reflection

It has been said that those of us who have chosen to live in this time on earth are doing so to finish up our own unresolved issues. This is a time of spiritual awakening. Many of us have experienced good and sometimes even great things during our lives and have also experienced times of intense, life changing events. Loss through death, separation, and divorce are examples of experiences that can evoke such deep seated feelings that you wonder if the pain will ever end. Having lived through all of these I can tell you that you will survive, you will make it but it will take time. You will never be the same as you were but you will, over time, become wiser – more at peace with yourself – and with life. Deep reflection of what you could have done differently seem to creep into your awareness from time to time and you hear yourself saying, “If only …” I believe it is healthy to mentally examine what you experienced, looking for any patterns to determine what was the most challenging or what were the issues that you, at first, denied or needed to change. Self reflection is the key that opens up a new reality for us. It can allows us to face the challenges in our life with deeper honesty. . Hindsight, sometimes called 20/20 vision can enables us to improve ourselves and the world.

The importance in taking the time to reexamine your life changing events cannot be overstated. We eventually come to the point of accepting that, as my son has said to me from the other side, “Mom, everything is as it should be.” When we fully embrace this thought it truly will help to eliminate the fears in our lives. These fears involving the ‘what if’s’ can take over your life and render you afraid of what MIGHT happen next. Our brains process thoughts so fast that we can think about the regrets of our yesterdays, worries about today and simultaneously be fearful of what might happen tomorrow.

When we relax into the knowing that all will work out exactly as it has been planned and we will get through it, a peace settles into our thinking and we can breath more deeply, smile more often with the many true joys in life and be grateful for the opportunity to live in this time of greater spiritual awareness.

Enjoy and appreciate yourself today!

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Experiencing Your Own Peace

The door to our homes can be opened or closed. Inviting contact and communication in from the outside world, or closed, shutting ourselves off to life, people, and possibilities. We can also think of this symbolism in reference to our minds. Are the doors of our minds open in a present tense or closed in the past tense? When I talk with people who have experienced loss or other challenges in their lives, I purposely listen to hear if they are stuck in what used to be – the past tense so to speak of their lives, or are reliving the past but with hopes and dreams for tomorrow. As I explained in my book, Just Behind the Door, our loved ones want us to remember the good times, the wonderful memories but NOT live in the past, stuck in our grief and perseverating on what used to be.
Being able to receive messages from the other side is possible for anyone who truly wants to make the connection. However, the critical first step is to move past the pain, the grief even the anger of what has happened in your life and realize nothing happens by accident. Every event – good or bad – happens for a reason. If we take the time to think about the issue, the lesson will surface. As my son has told me so many times, “Mom, everything is as it should be.” I don’t have to like it but I do need to realize that life goes on and my job is to make it the best life possible.
My path in life includes empathically listening to people to help them find their own peace. When we realize that life is planned, purposeful and designed for us to learn the true meaning of unconditional love it lessens the stress in our lives. We begin to feel a more calm, serene knowing and a greater trust in the future. Learning that love is the Alpha and Omega of the Universe – the beginning and end as we know it, an important part of achieving peace in our lives. If we genuinely trust ourselves enough to open the door of our minds to the belief of after death communication, the results can be incredibly healing and affirming. If other people do not accept or believe as you do, that is perfectly OK. You do not need to try to verbally convince them. You may find that as you begin to feel more trust, and demonstrate more peace about your own journey in life through your example, others may begin to open up the doors of their mind and seek a deeper understanding. They are on their own path, PLEASE allow them the opportunity to learn their own lessons. The more you try to fix, tell, lecture, organize and otherwise control other people’s lives or thinking the weaker and more dependent you make them. Please give others the trust and benefit of allowing them to proceed in life in their own time and own way. They will discover their own truth.

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Take Time to Fully Process Through You Grief

I read recently that forgiveness (of yourself and others) happens naturally when we embrace every part of ourselves that has been hurt from a loss. I thought about that for some time. It seems we hear about the necessity of getting on with our lives more frequently that anything else. I understand that the average person expects you to ‘get your life back together and move on’ about 2-4 weeks after a loss. Really? That type of thinking tells me they probably haven’t lived through a life-changing loss yet. ‘Yet’ is the operative word here because none of us escapes loss. It is just a matter of time. Loss of any kind (death, divorce, separation) creates feelings and emotions that cannot simply be brushed away quickly. When you try to move on or ‘keep a stiff upper lip’ the loss becomes buried in your entire being and will take a toll on you. It takes time to process through all of the ‘yucky stuff’ that surfaces in your mind and to make peace with it eventually. I am convinced if you don’t fully process through the hurt to discover the lesson, it will return over and over in your life until you ‘get it.’

Given the pace that we live at today, reflecting and processing the grief of our loss takes time that may think we cannot afford. However, as I have said in my book, Just Behind the Door, each loss seems to be like a rock in the back pack you are invisibly carrying around. As you hurry through the hurt, thinking that you just have to put one foot in front of the other, the back pack gets heavier and heavier. I visualize a person that is hunched over from the weight of the pack they are carrying. Those rocks (or boulders depending on the depth of the loss) do not eventually disappear on their own. Time does not, necessarily, heal a broken heart. It takes work to surface those boulders your are carrying around. By recognizing the hurt you still have down deep, and searching for the lesson(s) you have learned from the experience you will eventually feel whole. This is difficult work that may take a person trained in the field of loss to help you let go of the heavy load you are carrying. Please value yourself enough to seek help if you can’t seem to process the loss fully.

Everyone has their own special mission – lessons to learn – on this earth. No one seems to escape unscathed. Your friends can be a wonderful support system for you. They will listen to you no matter how many times you need to repeat the experience of your loss. Good friends care enough to be there for you no matter how long it takes.

I look forward to the day that we will all become so evolved that the learning through the suffering paradigm will be replaced by learning through love and joy. It may take us time but I believe we will get there.

Have a great few days!

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Signs From Our Loved Ones

We know that when we ask our loved ones for a sign that they are with us, the signs come in various forms. It may be a phone call and their name shows up on caller ID, lights that flicker, something out of the ordinary happens in your life that only you and the person who has passed on would relate to – the signals are too varied to list all of them. When I just wanted reassurance that my son was close, I would ask him to send me a sign and I even specified the sign that I wanted, “Just show me a penny so that I know you are near,” I would think to myself. Within hours the pennies would start showing up. In my kitchen drawers (which I do clean out regularly) on my floor or carpet that I had just cleaned, in front of a chair that no one ever sits in, in my car and on and on. One day, I was at the car wash and was getting out of my car when the attendant asked me to move my car to another bay. No problem, I thought. As I opened the door to get out of my car once it was in the open bay, there is was – a penny. I naturally looked over to the first bay I had pulled into and there was no penny to be found. If a day is unusually challenging, sometimes I have found 4 or 5 pennies. It puts a smile on my face and I just say, “Thanks, Ronnie, I needed that!”

My daughter-in-law knows of this thing with pennies and recently sent me a poem about them. I googled the poem to be sure I gave the author proper credit. It turns out there was no known author. But imagine my surprise when I read a story from a man that said after his 18 year old son had died he was walking out of a store and started seeing pennies. Not just some – but many. In fact, he said by the time he picked them all up, filling both of his pockets, he had $6.00 worth of them. There were many other stories about the topic of signs on this website as well. Makes me realize how hard our loved ones are trying to get our attention and open the lines of communication with us. My son has proven to me that he always around. I am humbled and grateful for his unconditional love and ongoing communication.

The Angel and the Penny

I found another penny today
Just laying on the ground
But it’s not just a penny
This little coin I’ve found
That’s what my Grandma told me
She said angels toss them down
Oh, how I loved that story
She said when an angel misses you
They toss a penny down
Sometimes just to cheer you up,
To create a smile from a frown
So don’t pass by that penny
When you are feeling blue,
It may be a penny from heaven
That your loved one tossed to you!

Have a great few days and watch for signs from you loved one!

I have 2 book talks coming up for anyone that can attend: Kazoo Books, 2413 Parkview, Kalamazoo – 6:30 PM and Michigan News, 308 Michigan Ave., Kalamazoo – 5:00 PM

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Water and Meditation for a Better You

In addition to being a Hospice volunteer, I serve on the board for a health foundation in Arizona. In this capacity I see the tremendous research work that is being conducted to find answers to major health issues such as Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s diseases. When you see the devotion the doctors bring to this field it is truly inspiring. These are people who care about the quality of our lives and have committed themselves to the never-ending quest to find answers that will help us lead fuller, richer lives.

Information on the brain helps us understand what we can do to help ourselves. Our 3 pound brains are made up of 75% water and use up to 20% of our body’s total oxygen. Our brain can process information at about 268 miles an hour and generate between 10 to 23 watts of energy while awake. That’s enough energy to power a light bulb. No wonder when we meditate, to try to listen to the other side, it takes consistent practice – even 15 minutes per day to achieve a sense of calm and a deeper knowing. It takes time and practice to learn to slow down our ‘monkey brains,’ but is so worth it.

We have all chosen to live on this earth, in this body until it is time for our exit. What we do with our bodies in the time in between is up to us. Daily meditation is an important practice, to me it is as important as water is to our bodies. Both fuel our physical and mental wellness. Both help us see more clearly and feel more at peace. I believe we are all here to learn lessons and to make the world a little better place. To do so requires that our bodies and brains are functioning at their best. When the mayor of New York City talks about the need to reduce our intake of those huge soft drinks there is a reason. They are unhealthy for our bodies and unhealthy for our brains.

If each of us would chose to make even minor changes in our habits, for instance, to drink more water and less sugary soft drinks and to take 15 minutes daily to relax, breathe deeply and listen, we will be able to find our own answers that will help us lead fuller, richer lives and we will change the Universe for the better, just as these talented doctors are doing.

Have a great few days!

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