Official blog for the book "Just Behind the Door"

Posts tagged ‘Choose Your Path’

Keeping Things in Perspective

How many times have you found yourself going from zero to 180 over a comment, perceived slight or challenging event only to discover later that the situation was not even close to what you had initially perceived? The truth is that most of us have done so. In retrospect our reaction is embarrassing – if only to ourselves. The real question is how often we allow ourselves to go to this no good, very bad place and do we want to do something about it?

In my last blog I talked about the research done by Dr. Martin Seligman regarding learned optimism. His findings are powerful and deserve greater elaboration. When we are faced with a perceived slight at work or home we may jump to the conclusion that the other person doesn’t like us or questions our viewpoint or skill. If we would just take a deep breath and consider the possibility that the other person 1) did not understand 2) is preoccupied with something in their own life 3) is tired or even ill 4) may simply be on a different wave length, it would go a long way in helping us be happier more optimistic people. When we jump to personalizing a perceived slight without giving the other person the benefit of the doubt everyone loses. Actually, when we really get down to it, rarely is it about us. Even if the slight was intended it says much more about the other person’s sense of inadequacy or frustration than about us. Taking the slight on as truth automatically starts a chain reaction of negative thinking and we are better than that!

If a slight actually does occur it’s important to keep it in perspective. Some people automatically go to the next level and begin to generalize the slight as yet another example of others (the world) continuing to dump on them. They crave sympathy and can go through all kinds of gyrations to get it. If this happens it’s important to remember that empathy is a good thing but sympathy is not – in fact it is downright debilitating. If we are the ones to jump to generalizing after a slight we can become so good at it that within seconds we create a signed, sealed and delivered opinion about ourselves that further erodes our own self worth.

How do we know if there really is an issue about our behavior or attitude that would benefit from a change? The answer is quite simple really. Do we experience repeated examples of comments and behaviors from others that appear the same? If so, is it something that is standing in the way of our own well being? If we discern such a pattern we could ask someone we trust for their honest opinion and then truly listen, without interruption or justification, to what they have to say. Self improvement is a wonderful thing. It says to the world that we are still growing and becoming all we can be.

We can choose one of two paths. The pessimist who reacts defensively to an isolated incident, depletes our energy and expects the world to make him happy or the optimistic who is full of energy and ideas, chooses to look for the pony in the pile, and sees any challenge before him as an opportunity for growth. The choice is ours. The good news is that optimism really can be learned.

Have a great few days!

Visualize Your Tomorrows!

There are people that make things happen and those that wait for things to happen in their lives. Which one are you? The secret to making things happen in your life is to form a detailed mental picture of what you want and repeatedly visualize it in your mind AND feel it in your heart. The emotional component is what really makes the visualization become a reality. It goes beyond simply wishing or hoping for something. With visualization you see it in your mind and mentally try it on for size, adjusting slightly until it’s a perfect fit. Sound easy? It can be once you believe that you are entitled to all the happiness in life you desire.

An example of how to make creative visualization work for you could be to ‘pretend’ you are looking for a different car. What do you want it to look like, drive like? How many miles on the odometer are you willing to accept? How does it feel when you get behind the wheel to drive? How much are you willing to pay for it? See yourself signing the contract for the amount you are willing to pay and driving it with a big smile on your face. Visualize and FEEL it day after day. Know that it will happen. Keep experiencing the ‘feel’ of the car and sooner than you realize it will happen.

After achieving whatever initial visualization you have put out to the Universe, you may want to apply this process to other parts of your life. What, for example, would your life look like if you felt whole, perfect and complete? That is a much deeper thought but it is so important to realize the process of visualizing is the same. Can you actually see in your mind and feel in your heart how things would be different for you than they are now? The first step is to think about those differences and recognize them. What you have versus what you want takes mental and emotional work. It is hard work at first because it is repetitive and you have to suspend any disbelief you have that the process will work. Just like everything we do in life it takes work. This is just a different kind of work from what you might be used to doing. The phrase, ‘fake it ’till you make it’ applies in visualization.

At our core, we are all made up of energy. Remember the phrase, ‘like attracts like?’ So it is with the energy of the Universe. There is negative or positive energy in our thinking, being, doing. What are you drawing into your own energy field? You can harness positive energy to make your dreams a reality through the practice of visualization or simply wait, passively, and let things happen to you. The choice is always up to you. The Universe provides to us whatever is foremost in our thinking.

Even with the lessons that we have agreed to learn in our prebirth agreements, we still have the power of free will in the how’ we learn those lessons. It’s rather like the choice of pulling or pushing a wagon. One way is easier than the other and yet the wagon still is moved. I believe the power in the Universe can be harnessed through our ability to visualize what we want to have, achieve, and be in our lives.

When things challenge us, hurt us or loss happens there is a point at which we may see it and wonder why, demanding that this not be happening, or we can look it straight in the eye and refuse to be altered in our belief that things happen for a reason. We can use the power of visualization and get through it and learn from it, ultimately becoming stronger in the process or not. Our viewpoint is a critically important part of our gift of free will. We can harness the power of positive energy through visualization. The choice is always up to us.

The phrase s… happens, is true for all of us. Also true is the thought, ‘ what I do about it is totally up to me.’ What a gift we have been given with free will! Give visualization a chance. What do you have to lose?

You Decide

Don’t you just love a day when everything just seems to work! You may get to your job or meeting early, enjoy a conversation with someone that gave you food for thought and learned something new or saw a different perspective. You seem to accomplish more than you ever expected and at the end of the day when you reflect back it with a smile on your face you think to yourself, today was a GOOD day.

Other days, however, seem to be more challenging. It may start out with misplacing your keys, causing you to run late and get stuck in the rush hour traffic. At this point you are feeling so frustrated you might even say something to someone that, in retrospect, you wish you hadn’t said. The whole day just seems to be off and as you begin thinking about the issues they become magnified in your mind. By the end of the evening you may be thinking, well that’s my life, if I didn’t have bad luck I wouldn’t have any luck at all! You are exhausted as much by what happened but, more importantly, from the amount of time and energy you spent ruminating about them.

In the book, The Secret, by Rhonda Byrne, there is a worthwhile suggestion by Bob Proctor that might help you the next time your day starts out a bit off track. He suggests that to stop the cycle of negative thoughts that you have about events from going out into the Universe and magnifying the negative effect back to us, we stop ourselves in mind midstream and think. Since we are all made up of energy, each time we allow ourself to be in a negative mindset, the Universe ‘hears’ the message and delivers more of the same back to us.

Basically, you interrupt the cycle of negative energy by shifting your thought frequency. Proctor suggested that we make a mental list of ‘secret shifters.’ Those are things that can change your feelings and attitude in a minute and put gratitude and love back in you thoughts. Maybe it’s a certain song or a special memory that brings a smile to your face or a absolute howl of laughter from deep inside you. It could even be the thought of a future event or holiday that you have planned. (There is a logical reason why people plan way in advance for a fun break in their schedule). Do anything that can short circuit the negative flow of energy from your mind and body which causes you to catastrophize, and get you back on a more positive track. We don’t have to have an entire day of bad. Maybe we could try to reduce it down to an event or moment until we reduce those negative times to such a short period that you don’t ruin the rest of your God given day.

I really do believe that anything our minds can believe we can achieve but it takes mind and heart work. I’m not talking of simply a wish but something so important to you that you are willing to plan and work to achieve it. Once you have this goal in your mind, any set back you experience in attainment is simply viewed as temporary. I choose to believe in myself and the beautiful gift of tomorrow. If I have a problem or two along the way, okay, life happens. But I refuse to allow those events to ruin the gift of today that I have received from the Universe.

Are you with me on this?