Official blog for the book "Just Behind the Door"

Posts tagged ‘fear’

Fear of the Unknown

We like closure. It helps us feel more in control. However, if closure is not immediate what do we do? Frequently, we fill in the details about what this MIGHT mean. Our monkey brains work nonstop and our past experiences often fill in the unknown with fear, anxiety and negative thinking. Fear, in itself, can be a good thing. It has allowed us to evolve by signaling the need for a flight response. For instance, one could think of the letters in the word fear as standing for ‘f… everything and run’ when you feel physically threatened.

Another valid interpretation of the letters in fear could mean ‘false evidence appearing real’ when we don’t have enough information to understand the meaning behind a situation. In this circumstance your choice of interpretation is just that, your choice and your interpretation based on incomplete data. When you slow down and think more deeply about what you really don’t yet know about the circumstance you gain a sense of control and greater self confidence.

Ultimately, when additional information is supplied we usually think to ourselves, ‘Oh, that wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.’ It might even be a good thing eventually but at the initial moment we often have a tendency to put ourselves through a boat load of stress and worry. Why?

We act consistently with beliefs about ourselves which were formed from childhood and further developed through life experiences. The problem is that we often create our own filters during moments of stress and negative experiences then use these filters to interpret the future. This is especially true if someone in our lives has been in a position that, over time, created fear or anxiety in our lives. Maybe we had a parent or boss that used intimidation or fear as a method of control. If you have experienced this it really says a lot more about their insecurities than about your own capabilities. But as you are creating your own life filters you are rarely able to internalize this point.

The good news is that once we realize that our fears often develop from either lack of information or from the negative behavior directed from others we can do something about it! When we feel fear or anxiety about future events begin to take over our thinking we have the power to slow down our thinking, exhale slowly, and remember that 99% of what we fear or worry about never comes to pass. Future events can be interpreted with fear and anxiety OR a belief in your own personal power. If you reflect upon the many things in life that you have been able to manage, accomplish and overcome, it will help you gain a renewed sense of confidence. You really can handle whatever life has in store.

Visualize the phrase ‘jumping to conclusions.’ It’s a funny image. Would you normally arrive at a conclusion about something in your life without all the needed information? Would you buy something, designed something or conclude something about someone with few facts? Probably not. Yet this is exactly what we do to ourselves when we allow fear or anxiety from previous experiences to control our interpretation of future events.

Learning to control our response to stressful or difficult circumstances is not easy. It takes practice. We may fall back, occasionally, to the ‘what ifs’ in life. That’s okay. The amount of TIME we allow ourselves to REMAIN in that state seems to determine our happiness index in life overall. Something to think about!

Have a great few days!

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Turn Your Kaleidoscope!

Tomorrow really is the first day of the rest of your life. It is a day that will be as open to opportunities and as resilient as you are – no more no less. When you think about it there will never be another day just like it. Relish in both the big and small things of tomorrow and they will give you greater strength and confidence as you create memories to last a lifetime. Waste the day thinking about the ‘whys’ and ‘if onlys’ and it will be gone forever. Just another day marked off the calendar of your life.

Many of the issues that affect the way we look at our lives began so early – even before we had the verbal skills to understand them – that we may just think it is natural to look at life from a perspective of fear, dissatisfaction, or lack. As we experience further trials and tribulations our life challenges begin to weigh us down and we may start believing that life is unfair, unjust or simply a burden to get through. Look at the faces of those you come in contact with and you will clearly see their perspective on life. Look in the mirror and you will know what you are telling others about your perspective on life.

If you think of your life as the pieces of glass inside a kaleidoscope, you simply need to turn the cylinder, ever so slightly, to let in more light energy. To see more colors in the spectrum. Positive thought and intentions are the light, the reflectors of your tomorrows.

All of us have lived through times in our lives that have stopped us in our tracks. Death, divorce, separation, basically any kind of loss can cause us to become fearful or anxious about what might – the operative word here is MIGHT- happen tomorrow. In reality, however, we all get our share of challenges and hurts. The test in life is how we allow those things to color our tomorrows. Are you ready to turn the kaleidoscope and put your past hurts behind you and see a more positive tomorrow?

Once you consciously choose to turn the kaleidoscope, slightly, allowing you to see the vibrant colors of possibilities and abundance, the Universe will deliver – of that I am sure. The choice is always up to you. Will you decide to simply get through another day or will you give it all you’ve got for the tomorrow that will only come around once in your life? As we know, the choice is always up to us.

Have a great few days!

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Building on Your Strength

If I asked you to take a few minutes to list your five most important attributes , what would they be? Many of us may struggle with this task. It just seems rather off-putting somehow to write on paper. So often we can see the goodness in others but rush, embarrassingly, to dismiss any compliments or comments about our own strengths when we hear them . We don’t want to appear ‘full of ourselves’ thinking humility is next to perfection – or Godliness – as the nuns repeated many times to us in school.

I bought that decades ago but now realize that we really don’t have to work at being humble. I think the world just has a way of reminding us of our humanness as we face the challenges and opportunities in our tomorrows. Just when we think we have all the answers, somehow, life changes and we are no longer even sure of the questions. Reality and humility combine into a powerful force that causes us to draw from that inner reserve of our authentic self to move through the latest challenge we are facing.

What I do think important and life sustaining is to actually name our strengths and realize how fortunate we are to be able to recognize and be grateful for them. It adds to our inner reserve as we decide what to do, become or develop next in ourselves. Change comes in all forms, self improvement frequently seems the most difficult.

Show me the person who does not do a little self evaluation for the purpose of clarity and improvement, from time to time, and I will show you a person that has little joy and even less excitement in their life. I actually met a person, once, who said she did not have anything she wanted to improve. I thought she was joking, then realized she was serious. Wow! Rather than thinking this was a person with a super dose of self confidence, I simply felt sad because I realized what a tremendous burden it must be to carry around that amount of fear. Fear (false expectations about future reality) can paralyze us and cause us to build a ‘protective wall’ around us to keep keep others out and ourselves chained to our yesterdays. This ‘wall’ is made up of the negative energy in fear and people, do indeed, run from it.

The challenge, it seems, is to refuse to be cowered by fear and to be authentically honest with yourself. Seeing your strengths as building blocks for a better tomorrow.

You are the one and only you in the Universe. The genuine article! At the cell level you are a part of the Universal Energy. The same energy that we know cannot be created nor destroyed only changed in form. When you are the same inside and out you can see yourself as others see you and a greater depth in the fabric of your being begins to emerge. Being authentic allows us to be grateful for our strengths and also willing to see new ways that we can become even more peaceful, loving, accepting and confident. We become happy in our own skin and draw others to us because of our positive energy.

Free will, the gift from the Universe allows us choice and the choice we make today will be the life we live out tomorrow! Make it a great one!

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Tragic Events

When unforeseen and tragic events happen such as Hurricane Sandy we wonder why. People have lost their lives, their homes and belongings and some are struggling just to find drinking water. The feelings of helplessness and fear affect all of us. These natural disasters are humbling. We realize how tenuous life is in general. As we strive to accept and make sense of everything, the belief surfaces that we are spiritual beings in a physical body and our bodies do have an expiration date.

We know, of course, that there really is a thing called climate change. In all areas of the country we are seeing an intensification of the normal weather conditions. The scientific evidence is apparent. Yet, we still wonder why and think,to ourselves, how could this have happened?

As I watched the 12 plus feet of water rushing into areas of New Jersey and New York, I just kept thinking that there are so many things beyond our control, beyond our knowing. It helps to control anxiety and fear when we accept the thought that there is something bigger than ourselves in the Universe. It is important for us to remember that nothing happens by accident. All is as it should be. Following this reasoning the question then surfaces, what lessons are we supposed to learn from these life altering situations?

Our survival depends upon our willingness to be good stewards of the earth on which we live. Global warming is caused by many things. We are a part, a contributor, to the warming that is causing the extreme climate changes. The good news is that each of us, in our own way, can do something to improve the environment. We just need to make a commitment to do so.

Another huge lesson I see surfacing is a reminder that as Americans we are survivors. We can put aside our differences and come together for a cause greater than ourselves. We are tough, resilient folks who are willing to lend a hand in times of trouble. In the challenges of Hurricane Sandy, we have seen our federal and state governments working together within a matter of hours. The politics of the presidential election have been put aside, as it should be, for a bigger purpose. It has been impressive to see how fast the various agencies have joined hands to assist so many people. This tragedy cannot be undone but the question remains, will we internalize the lessons from it?

We can help the people on the east coast in various ways. One possibility is to send in a donation – even five dollars – to the Red Cross or some other reputable organizations. Every dollar will help to ease the pain of our fellow Americans.

As we watch the devastation unfold before our eyes we can’t help but offer a little prayer for those people whose lives have been changed forever. For those that lost a loved one everything changes. They will be experiencing the stages of loss on so many different levels. May they have the strength and resiliency to rebuild and face tomorrow.

We will help, we will survive because we are Americans!

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The Rest of Your Life

Today really is the first day of the rest of your life. What plans, what aspirations do you have for the rest of your life? Will you allow yourself to be controlled by fear of the unknown? Or will you look in the mirror and realize, as my son has told me many times from the other side, “all is as it should be.” It takes time to really process that thought. Even though we may have experienced loss, disappointments and challenges in our lives everything really is ‘as it should be.’ You may be thinking, ‘ but why did I have to experience this.. What did I do wrong?’ You did nothing wrong. You are simply living out your prebirth contract to learn certain lessons you have chosen. Remember the thought… ours is not to question only do. It’s true, questioning, even railing at the injustice that you feel you have experienced will not change things. In fact, it will only made you less ready, less of who you are, to face tomorrow. Show me a person who has not experienced loss and I will show you a person who has never really lived. It doesn’t need to make sense. It just needs to be absorbed into your very soul.

As the Taoist say, ‘we are constantly being born to the future and dying to the past, yet we remain what we are. In the whole of history there has never existed a single person whose conduct was always perfect. Understanding this, the wise don’t try to be perfect.’ There is no fear in dying only fear in living an unfilled life.

So tomorrow, look at yourself in the mirror and say, ” I can do this.” – whatever it may be – because you can. You are part of the unity of this incredible Universe. You are a part of the Divinity of all that ever was and all that ever will be. Be thankful that you have learned the particular lessons that have been presented to you. You have survived, you have learned and will thrive from both the lessons of yesterday and today. They have made you even stronger for tomorrow. Make it a great one!

Have a great few days!

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Love Conquers All

Today is an historic day. Hearing the announcement, by President Obama, of his support of same sex marriage, I felt the blog I had previously prepared needed to wait for another day.

Why would a president, who is obviously running for reelection, make this announcement? Especially at this time. Simply and profoundly because it is the right thing to do. He was speaking from his heart and doing so at a pivotal time in our history. There will be some who will say that they don’t agree with his position. They have the right to their own opinion. I do agree with his position for many reasons. The most important ones come from my spiritual learning and awakening. “Judge not least ye be judged.” As I recall that passage, it was not situational, it was absolute. In my book, I talk about not judging others because we have not a walked a mile in their shoes. The Universal Energy/God is a part of ALL of us. Our world will continue to evolve through love of self and love of ALL others. Hate, fear or rejection are not a part of my life. When you experience the loss of a child and other family members you realize the importance of love for all and in all.

I applaud the bravery President Obama exhibited. He chose to explain that his position evolved, partially, as he worked shoulder to shoulder with his staff members who are in same sex relationships. He saw the love and guidance they exhibited toward their children and saw that love conquers all. It eliminates the fear of any differences that may exist.

My book, Just Behind the Door, is about loss and spiritualism. However, it is more than that really. It is about how unconditional love is the Alpha and Omega of the Universe. That love is in all, for all and through all. I know this in my heart.

Thank you, Mr. President.

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Virtues and Reasons for Life Challenges

The 27 Divine Virtues that Robert Schwartz talked about in his lecture, is to help us to determine what particular areas we are working on in this lifetime. Usually 3-5 seem to pop out as areas that are the most difficult for us to accept, believe in or practice. Going more deeply into the why we may have chosen particular virtues to work on, he has discovered 4 main reasons. They are explained in greater depth in his book, Your Soul’s Gift.

He first talks about KARMA. He defines karma differently. He feels it is not a ‘cosmic debt’ that we are trying to repay but rather as something our soul needs to experience to more fully understand the emotional lessons involved in fully learning the virtue. He further explains that karma can be for 1 of 2 reasons. Balancing or releasing. Balancing our karma is when we have purposely designed life lessons to help us experience all emotional sides or an issue for deeper understanding. The result then, is a 360 degree view of the virtue. You really, really get it at that point. Releasing, on the other hand, is achieved when we finally understand the underlying root cause of the imbalance and can release it. For instance, if a person looks at life as if the cup is half empty, scarcity or the fear of not having enough of something, may be at the root cause. FEAR of … (you fill in the word) is usually the cause of our imbalances in life. Once we truly internalize that anything (including fear) that we give emotional energy to, we are actually drawing more of it to us, we will stop. If you don’t want scarcity in your life stop dwelling on it. Think abundance and believe that there is more than enough in this Universe for everyone. Refuse to be crippled by fear of anything!

The second reason Schwartz feels that we may have planned certain challenges in our life is for HEALING. He explains that when we have unresolved negative energy from a previous lifetime (such as anger, guilt, blame, judgment of self and/or others) we may plan specific life issues to live through that involve these exact feelings so that we can heal ourselves from inside out and achieve greater understanding and peace.

Schwartz believes the third reason we may have chosen our life challenges is for SERVICE TO OTHERS. The phrase is self explanatory. We know that what we give, we receive and what we teach, we learn. He says that this area, service to others is an ‘accelerated path’ of spiritual growth. Remember the phrase, pay it forward? It applies here, for sure. When we remember that we are all part of God/Universal energy and when we help others we are also helping ourselves, the impact becomes that much greater.

He feels a fourth reason for our challenges on this earth is for CONTRAST. My understanding is that on earth we experience an intensity of emotional experiences. No kidding! We are in a classroom of nonstop learning! So our opportunity for growth (to become a better person) is greater. It makes me think of the fairy tale by Hans Christian Anderson, The Princess and the Pea. Even under 20 mattresses she was able to feel the pea. Her physical/emotional awareness was so heightened from her experience as a princess. On earth, since our challenges are so vast and difficult, our own physical and emotional growth is heightened which allows us to develop a higher level of functioning and understanding.

Have you found anything from his work that seems to speak to you? I hope so.

STAY TUNED – ON MY NEXT BLOG ON WEDNESDAY, I WILL SHARE WITH YOU ABOUT MY BOOK. IT IS NOW AVAILABLE!

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