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Posts tagged ‘Happiness’

Attaining Greater Happiness

Following up on two previous blogs on how to achieve greater happiness in your life, I have a question for you, “Are you living an intention driven life?” Whether we call it goal setting or positive intentions the purpose is the same; placing ourselves in the driver’s seat rather than the passenger’s seat in life. It’s about deciding to make things happen rather than let them happen. Each of us has the innate power to choose to live a life filled with purpose, optimism and attainment. Free will is the ticket that allows you to choose your perspective.

I read a quote recently from a 71 year old who said, “The last 15 years have been the best time of my life so far.” The last two words, ‘so far’ stops you in your tracks don’t they? In our youth filled culture it may, at first, strike you as incongruous to think that an elder would have the audacity to view the ensuing years with such optimism. Yet, others respond by mentally cheering on this mindset as we knowingly smile at the implications. It’s all about perspective isn’t it?

When we live with purpose by deciding what we truly want out of life (as well as what we will no longer accept) and begin to mentally project those positive feelings of attainment forward, the world becomes our oyster. Age no longer becomes an issue merely a fact. The adage, ‘the older the wiser,’ takes on a deeper meaning.

By choosing a life of on-going personal growth – intellectually, emotionally and spiritually- we begin to take charge of our life. We may even find the time and opportunity to help another traveler on their journey as we begin to live in a mindset of abundance.

Your personal challenge is to DECIDE to live a life from the perspective of goals and intentions rather than one of mere habits. It requires us to summon all of our personal strength to truly believe that we deserve to sculpt our own destiny and learn our life lessons with a minimum of challenge and a maximum of deeper personal understanding.

Whether you are 18 or 80 the choice is always yours – to decide to live more fully from a place of optimistic enthusiasm or remain boxed into a world of fear that often manifests itself through self-defeating habits and a mindset of ‘lack.’ Choosing a mindset of abundance rather than lack is your right. Go for it!

Today, I challenge you to analyze your life perspective. Look at your patterns bringing both your mind and heart to the task. Decide what truly gives you energy and what drains you. Take the time to write out the goals and intentions that will increase those positive experiences that energize you and then patiently sit back and wait. Congratulations! You’ve placed yourself in the driver’s seat now and the journey of your new life has just begun!

Have a great few days!

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Design Your Life!

This blog is the third in a series on how to achieve greater happiness and well being in your life by taking control of what you want. The previous two blogs on the topic are in the archive section on this website. As I have said previously, the first step is making a list of what you NO LONGER WANT in your life and the second list is made up of things you DO WANT in your life. This approach works when you take the time to FEEL the positive results and see yourself actually achieving your goals when you are writing them down or reviewing them daily. We have the right to determine what will make us happier through the gift of free will. All we have to do is use it! We can choose to make things happen or let them happen to us – it all depends on our mindset – our positive or negative beliefs that surround us about self.

Each of us has decided on specific lessons to learn in this lifetime. But did you know that we also have the right to choose how we prefer to learn them – the tough way or the easier way. Well, we do! The first way is through continual trials and tribulations until we just want to give up or the second way is by developing a deeper understanding of and appreciation of the energy we possess simply by being a student of the Universe. The first way is powered through negative energy and produces greater stress in our lives but the second way is through a more positive view by seeing ourselves as a co-designer of our life experiences. Either way the lessons will be presented to us. Remember, the Universe first whispers, then speaks and will eventually shout to get our attention. Why not choose to learn the lesson earlier rather than later – the easier way rather than the harder one? It makes sense to me!

Through the use of goal setting or affirmation attainment, as it is sometimes called, we can actually become co-designers in our life. We can create the most positive and effective ways to learn our individual lessons when we start by making lists of our Don’t Wants and Do Wants in our lives. We are giving the Universe a very important signal that says, ‘This is what I want in my life and I deserve it,’ because you do! We become empowered when we see our list of Wants manifesting in our lives.

There are a few steps that you must really get into to change your life. They don’t take long if you focus on the process. First off, it is important for you to BELIEVE that it really is possible to attain whatever you want in your life. Next, after making your list of Wants it is important to live as if you have already attained those goals. In both your mind and your heart, starting right now, right here, to feel how great it is that you have realized the goals you have written down. See yourself getting that promotion – view your new title on the door or letterhead. Really get into it and feel how your life has changed. See people congratulating you on your promotion. If one of your goals is to receive more money in your pay check, close your eyes and view your pay stub, see the larger number, feel how great it is to be able to pay off more of your bills and put a little aside as savings. You have the power to manifest any goal if you believe in yourself and the process. The Universe is just waiting for you to tell it what you desire – with positive emotion – to present it in your life.

Goal setting is basically proactive energy at work. You can achieve your greatest desire when you believe in the power of positive energy to truly can make things happen. Each time you take a few minutes to FEEL how great it is achieving your goal it is another positive message to the Universe. The Universe will respond in kind. Less than 10% of people even think about goal setting and less than 5% take the time to write down and visualize their goals happening in their lives. It is all about believing in your own power to shape your life. I know it works!

When you think about those people who seem to be able to handle the challenges that appear in their life and just keep moving forward you realize they have developed the ability to see themselves winning, achieving their goals and moving forward. You hear positive statements coming from them. Life is no ‘brief candle’ to them but a splendid torch which they CHOOSE to burn brightly. They are perfect examples of what positive energy can manifest in our lives. They accept responsibility – never blaming others – but see any challenge presented to them as an opportunity to learn from it – and they simply do so without drama or worry. They realize that both drama and worry are negative emotions and there is no room for negatives in their lives.

Each of us can CHOOSE to create the life we want by starting to see our glasses as half-full rather than half-empty, making our lists of Don’t Wants and Wants and bringing forth the positive emotional feelings that we know we will feel achieving our goals. The steps are simple once you believe in yourself enough to make it happen!

Have a great few days!

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Smart Choices Develops Confidence

You are capable of achieving life long confidence and happiness using smart power. Lasting happiness is a choice, an option that allows us to view life through a new set of lenses. If you went into a store selling glasses which could give you more confidence, peace of mind and a clearer vision both figuratively and literally, would you buy them? I’ll bet you would. Once you purchased a pair your life would be transformed. You would become more at peace with what you needed to do in life and less affected by issues beyond your control. This may sound like a trip down Imagination Lane but the reality is that each of us has the capacity to choose a life of greater confidence and happiness. This is not something that costs money, or will take more time out of our busy days. It is a gift from the Universe and all we have to do is choose to unwrap it.

How does it work? It is deceptively simple. We simply need to let whatever happens around us be. I don’t mean to let poor workmanship or excuses slide if you are the one ultimately responsible. But what I do mean is that once you redirect the effort assuring that the work is properly done you let the situation go. Letting go means you no longer let the challenge or issue at hand personally affect you. You refuse to perseverate on it after the circumstance is resolved. It also means that you will no longer allow any negative energy from others sink in and affect you. You simply let it go. Everyone has a right to their opinion. We simply need to remember that an opinion or attitude, by definition, is not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.

Hillary Clinton epitomizes this attitude of confidence and happiness in her latest book entitled, “Hard Choices.” She makes an important point about what she calls, smart power. She defines it as the type of power that demonstrates shared values, relationships and diplomacy. Her point is that power is on a continuum. True, some things need to be dealt with directly with greater force but viewing power on a continuum helps to enlarge our repertoire of responses. This concept of power can give us more self confidence and greater happiness because we realize that we have many options at our disposal to deal with the occasional bumps in the road. Keeping a clear eye on the prize – the goals you have set for yourself -with a belief that once you have dealt with any issue that comes up you confidently let it go creates greater confidence and personal happiness that is palpable even to others.

As a person Hillary Clinton seems to be goal driven, loyal and confident. She demonstrates the ability to see the positives and possibilities of a stronger alignment with countries throughout the world. As Secretary of State she refused to be weighed down by challenges or negative opinions. As the pundits frequently commented on something as mundane as her hair, she laughed at the simplistic nature of the observations as she continued to do her job and continued on a path of demonstrating America’s strength by forging deeper relationships among our allies. At home she has expanded our thoughts about the definition of real power. She has shown us that real power comes from a self confidence that is unbridled by negative emotion.

When we choose to view power on a continuum we begin to realize that we have a wealth of options every day to handle our ‘opportunities’ in life as they develop. We refuse to be weighed down by continually second guessing our choices or the intentions of others and just let things be… that form of confidence is the root of true happiness.

Have a great few days!

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Small Changes Can Create Greater Happiness!

Small changes can have a huge impact on our happiness level. Over my next few blogs I will discuss some of the ways we can achieve greater peace from the confusions and complexity in our lives.

To begin let’s look at the problems (or labeled opportunities if you are an optimist) that you encountered over the past week. Most people can list at least three things that just seemed to upset them in some way.

Think about how you reacted in certain ways then ask yourself why. As babies and small children we really were like sponges that absorbed our parents beliefs, opinions and assumptions about life. Since we looked up to them and relied on them literally for our existence it was natural to adopt their mindset or views of life.

When we reached adolescence or early adulthood our own experiences helped to expand our assumptions and opinions which at times may have conflicted with our parents’ perspectives. It’s a natural phenomena because we see the world through different lenses.

Part of our different view is due to the era in which we born. For our parents life was more predictable, patterns more sustainable and the pace was slower. As an example the generations from the sixties and seventies either used a simple typewriter or penned letters of communication. However, from the mid to late 80’s the dominant communication tool was the computer. A major improvement in speed, efficiency and connectivity ensued yet many of our parents remember a time with nostalgia when receiving a letter or card from someone had an entirely different feeling and connotation. Today ‘snail mail’ is looked upon as archaic.

The basic values of truth, fairness, care, loyalty, respect, equality and freedom continue to be important to us but over time and experiences our interpretations or definitions of them may change and expand. We are products not only of our biological make up and our own life experiences but also the generation or era in which we were born.

One of the hardest things for the older generation to deal with is change. Of course, the era in which they lived did change over time but at a much, much slower pace. The speed of change today seems impossible to comprehend and so for many raised in the early generations it just seems easier to ignore or refuse to engage in change as much as possible. Although they remember an easier, slower paced life they cannot recreate it and may become frustrated, angry and resistant to the world in which they are living.

The significance of the differences in perceptions between generations cannot be overstated. If we stubbornly hold on to the opinions and assumptions our parents had, given our changing world, we are in for a rough ride. Today more is demanded of us. More information, analysis and flexibility is required simply to exist. Life is no longer simple. Our challenge is to learn to become more comfortable and not remain stuck in the world of our parents which has ceased to exist.

There are small but important changes we can make to help us become more flexible and fluid in our thinking. Let’s call them survival skills for the world of 2014 and beyond. Over the next few weeks we will look at some ways that through small changes we can become much happier and content with ourselves and the world in which we live.

I leave you with one question to ponder over the next few days. Assuming our parents had the greatest influence on us, when we look back at them as individuals were they happy? Did we hear optimistic, encouraging views from them about our potential? Did they help us feel as if we could accomplish anything we set our minds to? Did they encourage us to stretch our wings and fly? If you answered yes to most of these statements – you are fortunate and able to take on the speed of change in our world today with confidence.

If you answered no to the questions above my question to you is rather simple but pointed. Why would you perpetuate the views, assumptions, beliefs even behavior that you learned from them if they were truly not happy, confident human beings? Why would you think their life views would enable you to grow into the happy and successful individual you can be? If there is a disconnect for you – stay tuned there will be much more on the topic!

Have a great few days!

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Choose Greater Happiness!

In my Sunday blog I talked about the decades of research done by Dr. Martin Seligman on the topic of happiness. Looking at both happiness and unhappiness he discovered many interesting factors that can serve as a guide to us. For instance, he found that unhappy people have three traits in common in their thinking. When facing a challenge they see it as PERMANENT (My life will never change), PERVASIVE (Everything in my life seems hopeless – it feels like my life is one crisis after another and I never get a break) and PERSONAL (I can’t do anything right – there is something lacking in me). They see themselves as a victim in life. With this mind set they continually draw more negative energy to them like a magnet. The Universe delivers to them what is foremost in their thinking.

Factors that Do Not Increase Happiness
Being wealthy is not the answer to happiness. Beyond a certain level of income (being able to pay your monthly bills, and save a little for a rainy day) additional money does not generate greater happiness. He cites the classic example of large lottery winners. One year after winning, their happiness index is the same as before their win. “How important money is to you, more than the money itself, influences your happiness.” Regardless of how much money you have if you constantly worry about spending any, regardless of the amount you have, it will never be enough and it doesn’t bring you happiness. Even Illness does not affect our happiness level unless we have multiple illnesses over a long period of time. Many people talk about wanting to live where the weather is mild year round. However, climate doesn’t have an effect on happiness either. For those who experience the cold, snowy filled winters they simply learn to adapt and learn to look forward to the beauty of the changing seasons.

Factors That Do Increases Happiness
A belief system that gives us hope for the future is important. With a sense of hope we make the most out of what we have been given and learn and grow in the process. A strong social network helps us stay connected and expands the world beyond ourselves. The most CRUCIAL aspect for achieving greater happiness according to the research is developing our own personal strengths of CHARACTER. Attributes such as love, loyalty, courage, integrity, fairness and spirituality are VERY important. They give us a feeling of confidence and optimism about life. When we face an obstacle and persevere to overcome it, we realize that we are a strong, competent individual. As Dr. Seligman says, “When life is easy is requires zero growth from us. A real life is one where we seek out and (positively) respond to the constant challenges in our life. A life of pleasure makes us a Spector not an Engager with life.”

Authentic happiness doesn’t happen quickly since it involves our daily choices of how we think, feel, and react. We can choose to see our cups as half empty and remain thirsty – the perpetual pessimist – or half full and grateful for the amount which will quench our thirst – the true optimist. The amount in the cup is the same but the perspective we bring to it determines our level of happiness. With free will we are in total control of our happiness level. We can choose to use it and view challenges in the frame of – ‘why not make tomorrow a better day by searching for the lessons of today’ or reduce our happiness level by thinking ‘why bother it won’t matter anyway.’

Over the next few days check yourself. Are you engaged in life, happy for another day to accomplish things and learn life lessons along the way? If not, you can choose to change your perspective and change your life. Greater happiness is really just a thought away.

Have a great few days!

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The Dynamic Duo

The never ending quest for self improvement to achieve greater joy and happiness in life involves an elixir of two essential elements – a healthy dose of playful enthusiasm combined with a strong dose of responsibility and focus. Some of us have lots of one and little of the other. But there is something special in those people who have figured out how to combine the two into the perfect formula for greater happiness and joy in life. They seem to light up a room when entering.

You can tell that they enjoy being in the moment and absorbing the energy and experiences they are having while simultaneously keeping their eye on the ball realizing that ‘if its going to be its up to me.’ These are the people we are attracted to because they give off such positive energy. They may see a cloud on the horizon but look past it knowing little in life is permanent and this issue, this challenge at the moment, too shall pass. They could be characterized as the ‘no excuse’ type of people. Life doesn’t just passively happen to them because they are actively engaged in the process by improving themselves and lending a hand to others along the way.

These unique individuals keep things in perspective. Rather than thinking in absolutes – all, never, everyone… they choose to see the shades of grey in others and in life by remembering that they have not walked in another’s shoes. Rather than assuming the worst in a situation they strive to look for the possibilities – the ways for improvement. They refuse to supersize a problem and handle the typical ups and downs in life with focused effort and confidence. They choose not to merely survive but to thrive.

These type of individuals are not simply born as perpetual optimist. But have learned along the way that they have the power to change themselves and their circumstances through a combination of goal centered hard work- the purpose driven life we hear about – combined with the ability to laugh at themselves at times with playful enthusiasm. They have learned to enjoy the moments in their life that will ultimately be their legacy. When they leave this earth, they will be missed, a void felt but soon filled with a lifetime of special memories.

We all have something to give to the world. At times it may be simply a smile or positive comment that can help a fellow traveller along the way. The amazing thing is that these folks that seem to have perfected the magic combo of enthusiasm and focused effort just seem to attract more of the same in their lives. They have perfected the understanding of cause and effect – as they give so shall they receive. After all, The Universe is an ‘equal opportunity’ employer.

During the next few days check out how many people you interact with that have this dynamic duo type of thinking. Who knows, you may be one of them!

Have a great few days!

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How Full Is Your Cup?

Wouldn’t be interesting if we measured our success not only by what we accomplished but also by how much we smiled, laughed and really enjoyed life along the way? May sound like an impossible dream but just what if we tried it for a day. What if we began a habit of mentally reviewing each day before going to sleep to take note of the number of smiles and laughs we had that day. It would only take a couple of minutes but could do a world of good.

I think working hard and making a difference in life is critical to a life well lived. However, simultaneously enjoying the journey along the way is equally important. Life is not about simply arriving at our destination but bringing both our head and heart to the journey along the way.

It has been said that we only have two things that we have to do in life- pay taxes and die. When we realize that the rest of our lives are made up of the millions and millions of choices we make along the way, it puts the responsibility and control directly on our shoulders where it belongs. Our life then is made up of ‘choosing ‘ not simply ‘having’ to do something. When we view our life in the context of choosing – which is a form of positive energy – rather than a ‘have to’ type of thinking which is negative or restrictive motivation we feel and generate greater happiness. As a result we attract more positives along the way. Remember the saying ‘like attracts like?’ It truly does. What are you attracting into your life today ? When we choose to be happy and grateful we discover that each day brings even more of that same energy to us.

Basically, it boils down to the fact that we have a choice in life. We can see our cup as half full or half empty. The actual contents remains the same. The challenge is to turn the kaleidoscope of our thinking ever so slightly and look – actually seek – the many positives that exist in our daily experiences.

The choice for our journey in life can be viewed as the mode of transportation – by wagon wheel – feeling and complaining about each bump along the way – or we can choose to lighten our load and use in our minds’s eye a vehicle that will offer both comfort and enjoyment for our ride. I choose the later and work everyday to stay in a more positive mind set.

Given our free will, as we learn our life lessons we can make the journey as difficult or as enjoyable as we choose. It is all up to us. No one to blame, no excuses for our experiences, just the reality that we chose this lifetime and we also have the power to enjoy the ride along the way.

Is it time to have a conversation with yourself and choose to focus on happiness?

Have a great few days!

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Acceptance is Key

Acceptance is the Grand Master in life. Whether it be acceptance of others, a challenging circumstance, a life change, or loss of family or friends. All seems to be reduced to our ability to accept the things we cannot change. The following prose poem was written by Max Ehrmann in 1927. It took 25 years after his death to become known and has become an inspiration since then. He has caused many to think more deeply about the concept of life and acceptance. Enjoy!

Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
For always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession
in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many people strive for
high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering
the things of your youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the Universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
You have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the Universe is unfolding
as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive
Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy
confusion of life, keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be careful. Strive to be happy.

Have a great few days!

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Increase Your Face Value

Have you ever thought about the power of an authentic smile? It is the one thing that defies a language barrier! I find it impossible to feel badly or worry about life when I have a genuine smile on my face. It just seems to lift me up, give me a surge of energy and lightened my step. A real smile truly is contagious.

When referring to a smile, I use the words authentic, genuine and real for a reason. Everyone sees through a fake or forced smile and withdraws in response. A true smile cannot be forced. It must be felt by the heart and is received accordingly.

When we see children playing, or people greeting each other at the airport we see and feel the energy radiating from them through the smiles on their faces. It seems to me that a smile is the most cost effective therapeutic technique that we can engage in during our daily lives. It is a visible sign of perceived self-confidence.

When we read that it is the simple things that give us pleasure in life I relate that to a smile. It costs us nothing yet returns to us double and triple fold a feeling of happiness. From such a simple gesture we can make our own day and the life of others just a little bit happier.

Being a people watcher I am amazed at the difference something as simple as a smile can make on others. Sales clerks, struggling with checking out people who are in a hurry will actually stop and seem a bit amazed when you take the time to smile and thank them for their service. They feel valued, appreciated and who knows it might be just the thing they needed most in the world to face another day. In fact, research has found that people receive more help when they exhibit an authentic smile. The latest brain (neuroscience) research tells us that when we are introduced to someone and we smile at them their memory retrieval (of us) is enhanced! That’s quite powerful don’t you think?

It is so easy to become wrapped up in our own lives and forget that all of us are simply looking for that universal sign that indicates that life is good. Joseph Addison said, “What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but scattered along life’s pathway, the good they do is inconceivable.”

Do you have the time today to increase your face value by passing on a smile to someone … maybe even to yourself?

Have a great few days!

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Remember the Love?

Is it difficult for you to forgive someone for a major or even minor situation that caused you to feel upset? Have you learned to forgive yourself for things that, upon reflection, you wish you would have done differently in your life? Don Miguel Ruiz author of ‘The Circle of Fire’ says, ‘ Before you learned to speak you loved and with no effort you forgave…it was natural to love and forgive…but then you learned to ‘behave’ from other people.’

Could it be that when we are drawn to the absolute innocence of a child we see and feel the unconditional love and remember, even long for, that feeling once again to surface in our own lives? Each of us started out with a clean slate. We loved, trusted and expressed pure joy in merely existing and then life began to happen to us and we internalized the messages of ‘do this, don’t do that or you are too… or not enough … and we began to create a subconscious map of reality that limited or restricted us in some way. In fact, we often become so good at accepting these messages as truth that we begin to create events and messages for ourselves which reinforce those false beliefs. At the time we may not have been able to label it but now we realize that it is fear – fear of not being just so, of not being accepted …of not being loved. As we grow and experience the difficult events in our lives without realizing it those early tapes in our minds become a stronger and stronger control mechanism that can often take the joy out of living.

The challenge is to recognize that not all of those early tapes were accurate and that we must work to correct the misinformation that we have stored in our memories. When we get to a point that we choose to look at our lives and realize that we want more – more peace, happiness and contentment we will begin the process of self correcting those early tapes. The amazing thing about the search is that we discover that what we are searching for has always been there, buried deep in the recesses of our minds, because as infants we were happy, loved and able to forgive quickly and completely. We begin, once again, to experience the feeling, long ago, of pure joy.

The next time we see a young child maybe it can trigger us to realize that the elusive butterfly of happiness that we are seeking is within us just waiting to surface once again. We do know love and forgiveness on a subconscious level and those feelings are just waiting to surface once again, in our lives.

Have a great few days!

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