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Posts tagged ‘Universal energy’

Are You Absorbing Negative Energy?

When trying to keep informed of world events or even family happenings it is easy to become weighed down with concern or negative emotions. We must remind ourselves of the saying that cynics do not make a contribution to life, skeptics do not create things and doubters do not make changes that benefit themselves or others. Some people just seem to choose to focus on the negatives in a situation and it can wear us out. When we remind ourselves that we alone have the power to control the type of energy we allow to affect us it rights our mental ship and keeps us on a more even keel.

When we truly listen and observe others a pattern of behavior emerges in everyone and every situation. As we train ourselves to clearly analyze the patterns it causes us to seek more information, process more of the back story and keeps our brain synapses working. The more we listen and search for the meaning of a situation we realize there is always more to it than we have initially assumed. It’s hard to remember that people say and do things for a particular reason. Sometimes it is merely to inform but often it may be to control a situation or manipulate us into thinking a certain way. Think of communication as being in a range that is as simple as a game of Checkers or as complex as a game of Chess. This deeper awareness of not only what is said but what is truly meant by it may not change our attitude or feelings about the person or topic but it can at least help us feel that we are more cognizant of the intentions and not simply pawns in the game of life.

Charles Glassman said in his book, “Brain Drain – The Breakthrough That Will Change Your Life,” “Believing in negative thoughts is the single greatest obstruction to success.” When we feel negative energy around us it is our choice to become absorbed by it or choose to physically or mentally escape with grace. The discomfort we feel when surrounded with negatives is a signal – like a flashing yellow light – that tells us to slow down and think, process more fully and then decide with a deeper sense of our own truth before allowing ourselves to become absorbed in it. The choice is always up to us. The challenge – yet good news – is that no one can do it for us. We are capable of accepting or rejecting any negative that comes our way.

When we take in information from our environment it effects our mindset one way or the other. We have no one to blame if we allow ourselves to become ill affected by the negative energy of others. We have the gift of free will and the power to decide what we are willing to accept – what works best for us. We get back from this world exactly the type of energy we put out into it – no more or no less.

The next time we are confronted with a negative issue maybe we can take a moment and look for the underlying motivation, reason or purpose and then decide how to respond – from a more deliberate perspective.

Have a great few days!

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The Magic of Compassion

In our harried, hectic lifestyles could it be that we have forgotten about the importance of compassion? The term itself denotes empathy – putting ourselves in another’s shoes. When we are moving as fast as humanly possible it is easy to forget to smile, listen attentively to another or possibly do something for another that will brighten their day. Even a short email passing on a good thought can be important. What does that take – one or two minutes? I’ll bet we could find that in even the busiest of our days. There is a saying that summarizes it best, ‘People don’t care how much you know (or do) until they know how much you care.’

Beyond the apparent benefit of practicing compassion to others it actually helps us as well. Studies have shown that when we demonstrate compassion our bodies produce 100% DHEA a hormone that counteracts the aging process and reduces by 23% the cortisol which is the stress hormone in our bodies. Regardless of the exact percentages the bottom line is that demonstrating compassion is good for our physical and emotional health.

The pace of which we live has never been faster and I am not suggesting that we add more to it. However, compassion is a matter of mindset not time. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see the differences in others, that’s like hitting an ‘easy button’ in our mind. Training ourselves, however, to look past the differences in search of the commonalities is simply a behavioral approach that with practice we can get really good at doing. Eventually, we find that we recognize the common human need for acceptance, patience and even a listening ear as truly an important part of living. When we arrive at this place we then begin to enjoy life a bit more as we open up our ‘acceptance portals’ in our minds.

Slowly, but surely, we begin to smile more than frown and search for the positives rather than negatives in a situation or in other people. We exhale more deeply when we realize that we have arrived at a place of peace in our lives – a great place to be!

Leo Buscaglia, the noted psychologist once said, “Too often we under estimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” Wouldn’t it be phenomenal if each of us decided to practice a little more compassion for a fellow traveler of the Universe – even starting with once a day? Imagine how we could actually change the world around us if we chose to demonstrate a little more positive regard for others.

Wouldn’t be wonderful to hear someone say that we made life a little better just be being in it? Something worth considering don’t you think?

Have a great few days!

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Lessons from Leonardo DaVinci

The famous artist, Leonardo DaVinci, lived by five principles according to author Michael Gelb in his book, “How to Think Like Leonardo DaVinci.” These principles are well worth our consideration.

Curiosity – If we question things to seek additional information and to discover the deeper ‘why’ behind the idea or situation we are attempting to create a richer context, purpose and understanding in the moment. Knowing the ‘why’ helps us make connections in our brains by creating new synapses. Basically, knowing the ‘why’ makes us smarter.

Risk Taking – when we force ourselves out of our comfort zones we expand our awareness of life. By doing so we develop greater self confidence. We experience new things and become more interesting to ourselves and others. Is it easy … no but is it necessary… absolutely!

A Deeper development of our five senses happens when we bring our total attention to a circumstance. Feeling, seeing, hearing, tasting and touching are senses that can be taken for granted on a superficial level or experienced at a much more significant level when we bring our total attention to the situation. We are able to connect with our subconscious memory and experience the full effect of the experience when we are fully present in the moment.

Chaos – predictability can be reassuring but it can also become boring. The ability to handle ambiguity tolerance allows us to ‘allow’ life to happen. It deepens our life experience. The best teachers have this critical skill. They move with the tide and do not try to force the water to remain still. Life gives us hundreds of opportunities to develop our skills of listening, waiting, observing before we decide on a particular plan to move forward. We simply need to learn to allow and relax in the knowing that all will work out as it is suppose to in life.

A mind-body balance. Life is all about learning balance. Too much of a good thing is simply that ….too much. It takes discipline to learn a personal balance in everything we do but it is possible when we realize that, ‘if it is going to be it is up to me.’ Choices can be a gift or a burden it simply depends on our attitude.

Like a kindred spirit, Leonardo DaVinci also believed that everything happens for a reason. Adopting this belief helps us to accept life and stop using the blame game on ourselves or others. It helps us live fuller, richer lives and we become fearless when thinking about the future. We know that we will survive and learn the lessons we have chosen to learn. We are personally responsible for the challenges, the lessons and the learning involved.

Living with these principles can cause us to begin seeing with the minds eye of the artist. We can become more happy, healthy and fully functioning human beings when we apply what this master has set out before us. We can sketch our canvas anyway we choose because it is simply, magnificently all up to us and “All is as it should be.”

Have a great few days!

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Life Transitions

Much has been written about major life transitions yet for some of us the challenge remains one of understanding and accepting the changes as they are presented to us. For example as our children graduate from high school or college we realize that our role as parent requires us to change. We learn to step back as our young adult children test life and begin to realize their own strengths. Holding out the apron strings hoping they will latch on restricts their growth and self confidence.

At the other end of the spectrum when we are facing retirement it also brings major life changes to our table. We knew who we were as an employee or boss but who are we now? We have spent our life raising kids and advancing in our careers only to be faced with the life altering question of, ‘What next?’ ‘How do I change, adjust and create a new life?’ These changes are major life transitions that can be better understood from researchers such as psychologist, Erik Erikson.

Erikson talked about the individual life stages and labeled the 35-65 ages as the time when we are occupied with creative and meaningful work raising families and advancing in our careers. Success and advancement at work becomes crucial. We frequently find ourselves ‘in charge’ or at least more independent and confident in our roles. We are making a difference in the lives of others and feel valued from our contributions. Yet, we know the future will soon be something we will face and we may begin to fear this next stage, late adulthood, thinking of inactivity or achieving less meaning in our everyday lives. Yet, that does not have to be the case.

For those people who couldn’t wait to retire from their job this is a time when just doing what they choose to do at any given moment is the brass ring for which they have been waiting. They may not have been a boss in their jobs but worked hard regardless and their reward is one of total acceptance – celebration even for the change of pace in retirement.

For others who devoted themselves not only to family but a career and advanced through the ranks until they were the boss, the designation and recognition in itself was an ongoing reward. But the thought of retirement for these folks may not conjure up images of a more relaxed life style, allowing them to call their own shots but genuine concern and stress about exactly what they will do from this point forward. They may visualize their name taken off the door and wonder – ‘Is this really the right time to retire? What will I do with the rest of my life?’ Have faith that you will make the right decision. Remember the saying, ‘All is as it should be.’ Your track record is good – great even- and it has gotten you to this point. A whole new world is opening up to you now. Be ready.

The truth is that it is extremely hard for some to move into retirement. It involves wrestling with feelings of fear, powerlessness and loss. Like anything in life, the more you love something (or someone) the harder the loss when it goes away. Transitions are hard. They can shake our sense of identity. Recognizing these feelings as real and accepting the fact that regardless of what you have accomplished thus far, you are above all a human like everyone else will allow you to accept any insecurities you are feeling about the future as normal not a signal to retreat. It helps to know that many highly accomplished people have experienced the same concerns regarding this transition in life.

Retirement does not signal the end but challenges us to find new ways to contribute to the world. Think of the things on your mental list that you have waited to do until you had the time. Well now you have it! Now is the time to jump in and create a new you! After you have given yourself the time you need to rest and recuperate from your life’s journey thus far, you will know the right path to follow. Trust me on this, the Universe just seems to give us a gentle nudge when we slow down enough to listen.

When you allow yourself the opportunity to envision your future decades what do you see? There are so many ways to be productive and active. Continuing to do what you are good at – just doing it part time or volunteering, mentorships and other forms of philanthropy allow us the opportunity to make it a better world just at a slower pace. Interestingly, the pace matches our energy level so it’s another thing to be grateful for in life. We galloped through life and are now at an elegant trot. It’s a good place to be.

Have a great few days!

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It Takes Courage!

There have been many examples world wide of people who have demonstrated such courage in their lives and have changed the world for the better. Maya Angelou, one of these people, passed away this week. She not only changed herself but the world with her acts of courage. She said that courage is the most important virtue a person can possess because it relies on our ability to be consistent in our views of ourselves and others. It draws the line of what can be tolerated and what cannot. Deciding what constitutes our own ‘line in the sand’ involves many things especially courage.

Courage can be as simple as knowing when to speak up and when to sit down, when to lean in and when to lean back. When we think about the millions of times and events in our lives that require us to choose action or inaction it can be a bit overwhelming. What is stabling, however, is realizing that the golden thread of courage from our life experiences is woven into every fiber of our being and exists to help us know when and where to draw our own lines.

We may not all have the heady experiences of changing the world but we can change ourselves in significant ways by having the courage to grow and expand our own comfort zone and be a model to others.

Any change in our lives involves both fear and courage. Then why change, why rock the boat you might ask? When there is less meaning, security or excitement in what you are doing and you feel that tomorrow will just be a repeat of today a gentle nudge of dissatisfaction is beginning to encompass you. That’s your intuition telling you to change – to have the courage to believe in yourself and your own survival skills enough to do something about it. Muster up the courage to follow your own heart and turn the page, start the next chapter in your life. Everyone has insecurities about change. That’s called being human. It is how long we allow ourselves to stay stuck in the familiar, known as The Waiting Place, that can sap our enthusiasm for life. We have heard of people who say they wish they could do … (fill in the blank) but are waiting for the perfect time, the perfect opportunity, the perfect reason. Guess what? There is no such thing. Waiting is often just an excuse that allows the fears of the unknown, the future, to be manifested in us today. That fear keeps us locked into our familiar, maybe even predictable or restricting place in life.

How sad it would be to reflect back on our lives at 85 or so and think to ourselves, ‘If only I would have …’ Decide today to use your courage to expand your comfort zone and experience more of life. The issue may be big or small – it really doesn’t matter because each time you decide to be courageous enough to change something in your life you are putting another chit in your bucket of strength, fortitude and belief in yourself. Maybe it’s as simple as changing your route to work so you can see a new landscape, or volunteering for a non-profit or even deciding to retire after a lifetime of work. Whatever it is if you have been thinking about it, your intuition is telling you the time is right to do something.

Alan Cohen said it best, “It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new, but there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.

What can you do this week that involves change and takes courage? Do it, practice the feelings of risk (don’t worry it doesn’t last) and become stronger and more sure of yourself daily as your life expands and grows. When you become that 85 year old reflecting back on your life you can think to yourself, as a wise, knowing smile spreads across your face, ‘I didn’t just take up space, I lived life! I grabbed life by the horns and rode it for all it was worth!’ Yes, you may have a few bumps and bruises to prove it but nobody, I mean nobody, can take away the thrill of the experience and the feeling of confidence you gained on the journey.

Have a great few days!

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Living in the Present!

What if we woke up each morning and after thinking for the first minute or so what we are grateful for in our lives we then thought, ‘I want today to be one of those days I will never want to forget.’ It would put a new spin on our expectations for the day. It doesn’t have to be something big but just something – the look in someone’s eye, the response you receive from someone that causes you to want to remember the moment. It would help to remind us of our importance in the Universe and the fact that life is unfolding just as it is supposed to – one person – one action at a time.

Even if the saying sounds a bit trite, we do know at a deeper level that happiness really is an inside job and no one can do it for us. Sometimes it just takes a small adjustment in our thinking to see the magnificence of the rose rather than worrying about the thorns but it’s not only possible but easier than we might think. Bob Proctor one of the writers in the book,’The Secret,’ talked about ‘secret shifters’ that each of us has which can instantly change our feelings and thus our energy frequency. For some it may be a song, a memory, being out in nature, reading a book or talking with a friend. The list of possible energy shifters is limitless. Yet, we each know what works best for us. When we choose to use an energy shifter we are living in the present. We are recognizing that we need an ‘energy adjustment’ and know just what to do to make it happen at no cost! We realize that life is not happening to us but through us. That’s a powerful state of awareness.

Lao Tzu said, “If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.” Those three sentences really sum it up. The ultimate gift, the beauty of our entire existence evolves from our thinking. Are we stuck in the past, living in the present or worried about the future? Planning for the future is important and can be made even more powerful when we let our plans peacefully incubate in the back of our minds once they are formed. Living in the present and knowing that the future will be exactly as it is supposed to be allows us to breathe more deeply which in turn attracts even more positive energy to us and helps to make our plans a reality. That sequence of thinking – planning – then letting our plans incubate while living in the present – eliminates the regrets of the past or fear of the future that often slip in, like an unannounced visitor, as we go about our daily lives.

Could this be the day that we choose to begin to fully live in the present? It’s worth a thought and to me might just be the perfect beginning of the rest of our lives!

Make it a great few days!

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Personal Reflection is Powerful!

Personal reflection is a good thing to do once in a while. Often we are so busy doing we forget to stop, inhale deeply and think about what we have lived through and accomplished. Give yourself a few minutes to think about your life over the past five years. What are the major things, the good, the bad and the ugly that you experienced? We usually don’t see events coming and when the great ones happen we are surprised, relieved and grateful. When the really tough ones hit us they can bring us to our knees. Yet through it all consider this, you are still alive to tell the tale! That’s an indicator of just how strong you really are inside.

We all have moments of self doubt and worry – it’s what makes us human. But you might want to consider the approach of a quick review of what you have lived through and learned from the next time you are feeling stressed, worried or unsure if you can handle another challenge in your life. Your track record serves as a powerful reminder. It is the concrete evidence that proves you are capable of anything because you have made it to this point in your life and learned from the events. You have shown balance in your purpose and determination in you achievements. You are a strong person and no one can ever take that away from you.

You might be thinking… but what about tomorrow or next week… I have this thing coming up and I’m unsure if I can do it. Actually, a little nervousness is usually a good thing. It causes us to bring our ‘A’ game into play. When we are concerned we often over plan or over prepare and in so doing we go the extra mile and discover that there is very little traffic there to contend with at that point. Susan Taylor said, “our greatest problems in life come not so much from the situations we confront as from our doubts about our ability to handle them.”

By taking a moment to reflect upon the life challenges you have lived through up to this point in your life it will give you the courage and belief to know that you will be able to handle whatever surfaces next because you have demonstrated strength and tenacity in the past. You don’t always have to like a challenging event that surfaces but you needn’t be cowered by it either. By taking stock of what you have lived through you now know deep down that you can overcome anything once you set your mind to it. That’s a powerful feeling that you have justly earned.

Above all, look at the people who love you, respect you and need you from time to time. They are messengers from the Universe sent to tell you that you are important to them and perfect just the way you are … A beautiful spirit of the Universe who is on a mission to make the world a little better place.

Have a great few days!

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Graduation Brings New Challenges!

During the next two weeks thousands of seniors will be graduating from high school. Some have been planning their next steps for some time, some for only a couple of months and some not at all. The fact that this stage in their life is ending can cause sadness, nostalgia and even fear – especially for those who are not immediately moving on. It can feel like a void has developed in their lives.

As a culture we have come to expect that college or training after high school is essential – and it is – if the student is ready but that’s a big IF. It takes emotional readiness to move on and if pushed too quickly the student can fail or drop out because they were not mature enough to handle it. That image of failure can last a life time in their memory. Typically, students who have a pattern of seeking immediate gratification need longer to grow up. Just as young children learn to walk at different times – some at 10, 12 or 14 months and it’s okay at the same time we realize that we can’t simply hold them on our hips throughout life but must allow them to fall, pick themselves up and to persistently keep trying to achieve success. Well, the same goes for maturity. It doesn’t just happen but can be helped along the way by the attitude of a parent or loved one.

As parents or family members we don’t want to see them flounder and want to ‘fix it’ for them. We naturally want to take away their angst about the tomorrows in their lives. This is when it takes all of our courage not to rush in and attempt to ‘make it all better’ as we did when they were young. Life is not about constantly fixing things for our children but encouraging them to face reality and in this case that reality may be that they need a little longer to grow up. It is about loving them enough to take the time to talk with them until they get it. Don’t expect the first, second or even tenth times to be enough. Remember they are a bit immature and with immaturity comes lack of focus.

If they haven’t been planners in the past and were more into immediate gratification the only way for them to understand the critical need to develop and work a plan in their life now is to let them experience what it feels like not to have one. This is where tough love comes in. We must allow them to face the reality of not getting something they think they want especially if we know they are not mature enough to handle it. Moving on after high school takes physical, mental and emotional maturity which develops over time not over night.Those things are not something that can be bought, given or sold. It must come from the depths of the student who is so disappointed, maybe even a bit angry enough to do something about it. In goal setting it is said that we must become sick and tired and reach our depth of dissatisfaction before we decide to make a change happen in our lives.

Growing older is not an option but growing up and maturing is – it takes conscious effort to learn to delay gratification. Developing maturity usually starts by working at things that we don’t love or even like. But as we have to work at them we become more determined to change our path and develop short and long term plans to change our circumstance. Becoming a productive, responsible person is not simply about getting what we want it is about working through the things we don’t want or like to achieve our goals. That takes maturity and it only starts when we experience what we don’t want and force ourselves to face it head on. Jobs that simply sound like fun are therefore not the answer unless you want to see them permanently searching for the fun in life rather than the productive element of achievement that will cause them to feel more self confident and become happier people ultimately. Looking for a job because it just sounds like fun simply delays the process of maturing – sometimes permanently.

Watching a graduating senior flounder a bit can be the hardest thing we do but if we love them enough to stand firm and expect them to get a full time job in the meantime it can make all the difference in their lives. As a responsible, loving parent it is our job to get our kids to face the reality of their own situations not with excuses but with the truth. If not us – who, if not now – when? We all pay the piper in life it’s a matter of when and how. When these students don’t have their immediate gratification realized they can choose to make the best of the situation by becoming productive in what ever job they are doing, that’s step one in becoming a successful, independent and happy human being. Life we know is a great balancing act. It takes concentration, determination and work. No one can do it for us. We each have our own unique lessons to learn.

Have a great few days!

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Child, Parent or Adult – That is the Question

Years ago there was a book by Eric Berne entitled the ‘Games People Play.’ It was a popular read that was steeped in a deeper analysis of human motivation somewhat based on Freud. Berne explained the deeper concepts using three different approaches that we could relate to in our lives. His premise was that people typically use one of these approaches to avoid real intimacy or at least to get what they want out of life. Being honest with ourselves we all use methods of manipulation in our lives. Like everything else in life it is to the degree that we use them that either helps or impedes our growth. Berne labeled these three different approaches as the Child, Parent, and Adult perspectives. It is worth examining our typical responses as well as those around us to understand how these perspectives apply. We choose one of these perspectives to seek attention, recognition and ‘strokes’ from others. Early in life we discovered that one of them seemed to work better for us and over time it may have become a behavioral mode of interacting with others to help us control our circumstances. With everything in life the more we do something the better we become at it.

To begin, let’s look at the Child orientation. Think of a young child and frequently a smile will come to your face as they entertain us, and make us laugh at their behavior. We watch them as they are naturally spontaneous, curious and display a confidence to try new things. They just want to have fun right? But they can also be difficult if they don’t get their own way, or receive an immediate response to their demands. They can throw tantrums and exhibit a stubbornness and catastrophic view of events that are out of their control. Rather than ‘go with the flow’ they expect to control the flow because they just know people want to make them happy. After all, who doesn’t just love a child?

The next perspective, labeled the Parent approach, can involve problem solving, wise counsel and a feeling of safety and security. However, it can also result in telling, directing, demanding and judging. This can be the person who seems to think they have all the right answers – not just for themselves but for us as well. After all, many of us looked to one or both of our parents to give us an answer or an okay about something we wanted to do in our life. We looked for their approval. What type of message did you receive from your parent(s) about work, relationships, achievement and security. Are you modeling the same behavior you watched as a child?

The last approach, labeled the ADULT is one which uses a rational objectivity, acceptance of truth – without judgment or demands. An example would be that when listening to you explain a challenge or roadblock in your life asks you how you feel about it. They want you to process your feelings and grow from your inner discovery. They are cautious about giving advice because they realize that we are all on our own unique path and that the answer for one person may not be the right answer for another when dealing with human interactions. In spiritualism this approach would be compared to functioning in our higher self. Realizing that events happen for a purpose, a lesson and that we are basically actors on the stage of life living the parts of the script that we have written.

The beauty in examining our own behavior is that it can help us to determine areas or edges that we might choose to smooth out or areas in which we would like to expand our repertoire of responses. The more we examine ourselves the more confident and at peace we can become

Have a great few days!

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Letting Go Takes Love

This is the last blog in a 3 part series about the habit of rescuing others. Habits are hard to break. Breaking the habit of rescuing others is even harder because it involves you and someone else who has come to expect things from you. Without realizing what you have created by continuing to ‘be there in a pinch’ you may see that an entitlement mentality has developed. If so, we must ask ourselves if we are really helping them through their latest ‘crisis’ or actually causing them to become more dependent, or at least expectant on us, over the long haul. Think of holding a young child’s hand when they are learning to walk. You wouldn’t think of continuing to hold their hand throughout their adult life right? That would make them weak, insecure and emotionally dependent. A continual pattern of rescuing others actually hurts rather than helps them. What we do want is for them to develop resiliency in life. The ability to bounce back from their own life challenges. The Universe gives each of us exactly the challenges we have chosen to learn in this lifetime. There is no lesson learned by someone else fixing our problems. Sadly, the lessons will continue in frequency and intensity until we alone handle them ourselves. The following poem written by an unknown author sums up the importance of not rescuing others.

To ‘let go’ does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can’t continue to fix life for someone else.
To ‘let go’ is not to cut myself out of the picture but
to realize that I can’t fix every scene.
To ‘let go’ is not to continually enable crisis thinking
but to have enough faith in them to change it.
To ‘let go’ is to admit powerlessness,
which means I can’t fix their life, they must do it themselves.
To ‘let go’ is not to blame or try to change them
but to accept how they choose to live their life.
To ‘let go’ is not to care for
but to care about.
To ‘let go’ is not to be in the middle, arranging the outcomes
but to allow them to experience their chosen destiny.
To ‘let go’ is not to be overly protective
but to permit another to face their own reality.
To ‘let go’ is to have enough faith in another
to allow them to learn their own life lessons.
To ‘let go’ is to fear less and love more.

Each of us must learn to set our own boundaries, limits and expectations. When we truly love others enough we begin to practice being a good listener and supportive when they face life challenges but resist the temptation to just fix it one last time. We become strong enough to recognize the difference between enabling and disabling others from our actions. Over time, as we back away, we will see those same people who had come to rely on us handle their own situations and we can take pride in realizing that we had enough love and faith in them to know they could do it!

Have a great few days!

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