Official blog for the book "Just Behind the Door"

Posts tagged ‘All is as it should be’

Irreplaceable Loss

Around the world we are watching the effects of the devastating tornado in Moore, Oklahoma. To date, 24 people have lost their lives. Natural disasters are frighteningly unpredictable and may cause us to feel uncertain, vulnerable even fearful of tomorrow.

We don’t understand why things of this magnitude happen and why one life is spared and another lost. What can we do to regain our emotional balance and continue on with our lives? Of equal importance, what can we do to help others?

Many times contributing to a reputable assistance fund to aid the victims allows us to feel that we are doing something, however small, to offer a measure of comfort and support. Possessions can, over time, be replaced and are merely things, commodities that seemed important at a point in our lives.

The irreplaceable loss, of course, are the human lives. The deaths of those 24 people will leave a gaping hole in the hearts of their family members who must face tomorrow without them. For those of us who have experienced the loss of a loved one, we know the lives of those left behind will be changed forever. We also remember the importance of taking the time to connect with someone who has experienced a loss. We need not worry about what to say for words, oftentimes, are unnecessary. Our energy and concern for the grieving soul can offer strength to them. Simply listening to them as they talk about their loved one can be a lifeline. It helps keep their loved ones alive in their minds as they talk about them and remember….

Every person grieves on their own timeframe. What we do know is that the stages of grief are painfully predictable. Denial, anger, bargaining and acceptance are real emotional hurdles – mountains even, that we must overcome when we have lost a loved one. It will take a great deal of time before the survivors will be able to first crawl, then more slowly stand and regain their footing. Initially, they may question what they could have or should have done to prevent their loved ones’ death. Over time, they arrive at an acceptance that they were powerless to prevent the loss and, as cruel as it may sound, “All is as it should be.” They will never forget their loved one that is physically gone but will gradually begin to rely on the loving memories as salve for their wounded hearts. Losing a loved one has a way of humbling all of us – bringing us to our knees with gut wrenching pain.

Eventually, loss causes us to reexamine the importance of our priorities in life and we place greater value on our relationships with friends and family. Whatever moments we have left become even more purposeful and significant.

Let’s remember the adage, ‘Live each moment to the fullest.’ As witnessed in Moore, tomorrow is shockingly, painfully uncertain. The only thing we do have for certain is this moment – right here – right now in which to make a difference.

Thanks for reading!

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Planning Your Tomorrow’s

Many of us feel the need to have a Plan A, B and, at more stressful times, even a Plan C in our lives. I understand the need to think ahead so that we are more prepared to handle obstacles and create the life we choose to live. The act of planning, in itself, offers a certain peace of mind in our fast-paced world. The huge benefit to planning is that when we form a plan we are putting our intentions out to the Universe. That is a powerful thing to do. Why? Simply put, we basically get what we think about most often – no more or no less. The act of planning is a way to line up the energy of the Universe to deliver to us what we truly want and need in life. We don’t have to cross all the t’s or dot all the i’s in our plan but simply see, feel and know the big picture of what we most desire and have absolute confidence that it will come to us … in Universal Time.

There is a big difference between our human time clock where everything needs to happen yesterday and the time frame of the Universe or so called Universal Time. When we reflect back on our lives, didn’t everything happen for a purpose and didn’t the time just seem right? At first, we may not completely understand the timing or purpose but if we dig deeper we will discover the golden nugget of truth and say to ourselves, ‘this is what I was supposed to learn from that situation.’ The good news is that if we learned the lesson we move on to our next life adventure. If not, the lesson seems to come back again and again, each time a little more dramatically and forcefully until we finally say, ‘Aha, now I get it!’

If you take a moment in your busy schedule and think about what life might be trying to teach you at this point in your journey you may be surprised by your discovery. Is it about making the world a better place, demonstrating acceptance of yourself and others, unconditional love? These are just a few of the mighty lessons presented to us that may take a lifetime to learn, but learn we must.

Planning then is a guide to the Universe, a preferred way that the lessons we have to learn will be presented to us. Personally, I feel more at peace and empowered knowing I have the capacity to be an even more active,integral part of the whole process through planning. It crystallizes the idea that life is not happening to me but through me rather like a joint partnership. The saying, ‘All is as it should be,’ then begins to make even more sense in our lives.

Have a great few days!

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Take Time to Reconnect

Who have you given a compliment to lately or listened to with both your head and heart as they were sharing a concern? Sounds like a trick question doesn’t it? It’s not meant to be, but it is meant to get us all thinking about our need to pass on a ‘thumbs up, I care about you or thank you’ kind of communique.

We seem to be living at light speed. Trying to get more and more done yet we look at our list for tomorrow and it seems longer than today’s. It’s exhausting just thinking about it. And yet…there is always a nagging thought about someone you meant to thank or someone you meant to reconnect with but the time just slipped away. Maybe tomorrow…maybe…but who knows if tomorrow will ever come. Something to think about and act upon when the thought comes to us.

The lyrics to the song, The Living Years, by Mike & The Mechanics reflect on the feelings of missed opportunities to communicate and understand what our loved ones are saying. A few of the lines are:

Crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thought
Stilted conversations
I’m afraid that’s all we’ve got
You say you just don’t see it
He says it’s perfect sense
You just can’t get agreement
In this present tense
We all talk a different language
Talking in defense
So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
It’s the bitterness that lasts

The refrain, You can listen as well as you hear… I just wish I could have told him in the living years.

Some of us believe you can still communicate with our loved ones after they have passed on. I have had too many experiences that I shared in my book, Just Behind the Door, to question that reality. However, it is still important to remember that a missed opportunity is just that – missed- in never being able to do it again in that same way or same time.

Maybe each of us could set a goal to take 5 minutes over the next few days and reconnect with someone that we have been thinking about lately. Who knows we might have a new perspective from the connection and bring a little joy into both lives.

Have a great few days!

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Success Is Change!

Success in our lives can be defined by asking three questions. What is truly important to us – what makes our blood pump a little faster? What do we find most difficult to handle (the things that make us anxious or our stomachs churn)? And what do we hold sacred in our hearts – the most important things without which we would not want to be here? These are big questions to think about and even bigger to answer. The closer you can get to the truth of who you really are and what you want your life to stand for the closer you are to achieving your own true success. That is all the Universe asks of us, to be true to ourselves and our prebirth agreement.

As we start the new year, I have found it helpful to reflect on these questions and honestly determine accomplishments, lessons learned and even more importantly, lessons yet to be learned. Doing so is both exciting and humbling. It seems like there is never a shortage of lessons. Ultimately, it all boils down to working on the personal challenges involved in accepting the changes we are faced with in life.

When we look at the challenge of the ultimate change in our life involving loss, there was something we needed to learn from it. As hard as the loss was it enabled us to learn important lessons. It may seem impossible, at first, to reach a deeper understanding. It is there, I promise you, just be brave and continue to search. What do you now place greater value on since experiencing the loss?

Loss comes in many forms. A death, of course, is the biggest challenge, the real show stopper. However, any change we experience in life brings, at first, a feeling of loss. My last blog was on the steps we go through when we experience change and loss. You might want to go back to the archive section on this website and review those steps, maybe even print them.

As part of the human race we are much more alike than different in our human emotions. We all experience insecurity, denial, anger, fear, acceptance and love. That’s why these steps are so predictable, the length of time we spend in each step is the human variable. We can find reassurance in knowing the emotions we experience are normal. When we are immersed in tears, we are not ‘losing it,’ but expressing our honest feelings involved in the loss – the change in our lives. Since nothing remains the same for long, being aware of these steps and being able to emotionally apply them gives us greater confidence and security in facing tomorrow.

Soul searching is not for the faint of heart but as Dr. Martin Luther King once said, “The truth will set you free.” It is good to take stock of what you have accomplished this year and what you still find most difficult to handle, what gives you pause. Once you decide to work on those feelings and situations you will be able to master them. Mastery brings a feeling of greater confidence and peace. Next year when you take stock of your life you will smile and think to yourself, ‘worked on that one and getter better every day!’

Have a great few days!

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Listen and You Will Hear…

Often we receive advance notice when our loved ones are about to pass on. They seem to be trying to prepare us for the change that is inevitable. At the time, we frequently miss the message or refuse to accept it as a way to protect ourselves. We don’t want to say ‘good-bye’ or even ‘see you later.’ After our loss we remember the hundreds of wonderful moments in the lives of our loved ones and we inevitably come to relive the moment when the particular message was given to us from them. It hits you like a ton of bricks and you realize they really were trying to help you cope with their exit by giving you a message that ‘all is as it should be.’

These messages can be subtle (and not so subtle). In part of my book, I wrote about these type of messages from both my son and mom. Their ‘notice’ which I chose not to hear at the time, has served many times to remind me that there is a reason, season and life plan behind everything. How long is a life plan? Exactly as long as it is supposed to be.

As my mom pointed to a particular tree on my property she said, “When the last leaf is gone from that tree I will be gone.” Late evening on November 18, 1999, I was at her bedside vigil and took a break to walk outside, the leaf was still on the tree. Three hours later she took her last breath. As my sisters went in to spend time alone with the woman who had given her all as a mother and to wish her well on her journey, I walked outside. The leaf was gone from the branch above but still present, laying gently on the grass at the base of the tree. Its life force had changed but the form was still evident. I have the leaf encased in plastic as a reminder that messages are given to us for a reason. They help us to accept the seemingly unacceptable as all part of a plan greater than ourselves.

Loss and grief are something we all live through in our lifetime. We learn lessons about unconditional love, energy and the importance of being fully engaged in the moment.

May 2013 be all you wish it to be!

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A Flower Grew Overnight

Yesterday was ‘Octoberfest’ in Sun City Grand located in Surprise, Arizona and I had rented a table to display my book, Just Behind the Door. I knew it would be a long day but a good one since I would have the opportunity to connect heart to heart with people who had experienced a loss. The eyes of a person are the window to their soul and just looking at the eyes of those who came up to the table let me know where they were on the grief scale toward ultimate healing. Some, after 5 or 7 years were still stuck in the cycle of ‘why did this have to happen.’ Anger, denial and disbelief can be paralyzing emotions. They can freeze frame your life and cause you to become simply a shadow of the person you once were. One woman gently guided her friend over to my table and said, ” You need to talk with her.” What an act of unconditional love and concern for her friend, I thought to myself.

When we are finally able to heal and accept the loss that has happened in our lives and realize that the Universe doesn’t make mistakes, it opens up a deeper level of seeing and knowing. A level of peace envelopes us and we are able to continue on with our own life lessons.

A follow up from someone I talked with yesterday appeared on my email this morning. A gentleman had lost his wife in a traffic accident. They were simply walking, enjoying the experience when hit by a car. In an instant, it changed their lives forever. This spring he went out to water some rose bushes and he said in his email, “I looked down and saw in the hot, dry, barren soil next to the roses a most beautiful white (petunia or pansy) flower with a pink and purple “butterfly” design in the center. It was on a small plant about 3 inches high… We had never planted this type of flower in our garden before… Just the day before I had tended to this tiny garden patch and I never saw any plant like this there. In amazement I asked myself, ‘how did this plant get there …and overnight!”

He took a picture of the plant and forwarded it to friends, had it framed and was gracious enough to send the picture on to me with his email. He accepted the sign with gratitude and love which opened his level of consciousness to receive even more of these messages that are heaven sent. I have had similar experiences and know that birds, the wind, and other environmental factors carry seeds from one location to another. However, when a plant appears overnight (and in this desert environment) to me, it is a sign from our loved one that they are thinking about us and wanting us to live our lives to the fullest.

As we recognize these signs with gratitude we allow ourselves to become more in tune to seeing these messages from our loved ones as a reassurance that, all is as it should be. The psychic, John Holland was taking about messages Friday on a webcast. He emphasized, once again, that the more open and accepting of the belief that it is possible for our loved ones to give us signs from the other side the more you will receive.

We are, after all, simply energy and we know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed, only changed in form. The physical body may be gone but their soul energy remains. No wonder, then that our loved ones on the other side can send us these messages. They may be pennies, butterflies, flowers or many other things but they are meant for us. Enjoy your next ‘a ha’ when you see it – it is a gift from your loved one just for you.

Have a great few days!

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The Rest of Your Life

Today really is the first day of the rest of your life. What plans, what aspirations do you have for the rest of your life? Will you allow yourself to be controlled by fear of the unknown? Or will you look in the mirror and realize, as my son has told me many times from the other side, “all is as it should be.” It takes time to really process that thought. Even though we may have experienced loss, disappointments and challenges in our lives everything really is ‘as it should be.’ You may be thinking, ‘ but why did I have to experience this.. What did I do wrong?’ You did nothing wrong. You are simply living out your prebirth contract to learn certain lessons you have chosen. Remember the thought… ours is not to question only do. It’s true, questioning, even railing at the injustice that you feel you have experienced will not change things. In fact, it will only made you less ready, less of who you are, to face tomorrow. Show me a person who has not experienced loss and I will show you a person who has never really lived. It doesn’t need to make sense. It just needs to be absorbed into your very soul.

As the Taoist say, ‘we are constantly being born to the future and dying to the past, yet we remain what we are. In the whole of history there has never existed a single person whose conduct was always perfect. Understanding this, the wise don’t try to be perfect.’ There is no fear in dying only fear in living an unfilled life.

So tomorrow, look at yourself in the mirror and say, ” I can do this.” – whatever it may be – because you can. You are part of the unity of this incredible Universe. You are a part of the Divinity of all that ever was and all that ever will be. Be thankful that you have learned the particular lessons that have been presented to you. You have survived, you have learned and will thrive from both the lessons of yesterday and today. They have made you even stronger for tomorrow. Make it a great one!

Have a great few days!

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Happiness from the Inside

Last night I was talking to a friend and said, “I am happy from the inside out.” Having lived through many life traumas, most recently the suicide of her husband, she said, “Wow, I never thought about happiness that way.” Those of you who have been following my blogs or who have read my book, Just Behind the Door, understand that I have also experienced many, many losses in my life. I do not talk from theory but from experience.

It may seem strange to talk about happiness on a website dealing with loss but it is something worth considering. Research has found that prosperity, health and physical attractiveness are only MINIMALLY related to one’s overall happiness. True, genetics does play a part in the happiness level of each person but ONLY a part. In fact, researchers have actually written a book on the topic of our “happiness set point.” Their work concludes that beyond circumstance and genetics, each of us has an additional 40% that we control in reference to our happiness index. Just think about that for a moment, 40% control – totally at our discretion – to determine how we will live our life. Amazing, isn’t it? We have the power to determine if we will be happy or sad, kind or offensive, giving or taking. The choice is always up to us.

The loss you may have had in our life will not be made easier by seeing your cup as half-empty for the rest of your life. Please think about how the loved one that you lost would want you to live the rest of your life; in sadness and remorse or ultimate happiness because of what you had the opportunity to experience.

We hear daily about the importance of having an optimistic attitude. Realizing that we CHOSE this life, with these lessons, takes away any possible issue of blame. It simply is what it is because we chose it. Accepting that allows us to forgive ourselves and others for the events of the past. We then can develop a sense of wonder – amazement even – for the people and opportunities in our future.

Make tomorrow a great day and remember, “All is as it should be.”

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Cherish the Memories

When someone we love leaves us, whether it is a temporary or permanent loss, often our heart aches, we miss them, and want them back. We may know it is unreasonable in our minds but our hearts keep thinking, “If, only …” In my book, Just Behind the Door, there is a poem I included that I had read in the newspaper years ago. Since the author was anonymous, I took the liberty of making a few changes. While meeting with people recently, I had many people comment about the impact the poem has had on them. Hopefully, it will speak to you as well.

You can shed tears that she is gone or you can smile because she lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she will be back, or you can open your eyes and see all that she left for you.
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her or it can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live in the yesterdays or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember only that she is gone or you can cherish the memories and let her live on in your heart.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back, or you can do what she would want you to do, smile, open your eyes, and truly live.
You can grieve that she is gone or you can remember that she will always be with you.

Our loved ones both here and on the other side are just a loving thought away. Unconditional love works that way. It is the Alpha and Omega of the Universe.

If you know of someone who is struggling with a separation or loss please consider passing this poem and website on to them. Your positive thought and energy may help them just when they need it the most.

Until next time, please remember

ALL IS AS IT SHOULD BE

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Positive Change in Your Life

Changes are inevitable in our lives. Loss of any kind can stop you in your tracks and cause you to become fearful of tomorrow. The challenge is to give yourself the time necessary to grieve and then to force yourself to move on with an expectation that tomorrow will be better. Creating positive change is possible with belief and effort. Most people will dream of what they would like but immediately follow with a negative thought, ” It can’t happen to me.” For instance, “I would like a new ….. but …” Well, I can tell you that you can have what you most desire in life if you CHANGE YOUR THINKING. Eliminating the negative self talk that we engage in on a continual basis is the first step in creating a more fulfilled life. The Universal Energy/God intends for us to have a whole, perfect and complete life. It is our birthright. Even through my life losses, I have experienced the importance of redirecting my thoughts. It has taken effort. It has not come easily. But it has worked. The challenge is to BELIEVE that it is possible.

What changes do you really want in your life? Can you visualize in detail, WITH EMOTION, how you will feel when you have achieved this change? Will you feel happier, more fulfilled, more at peace? It is critical to engage both your head and your heart into the positive intention you most desire. The saying, “If you believe it you can achieve it’ is real. The logic behind how it works is quite fascinating. Everything around us is energy. We are energy. Our thoughts are energy. When we practice thinking positive thoughts, visualizing a wonderful change in our lives it’s, as if, we become a magnet that attracts positive energy to us. It works, simply because you draw the positive energy from the Universe to make your dreams, your desires a reality.

Let these thoughts roll around in your brain for a while. Your truth will become evident to you.

Have a wonderful day!

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