Official blog for the book "Just Behind the Door"

Posts tagged ‘loss’

Positive Thinking is a Work in Progress

Everything in the Universe is energy. We are each an individual universe of energy. You know certain people who make you feel energized and others who seem to drain your energy. Well, emotions, experiences, even colors and words also have energy. When you are positive, upbeat, and happy you DRAW even more positive energy from people and events INTO your life. Sadly, the reverse is also true. When you are negative, whining or blaming others about your life circumstances, you will experience even more negative energy coming back to you. It’s like a boomerang – you get back what you throw out. Remember the phrase, ‘Like attracts like?” Well, it really does. Right now, you may be experiencing loss, grief, hurt, rejection, lack of funds or any one of a million other life challenges. You don’t have to like them but remember you signed up for this curriculum in this huge classroom called, ‘Life on Planet Earth.’ Have you ever stopped to ask yourself what lessons you are learning from the circumstance you are in? Once you learn the lessons – really learn them, the circumstances resolve themselves.

An important question to think about is, what are you saying to yourself and others about your situation? Remember, the more you repeat the thought or voice the negative emotion, the more negatives will be drawn into your environment. Recently, I heard someone say, negatives are like being unplugged from the Universal Energy source/God. Think of an electrical appliance in your home. If it is unplugged it simply won’t work. Well, when we allow ourselves to get unplugged through negative thinking we stop fully functioning and life looses its luster. Everything seems to be a greater chore than usual. The burdens keep adding up until you can’t see, much less think about, the possibilities of tomorrow.

The beauty of all this is that you can recharge – replug yourself into the energy source many different ways. A few examples are: meditation, prayer, listing all of the things for which you are grateful, exercise, doing something to help others (even a phone call or email) to brighten their day. Basically, any activity that gets you back into a positive energy flow will stop the negativity from magnifying itself and its’ effect on you.

The challenge to you is to recognize that YOU are responsible and in control of how you feel, act and respond. The second challenge is to realize that, as humans, we need to WORK at staying positive, it is a constant, perpetual ‘work in progress.’ No one can do it for you, but I promise you, it is worth the effort.

Let me know if this makes sense to you! I would love to hear your thoughts.

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Love Conquers All

Today is an historic day. Hearing the announcement, by President Obama, of his support of same sex marriage, I felt the blog I had previously prepared needed to wait for another day.

Why would a president, who is obviously running for reelection, make this announcement? Especially at this time. Simply and profoundly because it is the right thing to do. He was speaking from his heart and doing so at a pivotal time in our history. There will be some who will say that they don’t agree with his position. They have the right to their own opinion. I do agree with his position for many reasons. The most important ones come from my spiritual learning and awakening. “Judge not least ye be judged.” As I recall that passage, it was not situational, it was absolute. In my book, I talk about not judging others because we have not a walked a mile in their shoes. The Universal Energy/God is a part of ALL of us. Our world will continue to evolve through love of self and love of ALL others. Hate, fear or rejection are not a part of my life. When you experience the loss of a child and other family members you realize the importance of love for all and in all.

I applaud the bravery President Obama exhibited. He chose to explain that his position evolved, partially, as he worked shoulder to shoulder with his staff members who are in same sex relationships. He saw the love and guidance they exhibited toward their children and saw that love conquers all. It eliminates the fear of any differences that may exist.

My book, Just Behind the Door, is about loss and spiritualism. However, it is more than that really. It is about how unconditional love is the Alpha and Omega of the Universe. That love is in all, for all and through all. I know this in my heart.

Thank you, Mr. President.

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Virtues and Reasons for Life Challenges

The 27 Divine Virtues that Robert Schwartz talked about in his lecture, is to help us to determine what particular areas we are working on in this lifetime. Usually 3-5 seem to pop out as areas that are the most difficult for us to accept, believe in or practice. Going more deeply into the why we may have chosen particular virtues to work on, he has discovered 4 main reasons. They are explained in greater depth in his book, Your Soul’s Gift.

He first talks about KARMA. He defines karma differently. He feels it is not a ‘cosmic debt’ that we are trying to repay but rather as something our soul needs to experience to more fully understand the emotional lessons involved in fully learning the virtue. He further explains that karma can be for 1 of 2 reasons. Balancing or releasing. Balancing our karma is when we have purposely designed life lessons to help us experience all emotional sides or an issue for deeper understanding. The result then, is a 360 degree view of the virtue. You really, really get it at that point. Releasing, on the other hand, is achieved when we finally understand the underlying root cause of the imbalance and can release it. For instance, if a person looks at life as if the cup is half empty, scarcity or the fear of not having enough of something, may be at the root cause. FEAR of … (you fill in the word) is usually the cause of our imbalances in life. Once we truly internalize that anything (including fear) that we give emotional energy to, we are actually drawing more of it to us, we will stop. If you don’t want scarcity in your life stop dwelling on it. Think abundance and believe that there is more than enough in this Universe for everyone. Refuse to be crippled by fear of anything!

The second reason Schwartz feels that we may have planned certain challenges in our life is for HEALING. He explains that when we have unresolved negative energy from a previous lifetime (such as anger, guilt, blame, judgment of self and/or others) we may plan specific life issues to live through that involve these exact feelings so that we can heal ourselves from inside out and achieve greater understanding and peace.

Schwartz believes the third reason we may have chosen our life challenges is for SERVICE TO OTHERS. The phrase is self explanatory. We know that what we give, we receive and what we teach, we learn. He says that this area, service to others is an ‘accelerated path’ of spiritual growth. Remember the phrase, pay it forward? It applies here, for sure. When we remember that we are all part of God/Universal energy and when we help others we are also helping ourselves, the impact becomes that much greater.

He feels a fourth reason for our challenges on this earth is for CONTRAST. My understanding is that on earth we experience an intensity of emotional experiences. No kidding! We are in a classroom of nonstop learning! So our opportunity for growth (to become a better person) is greater. It makes me think of the fairy tale by Hans Christian Anderson, The Princess and the Pea. Even under 20 mattresses she was able to feel the pea. Her physical/emotional awareness was so heightened from her experience as a princess. On earth, since our challenges are so vast and difficult, our own physical and emotional growth is heightened which allows us to develop a higher level of functioning and understanding.

Have you found anything from his work that seems to speak to you? I hope so.

STAY TUNED – ON MY NEXT BLOG ON WEDNESDAY, I WILL SHARE WITH YOU ABOUT MY BOOK. IT IS NOW AVAILABLE!

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Ben’s Bells and Hope for Tomorrow

Happy Easter!
Today is viewed by many as a day of renewed hope and belief in something bigger than ourselves. It seems fitting to give tribute to a project of hope that was started by a mother who tragically lost her young son, Ben, at age 2 on Good Friday, March 29, 2002. She began making small bells to hang as her own personal journey through healing. Since many people had been there to help her through the most difficult time in her life, she wanted to ‘pay it forward.’ She choose to help people heal their grief by giving them a visible reminder of hope and kindness. Ten years after her son’s death, this mother brought 1,000 bells to hang on trees, along walking and hiking trails and even in parking lots around the valley in Arizona. Twice a year they are also hung in the Tucson area with the accompanying note attached, instructing the person who finds them to take them home and simply spread kindness in the world. What started out as one mother’s emotional response to her loss has spread across Arizona and the world. Recently, a mother who had lost her daughter years and years ago and unable to move through the grief stage decided to take a walk and just happened to find one of Ben’s Bells with the note. She needed a sign, something, at that exact moment, that would help her begin the arduous process of moving on.

Those of us who have experienced loss – in any form – know that moving on takes a great deal of time. Sometimes, it feels like your heart will never heal or be the same as it was before your loss. I understand, I lost my son. When we are the recipient of a random act of kindness, such as the bells, it gives us an opportunity to realize that so many others have also suffered a loss in their life and have eventually found a way to move through it. It can give us the little needed push, at the precise moment, when we are most receptive, to help begin to heal our broken hearts. Ben’s Bells have given thousands of people added strength to face tomorrow through the sound and sight of a bell. They serve as a visible reminder to all of us to have hope and belief that our loved one’s life and death had a purpose. As my son has said, repeatedly throughout my book, “Mom, everything is as it should be.” Our loved ones did not disappear into the Cosmos. They are, in fact, around us and offer their unconditional love and even reconnection when we are ready. Something exists in our Universe that is all about love. Call it God/Universal Energy or whatever label you choose for the force greater than yourself, that it always with us, especially during our time of greatest need.

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All Forms of Loss Take Time to Heal

We have all had challenges or as I prefer to call them, “opportunities” in our lives that can change it forever. We never know from one day to the next when a phone call, email or person will reconnect with us and tell us something that seems to just rock our world. We question, we try to process and yet the answers seem to be out of reach. Recently, I talked with a dear friend that I thought had just a perfect marriage. Common interests, achievement level, values in life – even humor and appreciation for each other had been evident. Or so I thought. If you would have asked me to name a couple that seemed perfectly matched, I would have thought of them. When I heard that their marriage was in trouble, at first, I simply refused to believe it. Not them, not now, not ever. Yet, here I was on the phone listening to a wonderful person who was shocked, bewildered and maybe even a bit angry. Puzzlement flooded her thinking. “It came out of the blue,” she told me. As I thought about this conversation, I thought about how many other people (myself included) have experienced that same scenario in their lives. Naturally, our minds question the circumstances searching for a reason, an answer. Often, we feel we are left with more questions than answers.

I have noticed a pattern, however, that I think is worth mentioning. All of us are subject to life altering situations of one degree or another. No one seems to avoid them. It seems that when we reflect back a year or two after a loss, for example, one of the real lessons for us was how we responded to it. Did we allow it to redefine our life into one of just existing but not living? Or did we think to ourselves after the initial shock wore off, I don’t know how but I will get through this and my life will continue to have purpose. It may take time to heal my broken heart but it WILL HEAL.
Loss of any kind has so many emotions in common. Healing your heart takes time. Knowing you CAN heal it is essential to moving on. Having someone to talk to is important. You need to voice your hurt, anger and disbelief. A dear friend will help you do that without rushing in to offer solutions. Because, sad as it may sound, sometimes solutions cannot be immediate. You must work through the loss over time. It may also be helpful to remember that to let go is not meant to betray the past, but to have greater faith in the future.

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Are you Inclusive or Exclusive?

As fellow travelers in life, how often do we stop to think about connecting with others to help them? Loss, hurt, pain, denial and avoidance are themes that seem to continue to surface in all of us from time to time. When we listen, without judgment to others, we may be surprised to hear that they have walked on a similar path. It can be reassuring or disarming to realize that, as human beings, we are much more alike than originally imagined. Although we are each a unique individual, we share incredibly similar lessons.

When we experience a loss that rocks us to our very core, our behaviors, attitudes and viewpoints frequently change. I talk with so many people about loss and have come to realize that they seem to fall into one of two camps. They either choose to pick up the shattered pieces of their life and become more inclusive after the initial wound is healed or, sadly, they retreat into themselves and become more exclusive in an attempt to shield themselves from further hurt.

The difference is significant. The energy around us can either serve to heal us or debilitate us. Energy, in itself, is neutral. It is our thinking that causes it to become a positive, life giving force or a negative drain on our daily existence. Life is meant to be lived. Yes, even after experiencing the greatest loss of your life, you need to reengage and keep going. I have been there and talk from experience. You will never be able to protect yourself from unforeseen events but you can live today, this moment, for all it is worth. You can choose to close and lock the doors in your mind to others or open the doors and let your heart welcome in their healing energy. Think of the power and energy from the sun. Even with that intense power, it cannot get through a shuttered door. We need the energy from others to heal from loss. Set a goal tomorrow to open the doors of your mind and heart and welcome in fellow travelers. Take the time to reach out to someone. You will be glad that did!

Have a great rest of the week!

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Gratitude and Goal Setting

We have all experienced loss in our lives. It may have taken the extreme forms such as losing a child or spouse. Regrouping after any loss, including divorce, can be difficult but it is not impossible. In the last 3 blogs I wrote about the steps in goal setting for an important reason. We must be strong enough to go on with our lives. We will never forget our loss but we must force ourselves to see any and all positives that still exist in our lives in order to heal. When we write a goal in the first person, present tense we place ourselves in a higher level of vibration. The energy of the Universe/God WILL respond. It is important to use positive statements. Phrases such as, “I am not…” or “I am no longer troubled by…” must be reworded in the positive, for example, “I am… or I have all peace and abundance around me.” Remember the energy of the Universe will respond to POSITIVE statements. Like attracts like.

The attitude of gratitude is a critically important step in attaining your goal. I know it may be difficult to feel gratitude if you have just recently experienced a loss that has, temporarily, stopped you in your tracks, but it is necessary. Think of all you still have as a human being. Think of the family and friends that have been there with you throughout your experience. Before letting your feet hit the floor in the morning think about 3 things for which you are grateful. By doing this, you are drawing more positive energy to get though the next day. Slowly but surely, you will begin to see hope for the future. You will have found the renewed energy that seemed to have disappeared. I talk from experience.

My wish for you is that over time you will begin to understand that the loss was part of a bigger plan of the Universe. Regardless of how many times you think, “maybe if I would have been there, done this, kept him on the phone longer,” the loss would not have happened. We all go through these feelings but the truth is, as my son has told me from the other side, “Mom, all is as it should be.”

P.S. My book is VERY CLOSE to publication! I will give you the specific information on how to order as soon as it is available. I hope you will find my story of the many losses in my life to be inspiring and it will give you courage and hope of a better tomorrow.

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Pathways for Life

I had the opportunity to hear Tom Sullivan speak this week at a gathering of 175 people. He started by saying, “To me you are all 35 years old.” You see, Tom has been blind since birth. Although his parents were advised to put him in an institution, they chose instead to believe in him and help him overcome his blindness. He had so much excitement for life it was infectious. He radiated both a purpose and passion to make this world a better place. I kept thinking to myself I wish more people could hear him speak. (I understand you can Google him for his books and CD’s)

After his mother died, Betty White, (the one and only) sort of adopted him. He explained that to her no pathway begins or ends without an opportunity. We all know what a difference she has made in the lives of so many people and animals and is still going strong at 90!

Tom learned early that pride (personal responsibility for individual daily effort) is required to succeed. He also accepted the importance of finding both a purpose and passion in his life. He has chosen to help people realized that no wall is too high or boulder too large that it can’t be overcome. For those of us who have dealt with loss, in any form, that is an important thing to remember. We can and will survive and even thrive given a positive belief in our own potential and belief that we can make a difference in this classroom called life.

What are you going to do this week to make a difference in your own life – or the life of another who is struggling? It really is that simple isn’t it? We just have to decide to do it – put the intention out to the Universe/God. Make it a great week!

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Lessons in Disguise

Have you ever stopped to think that you are really creating your day today by what you are thinking? It’s true! Every moment in your life can be an opportunity to see life from a deeper perspective. A knowing perspective that says, “All is as it should be.” The Universal Wholeness/God reacts to us according to our belief in It. Since we have the gift of free will, when we think negative – more negative seems to surrounds us. Conversely, when we think positive –
the positives seem to just come streaming into our lives. Some would call this coincidence. I would call it personal intention.

For those of us who have experienced profound loss, I know how easy it is to get stuck in the never-never land of “why me, why know?” Life can seem overwhelming, just basically unfair. If you feel engulfed by that type of mind chatter, take a deep breath and say to yourself, “Stop, I don’t want this negativity or depression in my life,” and let it go. Refuse to let those thoughts take up even one more minute of your time or brain space. You may have to continually repeat this approach to stop the negative chatter but just DO IT! Pick up a book, take a walk outside, think of something that happened in your past that brings a smile to your face and move on with your next daily task. You will be amazed by the results. All of a sudden, things start looking a little brighter.

We all experience times so difficult it seems like our hearts are chipping off in little pieces. The challenge of those experiences is to look them squarely in the eye and figure out what we learned from them. Believe me, they are merely lessons in disguise. You are too strong to let these stop you from truly living in the here and now.

Try this approach consistently for a week. It will take practice but you will be glad you did. Send me an email and share your experiences. By sharing, you put energy to the words you are thinking and it gives more power to your intentions.

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