Official blog for the book "Just Behind the Door"

Posts tagged ‘Universal energy’

Lend Me Your Ear

This is the season for giving, a season that challenges us to be our very best selves. When we pass the Salvation Army volunteers ringing the silver holiday bells with the small red buckets swinging on their stands we remember to dig into our pockets and give a little extra to help another. This type of donation is visible. It makes us feel good just knowing that in our own small way we are helping out a more needy soul.

There is another, equally important, type of donation… the fully giving of our self through our time and attention when someone needs a shoulder to lean on or an authentic ear to listen. After all, to be silenced or ignored by others is not due to the lack of a voice but rather the lack of a listener. It is the toughest form of rejection. When we care enough to fully engage ourselves in listening to another we honor and validate them – maybe even ease their burden ever so slightly for the moment. The very least that can happen when we take the time to stop what we are doing and listen is that a little time will elapse and a greater understanding will be imparted between fellow travelers. Sometimes that moment of exchange can make a world of difference. When we hear the uncomfortable stories from others who seem to be living uncomfortable lives do we really take the time to respect them as human beings or do we rush to judgment thinking to ourselves, ‘if they would just do this or that their lives wouldn’t be so difficult.’ Maybe so – maybe not. After all, we don’t walk in their shoes and are not carrying the same set of burdens or lessons to learn. We are busy with our own. Is it possible that these human beings just need a moment of our time to be heard and recognized? It is a small price to ask and even smaller price to pay.

Each of us benefits from a listening ear, an unglazed eye, and a genuine interest in what we have to say from time to time. It is the universal need that unites us as humans. Truly being heard is the highest form of recognition we can give to others. The Hallmark company used to have a saying about their greeting cards which speaks volumes, ‘When you care enough to send the very best.’ When we apply this thought to our daily encounters with others over the next few weeks, caring enough to be gentle, thoughtful and patient -to give the very best of who we are even in the midst of a stressful season that requires a million and one tasks to accomplish we make a huge difference and elevate the vibrations of our world.

Have a great few days!

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A Poem For Your Heart Health

I received an email recently from a wonderful person who had read my book and suggested that I write a blog that included this poem from it. She said she wanted to copy it and place it in a place where she would remember to read it daily as a soothing balm for the deep seated hurt in her heart. The Christmas holidays can be an especially difficult time for those of us who have experienced the loss of a loved one. Her suggestion made me feel that both the book and blogs are helping others, in a small way, work through this heart wrenching journey. I told myself that if even one person was comforted by the book I would be grateful. So to all of you who have felt a measure of comfort from my writings, thank you. The following can be found on page 125 of my book.

“You can shed tears that she is gone or you can smile because she lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that she will be back, or you can open
your eyes and see all that she left you.

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her or it can be full of
the loved that you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live in the yesterdays
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember only that she is gone
or you can cherish the memories that let her live on in your heart.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back,
or you can do what she would want you to do…smile, open your eyes,
love and remember the great times you had with her and go on.

You can grieve that she is gone or you can learn how to hear her because…
She is just ” Behind the Door.”

To my own family who, once again, has recently experienced the loss of a loved one who seems to have left us much too soon please remember what Ronnie told me in the book, “All is as it should be.”

Thanks again to all of you who take the time to read, remember and work so hard to move forward with grace.

Have a great few days!

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Giving with an Open Heart

Giving with an open hand and open heart makes all the difference! How many times have you heard someone tell you all they have done or given to others. The list seems to get longer every time you listen. There is a pattern here to be discovered. This type of ‘giver’ seems to be fixated on the dollar amount of the give…missing the emotional impact and significance behind it. They may even be complaining that the needs of others never seem to stop. Exactly! As you begin to observe their lives it seems they, indeed, are constantly being called upon to open their wallets. Until they break the cycle of feeling put upon it continues. If each time they are called upon to help out someone and they see it as an imposition and are mentally calculating the dollars involved the Universe gives them more lessons of the same. How can we break this cycle?

When we truly give from our hearts in time, concern or money it has no price tag. The value of doing for others can’t be bought or sold. It is one of those rare intangibles that just is… it makes the world a little better place. Amazingly, when you find joy in doing the little things that results in a brighter light in someone’s world, the light shines brighter in your own. Knowing that is powerful.

The next time we are presented with an opportunity to give of ourselves and we don’t feel we have the time or where-with-all to do so maybe we can remember that this, in fact, is the exact time, the perfect time to put our own schedules aside and just make it happen. You will know if you have achieved the true joy of giving because you will feel a smile radiating from inside out. You will feel a sense of purpose and positive energy because you adjusted your own schedule to help a fellow traveller on his journey. This ‘inside out’ kind of feeling is the spark that makes all the difference in the world.

It is not the size or amount of giving that makes the difference but where the feeling originates from – our heads or our hearts. When it is from the heart it is pure love – the highest form of energy. This is the season that brings out the best in all of us. Let’s envision a time in the future when we will be able to manifest it for more than the few weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Now that is truly something smile about!

Have a great few days!

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Humility is Strength

Susan Scott said, “While no single conversation is guaranteed to change the trajectory of a business, a career, a marriage, or a life, any single conversation CAN.” Her message is that words and the attitude behind them are powerful things. They can build or destroy by causing us to close ourselves off to others or welcome them in. Words elicit different effects depending on our attitude, self confidence and state of mind. The word humility is one that can conjure up a vision or meekness or one of strength.

Jim Collins in his book ‘Good to Great’ investigated the most successful companies in terms of profit over a 15 year basis and once identified began to investigate what characteristics were evident in their top level leadership. As stated in his book, “these Level 5 leaders direct their ego away from themselves and to the larger goal of leading their company to greatness…they are a complex, paradoxical mix of intense professional will and personal humility.”

People who practice humility realize it improves both personal and work relationships. It can reduce anxiety by allowing ourselves to be more open to possibilities – to the ideas and suggestions of others. When we are in this type of mindset, paradoxically, it enhances our own self confidence.

Taking the time to care enough to truly listen to others and to step aside and allow the limelight and attention to shine on them, even temporarily, is a valuable and liberating act. We are demonstrating a strength and belief – a confidence – in ourselves that becomes quietly evident to others. There is always enough light to go around- the Universe is a never ending source. When we affirm people’s beliefs and assumptions we are not giving in but are recognizing that ….in their particular situation and view…they are right.

The most valuable way to demonstrate humility is to ask for input from others. The simply question, ‘How am I doing?’ not only speaks but shouts volumes about your own level of self confidence. It lets others know that you are open, interested in learning more, being more valuable to the organization. That one simple question opens doors and hearts. People feel more valued and respected when asked for their opinion and input.

Whether we are thinking of humility in our homes or workplaces the lessons are the same. Humility is strength in operation. It is a lack of arrogance which pushes others away and it allows for forward thinking accomplishments which causes others to want to be a part of our team or at least in our environment. When we become really good at this thing called humility we move from constantly seeking approval and recognition to seeking a better way … a more enlighten, confident view of life and our unique place in this journey. Life itself becomes more of a positive adventure and less of a stressful, harried experience.

It boils down to what characteristics you choose to practice in life. Humility allows us to take pride in ourselves and our accomplishments without that major turn off for others called arrogance. Sort of makes humility really important in the bigger scheme in life doesn’t it?

Have a great few days!

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A Different Place

Emily Perl Kingsley a prolific writer for Sesame Street as well as author of over 20 children’s books is both an accomplished professional of her trade – winning 12 Emmys for her creative work – but more importantly a loving mother of a Down’s syndrome child. A special child that The Universe entrusted to her. She wrote this piece to help us understand how to accept differences. To me, it is a moving example of dealing with loss of our own expectations, acceptance of life changes and the strength to carry on. Her writing is a metaphor for life in general – accepting what we cannot change and having the tenacity to look for the silver lining in everything that is presented to us. Regardless of the life altering experiences we have the lessons are the same…

Welcome to Holland

“I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this …

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”

“Holland!?” You say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m suppose to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”

But there’s been a change in the flight plan. You’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills…and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”

And the pain of that hurt will never, ever, ever, ever, go away…because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.

But…if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things …about Holland.”

Have a great few days!

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Opportunity or Burden?

Today is a new day. The sun is shining and the weather clear. It is going to be a good day! Actually, regardless of the weather we can choose to make it a good day …or not. It all depends on our attitude.

If you find yourself with a case of regret today, you know the thoughts, ‘I wish I would have, could have, should have…’ just stop. We all have a case of regret from time to time but it is the amount of time we allow ourselves to wallow in it that determines our overall view on life and the heights – the altitude – that we will achieve.

If you have not been able to do, be or achieve all that you have dreamed about yet in your life, Congratulations! Welcome to the human race. Everyday we have a chance to view our circumstance as a gift of opportunity – of things we have yet to be or achieve or burden of regret. ‘Opportunity viewing’ draws more positive energy to us and ‘burden viewing’ depletes us and those who are around us of life sustaining energy.

The average person has about sixty thousand thoughts a day. These thoughts are run through our own personal lenses of opportunity or regret. If you make it a habit of seeing the possibility, the lesson, the gift in even a challenging situation you are tuning your own mental channel to a higher frequency. As a result, a more positive attitude and ultimate results are in store for you. Allowing yourself to stay in the ‘poor me’ type of thinking may garner you attention from others but ultimately they will choose to avoid you as much as possible because you are simply to draining to be around.

It truly is impossible to feel bad and have good thoughts. Your mind cannot hold opposite energy waves simultaneously. The habit – and that is just what it is – simply a habit of negative thinking is something we can choose to change. First and foremost we must admit to ourselves that we have a habit of negative viewing and then apply a conscious effort to rephrase in your mind those ‘poor me’ thoughts. The good news is that the more you practice it the better you feel until one day you realize you have replaced your old negative thinking habits with a new much more enlightened, happier mindset. You have arrived!

The choice is always up to us. In goal setting we say that you have to be sick and tired of being sick and tired in order to choose to change. We can choose to get attention from remaining stuck or consciously choose to refuse to let the daily events and challenges wear us down. There really is a silver lining behind every cloud we simply need to train our eyes to look for it.

Show me a pile of yuk and you will see me searching for the pony. I live, breathe and know that something good will come out of even the most dire circumstance. Opportunity thinking can change the life of anyone…it simply takes a decision to view this day, this moment as a gift.

Have a great few days!

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Healing Grief

Recently we saw media coverage of yet another death from gun violence. This time a TSA worker who was simply doing his job. His life snuffed out in a split second leaving yet another family to grieve for their loved one. We experience 32 deaths daily in the U.S. from gun violence. A shocking but accurate statistic. These losses leave hundreds possibly thousands of walking wounded family and friends attempting to cope with these losses. Some are experiencing this type of grief for the first time in their lives. They wonder if they will ever be the same again.

Grief doesn’t leave very much room for new people or new experiences in our lives. We are simply exhausted just getting through the day with the burden and sorrow of our loss. We replay the ‘what ifs’ and ‘if onlys’ in our minds non stop in an effort to arrive at an understanding and eventual acceptance that our world will never be the same. Our loved one is gone…

We are frightened about becoming attached to others – the unpredictability of life just seems too overwhelming to allow any new connections to happen. After all, we think to ourselves, I don’t understand and couldn’t control this loss and it hurts too much to risk loss again. We may choose to remain isolated and aloof from others mistakenly thinking that there is safety in isolation. After all, we think to ourselves, others won’t judge us and wonder when we will be ourselves again. Yet, we don’t even know how to be the selves we once were before the loss. However, hiding our feelings drives the hurt deeper.

People wonder how long it will take to get over the feeling of devastation that hits you within seconds of waking in the morning. The time varies just as our experiences vary. The depth of our loss is directly related to the depth of our love.

One thing that’s important to remember is that rather than being concerned when you will ‘get over it’ the greater concern is any decisions that you make when you are still grieving. You will live with the results of these decisions forever. It is better to do nothing than risk a decision that could haunt you for the rest of your life. Take as long as you need to rearrange things in your life – after all, it is your life now and it is badly in need of repair.

Neil Abramson said in his book “Unsaid,” that ‘grief is so powerful because it has ‘one fierce allay and that is regret. Before you know it you’ve become that bitter shadow that people who used to love you cross the street to avoid.’

Powerful words to consider. When you choose isolation you do not heal but you bury the loss deep in your psyche and it will resurface when you least expect it – often in the form of fear and anger.

Better to find a friend or family member who will listen as you repeat the story about your loved one. You may need to repeat it hundreds of times but each time you will, in essence, be applying a small amount of salve on the wound in your heart. Slowly, very slowly it will heal. It will always leave a noticeable mark but not a chasm of fear and longing when you have taken the time to experience your grief fully.

Grief takes time but you are so worth it.

Have a great few days!

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How Full Is Your Cup?

Wouldn’t be interesting if we measured our success not only by what we accomplished but also by how much we smiled, laughed and really enjoyed life along the way? May sound like an impossible dream but just what if we tried it for a day. What if we began a habit of mentally reviewing each day before going to sleep to take note of the number of smiles and laughs we had that day. It would only take a couple of minutes but could do a world of good.

I think working hard and making a difference in life is critical to a life well lived. However, simultaneously enjoying the journey along the way is equally important. Life is not about simply arriving at our destination but bringing both our head and heart to the journey along the way.

It has been said that we only have two things that we have to do in life- pay taxes and die. When we realize that the rest of our lives are made up of the millions and millions of choices we make along the way, it puts the responsibility and control directly on our shoulders where it belongs. Our life then is made up of ‘choosing ‘ not simply ‘having’ to do something. When we view our life in the context of choosing – which is a form of positive energy – rather than a ‘have to’ type of thinking which is negative or restrictive motivation we feel and generate greater happiness. As a result we attract more positives along the way. Remember the saying ‘like attracts like?’ It truly does. What are you attracting into your life today ? When we choose to be happy and grateful we discover that each day brings even more of that same energy to us.

Basically, it boils down to the fact that we have a choice in life. We can see our cup as half full or half empty. The actual contents remains the same. The challenge is to turn the kaleidoscope of our thinking ever so slightly and look – actually seek – the many positives that exist in our daily experiences.

The choice for our journey in life can be viewed as the mode of transportation – by wagon wheel – feeling and complaining about each bump along the way – or we can choose to lighten our load and use in our minds’s eye a vehicle that will offer both comfort and enjoyment for our ride. I choose the later and work everyday to stay in a more positive mind set.

Given our free will, as we learn our life lessons we can make the journey as difficult or as enjoyable as we choose. It is all up to us. No one to blame, no excuses for our experiences, just the reality that we chose this lifetime and we also have the power to enjoy the ride along the way.

Is it time to have a conversation with yourself and choose to focus on happiness?

Have a great few days!

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A Perfect Example of Synchronicity!

Sometimes sharing a story does more for understanding than pages of detailed explanations. The following is a perfect example of synchronicity. A term that is complex in definition but simple in understanding through example.

As I drove up to my mailbox (one of those newly designed mail deliveries with 53 small locked boxes) I waited for two people ahead of me to pick up their mail. As I waited one person, whom I had never met before, introduced herself and began talking about her purpose for being there on this day. It seems her best friend’s son had committed suicide and she came to her winter home to support her as she goes through the grueling and gut wrenching process of burying her son on Saturday. We discovered in our short conversation many similar connections – geographical locations including states and even continents, deaths of a son, ways to support a parent who goes through such a shocking experience…just to name a few. It felt like the Universe just placed the two of us on a perfectly aligned course to meet. She said she had shivers on her arms as we were talking. I thought to myself, yes there certainly was a purpose – an unplanned event – that was designed to happen.

I mentioned to her that I had published a book on the loss of a child and it also included a section on suicide for people who experience such a traumatic event. As she looked at me with absolute surprise I knew, once again, this unintended meeting was set up by a force greater than myself. The force that Jung called Pure Consciousness or the quantum level of existence. One thing led to another and she came directly to my house and picked up three copies of my book.

What were the chances of being at the exact place at the exact time to be able to offer help to another human being who was wrestling with a profound life changing event? Remember the saying, when the student is ready the teacher comes along? We all fall into both categories of being either student or teacher throughout our life experiences.

Carl Jung, the noted Swiss psychiatrist, became fascinated with this phenomena he termed synchronicity in the early 1920’s. He defined it as the ‘appearance of seemingly random acts which have a significant meaning personally.’ Jaworski and Senge in the 80’s and 90’s also referred to this phenomenon in reference to leadership of organizations.

It seems to boil down to one’s willingness to be of service to others when the situation is presented. To choose, in effect, to momentarily set aside our personal agendas and schedules and take the time to truly listen with our hearts to someone. To do something to help another is a selfless experience of the Divine. By doing so we create a higher awareness and deeper understanding of reality and our place as servant in this incredible Universe.

Taking time to care about others in need creates the moments in life that change who we are and what our mission in this lifetime is all about. We begin to see more clearly the bigger picture of service. I want to be thoroughly used up before I leave this earth and am thankful every time I am able to add a word, ask a question or offer a word – a perspective even – that can help a fellow traveller along the way.

You might want to watch for these moments of synchronicity in your life. They will present themselves because we all have the power to make the world – one individual at a time – a little stronger in the process. We just need to be open and willing to set aside our personal agendas and adjust our time frames to offer support.

Have a great few days!

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Acceptance is Key

Acceptance is the Grand Master in life. Whether it be acceptance of others, a challenging circumstance, a life change, or loss of family or friends. All seems to be reduced to our ability to accept the things we cannot change. The following prose poem was written by Max Ehrmann in 1927. It took 25 years after his death to become known and has become an inspiration since then. He has caused many to think more deeply about the concept of life and acceptance. Enjoy!

Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
For always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession
in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many people strive for
high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering
the things of your youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the Universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
You have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the Universe is unfolding
as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive
Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy
confusion of life, keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be careful. Strive to be happy.

Have a great few days!

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