Official blog for the book "Just Behind the Door"

Posts tagged ‘God’

Greater Happiness

Every day we live on this earth plane gives us the potential to achieve greater happiness. No matter what our conditions are at the moment our attitude determines our altitude. It really is an inside job! If you reflect on today, what did you see, do, or say that brought greater happiness into your life or the life of another person?

Sometimes, a short period of reflection gives us the opportunity to think about a ‘do over.’ Maybe we were a bit too abrupt when responding to someone or a tad judgmental regarding someone’s situation. In retrospect, we realize that since we don’t walk in their shoes we really can’t completely relate to or understand their issue. The best we can offer is empathy. A listening ear as they process through the latest challenge in their lives. Showing concern for others is an elixir for our own happiness as well.

Think about someone you know that just seems to be happy most of the time. What do they know that you don’t know? My guess is that they realize they are responsible for their own happiness and success and that it comes from being true to themselves. They let their heart rather than ego lead them. These folks take things in stride and accept the fact that challenges happen to everyone. Yet they choose to see past the current issue and have faith that it will be resolved over time. Their mental energy is spent doing, creating, and believing. Fear, anger or regret are not things they choose to accept in their lives.

What can you do tomorrow to empower yourself to achieve a happier, more successful life? Have you thought about a goal that you want to achieve? The Universe will deliver to you what is foremost in your thinking. There really is power in the practice of positive thinking. Your free will is just waiting to kick in to manifest your affirmations and desires. You just need to turn on your mental switch that says, ‘I can.’

Have a great few days!

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Communicate Through Love

Messages come in many different forms and sources. In my book, Just Behind the Door, I share the messages that I have received for over a decade from my son, mother and sister on the other side. Have you ever experienced this type of communication? If you haven’t, I can tell you that it brings a peace – a knowing – to your life like none other. Gone are the questions and angst of ‘what could I have done to prevent this from having happened.’ Explaining this to someone who hasn’t experienced it is difficult, maybe even impossible, but worth the try. After all, we are here to make ourselves and our world a little better.To me that means helping others move through the stages of grief and bewilderment and into a deeper knowing that, as hard as it is to accept, the Universe doesn’t make mistakes. All is as it should be.

I have found it takes two things to be able to receive messages from our loved ones. Trust in something bigger than ourselves and letting go of the need to control. When you think about it the issues of trust and control are really different sides of the same coin. R. Bach described the ability to trust beautifully.

A cloud does not know why it moves in just such a direction and at such a speed,
It feels an impulse…this is the place to go now.
But the sky knows the reasons and the patterns behind all clouds,
And you will know, too, when you lift yourself high enough to see beyond horizons.

If you have lost a loved one and are aching to reconnect, I would suggest that you begin meditating – even 15 minutes a day – to get yourself into the higher vibrational energy of the Universe. Think of it this way, being in a physical body we are weighed down and our signal is weaker- similar to an AM radio frequency. Our loved ones, in spiritual form, are now on an FM frequency. To hear their messages we need to be on the same frequency. It’s up to us to learn how to focus more deeply through meditation to open the channels of communication.

There are also many gifted mediums who can help make the connections for us. I mentioned a special person in my book. She is available if you are ready. Just email me at maryleiker1@mac.com and I will give you her contact information. Your life will never be the same.

My son told me the reason I was supposed to write this book was to let people know that after the physical death the spiritual connection continues because of the unconditional love we have for each other. There is no question in my mind that their energy is around us and we can receive messages from them. They want us to be happy and at peace knowing that they fulfilled their life’s purpose.

Have a great few days!

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Unlocking Your Potential

To learn to live in unconditional love is the reason we are experiencing life in this incarnation. To achieve this type of love we need to be able to truly accept, understand and appreciate ourselves and others. When you think about it, that’s a tall order. It means not only being totally comfortable in our own skin but to allow others to be comfortable in theirs as well. How is this possible to achieve? When we accept that we all have more in common than we may first think, it opens up our thinking.

1. We are all motivated by acceptance and love
2. We all experience fear from time to time.
3. We have all chosen this lifetime to live through our unique life challenges.
4. Most importantly, we share the same source of our existence.

When we accept these commonalities, it allows us to see ourselves and others through different lenses. It may take an entire lifetime to realize that learning to love yourself and others in a nonjudgmental way is the most important thing we can do. That’s okay. It is a huge lesson.

What opinions do you have about your life experiences to date? We have all lived through tough times and life altering experiences, many in fact, that took our breath away with the pain. Trust me on this one, no one goes through life unscathed.

The question is can we regroup and as the lyrics of the song go, ‘pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again.’ Or are we in the blame game, angry that life happened to us when we weren’t expecting it. Anger, blame and fear are debilitating and the direct opposite of unconditional love.

Challenge yourself to examine a life altering experience that appeared so unfair to find the lesson in it. It will necessitate that you stop thinking about the ‘what if’ or ‘why me’ and analyze it from the perspective of what was the most difficult thing to accept from it. There is the lesson, staring you right in the face. Every experience offers us a chance to grow from it as we embrace ourselves and others with unconditional love and faith in tomorrow.

Everything happens for a reason – a purpose. If you find yourself in a negative mindset at first, thinking ‘why me’ just give yourself a little time for the rawness of the hurt to pass. You are a spiritual being, true, but you have both the gift and burden of living this spirituality in a human form with human emotions. Just don’t let yourself get stuck. Talk to a friend, family member or counselor to help yourself regain your footing. Think to yourself, ‘I know there was a purpose for … and I will seek to understand and learn from it.

Unconditional love is the way to unlock our true potential. After all, our thoughts truly are our keys to life. Positive thoughts open doors and negative thoughts close them. We are each on our own individual path to knowing a higher truth and embracing unconditional love. When we believe this, it lets us take a deep breath and ‘allow’ the experiences to help us become better human beings. We then remember with gratitude “All is as it should be.”

Have a great few days!

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Remembering Others at Christmas

During the Christmas season it seems like there is not enough hours in the day to get everything done. In addition to the gift purchasing, wrapping, tree decorations and outside lights to put up there are the Christmas cards to send. You might think twice this year about actually sending them. We debate all the reasons, as we try to get everything else accomplished, why the card thing could just be put aside- just this year.

I had a personal reminder this week of the importance of reaching out to others by sending cards. For those who have read my book you know that I am a Hospice volunteer. I have had the good fortune of being with my special person for 1 and 1/2 years. It is rare to have a patient last this long once they are officially determined to be hospice eligible. However, for this length of time we have visited weekly, discussing the books she reads, and I take her lunches that she can only dream about since she has been home bound for 2 years. Can you imagine literally not leaving your house or room for this length of time? And yet she does so with acceptance and grace. At 91 years old her mind is still sharp. It is her body that has given up the go. She basically lives in a 14 x 14 area that has become her entire life. She can no longer write the letters herself but loves to receive cards in the mail. It is her only contact to the outside world that she once knew.

Our job as Hospice volunteers is to bring a little joy to our patients during whatever time they have left on this earth. A big part of that is to keep them connected with others so they, temporarily, can forget about their situation or the inevitability of what they will soon be facing.

Just like last year, I asked her who she would like to send a Christmas card and letter to this month. She was able to give me a list after working on it for a week and then a few ideas verbally on what to say in her Christmas letter. Coming home I transcribed her thoughts and printed it on cheerful Christmas stationary then began addressing the envelopes. To my utter surprise she had 18 different people on her list for cards! She will probable receive 15 or so in return. That means that she will have 15 opportunities to read, remember the special memories of these folks and smile as she momentarily touches the outside world from her hospital bed. That may sound like a small thing to some of us but to her it will make this season, no doubt her last, something to remember. She has said to me many times that she can’t figure out why she is still here. What lessons does she have yet to learn, she questions. I think it is not her lessons to learn but her lessons to teach others, including me.

The next time I become harried with the things to accomplish during the holiday seasons I will remember with gratitude the fact that I can still do them. Christmas cards and letters will no longer seem like a chore to accomplish but something to be done that may make someone smile who receives it. All because of this special lady.

Regardless of our age, when the student is ready the teacher comes along. I was grateful I was reminded of the importance to keep this practice going. Wouldn’t it be incredible if we lived to 91 and still had 18 people to send and receive cards from? It is humbling and significant to think about how this woman has change people’s lives and continues to do in her ninth decade! She is a reminder of what the season is about, reaching out and touching the lives of others and warming their hearts.

As you check off items on your ‘to do’ list this week remember that there are others who really are interested in what you have been up to this year. They do want to stay connected in your life. Whatever form of communication you choose it will bring a smile to them as they remember a special memory of something you did together. As you read their messages in return you will also smile, remember and be grateful to have them in your life. It is funny, life is just like that, what goes around comes around.

Have a great few days!

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Embrace Happiness

I read a book recently entitled, “be happy,” by Robert Holden, Ph.D. The subtitled says ‘release the power of happiness in YOU.’ I must admit until I read this book I had not processed the thought of happiness in quite the same way. Holden says, “Maybe we get stressed and depressed because we forget how to be happy.” The eight week course that he has transcribed in his book offers great food for thought. For instance, he asks us to think about who is the happiest person we know. That will give you pause as you think of at least 10 people and their attitudes – do their really embody happiness? Well, I can think of two people. One person gets up in the morning and the first thing she says is, “It’s a beautiful day.” It can be raining or snowing but she is happy to be alive. Being around her causes you to see more of the positives in life. What a lesson for the rest of us. We remember the statement that teachers come along just when the student needs them. Another person I know will often have music playing in her house and do a little dance step as she is at the stove making dinner. It makes you happy just being in her presence. Both of these people genuinely love life. Do they have stresses and challenges like the rest of us – absolutely – but they refuse to let go of the happiness that is their birthright.

Holden also talks about the importance of making happiness a conscious intention. For instance, if the first thing you tell yourself when awakening in the morning is that, “Today, I choose to be happy,” you automatically start your day with more positive energy. It may sound a bit strange but think about the alternative. If we don’t put our intention out there we just let life happen to us and we may have the tendency to see our glass as half empty rather than half full. Granted the same amount is in the glass but it is the ENERGY we bring to the thought that can bring happiness and opportunity to us – or not – for the rest of the day.

Think about the people you like to be around. Of course they are good listeners because everyone likes to have someone listen to them but in addition they actually cause you to feel more hopeful, more energizes (there is that word again!) just being around them.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we all committed to bringing more happiness to ourselves and others? What activity gives you energy? I love to put my ear buds in and walk a few fast paced miles in the morning to music. My neighbors just wave as they see me walk through the neighborhood sometimes singing along with the lyrics. Guess what – maybe a smile came across their face as they watched me and maybe it will be infectious. Life is like that – we often mirror the energy around us.

What can you do tomorrow to let the world know that you are glad to be alive?

Have a great few days and remember – think happiness – it is your birthright!

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Healing Through the Holidays

Another Thanksgiving and so many reasons to be grateful and yet… Although we may be struggling with the fact that there is an empty seat at the table, we remember the holidays when everyone was taking up their assigned seats and passing the turkey and gravy. Laughing and sharing what it meant to be together. Those were the times…

Loss has a way of catching you unaware especially during the holiday season. It creeps up on you and renders you speechless in mid sentence. Your voice catches in your throat and you pray not to be obvious to others. You think to yourself, I need to brush away my tears quickly so I don’t upset others. It is amazing what we do to appear strong to others.

The holidays are challenging to get through normally. Add the life changing event of loss to the mix and sometimes just getting through rather than celebrating is the best you can do. It’s okay. Most of us have been there or will be going through it sooner or later. No family escapes the sadness of losing a loved one. We are all travelers on this same path. It is predictable but not invited. The timing may be different but the gut wrenching ‘whys’ and ‘if onlys’ are the same. Maybe if we try to reach out and grab the hand of a fellow traveler and let them know we care both of our paths may be smoother. It’s worth a try.

Our loved ones want us to remember the special times we had, the unconditional love that still exists in our hearts and reflect on the gifts – large and small in our lives today. We see the victims of Hurricane Sandy and realize how quickly life can change. We have experienced devastating change in our own lives and have been altered -bruised and beaten- but we continue on because we realize that our loved ones may be gone from our physical presence but we will always have the special memories the ‘Kodak moments’ to remember. Memories like precious gems that grow more valuable with age are gifts that last a lifetime. We close our eyes and see the smile, hear the humor and feel the intensity of our loved one. We know we are enveloped by their unconditional love. When we feel the chill of loneliness surround us, we have only to remember the love. It will warm us and light our way toward tomorrow.

On one level we know there was a reason for their passing, ‘To everything there is a season.’ But knowing is one thing and understanding much less accepting is another. Our hearts and minds struggle to function in concert. This cruel twist of fate seems impossible to understand but eventually we stop fighting and demanding that it be different. Eventually, we move to a point of recognizing that we have more lessons yet to learn. Is is hard? The toughest thing imaginable. Can we speed up the process? No, we all heal in our own unique time and space.

So when you sit down with family or friends over this holiday let’s remember that our loved ones are around us always. We have learned a great many valuable life lessons. We are strong, we are survivors. Most importantly, we have learned both the value of unconditional love and that the energy of our loved ones last forever.

Robert Frost wrote a poem that may speak to you. It is entitled Nothing Gold Can Stay.

Nature’s first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf’s a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

On this Thanksgiving eve may you remember yesterday with love and peace, celebrate today for the opportunity to make the day a little brighter and look forward to the challenges of all your tomorrow’s because you are loved.

As Frost said in another poem..
I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Have a great few days!

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Developing Plan B

The beloved Theodor Seuss Geisel, affectionally known simply as Dr. Seuss wrote a book in 1990 that has become a classic. It is entitled, Oh, the Places You’ll Go.” Although it has become the perfect gift to give others when they graduate from nursery school to graduate school, the thoughts and lessons are timeless, ageless and worth considering.

The book refers to the bang-ups and hang-ups we all experience in life and talks about the difficulty of ‘un-slumping’ ourselves when we meet a road block. The challenge of choosing the next path in our lives can be daunting even paralyzingly at times. All of a sudden (or so it seems) life has changed course and you are left questioning, ” What do I do next?” This is especially true for those of us who have experienced a major change in our lives, especially a loss. At first, time seems to stand still, then evolves into a slow drag stage. Sooner than we may be ready, life begins to resume at full pace – at least for the rest of the world. We are left wondering, does anyone remember that I lost a loved one who is irreplaceable to me? Do they see the bleeding of my heart? You think to yourself, my head knows what happened but when will my heart accept it?

Developing a Plan B for your life may take every once of energy you have and leave you breathless just putting pencil to paper but it is absolutely critical to do so. Plan B can become your life line – your reason to get out of bed in the morning. You may wonder, when will I shake this? Is there something wrong with me? Followed, of course, by the thought will I ever be the same again?

There is nothing wrong with you when you react like this to loss. You are gradually accepting that the change – the loss is real and no amount of wishing or hoping will change the fact that your heart is broken. It will take time and the loving support of others to help you regain your footing. It may take a lifetime – be patient with yourself. Beyond family and friends a talented grief counselor can help. Maybe that is why God/Universal Energy put these folks in our lives, to help us stand when we can not find the strength or will to do so for ourselves. Yes, your life will be unalterably changed but not stopped, not frozen in time. You will dig out of the hole you may be in and gradually see the light at the end of the tunnel. You may think you are slipping back into the morass of ‘why’ from time to time. It’s okay – you are okay. Remember, as my son said in my book, our lives are like a photo album with pages that are left blank. They will be filled in over time.

So what is the good news? You have memories to last forever. You were given the gift of unconditional love for another. No one can ever take that away from you. The depth of your loss is directly proportionate to the depth of your love. You loved deeply and well and have been forever changed by it. Deeper as a person, a little less quick to jump to conclusions and more aware of the magnificence and delicate nature of life.

You will be ready to help the next person who crosses your path when they experience a major life change or loss and will serve as a model of survival. Granted, you may be a little battered and bruised but upright nonetheless. When you run across someone that seems to believe there is an acceptable or normal amount of time for grieving you will think to yourself that they have a very important lesson yet to learn. Yet, you will be ready to help them when they experience a loss. Why? Because you have survived a major life change – or loss – and your loved one would want you to ‘pay your lessons forward.’ The Universe is about learning our lessons, being grateful for love and becoming more aware of the significance of our individual purpose.

Have a happyThanksgiving!

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Reach Out to a Friend

My blog on Sunday was about the importance of friendship. The artist Coldplay wrote a song entitled, “Fix You” that just seems to reiterate the importance of having a few close family or friends that take the time to not simply listen but truly hear you when you need a sounding board or simply a shoulder to lean on. They are more than ‘friends’ that someone can simply ‘unfriend’ on Facebook. (I must admit the thought of simply ‘unfriending’ someone is hard for me to grasp. It must be a generational thing.) The lyrics in Coldplay’s song touch our hearts.

When you try your best but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can’t replace…

The refrain in the song is hauntingly moving.

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Who do you have in your life that help ‘guide you home’ and lighten your load? Everyone needs someone they can reach out to for support, encouragement even redirection at times. We can all get stuck in the fear of the unknown. It can paralyze our mental processing and make us feel like we are ‘stuck in reverse.’ Losing someone close naturally triggers fear of tomorrow. After all, we think to ourselves, we were powerless to stop this loss. We can easily start to generalize that feeling of powerlessness into the rest of our lives. If you find yourself stuck in the ‘whys’ and ‘if onlys’ it may be time to get in touch with someone – a friend, family member or even grief counselor. Do whatever it takes to get the emotional support you need to face tomorrow.

As human beings we have remarkably similar needs. We all need love, acceptance and support. When we lose a loved one each of us goes through predictable stages of grieving. The pain of loss may resurface throughout our lives when something out of the blue triggers memories of what used to be. Verbalizing these feelings is a healthy thing to do. The strongest among us recognize this and are not afraid to reach out for the supportive hand of another.There are special people in our lives to help ‘guide us home’ to find our true north and gently support us as we move on with our lives. They are heaven sent for a reason, season or lifetime.

Is it time to unload the rocks in the backpack you are caring? As I said in my book, the weight of grief can become so heavy that you can become laden down, unable to see the horizon – the light of day in the tomorrows.

Experiencing many losses, I have come to believe – to absolutely know – that God/Universal Energy does not make mistakes. “All is as it should be.” I don’t have to like it but I chose to live through the lessons involved in loss and a big part of that is to learn that I must move through the loss and continue living life. We have been given the gift of family and friends to help us along our way.

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Your True Compass

For those of us who have experienced a personal loss in our lives it is difficult enough to muster up the energy to feel positive on a daily basis. Yet, during this election season it seems that when we turn on the news we are inundated with more negatives. The hiccup of either candidate is heard, replayed, fact checked and then repeated again during the next news segment so that the team of news analysts can tell us what was meant by what was said. It is both exhausting and frustrating. The negative energy that is being promulgated into the Universe has to be off the chart. I work at staying positive and staying informed. I don’t want to miss the opportunity to voice my opinion and have my vote counted.

Recently, the autobiography of Ted Kennedy caught my attention and I decided to read the entire 500 plus pages. As I read over the 70 year time span, I was amazed at how long it took Washington to change things for the better for the 99 percent of us who, as my mom would say, were ‘not born with a silver spoon in our mouths.’ It helped me put in perspective the amount of time necessary to make fundamental changes in our country. After finishing the book I felt optimism for our future, regardless of what the evening news presented. What I do know is that positive energy, hard work and a belief in the divinity within us will change the world. Robert Kennedy said, “some men see things as they are and say why. I dream things that never were and say why not.” When you lose a loved one that phrase has a depth of meaning that can be felt in your very core.

I believe we are seeing the transformation we needed in this country. The housing market is improving, college loans are now more available, jobs are developing again and the auto industry is alive and well and living in the USA! I have talked to many people over the past 3 years about the economy. It is good to hear the true American spirit that I was raised with coming through once again. People are glad to have their jobs even if it means more overtime or higher expectations from their bosses. My dad always told me to give your employer 150 percent for every $1 they give you and I have lived by that motto. Together we have all made this country great. We have had tremendous challenges and are beginning to see and feel the optimism that is uniquely American rise to the surface once again.

We are living out our own unique story chapter by chapter. As spiritual beings in a physical body, we are learning our lessons and moving toward the light and love of God/Universal energy. An important part of seeing our own truth is what we do for those less fortunate and for those who need a shoulder to lean on as they regain their balance. Let information and truth be your light and positive energy surround you over the next 10 days. Open your heart and breath in the energy that unites us all with a power greater than ourselves.

Have a great few days!

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Allow Yourself to Heal

I talked to a person recently who said that they no longer feel joy in their life since losing their loved one. They feel anxious, unable to concentrate and just basically empty inside. I understand. I have been there. From the moment you wake in the morning a heaviness descends around you and you have to absolutely will yourself to take that first step of the day. The loss of someone you love is not easy to put into words. Loyalty, trust and joy are just a few of the emotions felt when we love someone so deeply. We think to ourselves, now all that is gone from my life. Our grief is not only for today but the many unrealized tomorrows.

An important part of healing from loss or even just making it through the challenges of living as we learn our life lessons is to ‘allow.’ By definition, allow is ‘to permit.’ To give yourself permission to feel, grieve, remember, even momentarily to wish things had been different, and it is a natural part of grieving the changes that happen in our lives.

We are so used to making things happen that to just allow life to unfold seems counterintuitive. We may feel that it is a cop out, an excuse to do nothing. Quite the contrary. If we turn the kaleidoscope in our minds ever so slightly, we will see that when we allow, we resist the urge to try to control everything or to demand life be a certain way to make us happy. We still strive to become all that we can be but as things happen that hurt or derail us we look at them not with indignation but with a deeper understanding as we search for the personal lessons contained within them. To learn to allow is a hard lesson. To me, that one little word – allow – means a combination of acceptance for what is combined with a belief that ‘all is as it should be.’ It speaks of a power, an energy, greater than ourselves

Take some time over the next few days to think about the word ‘allow.’ How would your life be different if you looked at events, challenges even losses in your life and thought to yourself, my life is about accepting that the Universe is unfolding in perfect order. When you learn to allow, a sense of peace envelops you and you begin to exhale the stress that is so deeply bottled up within you.

A poem that has been meaningful to me on this lesson of allowing life to unfold was written by R. Bach.

A cloud does not know why it moves in just such a direction
and at such a speed,
It feels an impulsion…this is the place to go now.
But the sky knows the reasons and the patterns
behind all clouds,
And you will know, too, when you lift yourself high enough
To see beyond horizons.

Have a great few days!

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