Official blog for the book "Just Behind the Door"

Posts tagged ‘gratitude’

The Importance of Gratitude

2015 – The Year of Optimism continues…

I ran across some thoughts about gratitude by Jackie Olson recently and wanted to share them with you.

Gratitude Opens Doors

Always see the goodness in this world,
do your part in helping those less fortunate,
walk hand in hand with those of less talent,
Follow those of more knowledge,
And be equal with those who are different.
Find your special purpose in this world so full of choices,
And help lead those who stray.
Become your own individual-
set yourself apart from those who are the same.
Have the self-confidence to say no when it is necessary
and the strength to stand alone.
Give yourself the approval to love and
respect everything that you are and will become.
Reap the fruits of your talents,
Walk with pride down the road of life,
Be humble in your successes,
And share in the praises and joy of others.
Most of all be grateful.
For when you are grateful,
You have the key that will open all of the world’s doors to you.

Let’s start a new habit that can positively change our perspective by taking the first 1 or 2 minutes when waking each morning to think about three things that happened yesterday for which we are grateful. After a few weeks this habit will become ingrained and we will experience a more positive year and manifest our own Year of Optimism for 2015!

Have a great few days!

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Being Grateful For Our Challenges

As the busy holiday season approaches let’s remember the magic of gratitude. It has been linked directly to increased levels of happiness and overall life satisfaction. The author, Denis Waitley, has said, ‘Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude.’ When we take time to count our blessings we are sending out to the Universe a wink, or a nod of appreciation which attracts more blessings into our life. A simple but very effective habit to start is to take just 30 seconds after waking each morning to give thanks for something in your life. By doing so you set into motion a spiritual law which says, the more you are grateful for, the more you will be given. It’s such a simple practice yet one that is often overlooked in the hustle and bustle of life.

Being grateful for all that you have can be easy – it simply becomes a matter of habit. If you are ready for it the ultimate challenge is to train yourself to be grateful for the things that have been difficult in your life. That may sound like a stretch but when we look at the idea through the eyes of this unknown author it makes sense.

Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire,
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don’t know something
For it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations
Because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge
Because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes
They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you are tired and weary
Because it means you’ve made a difference.

It’s easier to be thankful for the good things
but a life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are
also thankful for the setbacks.

GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles
and they can become your blessings.

Have a great few days!

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Live in Gratitude!

We are made up of constant pulsating energy that is radiating out in waves with every thought and emotion that we experience. It’s, as if, we are holding an antennae that sends out our energy and receives energy back from others. Like the signals received from a satellite we are in a constant state of energy exchange. Often, we realize just how powerful our own energy is when we are thinking about someone and all of a sudden, out of the blue, they contact us. At first we are surprised, maybe even a bit amazed with the synchronicity of the contact until we realize we initiated the it when we we sent out thought waves of energy to them.

Realizing that each of us responds to our own energy as well as the energy of others it is important to realize what messages we are giving out and are willing to receive back. We do have a choice. We hear people make the comment from time to time about someone who just ‘drains their energy.’ Think about that statement for a minute. Visualize what that really means. If you become more aware of how you are feeling when you communicate with someone who seems to sap your energy you can do something about it.

People who drain our energy seem to live in a constant state of, ‘Ain’t it awful…’ They may not use these exact words but their talk is filled with a victim mentality. They really do see their cup as half-empty and just to be sure you realize how tough they have it in life they mention in conversation everything that has gone awry lately. Talking with folks like this is exhausting. We think to ourselves that maybe we can help them – lift their spirits and we may, momentarily, but depending upon what level of energy drainer they are they may often hasten back to their own comfort zone of, ‘poor me’ as quickly as possible.

Our own energy is too important to allow it to be hijacked by others. There are a few approaches to try to help these ‘energy drainers’ but it is ultimately up to them to choose their own view of the world. After all, you simply can’t make others happy it is up to them to choose. For some energy drainers at Level 1 who have simply fallen into a habit of seeing lack we can help them by consistently pointing out the many positives we see in life. They just need a guiding hand to pull them back to a more positive mindset. For the Level 2 energy drainers we may need to train ourselves to ignore their subtle and not so subtle messages of ‘poor me.’ When they don’t get the attention or sympathy they want they often up the ante and add more and more negative statements about their life. Pretty soon it just wears us out but we continue to try to redirect their thinking until we see the task as fruitless. For Level 3 energy drainers we may just have to limit our contact with them. Their egos are so entrenched with getting attention and sympathy for all they see going wrong in life that to change is something they flatly refuse to do. They truly believe that others are out to take advantage or get them. They have the right to choose their life path and ultimately, limiting our own contact with them may simply be an act of self preservation. We were not put on this earth to fix others – we are simply not that powerful.

Our only responsibility is to keep ourselves in a positive state of mind. We can do this by practicing gratitude. Each morning before getting out of bed or even opening your eyes take just two minutes to think about a couple of things that you are grateful for in your life. Notice the warm feelings of gratitude you are experiencing. By regularly practicing this simple exercise it becomes a habit before you know it. Life takes on a deeper, richer meaning. This is one habit that will positively influence the rest of your life and just think … it all starts out by just taking a mere two minutes each morning. It takes concerted effort to see life as an opportunity and not a burden but is so worth it. Those that do can be easily recognized because they are the ones who are surrounded by others because of the positive energy they are giving off. We feel energized just being around them. They light up a room by their presence. Let’s make a pact to become one of them!

Have a great few days!

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What Are Your True Feelings?

When is the last time that a memory took your breath away? Let’s take a trip down Memory Lane. Can you remember five people, places or things that when you think about them brings a smile to your face from the inside out? This is not a trick question but intended for you to reconnect with the feelings you had at those moments, the positive energy you had that simply made you stop and exhale at the wonder of it all. The importance of remembering cannot be overlooked. It shows you that there were times in your life when your positive FEELINGS brought more positives into your life. You have done it before and can do it again.

Those things that elicit positive – take your breath away feelings – means that you were connecting with your life’s purpose on this journey. There is a huge difference between simple thoughts and deep feelings. The latter moves you toward accomplishment and connections. When you experience the feelings of gratitude, love, delight, joy or merely that warm fuzzy experience that causes you to know that at that moment something special, unforgettable is happening it reinforces the thought that our life lessons can be learned from a position of joy and gratitude not struggle. We may have been taught that life is intended to be, in fact, a struggle. Maybe not. It is possible to learn what we came here to learn through a more positive feeling type of approach.

We may have read somewhere to simply focus (think) about something we want in our lives and through the magic of affirmations it will come to us. Yet, there is something much more powerful and important that merely thinking about it. The secret is in the FEELINGS that you get when you visualize what you desire. FEELINGS cause the energy which works like a magnet in the Universe to bring you what you desire. The affirmation may be the ‘car’ but the FEELINGS are the motor!

Remember the saying, ‘garbage in – garbage out?’ That is another way of saying that what you think about most often with feeling is what you are attracting back to you from the Universe. Negative energy begets more of the same just as positive energy attracts more of its own. It sounds simple but it is really quite complex.

How often are you unwittingly focusing on what you don’t have, or the lack of something in your life? Again, the FEELINGS behind your thoughts act like a magnet to the Universe. If you are constantly thinking about what you don’t have or can’t achieve the cycle of lack in your life will continue with a vengeance. Do you really have time to play the ‘poor me’ card? Sadly, I think more people than we think spend their mental and emotional energy feeling ‘lack.’ You can recognize them by their walk, talk and attitude. Without words their life view speaks volumes.

Let’s reverse the ends of the magnet and turn to the positive rather than the negative end and see what happens. But first, we must take the time to think about – honestly evaluate – how often we are in a mindset set of ‘life’s not fair’ or ‘if only I had’ or even worse ‘it will never happen to me.’ You might want to ask a friend, whom you can trust to be brutally honest, for input. Do they hear you as a ‘glass half full’ type? Oftentimes, we are too close to the forest to see the trees so we need someone that we can trust to help us. The proof, however, is in the result. If you feel your life is lacking – money, friends, relationships, accomplishments it’s time to do a gut check and be honest about your FEELINGS. Once you accept that your negative feelings may be holding you back, you are ready to begin a journey toward greater joy and happiness. Ultimately, you will experience so many more moments that take your breathe away that you will become eternally grateful for the opportunity to learn your own life lessons through happiness not struggle.

In my next blog I will talk about the specific steps to take to change your thinking but in the meantime take the time and first step to honestly assess your internal dialogue.

Have a great few days!

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Happiness Is The Journey!

We have all heard the saying, ‘Happiness is a journey, not a destination.’ It sounds good and we want to accept the intended meaning but somehow, someway we often get sidetracked into thinking, ‘I just have to get through today, this week, this month or the next holiday or family celebration coming up then I’ll be happy.’ Exhausted after all of the challenges, expectations and obstacles we face we may all of a sudden realize that another summer or year is coming to a close and we have not stopped long enough to enjoy the moments of the journey. When will I experience happiness we may wonder to ourselves?

The reality is that when we learn to see happiness in everything we are living through AS we are living through it that is the true definition of happiness. It is achieved everyday in everyday when we inhale deeply and realize that happiness is a way of living, call it gratefulness, deeper awareness or being in the NOW.

Think of it in the context of moving to a new place. We are excited and want things just right. All the t’s crossed and the i’s dotted when we move in. We want things just so and yet…the joy, the experience is lost in our eager attempt to hustle our way through to completion. We become exhausted even a bit overwhelmed and forget to enjoy the journey. The truth is that you will never experience this particular moment again in your life. Once it is gone that’s it. So learning to enjoy the journey in life is of great importance.

Happiness is not something to achieve as much as a state of mind. It starts with being grateful for our lives this moment and every moment while we are on this earth. Not everything will go right today or tomorrow but learning to be fully engaged in the process of observing and appreciating where we are at on our unique journey is the working definition of happiness.

We don’t have to wait until we retire, get that new job or home or go on that vacation to realize that happiness is achievable right now. It is breathing in the energy of a new tomorrow filled with hope, anticipation and joy.

We planned our lives to encompass exactly the things we are facing, the lessons we are learning and the difficulties we are dealing with in order to learn what true happiness is all about. It is in you, around you and through you. The true essence of life is to welcome what it rightly yours – happiness – into your daily life.

To accept the daily obstacles and unfinished business, the laundry list of tasks yet to be accomplished with a knowing that ‘All is as it should be,’ IS the happiness. This message may sound simplistic but in reality it is the hardest thing we will ever learn to master in our lives.

Have a great few days!

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Take 5 You’re Worth It!

Are you fast forwarding just to get through another day? If the answer is yes, read on… Have you ever considered how many days, weeks, months or years you have been doing so and forgetting to take even 5 minutes a day to reflect on what you learned? If you’re thinking,’I don’t even have an extra minute let alone 5 to reflect,’ I hope you read this blog.

We have all heard the saying, “Stop and smell the roses,” yet in our often hectic lifestyles we seldom heed the advice until a major life change happens and we think to ourselves, ‘If only I had …’ We won’t fill in the blank with another task or accomplishment but most often with the thought, ‘if I had known or taken the time to realize.’ Taking just 5 minutes a day before going to sleep to think about what you learned about yourself or others that day gives you the chance to fill in the blank, not with regret but with gratitude. So, I ask once again, “What new ‘Aha’ did you discover today?”

The American mindset is often to do more, faster, better and you win. This non stop pressure has caused us to be not only innovators and achievers but we lead the world in most areas…except…wait for it…self reflection. We often get so lost in our constant activity that we fail to see that the real work of our life involves learning our unique life lessons and growing from them.

By taking 5 minutes to reflect on what you learned from the experiences of the day you begin to rebalance the scale of doing versus understanding – activity versus wisdom. You achieve a deeper understanding of yourself and inner peace from the practice of ‘Taking Five’ than ever by checking just one more thing off your daily ‘To Do’ list will ever yield.

We have a lot of responsibilities and expectations on our time. Often, we feel exhausted just getting through the day. I believe some of this exhaustion can be attributed to not only the pace we work at but the lack of self reflection. Visualize a mouse running on a wheel as it spins faster and faster. It’s hard to appreciate the journey when you’re simply getting through a cycle – in this case another day.

When we alter our perspective and take 5 minutes daily to reflect upon what we learned about ourselves or others we feel reaffirmed even more energized for tomorrow. We begin to see that each day is meaningful to our self growth. We achieve more than a paycheck we receive a ‘note’ in our personal life file that will be remembered and celebrated both in this world and the next. In essence, we become the wind beneath our own wings.

We can achieve a greater peace about life and ourselves when we internalize the idea that it is not simply the number of days we live but the understanding – the life – we put into them that makes all the difference. Think of this practice as a personal gift you give yourself everyday that brings a smile to your face just before going to sleep.

Let’s try for a couple of weeks to take 5 minutes at the end of each day and reflect with gratitude that you made it through and what you learned along the way. You will be surprised at the result!

Have a great few days!

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Pay it Forward and Thank Someone!

We have heard that we can count on one hand, and have fingers left over, the people in our lives that we know who we can really depend on to accept us unconditionally. That statement is probably true but look for the positive in it. You have someone that really cares enough to be there for you! Think about that for a moment. That’s big …really big!

Who is the person that truly listens to you and makes you feel good about yourself? When you think about this person often a smile spreads across your face and you feel confirmed as you remember a recent conversation with them that somehow just left you feeling better – more right with the world. You know that you can be open and frank with them not only because they expect that from you but more importantly because you know they accept you for who you are without judgment. When you find someone like this that encourages you to drop the mask that you wear to the outside world and simply be yourself, you exhale deeply with a feeling of gratitude that this human being is in your life.

This type of relationship does not develop quickly but is nurtured slowly over time – maybe even lifetimes – and is based on trust. Like a flower that starts with a seed and with proper nurturing and attention grows to be beautiful beyond belief so it is with trust. We all experience times when we are not at our best but with these folks in our lives we needn’t worry. They can hear both literally and intuitively our fear, concern or anguish and are always willing to lend an ear or hand as we talk with them about a recent experience that may have left us doubting our real potential. They help us see what is possible not merely problematic and help us remember that all facts – even an ugly truth- are safe to share with them.

The only time they call us on something is if we are attempting to deny what we truly feel. They care too much to allow us to bury our feelings deep within the nooks and crannies of our minds. Anytime we try to bury our feelings they just fester, deep inside, and will eventually erupt taking a toll on anyone in the path. These people who care so deeply about us do not allow us to short change ourselves through denial, anger or regret. They stick with us through the thick and thin of life for a reason and the reason is called unconditional love.

They come into our lives for a reason, a season and if we’re really lucky a lifetime. This Easter weekend may be the perfect time to take two minutes out of your busy schedule to reconnect and let them know how important they are to you. Everyone needs to hear from time to time that they are having an impact on someone. It feeds the fire of purpose in their souls.

Have a great few days!

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A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed!

Over the last weeks I have been trying to finish up a biography of my son who past away in 1999. His sons are going to graduate from high school in May and wanted to know all about their Dad since they were not quite three years old when he was killed. Working furiously on the project and importing many, many pictures into the text, my computer application (Word) crashed not once but three times. Luckily, I had been told to ‘save’ the document every two or so pages and I did as instructed. When I would add another new picture it might fly off the page, land on top of another picture, refuse to be resized, you name it and it seemed to happen! Exhausted and overwhelmed by the constant computer glitches and my quickly eroding time frame I was fortunate because I had a friend to call who has more computer skills than most, a ‘can do’ attitude that just makes you think that everything will …ultimately… work out and who even offers a laugh or two along the way.

It made me stop and think about the power of friendship. There is a reason why friendship and the happiness and fun derived from it is directly related to better physical and emotional health. When the normal peaks and valleys appear in our lives it is easier and more enjoyable to have someone who is there to offer words of encouragement, excitement and who can eventually cause a hearty health cleansing laugh to erupt out of the circumstance. Our friends offer us a fresh perspective on an issue, sensible advice when requested, complete acceptance of who were are at the best and worst of times, and a listening ear. They have that magic combination of being able to listen with both their minds and hearts.

The amazing thing about true friendship is that these friends expect nothing in return! How many relationships can you think of in this way…totally selfless?

I am blessed to have a few close friends and even family members who go out of their way to offer an ear or hand at just the exact moment when it is most needed. At times, the phone rings at just the precise moment when I really wanted to talk to them. Synchronicity…probably, a blessing…absolutely! Feelings of abundance and gratitude …without question!

It is important not to take these relationships for granted. Remembering to thank them and to return the favor at a different time and place just helps us all ‘pay it forward’ and enhance the positive energy level of the Universe.

Who can you reconnect with this week just to let them know you are thinking about them? I guarantee that any amount of time it takes will be worth the effort.

Thanks to all of you out there for being who you are…simply the best!

Have a great few days!

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The Lessons of Nature

Most everyone has seen a Saguaro cactus either up close and personal or in pictures of the deserts of western North America. I see them daily and marvel at their uniqueness. Each one offers a distinct silhouette against the backdrop of an otherwise barren landscape. These amazing plants can tolerate temperatures over 100 degrees in summer yet can perish from long periods of below freezing weather. Their root systems are shallow so they can be toppled from what one would think would be a good thing in the desert – rain. It seems that too much of a good thing – heavy monsoons that happen occasionally in late summer – can topple even some of these huge plants that weigh over eight tons. Their growth is slow but steady taking 75 years to grow their first arm.

The thing that strikes me is how these cactus serve as a metaphor for human existence. Each of such is unique – we are truly one of a kind with our own strengths and differences. We all have our prickly side that can, at times, keep others away. Maybe it is self protection or maybe it’s simply fear but we can be quite good at it. Each of us has a distinct look, behavior and growing experience. We too can tolerate extremes but for us it is in behavior. At times we are able to withstand the slings and arrows of life and continue on growing and developing. Yet, just like the freezing temperature renders the cactus lifeless, we too, at times, can be rendered helpless or hopeless from life experiences. We have learned that it is true…there is such a thing as having too much of a good thing.

The major difference, in seems, is that when a cactus has fallen it is simply and completely done. There is no opportunity to raise it to its once majestic form. For humans, on the other hand, we can find a person, place or situation that can help to renew our broken spirit. We may be down for the count but we are not out. We can once again not only survive but thrive from the care and concern from another. When others offer their hand to us in our time of greatest need everyone benefits. The safety net of another’s heart allows us to stand upright and move on with grace.

Nature offers so many examples of the commonalities and differences that exist in our world. We are dependently independent on the uniqueness of each other. When we accept that each of us plays a definite and unique role in making the world a little better place we reflect the lessons of nature. We survive not in spite of but because of each other. How fortunate we are to be alive and living on planet earth and aware that, All Is As It Should Be.

Have a great few days!

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A Poem For Your Heart Health

I received an email recently from a wonderful person who had read my book and suggested that I write a blog that included this poem from it. She said she wanted to copy it and place it in a place where she would remember to read it daily as a soothing balm for the deep seated hurt in her heart. The Christmas holidays can be an especially difficult time for those of us who have experienced the loss of a loved one. Her suggestion made me feel that both the book and blogs are helping others, in a small way, work through this heart wrenching journey. I told myself that if even one person was comforted by the book I would be grateful. So to all of you who have felt a measure of comfort from my writings, thank you. The following can be found on page 125 of my book.

“You can shed tears that she is gone or you can smile because she lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that she will be back, or you can open
your eyes and see all that she left you.

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her or it can be full of
the loved that you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live in the yesterdays
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember only that she is gone
or you can cherish the memories that let her live on in your heart.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back,
or you can do what she would want you to do…smile, open your eyes,
love and remember the great times you had with her and go on.

You can grieve that she is gone or you can learn how to hear her because…
She is just ” Behind the Door.”

To my own family who, once again, has recently experienced the loss of a loved one who seems to have left us much too soon please remember what Ronnie told me in the book, “All is as it should be.”

Thanks again to all of you who take the time to read, remember and work so hard to move forward with grace.

Have a great few days!

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