Official blog for the book "Just Behind the Door"

Posts tagged ‘grief’

Design Your Life!

This blog is the third in a series on how to achieve greater happiness and well being in your life by taking control of what you want. The previous two blogs on the topic are in the archive section on this website. As I have said previously, the first step is making a list of what you NO LONGER WANT in your life and the second list is made up of things you DO WANT in your life. This approach works when you take the time to FEEL the positive results and see yourself actually achieving your goals when you are writing them down or reviewing them daily. We have the right to determine what will make us happier through the gift of free will. All we have to do is use it! We can choose to make things happen or let them happen to us – it all depends on our mindset – our positive or negative beliefs that surround us about self.

Each of us has decided on specific lessons to learn in this lifetime. But did you know that we also have the right to choose how we prefer to learn them – the tough way or the easier way. Well, we do! The first way is through continual trials and tribulations until we just want to give up or the second way is by developing a deeper understanding of and appreciation of the energy we possess simply by being a student of the Universe. The first way is powered through negative energy and produces greater stress in our lives but the second way is through a more positive view by seeing ourselves as a co-designer of our life experiences. Either way the lessons will be presented to us. Remember, the Universe first whispers, then speaks and will eventually shout to get our attention. Why not choose to learn the lesson earlier rather than later – the easier way rather than the harder one? It makes sense to me!

Through the use of goal setting or affirmation attainment, as it is sometimes called, we can actually become co-designers in our life. We can create the most positive and effective ways to learn our individual lessons when we start by making lists of our Don’t Wants and Do Wants in our lives. We are giving the Universe a very important signal that says, ‘This is what I want in my life and I deserve it,’ because you do! We become empowered when we see our list of Wants manifesting in our lives.

There are a few steps that you must really get into to change your life. They don’t take long if you focus on the process. First off, it is important for you to BELIEVE that it really is possible to attain whatever you want in your life. Next, after making your list of Wants it is important to live as if you have already attained those goals. In both your mind and your heart, starting right now, right here, to feel how great it is that you have realized the goals you have written down. See yourself getting that promotion – view your new title on the door or letterhead. Really get into it and feel how your life has changed. See people congratulating you on your promotion. If one of your goals is to receive more money in your pay check, close your eyes and view your pay stub, see the larger number, feel how great it is to be able to pay off more of your bills and put a little aside as savings. You have the power to manifest any goal if you believe in yourself and the process. The Universe is just waiting for you to tell it what you desire – with positive emotion – to present it in your life.

Goal setting is basically proactive energy at work. You can achieve your greatest desire when you believe in the power of positive energy to truly can make things happen. Each time you take a few minutes to FEEL how great it is achieving your goal it is another positive message to the Universe. The Universe will respond in kind. Less than 10% of people even think about goal setting and less than 5% take the time to write down and visualize their goals happening in their lives. It is all about believing in your own power to shape your life. I know it works!

When you think about those people who seem to be able to handle the challenges that appear in their life and just keep moving forward you realize they have developed the ability to see themselves winning, achieving their goals and moving forward. You hear positive statements coming from them. Life is no ‘brief candle’ to them but a splendid torch which they CHOOSE to burn brightly. They are perfect examples of what positive energy can manifest in our lives. They accept responsibility – never blaming others – but see any challenge presented to them as an opportunity to learn from it – and they simply do so without drama or worry. They realize that both drama and worry are negative emotions and there is no room for negatives in their lives.

Each of us can CHOOSE to create the life we want by starting to see our glasses as half-full rather than half-empty, making our lists of Don’t Wants and Wants and bringing forth the positive emotional feelings that we know we will feel achieving our goals. The steps are simple once you believe in yourself enough to make it happen!

Have a great few days!

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Make a List of What You Do Want!

In my last blog I was talking about making positive changes in your life and asked you to make a list of what you DON’T want in your life any longer. As I said then, this may sound a bit counterintuitive but it’s not. As a fellow traveler on this earth it is important to realize you have both a right and an obligation to determine what makes you happy and it starts by deciding what you no longer want in your life. Think of it as a gift to yourself. Yes, we have chosen specific lessons in our lives but a lesson can be learned from various trials and tribulations or from a place of higher development of self and a deeper appreciation of how to manifest the things you want in your life. When Albert Einstein used to reconnect with people he would say, “What have you learned since we last met? “That’s a powerful thought! We can choose to learn continuously through many different ways if we keep ourselves open to it. Life has not given you more or less lessons than others but simply the ones you have chosen. Choosing a more positive way to view them just makes sense. After all, we are not here to learn to control or fight the circumstances presented to us but to learn how to positively respond by seeing the issues presented as the opportunity and the lessons learned and move on with dignity and gratitude.

Having completed your list of Don’t Wants, today is the day to start your list of Do Wants. That’s right you get to choose! No one can determine what you want or what you are entitled to but you, so today let’s start your second list. Let’s pretend that this is a Christmas like no other and you can receive exactly what you most desire. What are those things that would make you happy and bring greater peace and joy to your life? Make the list and add as many as you choose. After each one ask yourself the real key question – the WHY you want a particular item on your list. Actually, the best approach is to ask the why five different times. Each answer will give you a deeper understanding of your motivation behind the want and surface greater emotion. It is important to go full tilt on each ‘why.’ It will get you to the ‘Aha’ of the real reason and will help you get in touch with how you will feel when the want or affirmation is attained. You want the deep, gut level feeling of why each Want is truly important to you. The more you ask yourself why the clearer you are being in sending the message out to the Universe.

The deep feeling that you are going for as you reread each statement is the energy that you are putting out to the Universe. Think of it this way, the list is simply like a car but the feelings you bring forth is actually the gas that gets it all going and keeps it humming smoothly. Goal setting (another name for attaining affirmations) works when and only when you take the time to experience how you will FEEL differently when those goals are attained. It’s rather like pretending you have already achieved your desires and are basking in the reality of them all.

The Universe is simply waiting for your direction. If you are struggling with something in your life and feeling less than stellar about it you are giving out huge amounts of negative energy by what you say, think and react to everyday. You may not be aware of it but worry and stress are huge amounts of negative energy that you are generating. As the dutiful servant the Universe will deliver back to you exactly what you are giving out by matching the energy it is receiving.

Over the next few days take the time to make your list of ‘Do Wants’ and take a moment to live in the moment of how much better you will feel, how positively your life will change when those statements on your list are realized. We all remember the statement that if you want something bad enough you must work at it. That’s true, but this is not hard back breaking work it is simply using both your mind and heart to feel the difference that will transpire when your greatest wants are realized in your life.

Trust me on this…this stuff works and all you have to bring to the table to achieve it is positive intentions. Now that’s not too much to ask right? Work on your list over the next few days and give all the positive emotions to the task that you can and just wait to see the results. The law of Attraction is never inconsistent. It will give back to you more of what you are giving out. Once you get into this positive mindset you will be absolutely amazed to realize that you are in the driver’s seat and life is not simply happening to you but that you, in fact, creating it through your thoughts. Be ready for the ride of your lifetime!

Have a great few days!

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Make Your List of ‘Don’t Wants!’

Is it time to make positive changes in your life? Do you feel weighed down just facing another day? If so, there is a way to change it IF you are ready. There are actually specific steps you can take to achieve a happier, more fulfilled life which are totally under your control and quite easy actually. The first step, as counterintuitive as it may sound, is to make a list of what you DON’T want. Sound negative? Actually it’s not. It is simply a way to help you focus and analyze what the absolute non starters are for you at this point. Many of us have been taught to be grateful for whatever comes into our lives since each thing has a lesson attached – that’s partly true – everything does offer a lesson. But we do have the right to choose what will make us happy and be able to manifest it. Unfortunately, we often begin to accept the worry, challenges and temporary road blocks as simply something we have to ‘get through’ while we subconsciously wait for the other shoe to drop. That is all negative energy! Stop!

That’s why the first step in this process to harness the energy necessary to change your life must begin by you being totally honest with yourself and making a list of what you don’t want in life. The Universe delivers to us whatever is foremost in our thinking. If you are constantly thinking about lack (as in waiting for the next shoe to drop) the Universe delivers more of the same to you. However, once you send out the intent of what you don’t want in your life you have taken the first important step in stating your case, your expectations, of what you choose to live with and what you will no longer tolerate. It’s not magic but simply learning to harness the power of positive energy in your life. If you think ‘lack’ in reference to anything in your life – immediately change it into something you are grateful for – let’s get positive energy working here and rid yourself of the ‘lack’ mentality. Fake it ’till you make it if you have to!

Let’s take the example of money. How many times have you heard yourself worrying about not having enough money to pay the bills let alone do something special? As you are worrying about it, the mindset of ‘lack’ becomes so ingrained in your psyche that you become overcome with thoughts and feelings that reinforce your lack of not only financial security but other important things in your life. Worry is like a negative magnet that you send out into the Universe. Feeling the magnetic draw of that emotion, the Universe, ever the dutiful servant, matches that energy and gives you even more of the same. You become convinced that life is meant to be a struggle and believe you will never get ahead. Usually, the next thing to follow is the thought that you might as well buy something – a latte or whatever and charge it – because you will never get out of debt anyway. Really? The debt spiral has begun and you are in it. You are better, smarter than that thought!

This is exactly why the first step to take is to make a list of what you refuse to accept – your ‘don’t wants’ in life. Using the example of money, for instance, the first item on your list could be that ‘you don’t want to be financially strapped any longer’. Take a moment if this item resonates with you and let’s take it to the next level. Think how you will feel when you arrive at a place where you just know that all will work out just as it is suppose to with your finances and you can relax in knowing you’ll be okay. Feels good doesn’t it? The positive feelings you experience will draw – remember the magnet – more positives to you. Your opportunities will expand as you harness the power of a more positive mindset. Think you have one now? Maybe you do. Look around and listen to yourself, be honest, is there usually a ‘Yes but…’ in your response to life?

Your list of ‘Don’t Wants’ can be as short or as long as you choose. You have the power to change anything in your life if you desire the change badly enough. We are not put on this earth to struggle, worry or accept something that is not good for us or even simply ‘good enough.’ We have a right to have a great life! We simply have to claim it. Are you ready? This is a process, remember, and it will only work if you choose to work with it. It is not effortless but it is easier than you may think!

Step 1 is stating exactly what you no longer will allow in your life. The Universe is all
knowing. It will get the picture quickly. Think about a few things you no longer want to accept in your life. Write them down. Feel yourself pushing them out of your life once and for all. You are becoming the author of your own book and this is chapter one. Your book is about three things: what you will no longer tolerate, what you design your life to be and most importantly a belief that you deserve it. Remember, you have the power of the Universe behind you. That’s big! There will be more ‘chapters’ of your book to follow but for now, make that list of ‘Don’t Wants’ read it aloud and know that you are declaring your right to change your life – this works!

Stay tuned for my next blog as we move into further creating the life you CHOOSE to live. It’s just right around the corner!

Have a great few days!

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What Are Your True Feelings?

When is the last time that a memory took your breath away? Let’s take a trip down Memory Lane. Can you remember five people, places or things that when you think about them brings a smile to your face from the inside out? This is not a trick question but intended for you to reconnect with the feelings you had at those moments, the positive energy you had that simply made you stop and exhale at the wonder of it all. The importance of remembering cannot be overlooked. It shows you that there were times in your life when your positive FEELINGS brought more positives into your life. You have done it before and can do it again.

Those things that elicit positive – take your breath away feelings – means that you were connecting with your life’s purpose on this journey. There is a huge difference between simple thoughts and deep feelings. The latter moves you toward accomplishment and connections. When you experience the feelings of gratitude, love, delight, joy or merely that warm fuzzy experience that causes you to know that at that moment something special, unforgettable is happening it reinforces the thought that our life lessons can be learned from a position of joy and gratitude not struggle. We may have been taught that life is intended to be, in fact, a struggle. Maybe not. It is possible to learn what we came here to learn through a more positive feeling type of approach.

We may have read somewhere to simply focus (think) about something we want in our lives and through the magic of affirmations it will come to us. Yet, there is something much more powerful and important that merely thinking about it. The secret is in the FEELINGS that you get when you visualize what you desire. FEELINGS cause the energy which works like a magnet in the Universe to bring you what you desire. The affirmation may be the ‘car’ but the FEELINGS are the motor!

Remember the saying, ‘garbage in – garbage out?’ That is another way of saying that what you think about most often with feeling is what you are attracting back to you from the Universe. Negative energy begets more of the same just as positive energy attracts more of its own. It sounds simple but it is really quite complex.

How often are you unwittingly focusing on what you don’t have, or the lack of something in your life? Again, the FEELINGS behind your thoughts act like a magnet to the Universe. If you are constantly thinking about what you don’t have or can’t achieve the cycle of lack in your life will continue with a vengeance. Do you really have time to play the ‘poor me’ card? Sadly, I think more people than we think spend their mental and emotional energy feeling ‘lack.’ You can recognize them by their walk, talk and attitude. Without words their life view speaks volumes.

Let’s reverse the ends of the magnet and turn to the positive rather than the negative end and see what happens. But first, we must take the time to think about – honestly evaluate – how often we are in a mindset set of ‘life’s not fair’ or ‘if only I had’ or even worse ‘it will never happen to me.’ You might want to ask a friend, whom you can trust to be brutally honest, for input. Do they hear you as a ‘glass half full’ type? Oftentimes, we are too close to the forest to see the trees so we need someone that we can trust to help us. The proof, however, is in the result. If you feel your life is lacking – money, friends, relationships, accomplishments it’s time to do a gut check and be honest about your FEELINGS. Once you accept that your negative feelings may be holding you back, you are ready to begin a journey toward greater joy and happiness. Ultimately, you will experience so many more moments that take your breathe away that you will become eternally grateful for the opportunity to learn your own life lessons through happiness not struggle.

In my next blog I will talk about the specific steps to take to change your thinking but in the meantime take the time and first step to honestly assess your internal dialogue.

Have a great few days!

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Express Yourself!

Unexpressed anger prevents unity. The operative word, of course, is ‘unexpressed’. When we move from disappointment to anger with someone and think we can bury it inside or ignore it usually we simply can’t do so. The anger continues, festers then boils inside of us and soon everything that the other person does aggravates us. Little by little the relationship sours and we eventually wonder what happened.
Actually, the real problem was that something didn’t happen and its called communicating our authentic feelings. Often, we choose to dismiss rather than confront issues. Why? It’s messy, uncomfortable, scary and can be quite unpleasant to discuss something that really bothers you about another person but if you don’t – and there really is an issue – it is a matter of time until the entire house of cards comes tumbling down.

The statement, ‘The less said the sooner mended,’ can certainly be true if you are able to let the feelings you have inside pass on through you. If not, avoiding an uncomfortable topic with someone serves no useful purpose. In fact, your heart feels closed and you may feel lethargic – lacking the energy to see a better tomorrow. The Universe is a great teacher and gives us signals when things just feel a bit off. These signals are meant as a call to action. We need to set things right with ourselves and others.

Lyrics from the Moody Blues’ song, “Say What You Mean,” speaks volumes:

“Say what you mean
Mean what you say
Think about the words
Speak for yourself
Say what’s on your mind
Think about the life you are choosing…
Look into the world of tomorrow
Say what you want
Want what is true…”

There is no rule that says you have to closet your true feelings for the sake of someone else. If they truly care about you they would want to know what both your mind and heart is telling you. It is important to remind yourself not to let your heart close. You are too important to this world to allow that to happen. If you start to feel yourself close off to the energy of another just take a moment and ask yourself what is the benefit of closing your heart. You really do have a choice and the most authentic choice is always the best. Face your feelings, or anger with words not of attack to another but with a genuine desire for resolution.

Your own happiness must remain your primary focus. It is not out of selfishness that you consider yourself first but out of a knowing that if you are not happy with the way things are others in your inner circle will ultimately not be happy as well.

Take the risk, speak your mind using your authentic feelings and all will happen just as it is suppose to happen. You are worth the risk!

Have a great few days!

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Smart Choices Develops Confidence

You are capable of achieving life long confidence and happiness using smart power. Lasting happiness is a choice, an option that allows us to view life through a new set of lenses. If you went into a store selling glasses which could give you more confidence, peace of mind and a clearer vision both figuratively and literally, would you buy them? I’ll bet you would. Once you purchased a pair your life would be transformed. You would become more at peace with what you needed to do in life and less affected by issues beyond your control. This may sound like a trip down Imagination Lane but the reality is that each of us has the capacity to choose a life of greater confidence and happiness. This is not something that costs money, or will take more time out of our busy days. It is a gift from the Universe and all we have to do is choose to unwrap it.

How does it work? It is deceptively simple. We simply need to let whatever happens around us be. I don’t mean to let poor workmanship or excuses slide if you are the one ultimately responsible. But what I do mean is that once you redirect the effort assuring that the work is properly done you let the situation go. Letting go means you no longer let the challenge or issue at hand personally affect you. You refuse to perseverate on it after the circumstance is resolved. It also means that you will no longer allow any negative energy from others sink in and affect you. You simply let it go. Everyone has a right to their opinion. We simply need to remember that an opinion or attitude, by definition, is not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.

Hillary Clinton epitomizes this attitude of confidence and happiness in her latest book entitled, “Hard Choices.” She makes an important point about what she calls, smart power. She defines it as the type of power that demonstrates shared values, relationships and diplomacy. Her point is that power is on a continuum. True, some things need to be dealt with directly with greater force but viewing power on a continuum helps to enlarge our repertoire of responses. This concept of power can give us more self confidence and greater happiness because we realize that we have many options at our disposal to deal with the occasional bumps in the road. Keeping a clear eye on the prize – the goals you have set for yourself -with a belief that once you have dealt with any issue that comes up you confidently let it go creates greater confidence and personal happiness that is palpable even to others.

As a person Hillary Clinton seems to be goal driven, loyal and confident. She demonstrates the ability to see the positives and possibilities of a stronger alignment with countries throughout the world. As Secretary of State she refused to be weighed down by challenges or negative opinions. As the pundits frequently commented on something as mundane as her hair, she laughed at the simplistic nature of the observations as she continued to do her job and continued on a path of demonstrating America’s strength by forging deeper relationships among our allies. At home she has expanded our thoughts about the definition of real power. She has shown us that real power comes from a self confidence that is unbridled by negative emotion.

When we choose to view power on a continuum we begin to realize that we have a wealth of options every day to handle our ‘opportunities’ in life as they develop. We refuse to be weighed down by continually second guessing our choices or the intentions of others and just let things be… that form of confidence is the root of true happiness.

Have a great few days!

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Choose Happiness!

Do you really want to be happy? This is not a trick question but one that calls for a serious, thought provoking reflection of your life. I believe the majority of people might respond to this question with qualifiers. “I will be happy when …” They consciously or subconsciously place conditions on their own happiness. They might think that they will be happy when the get a new home, job, a true friend or enough money to pay the bills at the end of the month. The problem with this type of thinking is that as one qualifier is attained another one simply surfaces in their mind to take its place. For instance, once they get the new house they may begin thinking about the furniture they ‘need’ to make it better. It becomes a never ending cycle. Any condition you put on happiness automatically limits your ability to attain it.

People who think of qualifiers before believe they will be happy live in the past or future not in the present. They continually see their cup as half empty and often have a deep seated preference to view life as a burden not a gift. It may be a result of early conditioning. Yet all of us have had challenges growing up – some greater than others – but some have manage to pull up their bootstraps and move past them. How is it that some people see a pile of yuk but are insistent in their minds that there is a pony in there somewhere? True, they are the perpetual optimists and also true, they are a joy to be around. They are living a life of happiness.

If we believe our lack of happiness in life is because of what we don’t have we are sure to get more of the same. The Universe just works that way. We get more of what is foremost in our thinking. Thinking of the ‘lack’ in our life produces more ‘lack’. With this mindset, life becomes heavier each day until we feel we will break from carrying the weight. Then one day we may wake up and say, ‘Enough!’ There is always, always something to be grateful for if we choose to see life through a different lense. Change your lense and let in more light!
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When we begin digging into the spiritual side of life it becomes apparent that each of us has unique lessons to learn and challenges to overcome. As different as each script is we all have one big thing in common – learning to find happiness along the way. It’s as if the life script each of us has written has HAPPINESS as the key word. How each of us goes about learning it remains our life challenge.

Being happy and living in the present doesn’t mean not having goals to work toward and ultimately achieve. What it does mean, however, is that we recognize that each moment of each day offers a reason to be grateful and happy that you are alive and making a contribution on planet earth. It is not necessarily the type of the contribution but the fact you are choosing to do it that is important. Even offering a smile to someone to brighten their day is a contribution. We are learning lessons – some more difficult than others, granted, but we have been given the gift of time to learn them.

If you keep it simple and truly ask yourself, ‘Do I want to be happy?’ you will realize it is fully under your control. But you must decide to be happy without conditions. Choosing unconditional happiness means that whatever happens whatever challenges occur in your life you will decide to see them in the context of the bigger picture of life – your end goal – and refuse to let them wear you down.

George Bernard Shaw’s quote is worth remembering in this context:
“Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.”

He was talking about learning and accomplishing things in life and a big part of accomplishing things is the attitude that we bring to the task regardless of the difficulty. Deciding to be happy allows each of us to be more, achieve more and celebrate more before passing our torch on to future generations.

Over the next few days you might want to really think about making a conscious decision, sort of a vow to yourself, to choose happiness – because you can – it is within your power regardless of the path you have chosen. It makes the bumps in the road much easier to maneuver around and helps to make life fuller, richer and more meaningful. Happiness is yours simply by choosing it!

Have a great few days!

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You Can’t Run Away!

Discussing death is extremely difficult for most people and viewed as the elephant in the room in many cultures. Yet, beyond birth it is the only thing we will all encounter and eventually experience. Yet, we are not only reluctant but often flatly refuse to discuss or learn more about it until the inevitable happens to us. If we are at least somewhat prepared it helps. Some people say it is just too depressing to even think about and so they choose to avoid the topic entirely until a friend or family member is involved and they must face it head on. Then the questions and fear starts in their minds, ‘How do I handle these emotions? Will I ever get over it? What’s wrong with me? Is it normal to feel this way? I feel tired and depressed all the time.’

Unfortunately, in American culture the ‘average’ amount of time the outside world is comfortable with our grief is two to three weeks. After that we are on our own. People start to avoid us because they can see we are in emotional pain and it makes them uncomfortable. It is sad that after a death, when we need people more than ever to just sit with us and allow us to talk about our loved one, yet again, they are not there. Frequently we may hear people say, ‘I just don’t know what to say and I’m afraid I’ll say the wrong thing so I just can’t visit.’ It’s not about words. It’s about caring, your physical presence…it really is about listening and giving people your love and energy to make it through another day.

I have experienced the tragic death of my son, many family members and dear friends. I have lived the saying, “If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I would climb right up to heaven and bring you home again.” I know how loss feels.

Now I volunteer for a ‘not for profit’ Hospice organization. Doing so I have had the opportunity to see a range of emotional responses to the impending death of a loved one. What has surprised me is that even when Hospice becomes involved often the family members still do not want to ‘go there’ to discuss the inevitable. Avoidance can be life altering – and freeze you in time.

That’s why I wrote my story on the topic of loss. It was my way to try to help people, who have experienced the death of someone close to them, understand that handling death is a process – a long and arduous journey – but one in which peace and acceptance can eventually be achieved. Hearing from a kindred spirit can give us confidence that eventually we will survive, even though we feel we have a hole in our hearts that will never heal.

I have been fortunate to receive emails from many people who have read my book. I am grateful to each and every one of you who took the time to respond. Recently, I have had two nurses contact me after reading it. Since both have experienced death in their own families as well as in the medical profession, I was particularly moved when they also took the time to write to me. A quote from one of them said:

“Anyone who has ever lost a loved one really needs to read Mary’s book, “Just Behind the Door.” It’s raw, it’s honest and one of the very best I’ve ever read, and I’ve read a TON of them.”

If you or anyone you know is struggling with the loss of a loved one please consider
reading the book and then pass it on. When we help a fellow traveler along the way we help ourselves and that is what life is all about. As hard as it is to accept at times, ‘All is as it should be.’

Have a great few days!

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Unload Your Backpacks!

Our resistance to the values and behaviors of others that our different from our own causes tremendous weight in the backpacks we carry through life. The more resistance we exhibit the greater the weight until we are totally exhausted. Life becomes a burden rather than an experience to cherish. Sound strange? Well, let’s think about it.

From our background and life experiences each of us has created our own set of expectancies of how the world ‘should’ work and how others ‘should’ respond. When an event happens that doesn’t fit our framework we often become uncomfortable or even angry. Like a young child who learned how to get their own way we may become upset and mentally demand that things go according to ‘our’ plan. The problem with this type of thinking is that every human being has their own set of expectancies, their own plan which frequently does not match up to our own. You may be thinking, ‘but I know the right approach, the right answer and others are not listening to me.’ Of course you think you do and that is exactly why they may not be listening. The biggest reason they begin to shut you out is that they simply disagree with you and they have that right. The sad part about it is that eventually they choose not to be around you and ultimately that hurts.

The question then becomes what do we do with the event or negative energy that we feel when things do not go according to our plan and people slowly begin to avoid us? There seems to be two choices. We can either look at the situation and realize that everyone has their own take on life and respect it by letting the discomfort roll off our backs or we can perseverate on it and take the energy into our bodies where it will find a stockpile of similar negative, resistant energies that are stuck inside us. If we choose the latter it is like adding weight to our backpacks. Over time the weight becomes heavier. Rather than stones or rocks we are now carrying boulders in our backpacks. As the weight increases our minds and hearts become weighted down simply from living. In an attempt to regain control we then add more weight to our backpacks by adding more of the ‘they should’ type of thinking to our mindset until our world becomes terribly small. Others don’t want to be around us and start to avoid our energy. Why? It is just too exhausting to be around.

Just think, this whole process started because we determined that much of life may not be the way we like it and insisted that things and people change to fit into ‘our’ way of thinking. Soon, due to our self imposed resistance to the values others hold dear, we actually move to a more even more dramatic level where we expect to become disappointed or uncomfortable with others. As always, the Universe gives back to us exactly what we give out and gradually we become less rather than more. Our world is closing in on us. Unless we choose to be perpetually unhappy, does it makes sense to continue to expect, demand even, that others to do what makes us happy? Again, only children act this way until they mature and realize that it is not about others making them happy but about the unique gifts each individual brings to the table to make it more bountiful.

If we seem to be experiencing more stress and discomfort in our lives, maybe it’s time to do a reality check. What are we doing to cause the situation? The amazing thing is that we have the power to change it! We don’t need to remain stuck with our world closing in on us until we are isolated and alone. All it takes is the willpower to make small changes which bit by bit grow into a larger, more expansive comfort zone. This zone welcomes different thinking and views of the world. It is nonjudgmental and recognizes the unconditional love within each of us that is just waiting to be invited in rather than shut out. We can choose to open up to learn from others and relish in the rewards of the positive energy that will then surround us. It’s always up to us – that’s the beauty of free will.

Have a great few days!

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Overcoming Our Pressure Points

My last blog talked about how our walk speaks volumes. As part of the whole topic of body language which has been said to constitute 55% of the first impression we give to others an awareness of this is important. Let’s dig a little deeper into the topic of the messages we give off to others by considering the soles of our feet. Sound strange? Just stay with me on this one.

The soles of our feet stretch from our heels to our toes. They have experienced millions of miles on our journey through life. We have seen the machines that when stepped on show us the hot spots or greater pressure points that we have developed on our journey. Suggested orthotic shoe inserts, different shoes or even specific exercises are then recommended to us ease our pain. From our walk, stance and daily activities all have had an impact on the soles of our feet. We can become slow, stiff even weak because of the pain we have accumulated in life until we choose to deal with the pain – head on – and overcome it.

When you think about it there is something significant about the words sole and soul other than purely sound. Actually, the soles of our feet are a good analogy to our spiritual souls. Each of us have unique hot spots, retraction points and pressure issues that we have come to accept as a normal part of living. Some of us accept the challenges or pains we have accumulated in our hearts as just something we have to endure. Rather than limping with bad feet we retract our energy (a form of limping through life) when we choose not to deal with our issues directly. This causes us to bring less enthusiasm, excitement and fun into our lives for fear of being hurt or uncomfortable. We believe that we are protecting our unique hot spots.

The nonstop change process that we are living in today can send some of us running for cover, locking the doors trying to prevent the changes from disrupting our lives. Yet, and here is the kicker, the harder we try to hide from change and not deal with our ‘hot spots’ that we have acquired on our souls the greater our ‘limp’ becomes in life. Visualize it on a scale from limping, to using a cane or ultimately not even being able to walk. Why? Because we have chosen not to recognize the individual pressure points on our souls. We choose to ignore rather than deal with them proactively. Consequently, the tenderness continues to grow and our spiritual limp becomes more visible and more limiting.

No one comes into this life or lives it without accumulating areas of tenderness or hot spots that need to be worked through to becomes more fully functioning human beings. It is not a question or ‘if’ but ‘when’ we take on the challenge.

If fear of anything is controlling your behavior it is a signal from the Universe. It’s time to deal with it rather than pass. Deciding to use a crutch to sustain us will not achieve less pain but simply start us on a path of greater and greater dependency. Recognizing the fear – the issue for what it is is 75% of overcoming it. You are strong enough and wise enough to overcome anything once you choose to do so. We know that the Universe gives back to us exactly what we give out – no more no less. Choose to embrace your individual pressure points or hot spots and recognize them for what they are … simply an opportunity for growth and greater happiness. You can do it!

Have a great few days!

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